Success Vs. Happiness (Horizontal Vs. Vertical Growth)

Regarding how we invest our time in evolving throughout our lives, there are three distinct pathways we typically pursue. The first path is stagnation, characterized by a lack of personal growth and development. The second path is horizontal growth, which involves acquiring expertise in a specific domain, such as becoming a skilled electrical engineer or an exceptional parent. The third path is vertical growth, which encompasses our development as psychologically healthy individuals, fostering self-awareness, resilience, and emotional well-being.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast,

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

I don't know what it is about the number three,

But it seems to have a lot of qualities to it that describe life.

For example,

Did you ever hear of the movie,

The Good,

The Bad,

The Ugly,

That came out in 1966 and starred with Clint Eastwood?

The movie portrays three types of people,

The good,

The bad,

And the ugly.

It may be a silly analogy,

But it's interesting.

We gravitate towards three,

And we think about wealth.

We think of wealthy people,

Poor people,

And average people.

Or we think of intelligence,

Smart people,

Not-so-smart people,

And average people.

Or think of religion,

There's a trinity in Christianity,

God,

The Holy Spirit,

And Jesus.

Or in Hinduism,

There's Shiva,

There's Vishnu,

And there's Brahma.

Given the significance of the number three that comes out throughout life,

I want to talk about how three plays a role in how we find purpose in our lives,

Or how we end up living our lives in a certain way.

I know we're born in very many different circumstances,

But in life,

I believe there are three ways in which we can interact with the circumstances that we've been born with.

There are three choices we have as far as how our lives are going to unfold as we live our life.

And they have to do with growth.

As we live out our years of life,

We have three choices that we'll make throughout our lives.

We may go from one category to another,

But we're going to be making three choices throughout our life.

Whether we're aware of which choice we're making,

We will be making one of these three.

Because in life,

We progress,

We change,

We evolve,

We experience life.

And as we do that,

We have these three choices that we can make.

Let me just first describe them before I go into detail of which each of them is.

The first one is no growth.

We don't grow at all.

The second one is horizontal growth.

And the third is vertical growth.

So just briefly,

No growth would be we don't even think about growing as a human being or succeeding or getting good at anything.

We just live our life,

Whatever that entails.

And whatever comes our way,

We just do what we need to do to get by,

Probably trying to enjoy ourselves,

But really giving no thought to improving or making our lives better.

The second one would be horizontal growth.

And that's where we choose something or several things in life to get good at.

We may become a good doctor,

We may become a good scientist,

We may become a good artist,

We may become a good mother,

We may become a good dentist,

We may become a good housekeeper.

There's so many different roles that we can get good at.

And that's about horizontal growth.

And then there's vertical growth.

And that's about being an amazing human being,

Really finding out what our purpose is here in life,

And then doing our best throughout our lives to fulfill that purpose,

To truly live as we feel we ought to live as a human being,

Given the gift of life.

It's not about success,

Particularly in what other people think of us.

It's more about living life to the fullest as a human being,

Giving the potential that we feel we're given.

So let's start with no growth.

What do I mean by a no growth person?

This would be someone born into circumstances and live in a life where there isn't much thought of improving their lives or making their lives better.

It's more like,

I go to work,

I do what's before me,

And I get it done.

And that's it.

I'm not going to think about making my life better,

Becoming good at something.

I'm just going to get by.

And then hopefully on the weekends when I have free time,

Enjoy myself,

Not give much thought to improving my life,

More just enjoying my life along the way.

Well that seems pretty good,

Dr.

Puff.

What's wrong with that life?

The danger comes is that there's a lot of things in life that are actually bad for us in the long run,

But in the short run,

Make us feel good.

For example,

Let's say we get a job in our teens and we don't get much thought to it.

I mean,

It pays our bills.

We're able to buy a few things that make our life a little bit more enjoyable.

We go to work and we do what we're supposed to do and then we come home and on the weekends and at nights,

We want to enjoy ourselves.

So we may spend hours and hours watching television because it's enjoyable and it passes the time.

And we may,

To relax,

Have a few glasses of wine,

A few beers,

Maybe smoke a joint or two.

Again,

Maybe not to be indulgent,

But just to relax.

We don't give much thought about the future.

We're just getting by and it seems okay.

And mind you,

This is how a lot of people live their lives.

They don't think about growth at all.

They're just getting by.

But life,

Unfortunately,

Periodically throws us challenges that when we're not thinking much about the future or preparing for things that can come,

When they come,

We're just not prepared for them.

For example,

We're in a relationship where we really care for the person and a baby comes along the way and we're excited about that.

But then our partner leaves and now we have to navigate life being a single parent and all the complications that come with that.

Or along the way,

Our job isn't there anymore and we have to find something else to do.

But we've not been trained at anything and then all the complications that come with that.

Or there's inflation and it's harder to make the rent anymore and we struggle and now we have to get a roommate just to get by and share that room with them.

Or because we really haven't focused on our physical health,

We just eat what sounds good to eat,

What sounds enjoyable.

Now we're in our 40s or maybe our 50s and our bodies are beginning to show wear and tear and we're starting to have a lot of health problems and we struggle.

I think for a lot of people,

This is their reality.

It's hard.

It's difficult.

It can go well,

But it doesn't always.

So we have to look at that and say,

Okay,

Do I necessarily never want to focus on growth?

Well,

The next option we have is what I call horizontal growth.

And this is where after we're born,

We look at our circumstances and say,

Okay,

I'm born into a family of bakers and I get that.

I'm going to be a really good baker.

I'm going to take courses.

I'm going to study how to become the best baker.

I'm going to create new pastries and breads that people all over my community will love and flock to purchase my new creations.

I might even,

With time,

Open up my own bakery or chain of bakeries around my community so that my wealth and my ability and my success keep improving.

Or let's say no one in my family has ever gone to college or university.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to study hard.

When other people are coming home and playing,

I'm going to crack the books and read and learn and develop and then get into university through scholarships.

And when I get there,

I'm going to choose a major that I'm good at and that I can really use and develop my skills.

Perhaps I'll go on to even get my master's degree and I'll become really good at say becoming an engineer and I'll be one of the best engineers I can be when I get my first job.

I'm going to work hard.

I'm going to study.

I'm going to keep learning,

Developing my skills,

Take continuing education courses so that I'm a really good engineer.

And so with horizontal growth,

There's a lot of benefits.

We become successful.

We may make money.

We'll get the appreciation and esteem of other people,

Perhaps even our family and our colleagues.

There's a lot that can come with it.

But again,

We all know people that are very successful at what they do.

They have a lot of horizontal growth,

But life says that isn't all there is.

We can be a successful lawyer,

But our personal life can be a mess.

We can be a successful hairstylist and perhaps even start our own salon,

But on the side be addicted to painkillers just to get by because we're standing all the time and it's hard on our bodies.

The real allure of horizontal success is that a lot of people look up to it.

They'll envy us.

They'll like what we do.

They'll wish they could be in our shoes.

And yet when we get there,

It may not equate with happiness.

Perhaps success,

We may even have the esteem of our colleagues and our family,

But it doesn't equate with having a good life.

We all know people who have so much success and seem truly miserable.

There are many actors,

Scientists,

Nobel Prize laureates,

On and on the list can go of people that have been incredibly successful in life and yet their lives turn out tragically.

So now let's turn to the third form of growth and that's vertical growth.

This is about living a good life as a human being,

But because it's vertical,

Because it's about living a good life as a human,

It may not win us the esteem of others.

It may not initially give us much enjoyment.

For example,

Let's say we discover meditation and feel that meditation is a good practice to participate in throughout our lives.

Well,

Because we set aside,

Say,

30 minutes an hour every day,

We now have an hour or less every day to do other things that might be enjoyable,

Like playing a video game,

Watching a fun show,

Or putting time in developing our horizontal growth,

Where we're studying courses to get better at what we do in our career because we're meditating instead.

Or let's say through our wanderings,

We discover the golden rule and we say,

You know,

That's a good way to live life.

I'm going to treat others like I want to be treated.

Well,

We can do this,

But not everyone's going to reciprocate.

So we may have people that hurt us and though we want to hurt them back,

We don't because of the golden rule.

So we go through life and sometimes it's a little harder because now we're following higher level principles and these don't always lead to immediate satisfaction.

They in the long run,

I believe,

Would lead towards happiness and that's why we embrace them.

But in the short term,

They don't give us a lot immediately and sometimes they even come with negative consequences.

But why we would embrace vertical growth is because in the long run,

It leads to a good life because now we're not dependent upon other people or external circumstances for our happiness,

But we find it internally.

So it's really about finding our purpose.

Why are we here on planet earth?

Now,

I can't answer that for you,

But I can give you perhaps a direction of how to find these answers.

Start with what's been given to you,

The environment that which you've been born in.

Most of us around the world have been raised in some form of religious culture.

Now,

I know every aspect of religion can have its negative part,

But every aspect of religion can also have an incredibly beautiful part of it.

And start by there,

Studying the most beautiful aspects of the faith that you were born into,

Whether it's Islamic,

Jewish,

Hindu,

Buddhist,

Christian,

Whatever it is,

And really find those who have lived the most beautiful life imaginable and try to emulate their example,

Be like them,

Surpass them.

And if you're an atheist or agnostic,

There's been a lot of scientific research on what the good life looks like,

Self-actualization,

Positive psychology,

Begin to study it,

See what these people do and emulate their behavior.

And also find a teacher,

Someone that you like,

That you feel resonates with where you're at and teaches things that help you improve your life and study their works,

Study what they teach.

That's what this happiness podcast is all about.

If you resonate with what I'm teaching,

There's now 450 episodes.

You could spend weeks going through everything and learning what I've learned and perhaps taking some of it and finding that it helps you grow vertically.

But find someone,

A teacher,

Someone in your religious faith,

Someone in the scientific world,

Whatever it be,

That teaches you about how to live a more vertically growth-oriented life.

That's where the energy can go towards.

Because now I believe if we do that,

We're going to find far more happiness than if we do nothing or if we focus on horizontal growth.

Happiness does take vertical growth.

Without it,

We may get lucky along the way,

But sooner or later,

There will be pain and suffering and that suffering can exponentially grow if we don't take time to explore and cultivate vertical growth.

To truly be happy in life,

We have to spend time steeping ourselves in vertical growth,

Making time for it,

Taking energy to learn about it,

And then implementing it in our lives so that we are constantly improving ourselves and growing as human beings.

So that I so often say,

When we truly take our last breath of life,

We won't say that was a wasted life.

We won't say that was a successful life,

Because how often do people,

When they take the last breath,

Say,

I wish I spent more time at work?

Instead we'll say,

That was a good life.

Thank you.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Helpful. Thank you so much