As we arrive,
Let everything go with a big inhale and an even bigger exhale.
Pull the breath in deep and release it all.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
There are some things we might have an immediate negative reaction to,
And it's probably because of our history.
For instance,
I cannot see a pair of needle nose pliers without shuttering.
That's because my father,
The doctor,
Would get annoyed with me playing with a dangling baby tooth.
He would grab the needle nose pliers and pull the tooth out.
I have a feeling many of us might have immediate negative reactions to a word I've been thinking about lately.
Repentance.
That word can open a whole can of wriggling worms in many of us,
Because often it has been used as a bat on our already broken souls.
You are bad,
And here let me tell you exactly how bad you are and why.
You do this and this and this and it is wrong.
All of it is wrong.
You are bad.
Inhale.
Exhale.
And that is why I have never liked the word repentance before now.
I recently heard a new definition for it.
This new definition says that repentance is changing the direction in which you are looking for happiness.
Now that might seem like the easiest thing in the world.
Let's all repent.
We all want to look for happiness.
But as with most things,
It is never as easy as it seems.
Let's break it down,
Shall we?
Repentance is changing.
Let's give ourselves a big inhale there.
And exhale.
Because we all kinda,
Sorta want to change ourselves for the better.
But not really,
Because it takes so much damn effort and intention.
I think about this when friends approach me because they know I teach yoga.
They all say that they should do yoga and they ask how I'm so flexible and yada yada yada.
And they don't really want to hear that I practice yoga almost every single day.
And I have done so for the past 20 years.
It takes time,
Commitment,
And intention to change and to maintain that change.
So if repentance is changing,
As I have said in other meditations,
It isn't a one-and-done.
It's a continual practice.
A continual decision,
Which is what makes it so challenging.
It is easy to stay with what is.
It's comfortable.
It is known.
The habits are in place to support it.
But our spirits also know when something isn't working.
Okay,
Next part.
Repentance is changing direction.
Have you ever been driving with someone who refuses to acknowledge they are going the wrong way?
Isn't it infuriating?
Can't you feel yourself seething as you sit there?
Do we ever refuse to acknowledge we are going the wrong way?
In fact,
Do we ever push harder on the pedal and go even faster down the wrong road?
Inhale.
Exhale.
So really,
The very first thing we have to say to admit is,
The direction I am going is not working for me.
We have to choose to have that thought.
Then we have to actively turn and go in a different direction.
Thus,
Repentance is something I've said before,
Practicing the opposite thought.
Or,
To mix metaphors,
The very first step in repentance is to take your foot off that pedal.
To stop digging the damn hole.
Because if you keep digging,
You are making the journey back out that much longer and harder.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Next,
Repentance is changing the direction you are looking.
Where are you looking?
Or to put it another way,
To what are you giving your attention?
This requires us to be honest.
Where are you spending your time?
How are you spending your life?
What do you look at?
What are the images you fill yourself with?
And is the direction you are looking,
Day in and day out,
A good one for you and your spirit?
I am not necessarily advocating that you need to up and move.
That might be the case,
But I'm not necessarily saying that.
I'm saying what we see,
But perhaps even more importantly,
How we see,
Can determine so much of what our daily existence is like.
So this might not even be doing something new.
It might simply be seeing something in a different way.
Magnifying the good,
Seeking out the sweetness that is there,
Even in the worst of times.
It might also be seeing what others need,
How you might serve and uplift them.
Because that is what can bring us to the full definition.
Repentance is changing the direction in which you are looking for happiness.
I think we all know this,
And yet we don't know this.
Happiness is not in things,
Or a wrinkle free face or a perfect body.
Happiness is.
Happiness is inside.
It is that ember in you that glows.
You do not have to do anything or buy anything or achieve anything.
You are amazing.
Inside of you is this perfect glowing light.
So turn in.
Grow quiet.
Focus on the beautiful dancing of the light inside.
That is happiness.
And that happiness can never be taken away from you.
And you can tend to it all of the time from that centered shining place.
Then you can move forward in a direction that feeds your light.
And you can be a beautiful lantern in a dark world.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Live Light.
