Something Is Rotten In The State Of Denmark

In this episode, we explore how the craving from addictions can teach us things about ourselves. Please note, this is a lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Hamlet by William Shakespeare.

What a great play!

I'm sure most of you have seen it or read it,

But in case you don't remember,

The main premise is about Hamlet,

Whose father has died.

But it isn't clear how his father died,

Whether naturally or perhaps by ill-gotten gains.

But at one point in the play,

Hamlet's father appears as a ghost,

And the palace guard says this most remarkable phrase that I'm sure you've heard.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

Which we would say,

There's something wrong.

Something isn't going right,

And what is it?

Well,

In last week's episode,

We talked about addictions and how to avoid them and make sure we never become addicted to anything.

And in today's episode,

We're going to explore how addictions,

Or at least the cravings for addictions,

Can teach us something about ourselves and actually be quite hopeful.

But first,

Let's explore what do I mean by cravings for addictions.

Because there are obviously things that we need.

We need food.

We need things to drink.

We need exercise.

We may enjoy sexual encounters with our partner.

We may enjoy chocolate once in a while.

We maybe enjoy a glass of wine.

So a lot of things that we can do that aren't bad for us,

That aren't addictions.

So what do I mean by addictions and the cravings that come with them?

I mean,

We all know the ones that are very clear addictions,

Like a person living on the street,

Shooting heroin into their veins every day,

And willing to do anything for that drug.

And I mean anything.

I mean,

These are very sad stories.

Every city has people like that.

And our job isn't to judge them.

Our job today is to understand them.

And mainly to understand ourselves.

How do we avoid letting our cravings have such a high price tag to them?

I mean,

It may be subtle.

It may be a craving for candy every day,

And desserts with every meal,

And fried food.

And we keep craving that.

And initially it's not a big deal.

Perhaps in 5 to 10 years old we've put on 30 to 50,

Maybe 100 pounds.

And then it becomes more of an issue because our body is feeling the effects of that extra weight.

Or here's another one.

It's subtle,

But similar.

We have a stressful life.

We have a stressful job.

We come home and we want to relax.

We crave that relaxation.

So perhaps we turn on the television,

We pour ourselves a glass of wine,

And with time we have a couple glasses of wine.

Maybe two or three.

Maybe a bottle.

Maybe two.

It's a craving.

We need it.

We want it.

And we get upset if we can't have it.

It may not be like the person living on the street,

That we're willing to sacrifice everything for it.

But if we don't get it,

We actually can be quite bothered by it.

And so,

Why?

Why does this happen?

Now my answer is going to be similar in regards to our type of addiction,

Like the previous episode.

Because when we're a full blown addict and have a very strong addiction in place,

The dynamics are somewhat different.

One,

Our body has gotten very used to that addiction.

So you're just dealing with the craving of that addiction.

And two,

We may have a very strong predisposition towards that addiction,

That genetic predisposition.

And three,

The biggest signal we're getting from it is just,

I need this.

Period.

And it gets so convoluted because there's so many things that have contributed to addictions when they're full blown and in full force.

So I'm talking more about,

Okay,

We come home.

And I think that glass of wine is a good example.

We come home and we're tired.

And maybe something happened,

We had an argument with our boss or,

You know,

Whatever it may be.

And we just really crave that glass of wine,

Or fill in the blank.

Or let's say you had an argument with one of your kids or perhaps your spouse.

And you really crave those box of cookies in the pantry.

Or perhaps you are out of work and nothing is coming up.

There's no prospects for a new job.

And so what you're doing is you're spending a lot of time on your phone or on the internet or watching television.

Lots and lots of time.

So here's where our addictive cravings can be helpful.

They have something to teach us.

We need to see them as our teachers.

When we are craving something,

And we know it's a craving,

It's not just,

I'm hungry because I haven't eaten for five hours and I'm hungry,

Naturally.

It's more of,

I crave this and I don't really need it.

And it may not even be good for me,

But I crave this.

I need this right now.

If I don't have it,

I'm going to be very upset.

And again,

It's not like I'm hungry.

I'm going to be upset because I'm hungry.

It's more like,

I need this.

I mean it can be as simple as,

I need to go to work because of something.

I'm craving something that work is giving me that I'm not getting elsewhere.

So here's where William Shakespeare can be very helpful when you have these cravings.

As he so beautifully wrote,

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Meaning,

There's something wrong.

You're having the craving because something is wrong inside of you.

Now it could be a myriad of things,

But something is wrong and that's why you're having the craving.

Think of it this way.

Think of our emotions like pain,

Or our thoughts like pain.

One of my dearest friends,

Karen,

Just recently,

A couple days ago,

Was accidentally stabbed at her job.

It was an accident,

But it was a deep cut.

Now Karen's trained as a nurse,

So she knew what to do.

She went to the urgent care,

Got stitches,

They shot some Novocaine in her for the pain,

And they cleaned it out really well.

And then the painkillers wore off,

And she's just letting her body heal,

Naturally.

It all worked out well.

But what if Karen had done this instead?

Because she's a nurse,

She was able to get access to painkillers,

And all she did was shoot painkillers into her cut,

And that's it.

She didn't clean it out,

She didn't get stitches,

She didn't do anything else,

And as the pain got worse,

She just shot more painkillers into the cut.

Now Karen is a very intelligent person,

And she wouldn't do this.

But if she did,

We'd all say,

That's just crazy.

Why would anyone do that?

But that's what addictions,

Or cravings from addictions,

Are all about.

Something is wrong,

We have some type of cut,

We may be thinking something that's causing us to be disturbed,

We may be feeling something that's causing us to be disturbed,

And what do we do?

We don't clean it,

We don't cleanse it,

We just take painkillers.

And those painkillers can be things like having that bottle of wine every night,

Or having a whole box of cookies,

Or.

.

.

I remember one person I worked with years and years ago,

She had a son who was a bit wild,

And what happened was,

He broke up with his girlfriend,

And they'd been together for a very long time,

So it was a lot of pain.

What did he do with that pain?

He got drunk,

So drunk that he couldn't remember what had happened for three days running.

And I know that's an extreme case,

But we need to ask ourselves,

Okay,

I'm having this craving for,

Fill in the blank,

Whatever our craving can be,

Again,

It can be for a variety of things,

Many,

Many things can become addictions.

Just look it up on the internet,

There are many,

Many things we can become addicted to.

But that craving kicks in,

And it's a teacher,

It's telling us,

Like the pain in Karen's arm,

Something's wrong,

We need to fix this.

We can ignore it,

Of course,

That's bad.

Again,

If Karen had done that,

We would have thought she was being very,

Very silly.

And with time,

It would have killed her,

Because you know,

Cuts like that turn to gangrene and they kill you.

Mind you,

Emotions and thoughts don't work that fast,

But they work similarly.

They really do damage to us.

I mean,

We all know people who've been under a tremendous amount of stress for a very long time.

And they die of a heart attack,

They have a stroke,

They get cancer.

It's not necessarily the cause of it,

But it's definitely a contributing factor.

So if you've listened now to my Over 200 podcast,

You know I like to be very pragmatic.

So here's what we do.

When we feel that craving for something,

And I mean a craving,

Something we know,

We don't need this,

It's probably because of something else going on inside of me.

And I need to look at it.

That's what we do.

We stop and say,

Okay,

There's something wrong.

I have something going on inside of me that I'm creating that's causing me this distress.

And I'm trying to numb it.

I'm not trying to fix it,

I'm trying to numb it.

So what I'm going to do instead is put on my investigative hat and look at what's going on inside of me.

I mean,

We may know,

We may realize that we're going through a divorce and that's our stressor.

Then the next thing we may do is say,

Well,

What do I do about that?

But the first thing we have to do is figure out what is going on,

What's causing us this distress.

Because a lot of times,

We just don't know.

Again,

Going back to William Shakespeare,

When the palace guards said something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

They didn't know what it was yet.

They just knew something was amiss.

And so Hamlet and other people went through the process of trying to figure it out.

And they did figure it out.

They did figure out what happened to his father,

Who had killed him,

And everything that had unraveled in the past became in the open.

And though it was a tragic ending,

Nonetheless,

They were able to solve it.

And we're not going to have a tragic ending when we solve this,

But we are going to solve it.

So that's what we do.

We say,

Okay,

I get it,

I'm having a craving.

Why?

What's going on?

Why?

What is going on with me right now that I'm having this craving?

And then we look.

There's always going to be an answer.

Always.

Like I said,

Sometimes it will be blatantly obvious,

But other times it's far more subtle.

I mean,

A subtle one might be,

For whatever reason,

We weren't able to finish college when we were younger.

And now we're in our 40s,

We're raising our family,

And there's just an overall discontent about that.

And we notice these cravings kick in.

So what we would do is we say,

Okay,

I get it,

I'm having these cravings because I'm kind of disappointed in how my life has turned out.

So then what we do is we say,

Okay,

How do I fix this?

I mean,

That's a thought that can be changed.

As you know,

If you've been listening to this podcast for a while,

There are lots and lots of things I give as tools of how to fix the pain.

That's probably what this podcast is all about.

When we have pain,

How do we fix it so we can have beautiful lives?

But today we're talking about discovering what that pain is,

Not numbing it anymore.

That's what addictions do.

That's what cravings are trying to do.

They're trying to blind us to the problem.

We don't do that anymore.

We say,

Okay,

I get it.

I want to have this beautiful life that we're trying to learn here.

The only way I'm going to do that is through awareness.

I did a three-part series once on awareness.

Awareness is key.

So when the cravings kick in,

They're our teacher.

They're teaching us something's wrong.

And we need to figure out what that is.

And then what we do,

Whatever it is,

If you've,

Again,

Been listening to this podcast,

There's nothing at all that we can't fix and get better.

Anything.

We may have to let some things go,

But I'd rather be happy to let things go than hang on to things.

I don't know about you.

But the key point of this episode is one of discovery.

When we have these cravings,

Instead of just fulfilling them like we often do,

Ask,

Huh,

What's going on?

Why am I having this craving?

Particularly when it has an addictive quality to it.

Then we put on our hats,

Our thinking hats,

And say,

What's going on here?

Why am I having this craving?

I mean,

Everyone ultimately can be understood if we take the time.

It's just sometimes we've had our cravings,

Our addictions for so long,

They get so convoluted.

It's just mind boggling.

I mean,

The analogy would be like Karen ignoring her cut for,

Say,

A month.

I mean,

In a month,

If she's still alive,

There's going to be a lot more consequences than just the infection in her cut that she had in her arm.

Lots more.

And that's like us,

Too.

If we ignore things,

They really get worse.

Plus,

We have to turn to more and more addictions,

And it just becomes a big mess in the end.

So that's why we don't judge people that are struggling with their addictions.

But it is good to understand,

And I think it's also really important to understand,

That really none of us are exempt from becoming addicted to something.

So we should be careful,

And saying,

Okay,

If I'm feeling this craving,

I need to stop and ask why.

What's going on?

Not that I just want this thing,

But why do I want it?

What's the deeper issue going on here?

And then,

We're not going to turn towards that addiction.

Now mind you,

Those painkillers work.

They work fast,

Really fast.

That's why we do them.

So there is going to be pain,

Sometimes a lot of pain.

But it's through pain that we heal.

It's through understanding that we heal.

So we have to be willing to go through pain.

Truly,

A severe addict,

Like a heroin addict or a full-blown alcoholic,

Their pain tolerances are extremely low.

They can handle almost no pain.

When we're healthy,

Like a very healthy athlete,

They can handle tremendous amounts of pain.

So ultimately,

There is going to be a choice that has to be made.

We have to 1.

Discover what is the pain,

And then 2.

Be willing to say,

Okay,

I realize that I can't turn towards my addiction anymore,

And that's going to cause me suffering.

But I'd rather do that and get well and heal what is actually causing me the suffering,

Instead of just numbing that suffering.

That's the key.

So,

When we discover that something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

Going forward,

We're going to figure out what it is and fix it,

Instead of numbing it and pretending it's not there.

We're going to make it better,

So that each and every one of us can have beautiful lives,

No matter what's happened,

No matter what we're going through.

And our lives can truly be,

One day at a time,

One breath at a time,

Astonishing.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Thank you for this podcast. I understand addictions more. 🙏🏼

Making sense as always dr puff. Thank you. 🙏

True! 😊 Denmark is great though 😃

Open, honest discussion about addiction with actual tools to use that will help any person in most circumstances. Great advice! Love your podcasts!! 🙏

Makes a lot of sense. I'm going to seek out The Happiness Podcast and listen to the rest of the episodes. Thank you!

I Really love these Happiness Pods, simple but effective Reminders.
Thanks Dr. Puff (dig that name too !)

This help me unravel my sugar addiction. I am impressed!

Opened my mind more and got me thinking about other ways to deal with tough life situations.

Awesome advice - thank you 🙏🏻💖