A Talk On Equanimity For The New Year

Equanimity refers to a state of being where we can maintain a balanced and steady state of mind regardless of what’s happening in our lives, whether it’s on a small scale or a large scale. I felt inspired to offer this talk for the new year because I think it's a good time to be reminded that we can relate to our experiences differently. On any given day, and especially within an entire year, there are so many things that happen to us—big and small—that are out of our control and can throw us off-center. But through cultivating equanimity we can stay rooted regardless of what comes our way.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome and Happy New Year.

I would like to begin with just a very brief meditation and opportunity to turn inward.

Sometimes I do this meditation in a much longer setting,

Maybe 15 or 20 minutes,

But for the sake of time and because I mostly just want to share a talk,

We'll just spend about a minute or two.

And if you're not able to meditate at this time,

That's okay,

You can just listen.

So I invite you to find a comfortable position,

If you're seated you can let your palms rest in your lap.

And either close your eyes or let your gaze rest on a point out in front of you.

And just take a moment to tune into the breath,

The body,

Turning the gaze more inward.

And bring to mind the image of a mountain,

A large,

Strong,

Sturdy mountain.

And notice its features,

Its peaks,

Valleys,

Maybe there's trees on the mountain or snow.

Just bringing it into focus.

And see how this mountain goes through different seasons throughout the year.

So there's winter,

Snow,

Spring as the snow begins to melt,

Plants begin to bloom.

And summer where everything is green and alive and abundant.

And then fall where the colors turn more into yellow and orange,

Leaves begin to fall,

Things begin to slow down.

And maybe your mountain has people that hike on it throughout the year,

Or different animals that roam around.

Noticing how this changes through the seasons.

And begin to sense into the stability of the mountain amidst all of these changing seasons and the comings and goings of people and animals.

And there's times of activity and times of rest.

Sometimes there's sunny days,

Sometimes there's storms.

But this mountain remains the same.

And now I invite you to imagine that that mountain is within you.

So you might even lengthen your spine a little bit more,

Imagining the peak of the mountain at your head.

And seeing how it slopes down toward your shoulders.

And just get a sense of the stability of this mountain within you.

And then take a deep breath in through the nose.

And a slow exhale.

And you can begin to blink your eyes open.

Come back into this space.

So again,

Usually when I guide this meditation,

We move a lot more slowly through it.

And we take time to really get a sense of the mountain and the different changes and and to embody that sense of the mountain within.

And I love this mountain meditation because it can really help us to get in touch with equanimity.

By sensing the mountain within ourselves,

We tap into this capacity that we all have to be present with all of the different seasons of life without losing our balance and our stability.

So despite all the different weather patterns and the comings and goings that a mountain experiences in a single year,

There remains a firm and strong rootedness that cannot be shaken.

So I just wanted to share a short talk on equanimity for the new year.

And I laugh at myself for doing so because equanimity is a big topic to cover in such a short amount of time.

But it's such a potent concept.

And rather than focusing on setting intentions and goals for the new year,

I wanted to talk more about how it is that we can relate to the wide range of experiences that we have in a year.

So equanimity,

It's such a beautiful word and it refers to a state of being where we are able to maintain a balanced and steady state of mind regardless of what's happening in our lives.

So whether it's on a small scale,

Like the barista didn't make our coffee the way we like it,

Or on a larger scale,

Like being diagnosed with an illness that is beyond our control.

On any given day,

And especially within an entire year,

There are so many things that happen to us,

Big and small,

That are out of our control and can throw us off center,

Especially when we don't feel in touch with that inner mountain.

So we experience life through a filter of pleasant,

Unpleasant,

And neutral.

So this means that we register all of our experiences as either pleasant,

So this is like,

I like that,

I want more of that,

Or unpleasant,

I do not like that and want to move away from it,

Or neutral,

Where there isn't really a strong pull either way.

This way of operating isn't evidence of our failure or inadequacy as a human.

In fact,

There's actually an area of the brain called the basal ganglia,

Whose job it is to determine if a stimulus is pleasant,

Unpleasant,

Or neutral.

So these little gatekeepers are between what happens to you and whether you perceive that event as something positive or something negative.

So it's in our human nature to categorize things as good and bad and to want more of something and less of something else.

It's just what we do as humans.

But where equanimity comes into play is in how we respond to these feelings of pleasant and unpleasant.

So when we embody equanimity,

Experiences still arise in our life and we still have a natural response of,

I like that or I don't like that,

But we don't let it bother us deep down.

We don't let it overcome us or hijack our behavior.

So a simple example of this is stubbing your toe.

We've all done it.

We all know it's quite unpleasant.

And we can pause,

Feel the pain,

Take deep breaths,

Let it pass.

So this is equanimity.

Or we can react to the pain by maybe cursing or becoming dramatic or turning it into a story of what a lousy day this day has been.

And so in that example,

We're being controlled by the experience.

It's a funny thing,

Really,

As it seems to often happen with teaching.

When I'm getting ready to talk about a particular topic,

I tend to notice all the ways I struggle with it.

So this last week,

I've noticed just how often I get thrown about by pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

And it's been hard for me to sleep lately.

So I've been getting really caught up in that.

And when I am not able to fall asleep,

I get super frustrated.

I wake up my partner.

I let it grow into these bigger emotions and stories about how there must be something wrong if I'm not able to sleep.

But with equanimity,

I remember that this is simply an experience I don't prefer.

And I can be with it without being whipped around by it.

And of course,

This is easier said than done.

It takes a lot of practice.

But even just remembering the concept of equanimity in those moments can bring a sense of peace,

In a way,

And just a sense of ease to our experience.

So why do I talk about this in the new year?

We all know that so many things can and do happen within a year that cover the spectrum from awful to wonderful,

From unpleasant to pleasant.

And we can become attached to wanting things to go a certain way,

Especially wanting things to go well.

And it can be easy to attach our sense of worth and our happiness on things going a certain way.

So you can see this happening in the habit of creating New Year's resolutions and the tendency for people to believe that this is the year that things will change and go well.

And there's nothing wrong with setting goals or feeling optimistic about change.

But the bottom line is that we are larger than the fluctuations that we all go through.

Our bodies change.

We move through different phases,

Some pleasant,

Some unpleasant.

Sometimes we like who we are.

Sometimes we don't.

Sometimes life is going surprisingly well.

Other times we can't wait for our current experience to end.

And none of it really,

Truly is personal.

It's just life.

And when we nurture our capacity for equanimity,

We don't derive our ability to be content with our lives from things going how we want them to go.

We can find more of a steadiness and an ability to be with all of what life brings,

Like a mountain.

We can soften into the changing nature of life and more easily allow things to be as they are.

And it's far less exhausting that way.

So it's worth saying that there is plenty of room for compassion when it comes to practicing equanimity.

Like I said with my sleeping example,

You know,

It's easy to say,

Like,

Oh,

This is just an experience and it's passing.

And it can be a lot harder to really act that out in our lives.

And moving through life with equanimity is difficult because it requires actively resisting our natural tendency to react emotionally to situations.

So we have to intentionally turn off our mind's autopilot and choose to relate to our experiences differently.

Also,

It's worth noting that we're surrounded by a culture of comfort and preference and entitlement even.

We are trained to seek immediate solutions to our pains and most businesses market to this conditioning.

So we can be easy on ourselves as we practice equanimity.

It's a wise way of relating to the world and it takes time and patience and practice to cultivate.

So there's two main ways that we can help cultivate equanimity in our lives and they're kind of two sides of the same coin.

The first one is to tap into presence.

As we all know,

Our minds like to time travel,

Replaying the past and planning for the future.

And there's a time and place for this.

We need to process our experiences and we also need to prepare ourselves for what's to come.

But we get caught in this mental time travel far too often and it breeds stress.

With equanimity,

We want to try to tune into a sense of safety and connection and peace that we can feel right here in this moment,

Even if things aren't going the way that they want them to.

So we have to intentionally turn our attention toward how do I feel safe in this moment?

How do I feel even a little bit at peace?

So the other side of the coin is to zoom out to get a sense of the bigger picture.

There's a story of a Tibetan teacher who once drew a V on a white piece of paper and he asked his students,

What is this?

And they replied,

Well of course,

It's a bird.

And his response was,

It's a bird flying through a vast sky.

We easily become short-sighted,

Perceiving our life and our experiences with tunnel vision and we lose touch with the vastness of the sky that everything is playing out in.

So when I can't sleep,

I am absorbed in that experience and it becomes my whole life.

But in the big sky view,

I see that this is just a short phase of restless sleep and that in general,

I'm healthy and rested and well.

So equanimity is this balance between connecting to the present moment and sensing the peace available to us right now and also opening to the bigger picture of our lives so that we aren't pulled left and right by what's happening.

So does this make sense?

I know it's a big topic and it can take time for its teaching to sink in,

But I encourage you to try to hold it lightly and with curiosity and as you enter this new year and maybe even set some goals for yourself or just look toward what the new year might look like for you,

I invite you to just ask yourself how can you hold the years of your life and your experiences,

Both major and minor,

With a spacious and with a heart full of equanimity.

So I'll close with a poem by Rumi that you may have heard before.

It's one of my favorites and I think it speaks well to the sense of allowing things to happen.

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning,

A new arrival.

A joy,

A depression,

A meanness.

Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all.

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,

Still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought,

The shame,

The malice,

Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Reviews

Great talk on one of my favorite topics
Love and blessings to you Samantha