Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.
I'm Dr.
Robert Puff.
Have you ever noticed this or perhaps even experienced it yourself?
You can be standing in front of the most breathtaking scenery of the world or settling into a plush robe of a five-star resort and still feel miserable.
I remember once years ago visiting Maui and I wanted to see the most beautiful resort that was on the island.
So I went there to have lunch and it was truly spectacular,
Breathtaking how beautiful and opulent it was.
But when I got there,
There was a couple who had just gotten married at this resort and they were taking photos.
The bride was in her probably mid twenties and she was gorgeous.
And the groom,
I would guess he was around 50.
He had this most beautiful bride in this most exquisite resort.
And he definitely wasn't happy.
He wasn't saying anything.
He just looked miserable.
There's a term in psychology called the geographic cure.
This refers to the desire to escape our problems by moving to a new city or going on a grand vacation as a geographic cure.
It's based on the illusion that our anxiety is tied to our zip code.
If we get away and go on this great vacation,
Everything will be wonderful.
Even though staying in beautiful resorts around the world and seeing the spectacular wonders of the world.
Can be truly awe-inspiring and so exquisite at the same time.
No matter where we're at,
No matter what we're doing,
We're going to bring with us our problems,
Our concerns,
Our worries.
As a psychologist,
I'm always observant of people and I've traveled a lot in my life.
And the one thing I've noticed when I travel is no matter how spectacular the place is that I'm at,
People bring who they are with them.
And though it can be a quick fix,
Looking at a beautiful scenery.
It quickly fades and the affect that's inside of us comes back.
This past spring,
I was in China at the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park.
This is where they filmed Avatar.
It was truly spectacular.
But as I watched people,
And it truly took our breath away,
At the same time,
Very quickly,
Whatever the person was feeling,
That came back.
If there was joy in their heart,
Joy stayed after they stopped looking.
If there was sorrow in their heart,
Sorrow was there after they walked away from the view.
So what are we supposed to do,
Dr.
Puff?
The truth is,
True lasting luxury is an undisturbed mind.
If we do not pack our peace.
We won't find it when we land.
Our minds are portable,
Meaning the baggage we pack follows us wherever we go.
When we travel,
We meticulously decide what goes on inside our physical suitcase,
But we rarely audit our mental suitcases.
Sadly,
We can board the plane carrying our resentments,
Our worries about the future,
And our inner critics.
And haven't we all seen this?
Maybe whether in our own lives or someone that we know who went on a most beautiful vacation.
But then when they came back,
We came back.
There was a terrible fight on the vacation.
Despite and even though everything should have been fine,
But the vacation doesn't take away from who we are or what's inside of us.
It comes with us.
A restless mind in a peaceful place is actually more painful than a restless mind at home because this contrast is so sharp.
We feel guilty for not enjoying the luxury we worked so hard to obtain,
Which only compounds our anxiety.
Over 2,
000 years ago,
The Roman philosopher Seneca wrote a letter to a friend who was complaining that his extensive travels hadn't cured his heavy heart.
Seneca wisely told him,
You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate.
You are fleeing in your own company.
He understood that until you make peace with the person you're traveling with,
Yourself,
Every destination will eventually lose its charm.
But Dr.
Puff,
I see my friends post pictures on Instagram and they look so happy.
And I think this is what catches us because we see these pictures and we think,
Oh,
Traveling to say Paris or London will change my life.
I'll be great.
But then when we get there and we really observe people,
We'll find that many,
Not all,
But many of them who pose for the picture,
As soon as it ends,
Their real face comes out.
Plus,
For most of us,
We may only get two weeks a year to travel and go on vacation.
The thrills,
The luxuries may be there,
But we're going on that trip.
And if we don't work on our own hearts,
We'll bring what's inside of us,
Whether it be joy,
Or misery.
I don't know if you've heard of him,
But Pico Iyer,
That's I-Y-E-R,
Is one of the most celebrated travel writers of our time.
He's flown millions of miles and seen every exotic corner of the globe.
Yet,
After a lifetime of constant motion,
He wrote a book called The Art of Stillness.
He realized that going nowhere was often more thrilling than going everywhere.
He discovered that the most profound insights don't come from crossing oceans.
They come from sitting still and exploring the vast uncharted territory of the internal mind.
This is exactly what I found too.
I've been to almost a hundred countries and yet when I am home,
Sitting in my chair,
Meditating,
I often find my most profound experiences come in that silence.
So how do we create an internal first class cabin?
In a commercial airplane,
Class cabin isn't flying to a different destination than the economy cabin.
The plane lands at the exact same time.
The only difference is the quality of the experience along the way.
There's more space,
Better care,
And fewer irritations.
Now let's translate this into our own existence.
Space.
We treat ourselves with gentle hospitality.
When we possess an internal first-class cabin,
We remain comfortable and dignified even if the external world is turbulent.
I know we've all seen this.
We made one time stay at the most expensive resort imaginable.
And it's just wonderful.
It's a one-time life experience.
But when we look around,
People aren't always happy.
And perhaps we weren't either at the time.
But at the same time,
We may have gone camping with our family and friends.
And it's hard,
It's dirty,
And yet people are having a joyous time.
Yes,
Sleeping on a soft bed versus sleeping on the hard ground are different experiences.
Of course they are.
But if we're miserable inside,
No matter how nice it is,
It's not going to make us feel better.
And no matter how hard things are,
If we're good inside,
Life will still be good.
So what are the steps to become a mindful traveler of life?
There's three things that we can do.
The first thing is we can make a pre-flight mental audit.
Just like we check our passport before a big trip,
We check our mental state before entering a new situation.
Whether it's a dinner party,
A meeting,
Or a weekend at home,
We ask ourselves,
What emotional baggage am I carrying right now?
Can I choose to leave this heavy frustration at the door?
Next,
How do we create peak travel moments at home?
Home.
We don't need an international flight to experience awe.
We can train our brains to view our daily ordinary surroundings with wide-eyed curiosity of a tourist.
I do this pretty much every day when I'm going to work or driving somewhere like the gym.
I really look at the surroundings like I've never seen them before.
I look up at the sky and see the movement of the clouds.
I look at the plants and the flowers that people plant for me to see.
Can I see them?
You'll love this one.
It really makes life magical.
And then thirdly,
We ground in the now.
When we finally arrive at a beautiful destination.
Or simply sit down with a good cup of tea.
If we notice our mind drifting to a to-do list,
We gently call back.
We may fold our hands together,
Take a deep breath and say out loud,
I'm here now.
When we discover that the adventure is life,
Not the destination of places that we go.
Will find that our world is a magnificent place to explore,
But the ultimate destination will always be.
.
.
Present moment.
And the most beautiful thing about living this way is if for some reason we're not able to travel or our health changes and we just can't go places anymore,
We'll find that it doesn't matter.
Pick a destination.
Of exploring the world.
Is always right here,
Right now,
Wherever we're at.
And there's just always something magical and beautiful to be with.
Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.
Until next time.
Accept what is.
Love what is.
