Simply Being Without Attachments (Talk And Q&A)

Often, we believe that if something in our experience changes (a relationship, a job, how we feel), we would be happy and find Presence. Actually, it is when we no longer resist what is that we return to our innate Peace. The talk also answers questions such as: what is loneliness; is finding peace in nature an attachment; why is it important to forge a healthy relationship with ourself; and more.

Transcript

Hi everybody and welcome to this live event on simply being without attachments.

And the first thing I want to say is that it seems like there is a cycle.

It seems like at times we are at peace,

We find this presence,

We find this stillness.

And then at other times there is this overwhelming amount of thoughts and emotions,

Or not necessarily overwhelming,

But it's not pure presence,

It's not pure stillness.

And that is not because this presence is changing,

It's not because we are losing touch with something and we have to aim to find it again,

But rather it's because we have beliefs that this happiness that we look for,

This peace that we want,

Is linked to some objective experience.

It's either linked to being with a specific person or having a specific job,

Having a certain amount of money,

Having particular thoughts going through the mind,

Having particular feelings going through the body.

But in fact,

It is not this presence that is changeless and simply allows things to unfold at all times.

So these beliefs that need to be questioned,

Need to be analyzed and eventually see that the belief that happiness comes from outside,

Comes from a person,

A job,

A financial situation,

A status,

A feeling or a thought,

Is not true.

In fact,

Our peace is always here,

This effortless.

And we can only recognize that,

We don't have to do anything to get to this knowing,

We have to just open up the mind,

Stop identifying with the mind and seeing that we already are present now.

Of course,

This linking of happiness or peace with an external experience,

Happens in the mind because of some tensions in the body,

So it's the whole system that believes this,

That wants this.

So it kind of seeks that experience,

That person,

That job,

Thinking that it would bring it fulfillment.

But once we get the job,

Once we are with that person and maybe there are some arguments that start,

It's just not exactly as we expected it to be,

The mind starts seeking something different.

And instead of believing the mind,

Instead of going with these beliefs,

With getting what it tells us to get,

It is better to actually sit with it,

Notice the thoughts that come and go,

Notice the feelings,

Allow them to flow through the body in this presence,

In this awareness that we are.

At first it seems like being or awareness is fluctuating,

Not constant.

But eventually we recognize and the more we explore awareness and non-duality and the fact that there is no separate self,

But only one shared being,

Which we all are,

Then the more we understand that reality,

This objective reality,

Thoughts,

Feelings,

Circumstances simply unfold without a doer and we are the observing awareness,

Which expresses itself in this way,

As such there is no real separation between our being,

Our presence,

Our awareness and what unfolds,

What unfolds is always an expression of awareness.

The more we explore the nature of awareness,

The more we test it,

We try and find that we are actually not this awareness,

That we are the thoughts and the minds and we challenge this assumption in the first place and we return to the knowing that the mind changes,

But there is something constant in experience.

And the more we notice that,

The more we know our self as this awareness and the more we know that our true and real self cannot be impacted by any thoughts,

Any feelings,

Any circumstances,

Anyone telling us something,

And then it becomes more and more easy to be with these thoughts,

To be with these feelings,

To allow them to flow through exactly as they are,

To not resist any part of experience.

And then we know more and more with certainty that awareness is changeless and its forms,

Which are thoughts,

Feelings,

Circumstances,

They keep changing,

They keep evolving and they keep evolving in a way to bring us all back to this knowing,

This very knowing of our true self.

Sometimes it can be challenging because all of these beliefs,

We invest our energy into them,

We want them to be true.

I read a quote earlier today that said,

When you love something more than you love yourself,

That's when you get lost.

You want that thing to give you happiness,

To give you peace,

To give you presence,

To give you everything that you look for.

Instead,

You can only find these things in yourself,

In being this awareness,

In exploring this awareness.

So it can be quite challenging at times to face these beliefs because we want them to be true,

But they are not.

So at first the aim is to return to presence,

To find our true self and then the aim becomes to express this presence,

To express this love and share it maybe with others or while you're doing something and just allowing,

Not doing anything,

It's just an effortless unfolding of activities.

So this is simply being without attachment.

It's almost like without protection as well because it feels very unsafe to just be,

To let life flow in this way,

To not plan,

To not do unless there is a desire to do,

To not message someone out of duty.

You know,

There's all these things that come with this human life,

All these expectations,

All of these conditionings that this being without attachment dissolves.

And of course this doesn't mean that we'll never message our friends.

It means that we will only message them when we feel drawn to message them,

When it comes out of love,

When there is no sense of guilt in that conversation.

And that's the other thing is that often we think that we have to do more in order to find presence.

We think that we have to learn something,

That we are missing out on a teacher or a practice or a body movement,

Something,

That we're missing something and once we find that thing,

That will lead us back to presence.

But instead of it being something like an addition process of learning,

It's more of a reduction,

It's more of an unlearning.

The more we unlearn,

The more we let go,

The more we return to this presence.

Debbie,

You say,

The quote I saw said something like loneliness comes from needing more time with yourself.

Oh,

I like that one a lot.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Loneliness is the mind saying I need someone.

I need to be with someone to be happy,

To be at peace.

But that is underlying with an emotion,

With a resistance that is within.

And it is therefore needing more time with yourself in order to feel this resistance,

To uncover these unconscious patterns that keep you attached,

Keep your happiness attached to another person or some form of experience and returning to the knowing that actually what you look for,

Your self,

Your presence is already here.

In the there are certain places that I feel more peace outdoors in nature.

Is this just association?

I would say it is not association because in nature,

And I find this very often when I just sit for five or ten minutes in my garden.

First of all,

Nature is alive.

You know,

It has that quality of presence and it gives us oxygen.

So the trees and the plants are so still and yet present and alive and vibrant that simply by being in this presence,

It resonates that part in us that is like this too.

So it's much easier to return to stillness,

To return to presence in nature.

But I would also say that sooner or later you will be able to return to this presence without needing any particular circumstance to be a certain way.

And I say loneliness is a calling for ourselves.

A heartless relationship to forge is with our own self.

Yeah,

And this other quote that says that no matter where you go,

You are always with yourself.

So it's the most important relationship.

And of course,

The way we treat ourselves in day to day life,

All the thoughts that we have,

All the judgments,

The blames that we're not good enough,

Etc.

Are also what we project onto others in the world.

So then that's very good to know because as soon as someone criticizes us,

Then you know that that's how they criticize themselves.

They see in us what they see in themselves.

So then it's easier to forgive them.

And the same is true for us when we hear ourselves criticizing someone or when we simply notice tools of judging ourselves in any way.

Then we can embrace that.

We can forgive ourselves and knowing that this would have an impact not only on our own body minds,

But also on the way we treat others and also maybe the way they treat others.

So forging this relationship is so important,

Not just for us,

But for everybody.

So yes,

It's hard,

But no matter how hard it is,

It's worth it because it lasts.

Any changes that we make,

Any feelings that we feel,

Once they are released,

We are free from them forever.

And also this quote can be read as moving from small self to high self,

From identifying with the mind to knowing yourself as awareness.

And from the perspective of the mind,

It's very difficult to go to awareness because it requires letting go of our very perception of self.

And the mind wants to hold on to its beliefs.

But for awareness from your true self perspective,

Which you always are,

Even if the mind strongly identifies you with itself or with the body,

It's the easiest relationship.

It's not a relationship,

It's just who you are and that's it.

You are awareness,

You notice thoughts,

You notice feelings.

And it's effortless because you always are.

There's no way to not be.

And in meditation we see that this unfolding is effortless.

We see that thoughts come and go,

That they are not who we are.

We are aware of them.

We see that there is no doer.

And we just have to maintain this knowing as much as we can at all times to know that who we are is not affected by thoughts and feelings and that we are this changeless,

Constant,

Limitless awareness within which everything arises.

And when things that we don't expect happen,

Which these days on a collective level especially seem to happen quite often,

We can just allow them to be as they are.

So right now I don't know if you can hear it but there's a few kids that are being a bit loud on the street preparing for a Queen Jubilee party here in the UK and we'll have our street party tomorrow which will be very fun.

But yeah,

I'm sorry if the sound is disturbing in any way.

So if there are no more questions I think I will end the event here.

I want to see if this resonates with you.

You can find out more on my website which is on my Inside Diamond profile.

And if you'd like to stay in touch you can also follow me on the platform.

I have two courses here which you can also have a look at if you're interested.

And I have a group called Friends of Boyan Middleshire that you can join as well.

Michael you say happy bank holiday weekend to all in London,

UK.

Yeah,

Happy holidays and enjoy the Jubilee celebrations and everyone else also have a beautiful end of the week and weekend.

And I hope to see you again very soon.

Thank you for being with me,

For your presence,

For your comments and bye bye for now.

Thank you.