The Moment Everything Shifts | Decide What You Truly Deserve

This episode helps you recognize where you’re negotiating your desires and delaying your dreams. You’ll learn clear steps which are the key to getting what you truly want, plus how mindset blocks keep you stuck in the if/when cycle. Perfect for anyone ready to step into their next chapter with clarity and confidence.

If you liked this episode, please join the conversation in the Wild Free Well Space here on Insight Timer!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

I am here to have a very interesting conversation with you,

But there is a preface to this conversation that we're about to have.

So,

While this conversation is open to absolutely everyone and if this is the first episode of the podcast that you find of mine,

Perhaps you were led here for a reason,

I will say that the conversation that we're going to be having today is perhaps best suited to people who are familiar with my work already or have engaged with episodes of the podcast previously.

Just because we're kind of taking things a step farther today.

So we are moving beyond the conversation that we normally have here.

And we're kind of looking at things from a new perspective,

But also another level and another layer of the same conversations that we tend to have here.

So if you're game,

Buckle up.

The ride is about to begin.

And if you'd feel more comfortable listening to other episodes of the podcast first,

Then bookmark this one and then go and dive into some of those as well.

Whatever works for you.

You do you,

Boo.

Always.

So the conversation that we are going to be having today is about this idea of negotiating or bartering with yourself about your life.

So what I mean by that is we're kind of focusing on this idea of like where in your life you are saying things like,

I'm just gonna like deal with this situation.

I'm just going to get through this season.

I'm just going to move through this period or I'm just going to wait until X,

Y,

Z is done and then I'll begin focusing on myself.

And I mean,

If when statements also fall into this category to a certain extent,

But they are not exactly the same.

So an if when statement is something like,

You know,

If I get the relationship,

Then I'll be happy.

You know,

When I get the promotion,

Then I'll feel complete.

There's an element to that here as well.

But the conversation I think goes beyond that.

When we are saying things like,

You know,

I'll just focus on this situation or I just need to get through this moment.

I just need to get through this period or,

You know,

Whatever's going on in my life.

And then I will focus on myself or this thing that I want to do or this experience that I want to have.

Or like,

You know,

We say this so often in our lives,

Like think about parents,

You know,

When my kids are older than I'll.

And there's a lot of this kind of bartering,

Right?

Like we are basically negotiating our lives,

Our lives with ourselves because perhaps we don't feel like we are capable of having everything that we want at one time.

And I know that there's a lot of people that will kind of be rubbed the wrong way by that idea,

Perhaps by the idea that we can have whatever we want.

And there are periods of time where I find myself struggling with this,

Too.

Like there are there are moments where things feel too hard to believe that we can have whatever we want or there's so much going on.

It's like,

How is it possible?

I can't I can't possibly fit one more thing in or whatever or whatever that is for you.

But I think that when we're having this conversation about like having or not having all the things that we that we want.

Actually,

Let me say this again.

Sorry.

When we are having the conversation of having the things that we want,

My question becomes,

What is the alternative?

Think about that for a second.

What is the alternative?

Having none of the things you want,

Having some of the things you want,

Waiting for a mystical,

Magical moment in the future when you can go after all of the things that you want?

Like what are the parameters here on this conversation?

Because we so often hold ourselves back from what we actually want because we are waiting for this perfect moment,

This mystical,

Magical moment,

As I always say,

For when we're ready or the time is right.

Or,

You know,

Our kids are grown,

Like I said,

Or we get the promotion or we find the relationship or whatever,

Whatever circumstances or checkpoint it is that we have arbitrarily put in place.

And these things become our own limitations.

These things,

These kind of arbitrary things that we have put on our path,

We have literally put boulders or obstacles in our path where there really don't need to be any.

It does not have to be either or,

It can be both and.

Why can't we get through this period,

Quote unquote,

Right,

Or move through this situation or do whatever it is that,

You know,

Deal with whatever life is lifing in this moment?

Why can't we do that and still carve out some time,

Some attention,

Some energy to go after the things that we want?

Why are we forcing ourselves to choose?

Why are we negotiating with ourselves about our desires,

Our wants,

Our needs and what we truly want moving forward?

Like we're selling ourselves short.

Doesn't that seem silly?

Doesn't that seem like a kind of borderline ridiculous thing to do?

Because basically what you're saying to yourself in those moments is what I want doesn't matter that much.

What I want is not nearly as important or whatever prevalent or relevant or whatever as this situation that I'm living right now or this period that I'm in.

So everything else is pulling focus from the thing that you say that you want.

Does that make sense?

I'm just going to check my notes quickly,

Sorry guys.

So,

Of course,

And I've said this on like so many episodes of the podcast at this point,

It's like,

Why am I still saying this?

But we have to be really clear about what it is that we truly,

Truly want.

And listen,

Friends,

There is a difference between something that you would like to have and something that you are actually willing to take steps towards.

Something that you actually want,

That you want it so bad that you're willing to do the thing.

Because,

See,

If we cycle back to the bargaining,

When we bargain with ourselves and when we're negotiating and we're bartering about our own lives,

Which,

How sad for us,

But I mean,

We all do this.

We've all done this.

We will probably do this again,

All of us as well.

But when we do this,

We are basically doing it because we don't really want that thing.

And I know that someone somewhere is listening to this and they are saying to themselves,

No,

I do.

It's just that.

And no,

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm really,

Really sorry.

But no,

You don't.

No,

You don't.

Because if you really wanted it,

You would be doing something about it and you would not be so quick to negotiate with yourself about moving towards that thing.

And you'll notice that I'm not giving,

I'm staying very generic and very vague because how can I give you a specific example?

I don't know what the thing is that you are working towards,

But the idea remains the same.

If we are not fully clear on what it is that we actually,

Bold italics underlined,

Actually want,

Then it is like hella difficult to begin to take steps towards that.

And any change in the breeze or in the tide or in the moon,

Any change is going to completely throw us off our path and we are going to let it.

And therein,

Friends,

Lies the problem.

And I think that if you've been around the podcast for a while,

You can see why I kind of warned at the beginning that this is another level.

This episode is talking about something a little bit deeper.

We're taking this farther because this is a level beyond self-responsibility.

We talk about self-responsibility all the freaking time on the podcast because it's necessary.

No one is coming to save you.

We have to get out of victim mentality and really begin taking responsibility for the things that we want and that we need and that we desire and whatever else.

But here,

It's not just about taking responsibility for yourself,

For the actions that you do or don't take,

For the thoughts that you do or don't think about that thing,

For the beliefs that you have or haven't ingrained and that you're continuing to kind of sustain via your thoughts,

Emotions,

And actions.

But it is about really deciding on so many levels.

Deciding on so,

So many levels.

Deciding that you don't do this anymore.

We say that all the time.

We don't do that here anymore.

Deciding that you matter enough to actually go after the thing that you want.

Deciding that you are no longer willing to negotiate on your non-negotiables because how often do we do that?

How often do we say that something is non-negotiable and then we're just like,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

But one day and whatever.

And we make up all these stories around it and we give ourselves an out and we make excuses for ourselves.

And that,

Friends,

Is not self-responsibility.

That is not sovereignty.

But maybe it is an indication of the fact that this thing that you say you want,

Whatever it might be,

Just doesn't actually matter that much to you.

Which can be a hard pill to swallow.

But sit with that for a second.

Maybe the thing that you are saying or have been saying for many,

Many years that you want is not actually what you want.

Because when you actively want something,

Whatever that something is,

You will take steps,

Baby steps,

Micro steps,

1% per day,

Whatever it is,

You will do something small every single day,

Most days.

We don't do things every single day here on the podcast.

Whoops,

Sorry.

That was like a Freudian slip there.

That was my own programming bleeding into this.

We do things most days,

Right?

Like you will do something most days to move yourself in the direction of the thing that you say that you want.

Otherwise,

It's just this sort of pipe dream.

It's more of like a nice to have than something that you need or something that you want.

And that's okay too.

And that's okay too.

That's the part that we get tripped up on.

So now we're not using this as an opportunity to punish ourselves or to beat ourselves up about the fact that we did or didn't do the thing that we said and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

No,

Because we don't do that here anymore either.

We do not do that here anymore either.

That is not a thing.

But we need to be honest with ourselves.

We need to be able to be honest with ourselves.

We need to cultivate the skill of honesty in our relationship with ourselves.

Because maybe the fact of the matter is that the thing that you say you've been wanting and that you are so quick to barter on and negotiate about is something that just isn't that important to you.

And that's okay.

And at that point,

It's about getting clear on what is.

What is actually that important to you?

What is it that you actually want or actually need in this moment if it's not that?

Or maybe it's the end result but not the steps to get there.

Like a classic example.

How many of us want to be fit but don't necessarily want to take the steps to be fit?

Because we have this mindset,

This really rigid idea in our minds of what it means to exercise.

And so we think,

Well,

If I'm not going five days a week and I'm not lifting 100 pounds and I'm not running five kilometers without wanting to die,

Then it doesn't matter.

And none of that is true.

None of that is true,

Obviously.

But there's a couple of things to say here.

One,

Do the 1%,

Right?

It doesn't have to be 5K,

100 pounds or five days a week.

It can be one day a week to start as you build up the habit.

Be with the 1%.

Be with the micro steps,

Right,

Towards getting where you want.

And the other side of that is also that maybe there's an alternative path that you have not yet thought of that has not been presented to you that will get you to the same end result quicker,

Faster,

And with more joy than the pathway that you are trying right now.

That can be for any topic whatsoever.

We were talking about health because I think that it's something that at one point or another,

It hits each of us,

Doesn't it?

It touches each of us because we want to be healthy.

We want to be fit.

We want to,

I think,

Too,

To a certain extent,

And forgive me for saying this,

But I think we also want to fit in.

And a lot about the way that we are marketed to is really about beauty and looks and fitness and health.

And so we want to feel like we belong to that club.

And that's okay,

Too.

That's okay,

Too.

The marketing is not okay.

But since it's there and we have to deal with it,

Our emotions around that thing are definitely okay.

So if this thing is genuinely important to you but you are still bartering and negotiating around it and you're still not taking action,

Then maybe it's about finding another way to get there.

Maybe you journal with yourself to get some answers.

Or maybe you pray.

Or maybe you talk to the universe.

Or maybe you talk to somebody who has already achieved the thing that you want to achieve and you ask them just how they did it.

And then you think about whether or not the way that they did it actually makes any sense for you.

Because it may not.

It may.

It may not.

Right?

And we're not out here following someone else's path because that's weird.

We all need to collectively stop doing that.

I spent so much time when I was younger doing just that.

And,

Like,

Now I don't anymore because it was literally killing me and making me small and unhappy.

So we are not following somebody else's path.

And you're not blindly following anything that I'm saying either because,

Like,

That's not the vibe.

That is not at all the vibe.

Because you are a whole and complete person on your own and you know what you need to be well,

To be the fullest version of yourselves.

You have those answers within you.

You just need to ask the question,

Get silent,

And listen and wait for the answer.

Which may not come in the timeline that you're hoping for,

But it will come.

It always comes.

It always,

Always comes.

And in the meantime,

We need to begin to move into this process of really deciding.

We need to begin learning to make an energetic decision around the things that we say that we want.

Because if we make the energetic decision and we set a very strong energetic boundary around this thing,

Whatever it is,

Then nothing is going to come in and fuck with that.

It can't.

It really can't do it.

Because,

See,

Your boundary is there.

You have that kind of energetic protection around this thing that is important to you.

And so there is going to be less things that come trying to throw you off your path.

But in order to get to that point,

We need to first go through the motions of really getting clear on what it is that we want,

Then deciding that we can have that thing,

Deciding that we are worthy of that thing,

And deciding that we are going to move towards whatever that thing is.

And it's not a thing in the external sense.

It's almost always a feeling,

Almost always this internal feeling that we're searching for,

Even if what we think we want is something external or even something materialistic.

It's never about the thing.

It is always about how we think we will feel when we get the thing,

When we arrive at the destination,

When we achieve the goal.

That is always what it's about.

So when you decide that you are worthy of having that thing,

And you decide that nothing,

No breeze,

No wave,

No nothing is going to get in the way of you having it,

All of a sudden,

The obstacles that were there before will literally just disappear.

They will.

They will literally just disappear.

I know that sounds exaggerated,

But it isn't.

Because see,

You've put in the energetic boundary of you no longer being available for distractions.

You no longer being available for the things that are getting in the way of the thing that you say that you want,

Right?

And you're showing up totally differently because you have embodied a different energy.

Think about what it means to make an energetic decision for a second.

Think about what it means to be so solid in yourself,

So sure,

So confident,

So comfortable in the decision that you've made that nothing is going to sway you.

That is some next level shiz.

Let's be real.

That is some next level stuff.

Like you've really made a change.

And so you need to now think about like the version of me who's made that decision.

How is she going to show up?

You are automatically going to show up in a completely different way.

Because you made that decision.

You have a new standard.

You have a new non-negotiable.

And the way that you move will be in direct correlation to the decision that you've made.

Does that make sense?

I really hope so.

I really hope so.

Yes,

Indeed.

This is where I leave you.

I hope that this episode has been useful.

I really hope that you take away the essence of this,

Which is that you are worthy of the things that you want.

And I say this all the time,

But I feel like we constantly need this reminder because it's the one thing that we all just kind of allow ourselves to get tripped up about.

Like we allow ourselves to believe that this is somehow not true.

But you are so,

So worthy.

And you have so much untapped power and potential in you.

And I know that because I have seen it repeatedly with clients over the years forever.

I've seen it in friends.

I've seen it in family.

I've seen it in myself.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have so much within us.

And we are so incredibly capable.

And if we can only just stop bartering,

Negotiating,

Bargaining,

And really begin to first decide,

Obviously,

Making that energetic decision.

But then learning to back ourselves,

Like really having our own backs,

Really supporting ourselves,

Then your whole life will change.

Everything about your existence will shift from that decision.

I promise you.

I really,

Really do.

And I want to hear how you get on with that.

So if you love this episode,

It would mean the world to me if you could comment and follow and rate and subscribe and all of those wonderful things.

And if you'd like to connect with me deeper and if you would like to tell me exactly what you are going through as you move through this process of making an energetic decision,

Then I would love,

Love,

Love to hear.

And you can do that in my Insight Timer group,

The Wild Free Well space.

This is a space where I share things that are different to what we talk about on the podcast,

But it's also an opportunity to go deeper and to have a conversation directly with me.

So if that is something that you're into,

I would love to welcome you into that space and I would love to connect with you more.

So.

Go search for that.

And I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast.

Ciao.