Here we are again,
Turning in,
Bringing our attention to a nice deep inhale,
Feeling the release as we exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
I have a five year diary.
For each date,
I put down a few sentences,
Which means each night when I write in my diary,
I can look back at what was happening on that very date,
The year before,
And the year before that.
I started writing in this diary,
Just over two years ago,
The weekend before I had my first chemo treatment.
This diary also chronicles the end of my marriage,
And how I have been healing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Looking back at this diary can be a good thing.
I see the joys in my life,
Even when I was struggling.
I can also see how far I've come.
And yet,
Because I write in it right before I go to bed.
I often find myself being dragged back to what was hooked by the pain,
The fear,
The struggle.
Inhale.
Exhale.
This diary has me continually looking back.
But what I realized recently is that we are designed to look forward.
I brought this idea to a yoga class,
I was teaching recently.
I invited everyone to sit on their mats and turn to the right and look back.
It was hard to breathe,
Hard to hold,
And incredibly hard to stay spacious.
I invited everyone to look forward.
How easily we could sit,
How steadily we could gaze,
How centered we could feel.
When we looked back to the left,
I asked them to check in,
To feel in their bodies how they had to strain to stay looking backward.
I asked them to notice how much more effort it took to hold their gaze behind them.
It's okay to look back because that is our road,
Our journey into who we are right here and now.
And it can be a reminder of how fierce we are,
How we have fought,
How often we have risen and walked on.
But that's really,
Really difficult to do.
It's really,
Really difficult to move forward when all you are doing is looking back.
Looking back takes so much more effort.
We have to contort our insides to do so.
Your center wants to face forward.
Honor the past.
It has carried you to this point.
But let the past be the past.
Let it stay behind you.
This is your life.
This is your present,
Your chance to walk forward with a steady and clear eye.
Now,
Some days you might want to channel Clint Eastwood's eye.
You really want to screw with me?
Okay,
Bring it.
Some days it might be a Mr.
Rogers eye.
Hi,
I see you.
You are incredible.
Do you know that?
Whatever the case may be,
Look forward,
Walk and move forward.
Chin held high.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Live light,
Y'all.
