Home Shelter Week 1: Hopes And Fears

Being confined in our houses for our own safety is the best thing to do at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not scary. A lot of people are alarmed and thinking the worst about the situation, and that’s okay; having anxiety or fear can be okay sometimes. Although, we have to maintain a certain level of hope in our hearts, and know that together we can get through this.

Transcript

Today,

Let's talk about philosophy.

Let's talk about,

Of a deeper purpose,

Let's talk about human,

Psychological,

Spiritual crisis,

But also human,

Psychological,

And spiritual growth.

Stay with me.

Living in harmony is possible if you know your emotions and how to handle them.

I am Dr.

Carmen Roman and I will share with you the current psychology by myself or by interviewing experts who will inspire you.

Learn how to live a life of fullness and how to recover your emotional harmony.

Welcome to Emotions in Harmony.

Okay,

My dear listeners.

I am so inspired.

I am so full of whatever,

Thoughts,

Ideas,

Experiences after this week of being confined.

Now,

Don't take me wrong,

I have been working really hard.

Being confined didn't mean vacation because I have been working more hours than ever this past week.

Why?

Because my job is to be clinical psychologist and right now we're in high demand for helping others to elevate their anxiety,

Stress,

Fear,

Whatever.

I am going to get very philosophical here.

I'm going to have deep thinking.

If you don't feel in the mood for deep thinking,

Just get to other episodes.

We have so much fun with other episodes.

But this is some day almost midnight after a week of being confined.

I have had wonderful,

Meaningful,

Powerful conversation with powerful women.

One after another for a week.

Mostly women because mostly they connected.

So during the week I decided that we needed a group meeting,

Like kind of a deep briefing together,

Yeah,

What is going on.

And also that was kind of a supporting each other's group,

Which is still going on.

It's going to be as long as we are confined.

I was thinking in order to help women who are in emotional crisis right now,

In order to help people,

I didn't talk about women,

I thought about people in general in my area.

Because things got a little crazy last weekend.

We knew,

We suspected that we were about to be confined to our homes and we started getting ready.

So people went to the stores and they got all the toilet paper they could get.

And they got rice and beans and potatoes and something you can store for a long time.

Yeah.

And we also got panic and anxiety and stress and fear.

And that's not all.

We got love and care and protection,

The sense of protection.

And we needed to get creative and we needed to get this sense of accomplishment.

So all of this mixed into a week.

That already sounds like a special week,

Yeah.

So we decided,

Brenda and I,

That we were going to be of any help in this cause.

And we decided to put these people together.

Yes,

We had work during this past week with 25 women,

More or less 20,

25 women,

Only women connected.

And some of them connected all these times,

Some of them we talked to them like four or five times every single session.

Some of them connected like at least three sessions.

Yeah.

Once they got connected,

They are in it.

Yeah.

They came back for more.

We got connected with women from the Bay Area,

From San Jose,

From Venezuela,

From Argentina,

From other countries as well.

And let me tell you something.

At the beginning,

It was a conversation mainly guided by Brenda and I and helping these women to hold,

Actually,

To be okay with their anxiety.

Their anxiety was to the roof.

So it was mine too.

So we were talking in the first couple sessions about what about it is going to kill us all?

What about if this virus is really came to get us and my family and the people I love and the friends and the neighbor and everybody?

What about if we are facing something that we don't know?

What about if we don't have enough?

Yeah,

We don't have enough food.

We don't have enough in our homes.

We don't want to be locked down.

We don't want to be confined,

Especially those women who are still struggling.

Some of my women are struggling to pay the rent,

To have food,

Literally.

Actually,

A good number of my women,

They are facing poverty on top of all of this.

So we were talking about that and how is the fear and the anxiety and lack of sleeping or not able to eat or eating too much.

Or all of these psychological needs.

And you know what?

It got my attention that as we were talking,

As we were getting together,

As we are sharing and the fear start disappearing because we are being called to be social distance.

We are not called to be emotionally distanced from people.

So when we were together and we start feeling each other company,

The psychological needs and the real needs,

I mean,

Some of them all till now,

They don't know they are going to pay the rent in a week from now.

Yeah,

But what I notice is that start melting.

And then it came another wave of what about if I am going to die?

What about if my family is going to die?

What about if I don't even know if I have the virus?

What about like,

You know,

This to the very core safety?

Yeah,

This unsafety,

This sense of unsafety.

Then we went to another wave of what about if I don't have friends after that?

My friends are not going to like me Carmen,

Because I am saying no to them.

I need to keep them distance.

I am not let them coming into my house.

I am not going to visit them.

Wow.

One of them actually ran.

I don't know who organized some kind of social gathering to sell some product.

And one of them ran to get to buy this product.

And we told to her and say,

You cannot put yourself at risk.

It doesn't matter now what you buy is not worth it to be in a group of 10,

15,

20 people or whatever.

So we were talking about that.

And then it came another wave of wow,

What people is going to think of me?

What people is going to think of me if I am not showing up for work?

Carmen,

Work is all I have.

Actually,

If I lose my job,

Who am I going to be?

What about if the kids don't,

They don't give me my job back?

I don't know what else to do.

I don't know what to do in the house.

I don't know what to do with my kids.

I don't know what to do.

Yeah.

And I don't want to lose who I am,

Who I know or who I think I am.

And then we had two days later,

A session of yoga and meditation online.

We did everything online.

And then together we talk after yoga and meditation.

And we were in a place and we start talking about being creative.

We start talking about being useful to humanity.

We start talking about being transcendent.

We start talking about spirituality.

That was in a week.

And you know what?

Sometimes as humans,

It is hard,

It is very hard to know the difference between cause and order,

Between what is right and wrong.

Well,

This philosophy came from the Avengers because I just saw the movie with my husband.

But it is also very deep thought.

I have had conversations with other psychologists in other countries this week.

So I'm trying to understand how we are in general as a humanity dealing with this.

And the more conversations I have,

The more it comes to my mind.

This hierarchy of needs proposed by Maslow.

Maslow was suggesting,

A psychologist,

Actually a psychologist also in the Bay Area,

Was suggesting that we have this hierarchy of needs.

That we have basic needs like the need for food,

Water,

To be warm,

To be restful,

To sleep,

To have security,

To have safety.

He also said we have needs,

Psychological needs,

Like intimate relationships,

Friends,

Prestige,

Feeling of accomplishment.

And we also have the need to be creative,

To achieve our potential.

And then the transpersonal psychology comes and says we have the need to transcend,

To be for one another,

To be,

To have our meaningful life.

And those needs,

They are not in an order.

They are,

They don't have any kind of order.

We go back and forth between all of them.

Maslow was suggesting a pyramid of these and say basic needs are basic needs.

But then later in life,

He say,

No,

We can go back and forth.

So this means somebody,

Like some of my women this week,

That they still don't know how they are going to pay the rent,

They still,

They don't know how they are going to feed their family.

And they are losing their jobs because they clean houses or hotels or they are,

I don't know,

You know,

Some of them are not even undocumented.

They don't have rights.

The companies are closing and say goodbye,

See you until this is done.

Bye,

I don't know you.

Yeah.

And at the end of the week,

They have,

They end up talking about how I can help,

What I can do for others Carmen.

See,

These needs are not in order.

We go back and forth between all of them.

Yeah.

Somebody may not have what to eat and they still want to be liked.

They still want to be well received.

Some people may not have anything to eat or how to pay the rent the next month.

And they still want to be creative and achieve their full potential.

This is why we as humans are so beautiful and complicated.

Yeah.

Not as simple.

Let me tell you that during the week,

I myself experienced from going to terror because for one an hour or something,

Half an hour,

I thought I had the symptoms.

And then I went to the gym with my husband and then after 20 minutes in the elliptical,

I was like,

Okay,

Done,

Done.

That part is done.

Yeah.

And then I went into panic because it's like,

Oh my God,

What about if I don't get the income for emotions and harmony?

And I don't get to pay my staff or my salary or the rent or something.

I also went through that.

Yeah.

And then after that,

I got a huge wave of bliss.

Life is supporting me.

I am here.

I am sheltered.

I have my love with me,

My cats,

My,

By my love I mean my husband.

And we're fine.

And so far my family is fine.

So I am protected,

Sheltered.

Okay,

So I decided to be happy.

Yeah,

I am happy.

I have this bliss and actually I start feeling,

Wow,

Kind of the world is stopping.

The entire world is stopping.

I feel and I was talking today to a psychologist friend in Mexico City,

My dear friend Rosa.

We were talking about what about Evie's Mother Earth calling us,

Calling us.

To have a revision,

A little bit of revision to see what we are doing,

How we are doing,

What we can do better.

You know what I wish?

I wish that Mother Earth is calling the airline owners.

What are they doing now?

Charging for food,

Charging for internet,

Charging for you to breathe inside the airplane,

Literally.

Yeah,

Charging for whatever they can.

It's just like we're getting crazy airlines,

My dear airline owner friend.

We are getting crazy here.

Or guess what?

Couple weeks ago in a restaurant,

They charged us for the tortilla chips they put at the beginning.

We're getting crazy.

So Mother Earth,

Please sit down with these owners and say something.

Yeah.

What about if all of us are called to see what we are doing?

What is the carbon print?

What we are doing for others?

What about if we are called to realize that we are better than we think?

At the beginning of the week,

I was thinking I need to come and save the world.

Oh my God,

They need psychologists.

Yes,

I am going to come and tell them that it's okay.

We don't need to have anxiety.

We don't need to have anxiety.

Yeah,

That was at the beginning of the week.

And then at the middle of the week,

Actually,

When I was doing yoga,

I came to my mind like,

You know,

It's okay to have anxiety.

I mean,

For God's sake,

We are being threatened to our basic needs.

These dumb beards can get into my body and I can get extremely sick and may not be a hospital for me.

I mean,

Let's face it,

Our healthcare system is not at its best.

Yeah.

So I was like,

Yes,

Having anxiety is okay.

Having panic is okay.

Is their normal response?

When a clinical psychologist is doing a diagnosis,

There is a question in our paperwork where it says,

Is the response appropriate?

Yes,

Yes,

It's appropriate.

If you are in fear and anxiety and panic,

God bless you.

Yes,

You are a human being.

Of course,

We need that.

We need that anxiety and fear and panic to let you know that you need to gather a lot of toilet paper.

And by the way,

Why toilet paper?

I don't know.

Yeah,

Because I don't know,

Because it's simple,

Because I can't afford it,

Because it's the first thing I don't want to lack in my house.

Yeah.

Yeah,

But we need to gather toilet paper.

We need to gather rice and beans and everything.

And spaghetti,

Says my husband,

We need to have spaghetti.

Yeah,

And we do have spaghetti right now.

So yes,

It's very human to have anxiety and fear and sadness and don't feel in control.

We are not in control with this virus.

We are not in control ever.

Yeah,

But this is coming like kind of in our face.

Now,

What about if this is the time to be inside?

I was telling to my group,

It's not outside.

It's never outside.

It's inside.

It's inside your own fears,

Your own insecurities,

Your whatever,

It's inside.

But also,

Listen to that,

It's inside all this beauty that we have,

All this sense of hope,

All this sense of happiness,

All this joy,

All this generosity,

Gratitude comes from inside.

So at the beginning of the week,

I wanted to be a hero and save the world from anxiety and fear and panic.

And at the end of this week,

Wow,

What a humble experience.

We all have it from inside.

We have gratitude,

Love,

The capacity to be generous.

All what we need is somebody to sit with us and say,

Everything is going to be okay.

And if there is nobody,

You can sit with yourself in front of a mirror and say,

These two shall pass,

Everything is going to be okay.

And you know why?

Because you have yourself.

They all need it just to look inside.

Yeah.

You may argue if you are a therapist and of course,

Okay,

Then let's not destroy the profession.

Yeah,

We do beautiful,

Wonderful job.

Let's not go to there.

We are facilitators.

Okay.

Yeah,

We are facilitators and we help.

But this facilitation can come from anywhere.

Actually,

They can facilitate in me the hope and the joy.

Yeah.

So we facilitate to each other the hope,

The need,

The gratitude.

They look into each other eyes,

The sense of safety because we are together.

This is what we can give to each other.

So I am going to end up this episode by telling you,

I have faith.

I have faith in all of us.

I have faith in you,

My dear friend.

I have faith that you can pull this generosity.

Get some of this toilet paper out and donate it for some other families and get some money or get something to do for others.

I have faith in you that you can be joyful.

Now it's less airplanes.

We can hear more the nature,

The mother nature,

The beers,

All these beautiful sounds in the morning.

Now we are walking instead of driving sometimes most of this week.

We are just talking to the people who is the most important to us.

The others are confined and busy and in their own lives.

So I have faith in you that you can find joy.

I have faith in you that you can have hope.

I have faith in you that you can be creative.

And if you don't have what you need,

You are going to be creative and gather what you have and make the best of it.

I have faith.

Let me tell you,

We need way more than a virus to get to us.

Really way more.

And you know why?

Because we have each other.

If not,

Just look.

Look in the good side of the social media.

Look in the good side of your neighbors,

In the good side of everything and see we have each other all over the place.

Solidarity,

Generosity,

Good examples are coming.

So I told you it was going to get philosophical.

Wow.

Sunday night,

Midnight.

Getting ready for another week here of being confined.

Actually,

Actually looking forward for another week of being confined.

I'm getting cozy here.

Yeah.

My friend Nicole Burgis said because we are introverts and introverts do very well being confined.

Maybe.

Yes.

Yeah.

I think I think she's right.

But I'm looking forward and I am looking forward for more meaningful connections.

If you go to the end of this episode,

Thank you.

Thank you for indulging me in listening to this different thinking that normally interviewing other psychologists,

Normally being trying to be helpful with your emotional needs.

Yeah.

My dear friend,

Be safe and be yourself.

Bye for now.

We have reached the end of another episode of the podcast Emotions in Harmony.

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