Self-compassion is the willingness to treat ourselves as our best friend would treat us,
With unconditional love and care,
With understanding and an open heart.
In our everyday life we can be very judgmental of others and it's often a reflection of how judgmental and harsh we are of ourselves.
When we become more friendly and accepting of ourselves it overflows onto others and onto other areas of our lives.
Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows that people with self-compassion are less likely to be critical of themselves and less likely to be anxious or depressed,
Which in turn leads to greater life satisfaction.
You will not be weak by practicing self-compassion.
In fact it is a reliable inner strength that makes us more resilient when we are faced with difficulties.
Research shows self-compassionate people are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce,
Trauma or chronic pain.
Self-compassion is not making excuses for bad behavior.
It provides the safety net needed to admit mistakes and take responsibility for actions.
It also triggers the release of oxytocin,
The love hormone,
And increases feelings of trust,
Calm,
Safety,
Generosity and connectedness.
So let's practice it now.
Find your comfortable seat,
Nice and tall,
Like a mountain.
Embody the qualities of the mountain,
Being strong,
Relaxed and ready to tackle whatever comes.
Now connect to your breath,
Not trying to alter it in any way,
Just watch it flow in through the nose,
Side out softly through the mouth.
Do this for a few more breaths.
Now bring to mind a time when you were really hard on yourself,
Where you talked negatively to yourself or where you blamed yourself for something and felt shame.
Make sure the situation you choose is not overwhelmingly difficult emotionally and doesn't hijack you.
How does it feel in your body?
Do you feel tension anywhere?
Do you have a strong urge to make it go away and move on,
Pretend like it never happened?
Now instead of doing this,
Which is what we've done until now,
We're just gonna acknowledge how we feel.
You could say I'm really struggling with this.
And then recognize that difficulty is a part of life.
It's not abnormal to feel this way.
It's okay,
It won't last.
Recognize that not wanting difficulties in our life is like not wanting the clouds to be in the sky.
Like the clouds in the sky,
They come and they go.
Then bring kindness to yourself and ask yourself,
What would my best friend tell me?
How would my best friend treat me right now?
Most likely,
My best friend would tell me,
It's okay,
You couldn't have known.
You did the best with what you had.
And now tell yourself the same things.
It's okay,
I couldn't have known.
I did my best with what I had.
Stay with the sensations in your body.
Pause here.
Let this love and understanding expand from your heart center,
Gradually overflowing through your entire body,
Until you feel that every cell of your body is flooded with this care,
Kindness and love.
Sit with these sensations for a few more breaths and let the love you created be the fertilizer that nourishes the soil of your being.
Whenever I start becoming too demanding and harsh with myself,
I read my favorite quote from Jack Kornfield.
It reminds me that I am just human and the work in progress.
The quote goes like this,
If you can sit quietly after difficult news,
If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm,
If you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy,
If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate,
If you can fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill,
If you can always find contentment just where you are,
You are probably a dog.
Namaste.
