Finding Happiness By Sailing Rather Than Rowing Through Life

When we sail through life, we listen to our hearts, our passions, and our interests. We chose life courses based on these qualities. When we row through life, we focus on our end goals, regardless of the consequences to our happiness. We will find happiness by sailing rather than rowing through life.

(Please note: This is a lecture, not a guided meditation.)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

When I was in high school,

I had a friend of mine who had a canoe and he asked me to go canoeing with him.

We did it several times and it was a lot of fun.

Well,

One day we decided to canoe all the way around this one lake that we lived by.

And it was a really big lake.

So at the end of the day when we finished,

I was exhausted.

I'm not exactly sure how far we went,

But I think it was between 10 and 20 miles.

And like I said,

It was exhausting.

And at the end of the trip,

I think every part of my body ached.

Well,

Later when I was in graduate school and I was doing an internship at Trenton Psychiatric Hospital,

My supervisor and his wife owned a sailboat.

And they lived on this sailboat and their goal was to work about five more years and both of them quit their jobs and then start sailing around the world,

Getting jobs periodically at different ports,

But basically retiring and sailing around the world for the rest of their lives.

And since their goal was to sail around the world over and over again,

You can probably imagine for them 10 to 20 miles was not a very long distance because the sails made it easy for them to travel without getting utterly exhausted like I had been with my friend in high school on our canoe trip.

Obviously the biggest difference was when we were canoeing,

We were using human power.

When they were sailing,

They were using wind power.

And this difference made all the difference in the world.

Could you imagine my friend and I canoeing around the world?

We one,

Probably could never do it,

Or if we'd done even a little bit of it,

We would have been utterly exhausted at the end of our trip.

And I can verify this because one time,

Years ago,

I went on a kayak trip up to the Misty Fjords in Alaska.

It was for a week and I was with a group of people and we kayaked every day,

Sun up to sun down,

Throughout the Misty Fjords and at the end of that week-long trip,

I was exhausted.

But if I had sailed through the Misty Fjords,

It would have been a lot easier with a lot less exhaustion.

And what I want to ask ourselves today is this one question.

Are we sailing through life or are we rowing through life?

Because there is a huge difference between the two of them.

In many ways,

This has a lot to do with what we do with our life,

Our careers,

What we spend our time doing.

Whether we're a doctor,

A dentist,

An airline pilot,

A stewardess,

A baker,

A banker,

A salesperson.

For most of us around the world,

We get a little bit of choice of what we do in life for our careers.

There are some options,

Not for everyone,

But for many of us,

We have some options in regards to what do I want to do with my life in regards to my career.

But there's other choices that we make in life.

We have friends that we choose.

We have relationships that we choose.

We may choose to be a parent.

There's a lot of choices that we make in life.

And today I want to look at are we sailing with these choices or are we rowing with our choices?

Because one leads to a very beautiful life and the other can lead to a lot of despair and unhappiness.

To start with,

I think it may seem utterly ridiculous that anyone would choose to row through life.

But let me use an example.

Think of someone,

And this may be a lot of people,

Who say,

I want to get to this destination,

Wherever it may be.

Making a lot of money,

For example.

And I just want to get there.

And I think the best way to get there is through this job,

Fill in the blank.

Maybe becoming an eye surgeon or maybe becoming a CEO of a company.

They don't like what they're doing.

They're not interested in what they're doing.

They just want to make a lot of money so the end result is they have a lot of money at the end and they have freedom.

I know this may not be for all of us,

But it may be for some of us.

Others of us may say,

Well,

I want to do this because people will look up to me and they'll be proud of me.

Like,

Again,

Becoming an engineer or teacher.

In their minds,

They may think,

If I'm an engineer,

If I'm a teacher,

People will look up to me.

And so that's what I want to do.

So they go through life working really hard at reaching their goal,

At reaching their destination.

But what they're not thinking about is,

Am I enjoying the journey to this destination?

They're just focusing in on getting to the destination.

And when people do this,

We often see two things happen.

One is,

When they reach their goal,

They're utterly exhausted.

I mean,

Truly,

Because they hated the journey and they were just constantly fighting against the flow of life because they had a destination in mind.

Not thinking about the journey to get there.

And sometimes it is so sad because in the process of trying to get somewhere,

They're utterly exhausted.

They're wearing themselves out and then something happens along the way and they don't even make it to their goal.

Let me use a few examples to illustrate my point.

Let's say someone really wants to become a lawyer.

They're not interested in law.

They just like the title of being a lawyer.

So they go to college and they get decent enough grades to get into law school.

And they're miserable because they don't like the courses they're taking,

But they want to be a lawyer.

And then they go to law school and they really hate the courses because they really just aren't that interested in the topic.

But they know if they become a lawyer,

They can potentially make a lot of money.

And then they become a lawyer and then they do,

Say,

End up creating a practice and making a lot of money.

But because they're not doing what their passion is,

They're miserable.

And so they come home every night and drink two bottles of wine just to be able to get through the day.

Haven't we all known people like this?

Or more tragically,

They get through law school,

They can't pass the bar.

Or they get into a practice and because they're only doing it for the money,

They make some bad choices.

And they get debarred because of the choices they made.

And this is just one of a plethora of jobs,

Careers that people do that they hate,

But they're doing it for the end results.

Whether it's prestige,

Whether it's money,

Or whether they're just feeling that that's what they ought to do because people are telling them that that's what they ought to do.

Maybe their parents did it and now they need to do that profession too.

We just know so many examples like this where people are doing things because of the end results and not because they're enjoying the process of doing it.

These are examples of people rowing through life.

Instead of sailing through life,

They have their end result in mind,

But they don't think about,

Will I enjoy the process of getting there?

Because life is a journey and what we want to do is sail through life so that if we don't reach our destination,

We're okay because we had a lot of fun getting there.

And if we do get there,

We get there relaxed and comfortable because we've sailed through life.

So sailing through life would look like this.

Let's say again,

We are a professional.

I actually know a man who's 89 and he just retired as a lawyer.

Yes,

89 years old and he just retired and still on the side he does consulting because he just really loves doing law.

And again,

It isn't the profession that matters.

What matters is that we do something that we find passion about,

That we enjoy.

Again,

Don't we all know examples of this?

The engineer next door who's now retired and still loves to tinker and fix things?

In high school,

One of my favorite teachers was the art teacher.

He and his wife,

Who both loved everything about the arts,

Would have students over to their house just celebrating what they did,

Encouraging them to do art.

And he really made his profession lovely because he loved it with all his heart.

And you could tell that.

You could really see the passion in his life.

And as a teacher,

He wasn't making a lot of money.

His lifestyle was quite simple,

But he was very passionate about what he did and clearly loved his life.

In order to do what I do,

I went to school for a very long time.

I actually ended up getting an extra masters just because I really liked school.

And I enjoyed it and it really wasn't a challenge for me in a way that I was exhausted by it.

I loved to learn.

I loved to study.

And I found a lot of pleasure in being a student.

Even when I finished and had my PhD,

I was actually thinking about and even applied and got accepted to get a second PhD.

But I thought,

Well,

I should probably work for a while.

So I ended up not doing that.

But to this very day,

I love to learn.

And yet,

Don't we all know students that really struggle with being in school?

And perhaps they would do better at doing something different.

And one of my favorite stories is of my nephew,

Brandon.

When he was a child,

His father,

My brother-in-law,

Used to take him fishing regularly.

And he really developed a passion for fishing.

So when he became an adult,

College really wasn't his thing.

And he just didn't really care for school that much.

But what he did enjoy doing was fishing.

So when he finished high school,

He decided not to go to college.

He just got jobs because he's a very hard worker.

And he would fish during his free time.

Well,

Then along the way,

He discovered Alaska.

In Alaska,

There's really good fishing.

So he went to Alaska and just got jobs.

Again,

Just jobs to support himself and fish during his free time.

Well,

Being in Alaska and being with people who fish,

He discovered that he could become a guide to people that came to Alaska for trips.

And he did.

So now,

He started making his living as a fishing guide.

So now,

Instead of fishing on the side,

He makes his living and gets paid to go fishing every day,

All summer long.

And then in the winter,

He comes down to the states and just travels around the United States going fishing because he makes enough money in the summer that he cannot have to work full time during the winter.

Well,

Because he was doing what he loved and he was with people doing what he loved,

He met this young lady who also was up in Alaska making her living fishing.

And then the two of them actually just got married.

And they make such a great couple.

You just cannot believe it.

And if you want to see their wedding,

You can go to my Instagram account,

Which is linked to this podcast or this YouTube channel,

And you'll see their wedding that I was just at in Alaska.

It was beautiful.

And he is doing what he loves.

The biggest difference between rowing through life and sailing through life is that we're doing what aligns with our passions,

Our interests,

Our loves.

That's what we look for as we navigate life's course.

Are we going to row through life because we have end result in mind,

Not thinking about do we even want to do this?

Or are we today going to choose to start sailing through life,

Listening to our hearts and saying,

What would really put happiness in my heart?

And if I do this thing and the results don't turn out the way that I expect,

I'm going to have a lot of fun getting there.

And a lot of this comes through listening.

We have to listen to our hearts.

Are we in relationships because they bring us joy,

Because we have pleasure in them?

Or are we doing them just because we're supposed to do them?

Are we doing careers in our lives that bring us happiness that we just look forward to doing?

Or are we doing things that just pay the bills?

I know what I'm suggesting can be very scary because the results may not be what we expect and it may not impress anyone.

But if we're happy with what we're doing,

I believe we can ultimately find something we can do in life and people that we can be with in life where we're sailing through our life.

This is a possibility for all of us.

It takes work.

It takes effort.

And it can be scary.

Let's say we really want to have a family and be married.

But the person we're with right now isn't really right for us.

And we know that.

But because we just want to have a family,

We're willing to make that sacrifice and be with them.

Where instead,

If we did what we were passionate about and were around people doing and being and living the way that we want to live,

I think our chances of finding someone to sail through life will be much higher.

In the same way with our careers,

If we're truly doing what we're passionate about,

I really believe we can make a living at anything.

We may not make a big living or impress people with what we're doing,

Or our family and friends may not like who we decided to spend our life with.

But if we're happy,

If we're with people that bring us joy,

If we're doing things that just seem easy,

That really go well with our hearts,

Then I think we'll find that the happiness we're seeking is right here,

Right now.

And instead of saying,

Someday all,

We can say,

I found it.

And I'm doing it.

And I'm going to keep doing it until I take my last breath of life.

And if I get off course,

Guess what,

Then I'm going to put my energy towards getting back on course and finding the right people,

Finding the right career that really works for me.

And I'm going to do that with joy,

With gusto,

Because I believe I can have a beautiful life.

We all can.

We just can't give up.

We have to keep working towards our goals.

We have to keep sailing in life and do the reflection,

Making sure that we're on the right course.

And again,

If each and every day we're finding some joy and working towards finding more joy in our lives,

Then we're going to find the life will reward us with happiness and with people and with things that we do that truly will make our hearts shine.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

LOVED THIS! I am an attorney who was not happy in my career until I practiced immigration law but that became too emotionally exhausting to continue and I made a career transition to legal recruiter. I am missing the passion in my career although I help people. I now realize why I am not more happy - it is time to find and follow my passion! Thank you!!!

Always such excellent advice. Wish I knew these things you talk about when I was young! 😄💕

Wow. This talk really hit home with me. I wish I had had this advice in my younger days. I made several decisions about my chosen path in life that were influenced by others and not totally what my heart wanted. Everything turned out satisfactory and I am very fortunate and have enjoyed most of the journey but I have always felt under pressure to be something I really didn’t want to be.
Only now at a very late stage in my life am I learning to sail instead of row. 🙏🙏

Thank you, Dr. Puff. Very helpful in getting myself back on track!

Loved this! 💜

Beautiful. Thank you 🙏

Great content. Just started following your podcast 💜

As always i find your talks interesting, inspiring, insightful and engaging THANK YOU Dr Puff 🙏