Let Go Of Needing Approval

This meditation is about how seeking approval can negatively impact us. We will kick off with a grounding exercise and I will discuss four strategies to let go of the need for approval seeking including inquiry questions for you to practice. The track includes some gentle music.

Transcript

Hello,

Unique learners!

This is Ivette from RightRay and today I'm covering Approval Seeking.

Some scientists believe that seeking approval comes from a survival advantage that group acceptance provided.

Well,

You know,

When people used to live in cages 10,

000 years ago,

Then it was impossible to survive alone.

Today though,

It is amazing to think that we all still seek approval from others in order to be accepted.

And this meditation is about how seeking approval can negatively impact us.

We will kick off with a grounding exercise and I will discuss four strategies to let go of the need for approval seeking,

Including some inquiry questions for you to practice.

Seeking approval,

How bad can it be?

We want to avoid having other people to disapprove of our actions and we get to enjoy that nice pat on the back every once in a while.

But there will come a time when the constant seeking of approval will become a problem and that very behaviour that brought us so many feelings of accomplishment will become the problem itself.

When we urgently aim to please other people,

We're seeking approval of self from outside sources and whenever we reach for something in the outside world to give us,

What we should be giving ourselves,

We set ourselves up for disappointment.

We set ourselves up to live a life we don't particularly want,

But will fit with what other people expect of us.

We don't dare take a chance on something that may bring on disapproving stare or rank low on the social status meter.

We do what others want for us and from us and in return we get their approval.

But when is the need for approval a problem?

Well for you procrastinators out there,

It is negatively impacting your performance when you are seeking for approval.

And what happens is,

You procrastinate,

You avoid doing important things,

Feel anxiety and fear and get stuck in worry.

Wanting people to like you results in declining new opportunities,

Being too nervous to perform effectively and showing signs of avoidance such as apathy,

Withdrawal,

Analysis,

Paralyzes and giving up.

If this rings true for you,

Focus upon how the need for approval is holding you back from doing the important things.

Once you move past this,

You will be free to achieve and create what you want in life with much less stress and effort,

Because you are currently exhausting yourself through avoidance.

And it can also go the other way.

In my case I was a high achiever and got the results,

However at the expense of everything else.

The need for approval in this case results in doing too much,

Feeling anxiety,

Worrying,

Being unable to stop ruminating about challenges,

Trying to please everyone,

Not making time for yourself,

Working too hard and being unable to say no.

If this is you,

Focus upon how the need for approval is causing you to do too much instead of only what is important and to do things for others at the expense of yourself.

Before we dive in some techniques to let go of the need for approval,

Let's get grounded.

Close your eyes if you haven't done so already or stare at the point before you.

Feel comfortable,

Place your hands in your lap.

Become aware of your breath.

Focus on breathing by feeling and listening to the body inhale and exhale.

Allow thoughts to pass through the mind without judgement.

Breathe in deeply through the nose,

Hold it and breathe out forcefully with the mouth open sticking your tongue out.

Stretch your face while doing it.

And again,

Breathe in deeply through the nose and then breathe the air out with a sound and open that mouth.

One more time,

Breathe in through the nose,

Hold it and breathe out.

So how can we let go of the need for approval?

Unfortunately,

There is no quick fix.

However,

The first step is to strengthen your core foundation so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you.

This way you will no longer feel the need to look to others to feel good enough about your choices and decisions.

And one way is to feel your body.

Be in your body and in the moment.

For now,

How are you feeling?

What emotions do you feel?

Sadness?

Anger?

Fear?

Happiness?

All of the above?

And know that it doesn't matter,

You are being present.

You can further strengthen your core foundation by keeping a self-appreciation journal.

Where you start acknowledging daily or a few times a week the things you are most proud of about yourself and the choices you made.

Insights about things you've learned.

Things you like about yourself and times you've stayed true to yourself or whatever feels right for you.

I've tried it for a week and it was amazing the results that I got.

Now for strategy number 2.

Evaluate the task based on approval seeking efforts.

Start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment.

Can you think of something now?

Did you take on a new task because it is quote unquote right for you or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval?

Let's evaluate your weekly tasks and ask yourself what is really necessary and important and what is driven by people pleasing.

Now think back on your people pleasing list.

How has the need for approval impacted your life?

What can you learn from this?

Strategy number 3 is practicing letting go of seeking validation for your choices and most importantly for whom you choose to be.

This means noticing your language,

Self-talk and behavior and identifying when it is coming from wanting someone else to say you're okay,

That you made the right choice or that you did the right thing.

Instead when you do make a decision,

Check in with yourself that it feels right.

Remind yourself that it is your choice and give yourself validation for just being you.

What also really can help is to give your opinion freely,

Easier said than done.

But have you ever died of someone's approval?

So be aware of what happens when someone disapproves of you because nothing happens.

You might suffer from a little anxiety or embarrassment,

But it will pass and won't ever be remembered by everyone.

Strategy number 4 is turn it around.

Realize that disapproval can be used as a weapon.

Many people use disapproval as a means of getting what they want.

They may disapprove of your opinion,

Clothing,

Hairstyle or anything else to enjoy the fruits of your submission.

And we all have different opinions and it is natural for some to disagree with you and don't take it personally.

Listen to what the other person will say and you can secretly reject or accept it.

If you don't agree,

Explain your point but do not fight.

Knowing this can free you from seeking the approval of others.

So in short,

Each time you seek approval,

You are diminishing your own importance and keep practicing.

Remember,

You are important,

So go ahead and allow your true nature and be seen and be experienced by others.

And let me know if you practiced your self-appreciation journal for a week.

I would like to hear any input.

Always welcome.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thankyou

Thank you so much for your sweet and gentle guidance ❤️I appreciate your work ⭐️

Thank you, so good 🤍

I could relist to this 500 times in a row and I know It would only keep helping me! Thank you!

Very interesting take on a subject that interests me. Unique perspective, which is extremely helpful to me ☺️

Thanks so much for this meditation. You brought up very interesting points. In my case, I know that I have the ability to reach people through music. Yet through the years, my parents told me that the idea of a music career was “pie in the sky.” Although I work in a nursing home in which the patients respond positively to my playing music live, it’s generally not appreciated nor really seen by the people who work there. Additionally, because of my work experience, I’m given the brunt of the workload while others are allowed to play on their cell phones. It’s very hard for me not to feel angry and frustrated about this. Even when I mention this to the supervisor, the response is that I could always just leave and financially I’m just not in the situation to just do that. Perhaps by listening to your meditation more often, I might find the courage to leave this field where ability isn’t appreciated. Thanks again.

Very insightful, straightforth, and practical guidance for finding personal freedom through letting go for need of approval. I am so glad I came across this!

Thank you; amazing meditation.

That was really helpful to me. I realized during my past employment that I was seeking approval from my distant and emotionally unavailable boss. I felt my motivation to go to work diminished and I eventually burned out and started to get physically sick. I made a tough decision to quit that job despite the fact that my boss offered me a promotion. The toll of my ineffective attitude combined with my perfectionism negatively affected my health, both mental and physical. As I continue to heal, I am motivated to learn specific techniques of coping, such as this practice offers. Thank you so much for your advice and for having so much genuine empathy towards those who find themselves here. Namaste 🙏🏻🌱💞

Thank you. This is what I needed.

Thank you 🙏

Great insight and will come back!

I love it❤️

I’ve been looking for this guidance and I’m grateful to have found it - thank you for making it. I just wrote my first self-appreciation journal entry and it felt very soothing.

Very interesting. Thank you Yvette.🙏

Nice meditation. Lots of interesting ideas & suggestions here, some I had never considered before. Very useful, thanks! 🙏🏼🌞

Excellent points, very insightful!! Thank you 🙏🏻 😊