From ‘Stress & Survival’ To Resonating With The Solution From Our Hearts

This teaching is a big picture teaching. It will help you become more self-aware of any areas in your life where you’re getting overly stressed, worried and getting caught up in ‘stress and survival mode’ and seeming problems. It will help you see that you can resolve unconscious patterning and actually operate from your heart a lot more in life.
Dexter and Alessandria are spiritual counselors coaches and meditation teachers.
Dexter and Alessandria are spiritual counselors coaches and meditation teachers.

We’ve all been conditioned to operate from stress and survival. We came into a world that is literally addicted to it. Stress, worry, anxiety and self-judgment have become so normal. This way of doing things is often reinforced by parents, teachers, the media, colleagues, bosses and sometimes even wellness doctors and therapists. The issue is, it has become so normal that it’s invisible to us. Most of the time we don’t even know we are doing it.

Beneath the surface of our daily thoughts of ‘I have to…’, ‘I need to…’, ‘I can’t…’, ‘I’ll never…’, ‘I haven’t…’, ‘I must…’, ‘I didn’t…’, our body is under tension, our neck and shoulders are tight, our breath is short, our heart is out of rhythm, our mind is fast and fleeting and our organs aren’t getting all of their nutrients. Overtime, this catches up to us. It’s no wonder Dr. Bruce Lipton says 95% of illnesses are related to stress.

It is possible to step out of this cycle. Doing so, however, requires being different. It requires looking deep within, constantly introspecting and climbing up and out of these tendencies to resonate with fear, worry, stress and survival. As you may know, this journey can be enlightening. You can learn about your patterns and in the process begin to free yourself from the internal causes of suffering.

Stepping Out Of The Stress-Survival-Cycle

Sometimes we offer very specific teachings that help with very specific things. Other times, we offer ‘big picture’ teachings that help us see the big picture and stay on an optimal path. Big picture teachings help us find a ‘star to follow’ and help us recognize when we’re operating in ways that aren’t helpful. With this realization, we can set a firm and long-term intention to change over time. Having a star to follow when navigating a lifetime can make a huge difference on where we end up in six months, a year, ten years and, ultimately, at the end of this life.

The teaching in this article is a big picture teaching. It will help you become more self-aware of any areas in your life where you’re getting overly stressed, worried and getting caught up in ‘stress and survival mode’ and seeming problems. It will help you see how fear, worry, anxiety, stress and ‘the problem mindset’ are actually not helpful. It will help you see that you can actually operate from your heart a lot more in life. And hopefully, it will help you gain the awareness and intention to shift into your heart, face your life with the higher consciousness that your heart is capable of operating from, enjoy life more and get where you want to go.

This column is not a complete solution by any means. It is meant to give key puzzle pieces that can combine into a more complete solution and greater consciousness over time—especially if you open yourself up to receive these teachings and introspect on them as you experience life.

For those of you on ‘the spiritual fast track’ who want the full experience of this teaching, after reading this you may also wish to listen to this guided meditation:

  1. Resonating With The Solution And Internal Alignment Dexter and Alessandrina 24:02

The Teaching

Please watch this 1 minute GIF firstthen come back to finish reading this:

Stress and survival mode’ is often referred to as ‘contracted awareness’, ‘the problem mindset’, ‘the survival brain’, ‘the root chakra’ or quite simply fear, stress, worry or anxiety.

When operating from ‘stress and survival mode’ we may approach the task at hand and say…

I don’t know if this is going to work. [stress +1]
I ‘think’ I can do this.
But what if I can’t? [stress +1]
What if it doesn’t work? [stress +1]

A few moments later…

It’s not working! [stress +2]
I don’t know what to do! [stress +1]
I don’t know what to say! [stress +1]
I can’t do this. [stress +2]
It’s not working because of THIS [stress +1]
It’s not working because of THAT [stress +1]
The world is against me [stress +3]
I hate this! [stress +4]
I’m failing!!! [stress +4]

A few moments (or years) later, it actually works out…

Oh my gosh, I did it! [relief +5]

And then we move onto the next task and repeat…

I don’t know if this is going to work [stress +1] …

How much stress does this approach create over time? Quite a lot.

How much space does it leave us for inner peace, joy and clarity? Not much.

It’s no wonder that 95% of people who go to the hospital are there because of stress-induced illness. People today are using ‘stress and survival mode’ to motivate themselves in life and to accomplish their goals. Is this a recipe for happiness? Or misery and suffering? Is this a recipe for good health? Or illness and disease?

The Pole Vaulter

Does the pole vaulter in the GIF above give any energy to worry and doubt? Or does the pole vaulter maintain absolute faith in the future and commit? Does the pole vaulter slow down and say ‘I can’t do this’? Or does the pole vaulter run ahead at the precise speed and stick to the intention? Even when the pole vaulter seems destined to fail… Even when people gasp and shout, “they’re not going to make it!!!” Does the pole vaulter begin to imagine problems and failure? Or… Does the pole vaulter remain totally focused and resonant with the goal—with success?

Which pole vaulter do you feel is more likely to succeed?

Pole Vaulter A

Imagine pole vaulter ‘A’ who feels like they HAVE TO WIN. If they don’t win, then they will feel like a failure and like their life has amounted to nothing. They nervously walk up to the starting line. They trip on the edge and judge themselves for tripping in front of everybody, I’m such an idiot, I look so stupid, I’m such a clutz! They grab the pole in their trembling hand. They think, I don’t want to fail. If I fail I’ll be so embarrassed. This is all I have. This is all I want. I have to succeed!!!


Pole Vaulter B

Now imagine pole vaulter ‘B’. They feel grateful for participating in the game. They want to perform well and they understand that, whatever happens, there will be other opportunities. They understand that life goes on regardless. They calmly walk up to the starting line. They feel joy for life. They take a breath and enjoy the feeling of the air in their lungs. They get a hold of the pole and smile as they appreciate the familiarity of the feeling. They love this task. They have no thoughts at all. They’re just focused on the feeling of success.

Who are you betting will perform best? Pole vaulter B, right? Who would you bet has a healthier heart? Who would you bet has more harmonious relationships? Who would you bet enjoys their life more? Who would you rather BE? Pole vaulter B, right!?

Believe it or not, unless this concept is explained in detail and comprehensively like we have here, most people will tend to want to continue to justify operating like pole vaulter A. They will assume: But isn’t stress good? If I didn’t have stress, I wouldn’t be motivated! Without stress I just wouldn’t do or care about ANYTHING! Really? Is that really true?

Isn’t Stress Good?

Let’s question these underlying assumptions because they have so many implications on our life. If we make these assumptions, consciously or subconsciously, then we’re signing ourselves up for a life of stress and self-judgment.

Making these assumptions is like saying a human being can only operate from stress and survival. That’s like saying a human being doesn’t have a heart. It’s like saying a human being can’t operate from heart-centered loving intention.

Of course we can! We often don’t, however, because most people don’t have their heart open or don’t operate from it very often. This is because we’ve all been raised and conditioned in a world that is still operating from stress and survival—and so stress and survival is what we know. It’s even what is TAUGHT in schools, in the media and at work. Like John Jones says, it’s the uncomfortable comfort zone!

Read more: Another false assumption is that being busy all the time is not an issue. Explore how being too busy poses dangers for our bodies, relationships, and lifestyles.

Stepping Out Of The Sync

Part of transcendental consciousness is about waking up to what we’ve been doing that hasn’t been helping us, even when it seems that everyone around us is still doing those unhelpful things. It’s often hard, even impossible, to even see these behaviors within ourselves without outside help because almost everyone else is doing it. When everyone is doing something, it can become so normal and so automatic that it becomes invisible to us! Just as you might not notice a picture that’s been in your house for years. That’s why we often benefit from outside help to recognize our patterns. While these patterns are invisible to us, they may not be invisible to someone else who has been through it.

If we gain the awareness and guidance required to help us realize that we’ve been repeating the same non-optimal behaviors as others, then we can gain the capacity to step out of sync with the herd’s unconscious patterns. We can step out of unconscious programs into a more conscious state. When we do this we become more empowered in life and claim our free will.

By being willing to start doing things from our heart while most other people are doing things from stress and survival, we also lead for humanity. It can be challenging, though, because everyone, to some degree, wants to follow the herd and it can be scary to step out of sync with the herd. It’s kind of like realizing, “Wait a minute, I’ve been doing the Macarena with this group for 3 hours! It’s time to do something else! But instead of doing the Macarena, we may be judging ourselves, looking at life as a set of problems or living in stress and survival mode. And instead of just three hours, it’s been a lifetime! And everyone is cheering us on!

Read more: Who are we? What do we believe? What do we want and what do we not want? Explore how mass consciousness can get disturbed and affect individuals and how to set strong boundaries to distinguish ourself from the negativity, rage and chaos in the collective consciousness and protect our well-being.

From Unconsciousness To Consciousness

The unconscious patterning is the tendency to live in stress and survival mode and thus trying to accomplish tasks in fear, worry, self-judgment, self-punishment and looking at all tasks as problems needing to be solved. Here is the new, more conscious approach we’re offering as an alternative:

  1. Starting to notice (without judgement) all of the times in which you’re operating in stress and survival mode.
  2. Choosing to let that go by shifting your attention to the area of your heart.
  3. From your heart, resonating with the solution by feeling what it would feel like to have the best case scenario you can possibly imagine unfold right now and approaching your task with that feeling in your heart.

How To Resonate With The Solution From Your Heart

Did you know that the heart emits an electromagnetic field that’s about 60 times greater than the brain? When you do this, you’re sending the energy of success out from your heart. How much better results do you feel you’ll get back when you switch from thinking about problems in your mind to resonating with the solution in your heart? This could mean, e.g.,

  • Finding ways to love yourself, your life and your existing relationships even when you’re having trouble finding your soulmate.
  • Feeling fulfilled and grateful in your life even when you don’t yet have your dream job.
  • Feeling abundant even when you don’t have as much money as you want.
  • Feeling loved and supported even when it feels like you’re having a bad day and nothing is going your way.
  • Relaxing your body and enjoying every breath even when you’re sick.
  • Constantly accepting and loving yourself no matter what thoughts or negative emotions come up in your system (even when your own thoughts scare you and seem terrible or wrong).

We know this isn’t easy. We’re not saying it is. It is, however, creative, empowering, liberating and supportive of your best possible future.
Should you expect yourself to be able to do this overnight in all aspects of life? Of course not.

That said, does reading this column allow you to set a concrete positive intention to work towards this teaching in a patient, conscious, loving and wise manner for the rest of your life? Does it also give you a reference point—something to compare your process to—that helps you understand when you’re off your most optimal path and guide you back there? We hope so.

Shifting From The Problem To The Approach

Another way to describe it is shifting your focus away from the problem and onto how you approach the situation:

Do you think if you prioritize approaching life situations with more relaxation, faith, love and inner peace, that something bad is going to happen? That you’re going to miss something? That you’re not going to get what you want? That you won’t perform as well? That you’ll be less motivated?

Or, might you see new opportunities and perspectives and make a breakthrough? Might your health improve? Might you feel less stressed at the end of the day? Might you have more energy? Might you have better relationships? Might you feel less inclined to binge eat or do whatever you’re addicted to to escape the stress? Might you feel more energy to exercise, meditate or read those books you’ve been putting off? Might you forget about the destination and actually begin enjoying the journey?


Sometimes, when Alessandrina or I fall back into stress, we wonder what it looks like from the other side—from the vantage point of Spirit Guides or God or passed loved ones. For example, a few weeks ago we saved a sweet lizard from the sliding door in our home. When we picked it up it tried to run and bite us. It was angry, upset and panicked even though we were just helping it by moving it to a better place. We wonder if, when we get triggered, angry and upset, if God isn’t up there smiling? If our lost loved ones aren’t up there gently laughing saying, “Don’t worry, it’s all good!”. We wonder if we aren’t always in God’s hand as He/She ultimately carries us to a better place. And then we laugh because we realize that sometimes we’re just like that lizard.

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