Self-Punishment: If You Want It Done Right, Do It Yourself

Self-Punishment is an inside job. Let's see what it is, learn how it functions, and let ourselves be happy. We are in charge of this in ourselves and we have a choice. You don't have to live in self-punishment anymore. #anxiety #love #self-love

Transcript

So let's look at self-punishment.

But let's do it from a space that's capable of looking at this concept.

So together we're going to breathe in and immediately we are greeted by the space.

The space that we're in.

The air that we're breathing.

But more than that,

The actual space you're in.

There's so much wisdom in the space that surrounds you.

And then as we notice that space that surrounds us,

That we actually breathe in that space.

Is it around us or is it inside of us?

And it's both.

And our awareness can tap into that space that is both inside and outside of us.

And if our awareness can touch that space inside and that space outside,

Is there any separation?

So understanding that the air we breathe wants to contribute to the consciousness that we are.

Wants to show us that it is with us.

That it is us.

And so we can enjoy the bountiful wisdom of the air that we breathe and the land that we're standing on or sitting on or laying on and the being that we are.

That is so much more than just the thoughts of our mind.

So from this space,

This connected shared space,

Let's look at the concept of self-punishment.

And so how did we get here?

How did we learn to punish ourselves?

And it's just the natural way of the mind.

Because the mind,

Or the ego,

I'll say,

Is a persona.

And a persona is always calculating.

It's calculating how to fit in,

How to belong,

How to be with other people,

What's allowable,

What isn't,

What's appropriate,

What's not.

And there are ways of being that we learn through trial and error that create smoother relationships.

But those become a burden and an oversensitivity.

See,

Sometimes we can know something with just a simple awareness.

Oh wow,

Yeah,

Maybe I could have said that a little different.

And that's no big deal.

Most of us know when somebody has intent for an aggressive comment and when it's just something that they didn't really mean that way.

In fact,

We're very gracious with our friends who we know better than we are with others who we don't know.

But it started out when we were little,

You know,

Just a parent or an elder or someone in the environment that was trying to instruct or guide.

Now when a person instructs or guides,

Remember they're always going for their own comfort level,

Their comfort.

You know,

It's like secondhand embarrassment sometimes,

You know,

We watch somebody do something,

We're just like,

Oh glad that wasn't me.

And then sometimes it is us,

It is me.

But it's okay,

We don't have to be perfect.

So some of this instruction or guidance came from people trying to do good,

Trying to keep you maybe from putting your foot in your mouth.

But then some of it is people believe in like,

This is how it is.

So the punishment that you got in your family is different than the punishment I got in my family.

What was acceptable in yours may not have been acceptable in mine.

So understanding these gauges of behavior,

Sometimes they're doomed to fail just because they don't work outside of your own family.

But the biggest thing that we did was take over punishment for ourselves.

When we believed,

Yeah that's it,

That's the way to do it.

And inside we took that job over.

Because you know,

You know it's kind of a joke to say,

If you want it done right,

Do it yourself.

But that is the absolute case with self-punishment.

We cannot change our experience that we had growing up or different things that happened to us.

And there are certainly things that we went through that felt like punishment.

And as a child of course we didn't know that we didn't have to beat ourselves up.

We just took what was happening and installed it in ourselves.

There's nothing wrong with that because it's normal.

We watched it all around us.

But do we have to continue it?

So let's imagine together a room.

And that room is inside of you.

And it's,

Let's just say it's located somewhere in the mind and there's this room and you've never been in it.

You haven't gone in there.

But outside of the room is two separated parts of yourself.

The punisher and the one that they're punishing.

And already we can understand that to punish ourselves we must separate from who we really are.

Because already to do it you have to split yourself.

And anything that calls you to split from yourself,

To fracture from who you are,

Instills the concept of punishment.

Because why would you separate from you?

What would be the benefit of separating from you?

And the pain?

I wonder sometimes is the pain of self-punishment the actual punishment or the separation from acceptable,

Lovable,

Wonderful you?

And especially since these things came in when we were young,

How painful it is to begin to separate from yourself,

To conform.

So in this room,

Which we've never been in,

The door,

I don't even know if it's locked,

But I can see it.

And there's a door to this room and outside of it are two parts of me.

The punisher and the one that's being punished.

And it's amazing because the punisher knows exactly how much pressure to apply,

Exactly what to say to keep me in check,

Exactly how far to twist,

You know,

The chains to tighten them up for just the right amount of pain.

And the punisher looks at the room and hollers to the door,

Is this enough?

Should there be more?

More pain?

So it's like,

Yeah a little more pain,

Okay,

And it tightens up a little bit more.

And the punished one is like,

You know,

I promise I will never do it again,

I'll remember,

I'll remember,

I won't do that,

I'll be different.

Yep,

Yep.

And so the punished says,

Yeah,

Yeah,

That's enough to teach me,

I think I got it.

And the punisher is like,

Well I know you so intimately well,

That yes,

I believe that this is enough for you to really remember.

So it stops punishing.

And always the punishment goes on in front of this door,

With the punisher knowing exactly the words to say,

Because the punisher lives inside you,

Knows every single thought,

Knows exactly what your motive was.

It's a perfect punisher.

And so daily the punisher and the punished meet outside this door.

Sometimes it starts first thing in the morning,

Right as soon as you wake up.

And the control was so good that it applies to everything.

It's like the punisher then was like,

Oh my god,

You know,

I can pressure for this,

Gotta achieve a certain amount.

And the punisher does all kinds of functions.

It says what you deserve,

What you can get,

What you're allowed.

See,

If you have anything,

It's because it was acceptable,

Allowed,

You could have that.

Or if you have it and it previously was not acceptable,

Some part of you recognized something more true than the punisher.

Some part of you said,

There's a truth here and I can't deny it,

And so I'm going to have to face this punisher.

And you square off.

And interestingly,

You get to do it.

You get to add that to your life.

But the punisher doesn't always let you forget it.

Sometimes it'll remind you.

And especially if something you allowed in your life,

If something goes wrong in that,

Oh that punisher is right back,

See?

I don't know about that,

But it never lets you forget.

And then you have to wonder,

Well now who is observing this punisher?

And who is the one being punished?

And there,

You notice the two of them in that room.

And that's really the beginning of the wisdom of space.

Because you're creating space inside of you.

So you can feel every one of us recognizes the voice of the punisher inside of us,

Or the way of the punisher inside of us.

We recognize that because we've done it so often.

And we recognize the one being punished.

But who's recognizing both of them in that space?

That's beginning to allow space inside of yourself.

And the recognition,

Because once you start seeing the punisher,

And once you start seeing the one who's being punished,

You begin to realize that you're observing that.

And you begin to just watch everything that the punisher calls you on.

And you start to notice that the punisher judges everything that you eat,

Everything that you drink.

Are you allowed to have that?

Are you allowed to drink this?

Are you allowed time away from certain responsibilities?

Begin to notice that that punisher touches every single thought.

And that punishment is just to fit in,

And to belong,

What you're allowed,

What space you can take up,

What job you can have,

What toys you can play with.

It's so pervasive.

Every single thought.

So that punisher doesn't really want you to see it,

But it can't hide,

Because to do its job it's got to come out.

And you've won against that punisher before,

Because there's been some things in your life that people said you can't have,

You can't do.

You know,

I think of it for myself.

I couldn't be gay.

I couldn't be a lesbian.

I was going to hell.

I was an abomination.

All these words.

And yet I knew the truth of it was I couldn't be something that I wasn't,

Though I tried.

And oh,

How I beat myself up.

How I tore myself up.

How I begged for it to be taken away.

And the only person enslaving me was myself.

Now,

Did I get there because of what I was taught?

What I was told was true?

Sure.

But at the end of it,

Once you've instilled in someone else the control mechanism,

Then you don't have to hold on to it anymore,

Because they'll beat themselves up with it.

So I faced the punisher in that realm,

Because the truth of it was so overwhelming that it was strong enough for me to face my entire family,

My beliefs,

Most of the people that I lived around,

And to take that judgment every day through their eyes when they looked at me.

But I decided to live the truth.

To be myself.

And that was freeing.

But there were still thoughts sometimes of,

What if?

Oh my god.

So the punisher doesn't die that easily.

But the space around you wants to love you.

And that space around you is also you.

That aspect of yourself that is beyond form.

That formless space that you are.

And it's tired of watching you punish you.

So as you breathe in and begin to notice the separation,

Because you can see it now because of the space,

That a part of you is attacking you.

And there's no need for that level of punishment in your life.

But we bought into it,

Because we looked around and it was everywhere around us.

It was in the rule books.

It's in the systems.

It's in our way of being.

It's in the looks of judgment from others.

And all of that was required to rip us apart from ourselves.

And so the pain of punishment is the separation from who you really are.

And the only one who can play that game,

The only one who can stick it to you the best is you.

Because only you know your truest desires.

Only you know the truth of you.

So the only person that can punish you the best is you.

See,

Outside of you doesn't know what your intention was.

Outside of you doesn't know your desires.

Outside of you sends judgments.

But the best part of punishment is when you take those reigns yourself.

Because you know how to stop you,

And you know how to hold you back.

Because only you know what you really love and want to do,

And how you want to participate,

And how you want to play.

So there's that room again.

We've never been in it.

And the punisher stands outside of it,

Knowing exactly what to say to keep you from looking in it.

Knowing exactly how to treat you,

Exactly where to undercut you,

Exactly what to say to make you falter.

Because it knows the way you think.

What it does not have the strength against is your being,

That spacious you.

Because it can outthink the rest of your mind,

That punisher can.

It's been controlling exactly what you can do,

Exactly what you can say.

And if you don't abide by it,

Exactly how to kick your butt till you feel like crap.

And it will do it every single time.

And that power,

It loves it to get to control you.

And it's doing it for the one on the other side of that door.

And it feels so good about itself,

The punisher does.

You know,

Because it's making the one on the other side of that door happy.

And it's fitting in,

And it's belonging,

And it thinks it's doing you a favor.

You know,

Giving you this spanking hurts me more than it does you.

But actually it feels pretty good to the punisher,

Because it's got control.

It saved the day,

It made sure you didn't do whatever it was.

And it controls every bite you put in your mouth.

It controls every thought in your mind.

It is one of the most powerful separated parts of you.

So that separation is painful.

To look at yourself every day and attack you.

And we don't even think of it that way.

We don't even know that we can,

That this punisher is not okay.

We're so used to jumping,

When it says jump,

We ask how high.

So it comes in with that thought,

You do something,

And it comes in with,

Hmm,

Maybe not.

You know,

We just kind of think that's gentle.

But it's basically saying no to you constantly.

No,

You can't have that.

No,

You can't have that person.

No,

You can't have that job.

No,

You can't.

That's that and the other.

And oh my god,

If you go out of line,

You flirt with somebody,

And you get rejected.

Oh,

How stupid of you.

Yeah,

You're rolling then.

It's just going at it,

It's going at it.

And then finally you get a break,

You go to sleep.

And it wakes up the next morning,

And then bam!

Remember that last night,

What you did?

That was so stupid.

Bam,

Bam.

And we don't think of how our mind is attacking us.

Because we're so used to it.

We don't know what it would be like to get up,

Completely satisfied with the person that we are.

And not satisfied because we're perfect.

But satisfied with ourselves and our imperfections.

Because heck yeah,

We're going to stick our foot in our mouths.

Heck yeah,

We're going to say something stupid.

That's okay.

But to beating ourselves up for every little thing that we've done wrong,

Or made a mistake.

It wasn't even like,

Every mistake isn't wrong.

But it feels wrong.

And we just do that,

And we're so used to it.

We have no idea how it would be to wake up in the morning and greet ourselves.

To be proud of ourselves.

To like ourselves.

To love ourselves.

Because we're so used to the rules to keep us in line.

Because if we didn't have that Punisher,

What would happen?

How about a great day?

The Punisher was installed to keep us from going off the rails.

But the rails are pretty wide.

Because most of us really aren't up to all that much,

Except for just trying to have a decent life.

And we've got this Punisher that's watching every single thing we think we do.

Every single thing you are judging yourself,

Constantly.

And we think about that,

And we think about how we judge other people,

Right?

How many times a day do we judge other people?

And we can punish ourselves about that,

Because you know what?

We're not supposed to judge other people.

But we bloody well have to.

Just to get a good feeling.

Because we've judged ourselves all day long,

To the point we feel like crap inside.

And thank God I can look over there and judge somebody,

And feel better than them for a moment.

My body goes,

Oh thank God.

Phew.

But then the Punisher can use that against you.

Will you judge that person?

Aren't you awful?

And it's amazing,

Because the Punisher is a perfect judge.

It's never getting judged,

But it's judging like crazy.

And it'll allow you,

In little ways,

To judge others.

But it doesn't harp on you too long for judging other people,

Does it?

Oh I shouldn't,

Shouldn't judge other people.

But when you feel okay for just a little bit,

That even though the Punisher will punish you a little bit,

It won't punish you a lot for judging someone else.

And that's because it's its game.

Because you're doing exactly what it loves.

Loves judging you.

So if you judge somebody else,

Though it's not nice,

It's not a terrible crime.

Because the Punisher is like,

Well I can understand that.

And that's why,

When you stop judging yourself,

You will no longer judge others.

Because it's a relief to judge another person,

When all you do every day is judge you.

Isn't that wild?

And people say,

You know what,

Loving yourself equals loving other people?

Yeah.

Because when you stop attacking yourself,

When you recognize that you are worthy to be loved,

That you are not this awful person that must be kept in check,

That you are not someone who needs to be punished constantly,

When you recognize that for you,

It becomes automatic with other people.

Because there's only one person in this world to stop judging,

And it's you.

Because you only judge others for the break it gives you.

From judging yourself.

And when you can stand up to that Punisher inside you,

In a very unique way,

The freedom of non-judgmentalness on yourself is a gift you'll give to everyone around you.

Because you wouldn't want to deny it to anyone.

Because when you do not separate from you,

When you don't peel off a part of yourself to beat you up,

There's no part of you that wants to beat up another person.

Because the freedom,

The unity inside yourself,

The peace,

Makes it worth it.

So here we are,

Outside that door,

And the one running the show is on the other side of that door,

And the Punisher is between you and that doorway.

And again we return to the space to notice that there's the Punisher,

The separated self,

The one being punished.

And who is noticing both of those?

Because whoever that is,

Isn't in the line of fire.

How is that possible?

Because there's this battle going on in your head between the punished and the Punisher.

And you're there.

This being is there,

That's you.

It's observing this,

But you're not feeling the impact of it.

And you can see the Punisher,

And you can see the one being punished.

And that's interesting,

To be that spacious,

To notice all of that.

And to notice that you can be that space and watch that,

Or you can bring it to a halt.

But you must join the real you.

And all that takes is a decision.

It's not like,

Oh I gotta meditate perfectly to get to that space.

No,

Just those two little parts need to come home.

And they've been in there banging away,

Don't do this,

Don't do that,

Be this way,

You're not allowed that,

You can only have this much happiness.

Because you know,

Here's the other crazy thing,

Punisher comes along with,

You know,

If you get too much happiness,

Well then the other shoe's gonna fall.

It's always whispering,

Because it's always like,

You feel it,

Like how it does your body in,

When you feel that Punisher,

It just cramps down.

And it's just an aspect of you that's been asking to come home.

Because when it got ripped out,

Separated from you,

And told how to keep you in line,

It loves hates that.

I mean it feels good to be the one keeping you in line,

But it feels awful to be the one beating yourself up.

And it recognizes that it's the one that's been pushing judgment on you and everybody else.

And in this space you can look over at it,

The spacious you,

And you can see that Punisher without hating it.

It was a function,

Just a simple way of making it through life,

So we don't have to make it any bigger than that.

And the one being punished,

I mean it's just so glad to think that there might be an escape,

That it's just like,

Tell me,

And who's going to go through that door?

So in this spaciousness that you are,

Really merge with that inside of you that is at peace.

And breathe into that space.

And that space can see so many things,

It can see all the thoughts at once,

All the controls at once.

And it can see all the choices at the same time.

And it sees that these two choices of punishment and being punished function a great deal of time inside your body.

And that there's really very little judgment from the outside that affects you.

It only had to do it that first time.

And then you took it over yourself.

To fit in,

To belong.

So why should we hate the Punisher and the punished?

It was just attempts to fit in,

To be a part,

To not be rejected.

But it cannot help but reject,

Because it is the product of rejection,

Self-rejection,

Self-punishment,

Self-rejection.

It had to be put into your capable hands,

Because it has to happen very fast,

And very precisely.

And the only way to do it is to know you inside and out.

And that self-punisher knows everything that triggers you and keeps you in line.

And there is no judgment from the outside that will affect you as deeply and as painfully as self-judgment.

Because it knows how to hurt you.

And it knows what to say.

And it knows how to make you feel.

And it knows to keep you out of that room.

It knows to holler through that door and say,

Is that enough?

Should I apply more?

No,

No,

I got this,

I got this,

I can do it myself.

But oh,

It didn't know that it only had a limited time.

Because once you become aware that this is all judgment,

Is self-judgment,

All punishment that happens in your body,

Inside of you,

Is self-generated.

Now I'm not talking,

Of course,

Yes,

We've all had a whooping growing up,

And that felt like punishment.

And that did come from the outside.

But you know what I'm talking about.

That the one that stays up late at night,

Worried about what people think or how something felt,

Is you punishing you.

90% of it comes from ourselves.

And when we don't follow up on ourselves with self-punishment,

If somebody judges us and we don't agree with it,

It doesn't bother you very long.

It doesn't lay in your bloodstream.

It doesn't build up like plaque in your veins.

It doesn't do that,

Because you don't care.

If someone judges you,

You blow that off if you don't agree.

But if you agree,

Oh God help you.

So 90% of it is self-generated.

But the beauty of it is that you recognize you want to love you,

And you want to be whole again.

And you don't want separated pieces of you.

So you breathe in that air,

And all the space it creates inside your body.

Just let air do that,

Because this is space in the universe saying,

Let's do this.

Just breathe in,

And feel the relief of that.

That's the air that you breathe saying,

Take a big breath,

We're there,

And we've got this.

You're not alone,

And you're not split.

So don't stress.

We're going to go through that door,

But we're going to do it with ease.

So we just breathe in,

Knowing the air is right there with us,

Loving us too.

And you're filling your own lungs with that spaciousness,

And allowing it to create space in your body.

And it's interesting,

Because punishment can't do a dang thing about it.

It's just kind of watching you do it.

It's not sure how to punish air.

It's not sure how to punish love.

It's got to get you separate to punish you.

It's got to get you out of the middle,

Out of center to punish you.

Because center is at peace.

But it's got to get a part of your mind out of center to beat it up,

To control.

So you center yourself.

Punisher's getting just a little bit antsy,

Because this is a new game.

This is,

Wait a minute,

And it's running to the book,

And it's flipping through the pages,

And it was like,

Now,

Wait,

What did I watch mom and dad do?

Have I seen this somewhere?

Somebody check the newsreels,

And let's see how people have solved this one.

Wait,

Wait,

And it's out of its league.

Because you're centering you.

And you're breathing in you.

And you're calling you home.

And you call that Punisher home.

The Punisher's panicking.

He's looking over his shoulder.

He's not used to this different space.

He's not used to the wall of love coming its way.

And the ground's cracking underneath it.

And the one that's been punished so often has just got to look in its eye.

Like,

Is this real?

Can this be true?

Can this pain stop?

Can I please go home?

Can I not have to think anymore?

And that love that you're breathing in,

And exuding out inside your own body to you.

Knowing that the space around you is working with you,

And through you,

And for you,

And that there's wisdom in the air you breathe.

And it's calling all parts of you home.

And the Punisher starts throwing up pictures of everything you've ever done.

Just bringing out the big ones,

The ones that get you every time.

And this centered space that you are just looks at all of that.

It sees the worst things you've ever done.

And it loves you.

That love that you are,

Loves you unconditionally.

No matter what you've done,

Said,

Thought,

Imagined,

Hoped,

Does not matter.

Because that which is a force of love that you are,

So busy loving you,

So busy exuding and radiating that love to you,

That it can't even think to judge you.

Love loves.

Doesn't do judgment.

It loves.

Because unlike the Punisher,

It sees across all time.

And it understands and sees beyond the little things that create behaviors like that.

Because it knows that lack of love is what creates that judgment.

You know,

It's like,

Oh,

Trust,

We got lack of love.

You got lack of love,

That's fine,

Because we got all the love.

Got so much love.

And love at a vibrational level,

That isn't concerned with the tiny judgments of the day.

That knows that love is abundant,

And it's so vast,

And it's so powerful,

And it's so strong,

This love,

That you can show it any awful thing you've done,

And it's going to love you.

It understands,

It sees beyond,

And it's open to embracing you.

And the Punisher is fighting it as best it can,

Throwing up images,

It's throwing up memories.

And it's panicking.

Why is it panicking?

Because it's confused.

Because this love,

This amazing love,

Is so powerful that it can't fight it.

That to be in the presence of the love that you are,

To be in your own presence,

Your presence.

Yes,

You.

As that spacious,

Embodied love greets the Punisher inside you,

It recognizes and loves,

And that's blowing the Punisher's mind.

It starts to break down,

Fall on its knees.

It wants this love so bad,

And now it's judging itself,

Which it's really good at.

And it's like,

No,

You wouldn't accept me,

Because look what I've done to you your whole life.

But love loves.

And love's not afraid to love something that hurt it.

And love's not afraid of the truth.

Because the truth is,

You're wonderful.

You're loving.

You're kind.

So kind that you would beat yourself up every day for all the right reasons.

You thought you were doing all right.

You just didn't need it.

And the one that's being punished is torn.

It's like,

Wait though,

I want to beat up Punisher.

This guy's been like all over me my whole life.

I want to get them.

But behind it,

As it was looking at the Punisher,

You see,

And it was thinking that,

Like you,

All the curse words,

You know,

You need a taste of this.

You should feel this.

Behind it though,

Doesn't,

Sort of not aware,

Hadn't turned around and looked at the vastness of you yet,

And like a fog rolling in.

As you feel that centered love that you are,

Let that permeate your entire body like a fog filling up every inch inside you.

Let it fill up your feet and your legs,

Your thighs,

Your torso,

Your chest.

Feed it with the air again,

Just breathe in like,

Oh yeah,

All that space,

That fog rolling through your body,

That fog touches the toes of the one that's been punished forever.

And it feels something on its foot and it's like,

What the heck is that?

What is that feeling?

Because it's not felt that before.

It's just felt self-loathing and now it's like,

What is this?

This is,

It's feeling it,

It's like so enamored with that,

It doesn't even give a shoot about the Punisher anymore.

It's like,

What the heck with that?

What am I feeling?

Because that's the thing.

You can beat yourself up and you can regret or you can enjoy who you are right now.

And that's one of the biggest things,

That self-punishment has not allowed.

It has not allowed you happiness.

And the one that's been punished is sitting there tasting the difference between punishment and happiness.

And as much as it would love to punish the Punisher,

The happiness is too intoxicating to even worry about that.

And punishment realizes that it never had the most powerful tool,

That love.

And the feeling of joy and happiness like that was way more powerful.

And just to drive this home a little bit more,

I want you to think about this for a second.

Here's happiness.

You can be happy whenever you're ready.

Or you can put a path to happiness.

Now the Punisher always said,

You have to go from here through this to get to happiness.

It always said you had to take that route through something else to get to happiness.

But happiness is a direct route.

And it's directly the route of who you are.

And it can be available any second.

And only punishment says you got to get it.

When you get a new car,

You can be happy.

When you get a good job,

You can be happy.

And can you believe that self-punishment right there?

Anything that makes you wait for happiness is self-punishment.

You got to have a good spouse to get to there.

You got to have that right relationship to get to there.

It's always saying you can't have happiness for happiness sake.

You got to earn,

Get the right things,

Have the right life,

Have enough money.

That's self-punishment too.

Think of how pervasive this has been for you and me.

It's not like I'm not there either,

You know?

I get that too.

But oh,

Breathe in that space.

And feel your body up again and re-center.

Because for a moment we all felt like,

Dang it!

That thing's been denying me everything.

Let me look at that room.

I haven't got in that room yet.

But we can love that which punished us.

Because that's how vast that love is.

Because when you are loving and allowing that vibration to come through you,

There's nothing that it can't love.

And it's not saying that from,

No matter how bad you were,

There's nothing that it can't love.

That's not even what I'm talking about.

Because you weren't a problem.

To say there's nothing it can't love,

Isn't to say that there's nothing so horrible out there that it can't love it.

Because then that would be saying a judgment.

And how much freer it is to say there's nothing but love.

Can you feel that difference?

There's nothing but love.

Absolute love for you.

That has no interest in punishing you.

That knows the abundance of joy and happiness you would like to have and share and spread.

So there's nothing that it needs to control you on to love you.

And bring home the separated parts that punish.

See,

It was so terrified because it was judging itself too.

And beating up something else.

So this punisher was judging itself and beating up everything around it.

And that's what judgment does.

So we have to judge others because we feel so bad inside.

That's what the punisher was doing,

Felt so bad.

Beat up everything around it.

So we can love that.

And you know what?

We don't even have to care or question.

It's something in front of us,

Let's love it.

Because it feels so good to love.

And see,

That was the thing that had to be controlled,

Was love.

Because it feels so good to love.

So just love.

Love whatever trots in front of you.

Even the punisher.

So we began to love it.

And it just completely collapses.

Because all it ever wanted was love.

And it didn't realize that when it stepped away,

When it stepped away from itself to look at itself and judge it,

That was the horror.

Because a part of you stepped away from you to look at yourself and judge you.

And that was never required.

And so the pain we feel is the separation from a part of ourselves loving ourselves,

To extending in front and judging,

And disliking,

And changing,

And forcing,

And watching,

And separating from happiness for all these crazy different reasons.

So we bring that part home and say,

You don't got to do that.

And we are strong enough and loving enough to do that.

Because we can love ourselves,

Even if we judged and hated and beat ourselves.

We can love ourselves.

So you love.

And then we grab that other little part that's been beat up.

Because see,

We had to externalize that too.

That was a separation.

We just bring that one home too.

And now there's the door.

We've never opened it.

And love goes to that door.

And it opens that door.

There's nothing behind it.

There's no one to tell you to beat you up but you.

So should you want happiness,

There's no doors.

There's no other things that have to happen.

You don't have to wait for the right relationship.

You don't have to wait to lose 20 pounds.

You don't have to have a certain amount of money,

A certain way of being,

A certain way of looking.

You can just be happy now.

Just happy,

For no dang reason at all.

And it's crushing,

Isn't it?

To realize we've been jumping through all these hoops and there was never anybody behind the door.

And we have a choice.

We can beat ourselves up about that or we can just be happy.

We can let judgment,

Self-judgment,

Self-punishment go.

But it's our choice.

It's our choice.

And can you allow yourself to choose happiness?

To not judge you.

To not say A,

B,

And C have to happen for me to be happy.

And it's crazy to think that,

Isn't it?

It was always our choice.

And right there,

Every time I say it,

I can feel the desire inside myself to punish me for having punished me without somebody else making me punish me.

Isn't that ridiculous?

And I don't,

I can even feel inside myself.

This,

Can I do it?

Like there's a desire to beat me up for not recognizing I was doing it to myself.

That's how deep self-punishment is.

It's how unknown it is to live without it.

And I can feel right in my gut this tension,

This desire,

This primal desire to attack myself for making that mistake.

So I just breathe into that space.

Because obviously it's a little separate part of me that needs a little love.

And I am grateful for the awareness that self-punishment is so embedded,

That even the moment I recognize that it is my choice for happiness,

That I could be so foolish as to punish me for not having allowed it.

God,

Isn't that amazing?

So I can't logic my way into this freedom.

I have to choose.

And even though my mind would choose to beat me up for being so stupid,

I'm going to love me.

And I'm not going to worry about the logic.

And I'm just going to breathe into that wholeness that I am.

And even though my mind can't get,

Doesn't want to let go of that,

That's okay,

I'm not my mind.

And you aren't either.

You can love you even when you don't want to.

How powerful is that?

That you can love you even when you don't want to.

How powerful.

What kind of love you are.

And yeah,

Be that power.

I love you.

Love you even if you don't want to.

Be happy without hurting it.

When you stand in the presence of love,

Which we are all from,

It will evaporate any question.

So be daring and be bold and go right into the face of your own love,

Because you're going to be all right.

It's so okay.

It will not fail you.