Why Is It So Difficult To Say No

Why is it so difficult to say no - and how can we start practicing saying "no" with love, deep love to ourselves, our body, mind, and soul? Little by little, we will become more conscious about ourselves, our impulses, our thought, and emotional patterns.

Thank you so much for practicing with me.
Carlos

Transcript

So why is it so difficult to say no? Why is it so difficult to say no? And I'm not talking about the external things, We can talk about that in a later session. Why is it so difficult to say no to the internal things? You probably know this from cravings, From wanting something, Needing something, Having the feeling that you are entitled to something. I worked hard so I need that beer or I need to buy that bag or whatever. So this meditation is about saying no to these impulses. But actually what we are doing is that we are saying yes with love to ourselves. We have an extremely loyal body that will take whatever we put in it and try to do whatever with whatever we put in it. Just trying to suck out energy from it. But we also know that stuff that we put in our mind and emotions with things that we watch can also be something that is actually not healthy at all. But we do it anyhow. Why? Which is so accustomed to it, It's so easy. We can just open the fridge or pass by the supermarket or the gas station. And we have this, What could we call it, Part of us that's not really developed yet. Our emotional age is still for the most of us quite low. Which means that we might be adults but have an emotional age which is maybe around 6 to 14 years old. Just notice the next time you get stressed and ask yourself how old am I right now? Not in a I'm knocking myself in the head kind of putting myself down way. But really just investigating how old am I now? Especially in arguments with the people that we love or in arguments in general. We will fall down to the competence that we have within that certain skill set. And if that skill set is emotions. Whoa! We have a low age because we haven't practiced. We've learned math, Languages, We've learned a bunch of left brain oriented things. But what have we learned in school about relationships, About emotions, About our body and our brain and relationships in general? Pretty much nothing. It's not until we start having symptoms of anxiety or depression or feeling bad and then we get in this system of being in need of treatment and we feel like there's something wrong with us. What's wrong is that we don't have this as a part of our upbringing. The teachers we've had are our parents and siblings and the environment. I mean we need a lot more training so I'm happy to be able to do this with you. I still think that it's super difficult. And I practice every day. And by practicing every day we just get a little bit better. So let's get settled and ready for this meditation that is taking, You know, The first step is just taking, Going into the breathing. Going into the in-breathe, The out-breathe. Going into understanding how we can look at our breathing as a garbage man that dispose of all the garbage from our cells. Up to 73% of all that garbage, All that output from our body goes through the breathing. Which means that when we don't really breathe correctly, When we have shallow breathing, It's like leaving, You know, Taking out your trash can but leaving like half of it still in the bin. Doesn't make sense. So let's get better at doing this because we need to focus on our body being the most holy part of ourselves. We need to treat it with a lot more respect. At least I do. If you're listening to this you might nod and say, Yeah, I know. If not physically, Then emotionally. We can do better. So let's get comfortable. Let's close our eyes and just with a small smile on our lips just get ready for investigation and practice. Let's also remember that this doesn't need to be that serious. We can have fun with this. Development is so much easier when it's fun. Of course there are emotions that are not fun. They're necessary as well. Everything is. So with your eyes closed, Just start breathing naturally, Just noticing your in-breath. Noticing your out-breath. Relax your eyes, Relax your jaws. Relax your temples, Your skull. Relax your neck and your shoulders. Really use the out-breath to just have those shoulders relax even more. Let's gently just start following our in-breath all the way down to the bottom of our lungs. Just imagine as if there's a small red ball that you follow with your in-breath all the way down to the bottom of your lungs. Nice and easy and then also exhale, Breathe out nice and easy just following this red ball just all the way out again. And let's do this a couple of more times. Really fill up your lungs and experience this small pause before you exhale. Noticing your body relaxing even more, Your mind relaxing. And also when concentrating about breath or anything else that we might work with, Just notice whether you tense up in your eyes and just remember to relax eyes, Jaw, Face, Skull, Body. Just having a perspective of your breathing as something that's there to help you dispose of all the waste. Really breathing in profoundly, Take all the waste with the out-breath and just let it go. Get it all out. And you can use the muscles in your stomach to keep on pushing the air. And you might notice sensations in the body or contractions, Expansions or your mind might be remembering you of plans or things you need to do. But just go back to your breath. Inhale. Exhale. Okay. Let's do the step two. Step two is to on your in-breath just hear yourself inside of you saying, I'm breathing in. I know I'm breathing in. And on your out-breath hear yourself say, I'm breathing out. I know I'm breathing out. And just do it in your own pace, Nice and easy. We have lots of time to practice. You can practice every day all the time. So on your in-breath, I'm breathing in. I know I'm breathing in. On your out-breath, I'm breathing out. I know I'm breathing out. See if you can extend the in-breath and out-breath. I'm breathing in. I know I'm breathing in. I'm breathing out. I know I'm breathing out. Okay, Let's just do it for one more time and then we'll go for step three. So we all know what's good and what's bad for us. We're intelligent human beings that do unintelligent things. So we stuff ourselves with stuff. We know if it's food, That there's so much stuff that we know that it's not good for us. At least not in the amount that we are consuming it. And the same goes for what is it that we consume emotionally. What is it that we watch? What kind of binging emotionally or physically are we doing? We know what's good and what's bad for us. So the step three is about becoming aware of the impulse that is created, That you create inside of you. Reaching out for the phone, Reaching out for the cookie, Reaching out for whatever is more driven by addiction or the seeking gratification, Instant gratification. And it's so important that it's not a no filled with resentment or negativity or putting yourself down. It's a no filled with love and compassion and really a no of wishing yourself the best. I mean, Would you offer, If you have kids, Your kids the same that you offer yourself? No, You wouldn't. I mean, You would never offer your kids that stuff because you know that it's not good for them. So going back to the emotional age, We have this kid inside of us and there's nobody to regulate. There's nobody to say, No, Honey, This is not good for you. So let's develop that part. Let's develop the no towards ourselves, Which is gentle filled of love and just with a wish for us to fall even more in love with ourselves by taking good care of ourselves. So the step three is to practice just noticing the impulse. And we just do that by being aware of our in-breath with our out-breath. And this time we're not being aware, We're not hearing ourselves talk about or mentioning that we are aware of our in-breath and our out-breath. We just say whatever impulse there is inside of us. So an example could be, I'm aware that my nose is scratching. I decide not to scratch it. I'm aware there's noise in the background. I decide not to react to it. I know that I'm not completely at ease with myself. I decide to accept it. I know that it will be tough for me today not to eat any candy. I decide to hold on and not do it. So just continue having your in-breath and your out-breath completely natural. Whenever any physical impulse or observation arises, Whatever any emotional or thought arises just registered by inside of you saying this. I know dot dot dot. And I decide dot dot dot. And remember we're just practicing. I know that I'm thinking a lot. And I decide to go back to my breathing and calm my mind. I know that my eyes are tense, Contracted. I decide to relax them and use my breathing to do so. OK. Everything is difficult when we start practicing it. But the same as walking and bicycling. We didn't give up. We learned how to do that and many more things. This is the same. Let's just continue practicing. It's so important that you take your own angle on it. So whatever you hear me say, Just change that if you feel that it's better for you. OK. The final step is actually not a meditation step. The final step is to make a decision on what today, From when you finish listening to this meditation, Which one thing do you want to practice saying no to and love for yourself? Which one thing do you want to practice? And if you can't really make up your mind on what could be the one thing, When you finish this, Just sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and just write down all the things that you would love to be able to say no to. We start with all the things internally. Later on, We can move out to the external things. We need to learn how to say no with love inside of us before we move out to the outer world. We can do it simultaneously. This way that I'm doing, I prefer this because I've experienced that it's so much more difficult to do it outside when I don't know how to do it inside. Let's finish off with this. Again, Eyes closed. Really have your in-breath be filled with hope and joy and happiness and love. Really direct it towards yourself. And be proud of you sitting down doing this, Practicing, Trying to learn something which is difficult, But with repetition, Repetition, Repetition, We'll get better at it. Also knowing that this will benefit you, But it will 100% also benefit everybody who's around you, Everybody who you will meet on your path. Thank you so much for being here with me. In some weird way I can feel you, I know that you're there. So I'm so grateful for that. Thank you so much. Hope to see you, Meet you again at a live session or another session like this. Thanks. Bye.