I want to share some thoughts with you because I know how hard it is where you are.
These words are meant for you.
No one else will understand.
No one else will appreciate what you need to hear today.
And so I hope you will let yourself be washed in my words of love and knowing and admiration and inspiration.
You can take what you need and leave what you don't,
But know that you are worthy of so much and especially worthy of giving yourself time and space and presence to be here and to nourish yourself.
So take a deep breath in deep into your belly and let it go.
Take another deep breath in,
Hold and let it all go.
Let your shoulders down,
Relax the muscles in your face,
Your jaw,
Loosen your neck.
This is your own delicious time.
Nothing else to do for these minutes.
Nowhere to go.
I'm going to try to help you move out of a swirling,
Fearful place into a place where you can observe and accept instead of be consumed.
And it's so hard.
I know it's so hard.
It's a scary place you're in.
I wish I could transport you magically out of that place.
So just for a moment,
Set down the heaviness and set down the weight.
If you can imagine just visually setting it down and then knowing it'll be there when you come back.
Step outside where the sun is shining bright.
You squint.
The warm sun lands on your face,
Your shoulders,
And you just sit down in the most beautiful place and breathe.
So light.
There's no weight,
No fear here.
This is a place you used to know.
It's a place you didn't know might not exist someday.
I know it feels like you've been pulled into a world that you didn't even know existed.
And all you want is out for things to be back the way they were.
To see the light and laughter and joy in your child's eyes.
The same light you see when you look at pictures of your son or daughter from the past.
And there's a hole in your heart where that used to be.
And all you want to do is fill it up again.
You would do anything to fill it up again.
But for right now,
You're sitting outside in the sun,
Letting that go.
And recognizing that this is a part of your life.
And it's okay.
This is not your whole life.
It can feel like your whole life.
It can consume every ounce of your energy in your mind,
In your heart.
But to get some control and make it through,
You need to recognize that this is part of your life,
Is part of your story.
It's part of your child's story.
And it may be a long story,
Or it may be a short story.
And everyone's has different chapters and different endings.
But Mama,
This is not your whole life.
This is a piece,
An element of your life.
And you can't let it take you.
You have to let it be in your life,
Part of your life.
But don't let it take you,
Your soul,
Your gifts that you offer to the world.
The world needs you.
The world needs you are gifts.
And your family needs you.
So you need to be able to step outside and put this piece of what's happening in its place.
Know that it is temporary in whatever way it is temporary.
Know that you are bigger than this.
I know it feels like it's bigger than you.
But it's not.
You are bigger than this.
You are so strong.
This will make you find strength you did not know you have.
It will come from your toes.
It will come from your pinky finger.
You will pull that strength from every corner of yourself.
And you will keep yourself strong and healthy so that you can do this.
Don't you give up.
You can't give up.
You are their strongest asset right now.
Your son or daughter's strongest ally.
Warrior versus mama.
And you know that your child is beautiful,
Amazing,
Funny,
Loving and kind,
Sensitive,
Caring,
Smart.
And you know this is not them.
You know who your child is.
And you know that you will get them back.
And remember,
You're still outside,
Sitting in the sun.
Still light.
Unweighted.
Untethered.
This is your time to just be.
To relax and be who you are.
Who you are.
She is still there.
She is still you.
There are some hard-earned scars.
Some emotional scar tissue building up.
But it's beautiful because it's part of your story.
It's part of your makeup now.
You're in a battle.
You're in a war.
But the good news is that you are the best one and maybe the only one who can fight this war with your child.
You've been given special talents.
You've been given special resources and energy and love.
You are the one who will fight the war.
But for right now,
You are resting because you need rest.
Because it's hard.
It's so hard.
And it's so painful.
And it's so long.
So rest.
Sit in the sun.
Even if it's make-believe,
Son.
Gather your resources.
Gather your strength.
And know that you are doing the best you can.
You are a warrior mom.
You are a mom of a kind most people don't know.
And they never will.
But we know.
And it makes you a special,
Anointed,
Magical mom.
And I recognize you.
I see you.
I feel your burden.
I really do.
I feel your hurt.
And your fright.
And the anger that goes along with this.
And I have to sit in the sun.
I too have to put it down.
Because I carry little shards of each of your pieces of pain with me.
So that I don't ever forget.
So that I can hopefully give you some wisdom.
Some strength.
A sense of belonging.
Of knowing that you are not alone.
And that keeps me going.
I want to keep you going.
You will change your child's life.
You will change your life.
Your life won't ever be the same.
I know sometimes we just want things to go back.
But this is your story.
This is now an element of who you are.
And who your child is.
And who they will become.
So as you breathe deeply,
Know that you will.
And you can make it through this.
Take a few last sips of sunshine and fresh air.
And know that soon you'll pick back up the load.
Maybe it'll be lighter this time.
Maybe you'll be a little stronger.
Just know you are not alone.
And know you can come back here anytime.
You can step outside.
Leave it behind.
And sit in the sun.
