Hey there.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
I was walking recently and I was getting hooked.
By old stories.
Their sharp barbs dug into my tender heart.
And it was like the memories were monsters and they were starting to take over my mind.
Eating all the good.
Leaving me wounded.
Tired.
I'm sad.
The thing was.
.
.
I didn't want to erase these memories.
Because they're a part of who I am.
They make me,
Me.
But I also didn't want them.
To infect me.
To infect who I am now.
How I want to move forward.
And that's when a phrase floated up into my brain.
It's something I read a long time ago.
The phrase was.
Redeem.
Our memories.
That might be a little confusing,
What does that mean?
But redeem means to free.
From what distresses.
What harms.
But it can also mean to release.
From blame.
Or death.
It can mean to atone for,
To make right.
It can also mean.
To clear.
And to change.
I think sometimes in life we wait for outside powers.
To redeem us.
For people who are religious,
That might be God.
For others,
Like me,
It might be waiting for some sexy cowboy to come riding in on a wild stallion to save me.
It can be a long wait.
Staring at that sizzling horizon,
Hoping.
For a Savior.
But there's something else.
It can leave us feeling helpless.
Which might turn into hopeless.
And from there.
.
.
It's an easy road headlong into bitter.
Someone fix this,
We might cry.
But the more I thought about the definition of the word redeem,
The more I realized all of those things.
.
.
Fall squarely within our power.
We do not have to wait or hope for someone else to do it.
We can act.
Where might we?
Need to ask.
For forgiveness.
To name our part.
What might it take?
To clear.
And even though I don't like it,
An answer to that.
Time.
And silence.
Time and silence are ever ready.
To help us heal.
And maybe.
One of the biggest questions we can ask,
Especially when our stories feel particularly snarly or sticky.
Is when do we need to stand firm and say,
No more.
When those memories turn into monsters,
When can we say no?
When can we know that the bravest thing might be?
To walk on.
Into our story.
This is not to deny what happened.
Instead.
.
.
We quit living these stories in ways that hurt us.
And we begin to walk fiercely.
Into what will be.
Knowing who we are,
What we have done.
And yet stepping forward.
On this panel.
In this moment.
To do whatever we can.
To live life.
And shine.
