Plant sand!
How are you doing?
Nice to connect.
Gosh,
These are really stressful times,
Aren't they?
Oh,
I hear from so many people who are having trouble sleeping,
Who are experiencing headaches and back pain and you know,
These are understandable reactions to overwhelming stress.
But they're no fun.
And pain or sleeplessness.
Can lead to other problems too,
Because when we're not at our best,
We don't always make the best choices.
About what we say and do,
Do we?
You know,
I've been thinking about this ever since I heard from my student Wilma.
Wilma's been having trouble sleeping.
And having a lot of pain.
Especially since the start of these pandemic times.
And she tries to put a good face on it,
Keep her troubles away from other people.
But sometimes she gets triggered.
And it often seems that she gets triggered because she cares about the other person so much.
Wilma found out.
That her really close friend Sally was about to move in with Sally's son and daughter-in-law.
And all Wilma could think about was all the times she listened to Sally saying she was afraid her daughter-in-law didn't like her,
And how she hoped she never had to live with them.
And now suddenly,
The move was off.
Just like that.
Well.
.
.
On the phone with Sally.
Wilma completely lost her cool.
Shade.
Sounded off about how she couldn't believe this had happened and Wilma's worry about her friend made her voice seem critical and angry.
And the conversation didn't go well at all.
Triggered people.
Trigger other people.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
Too bad,
Though.
And Wilma was so sorry about what happened.
She wanted to find a way to get calm enough.
To patch things up with Sally,
To let her know she respected her decisions,
She was just worried about her.
Wilma had been learning some self-care practices from me,
So she decided to give them a try.
Realized I'd really better do something to get myself a bit calmer.
So she was standing in line,
Remembering her friend,
Feeling a lot of intense emotions.
She found herself pausing,
Pausing.
Ha!
That's the powerful move I always suggest first.
So Wilma paused and sensed how she was feeling.
And then she put her feelings into words quietly to herself.
Wow,
I am feeling so fearful and pained in my heart.
And I can say hello to them.
And I am here with that.
And she felt it made a difference.
And later when she got home.
.
.
She was feeling calm enough to return a voicemail from her friend and they had a good talk.
Wilma said she was sorry and Sally was appreciative and understanding.
See,
Being in pain and not getting enough sleep can make us vulnerable.
And then one little trigger,
Like being worried that a friend is going to get hurt,
Can set us off to say things we're sorry for.
It's funny and kind of sad that being worried about another person can lead to sounding angry and critical of them and their choices.
But it happens.
All the time.
And here's what I love.
Even though Wilma got triggered,
Even though she said things she was sorry for and she was afraid her friend couldn't forgive her.
She was still able to remember to pause and acknowledge her feelings.
It's really my favorite little miracle that pausing and sensing how we feel,
And then putting our feelings into words.
Can be so amazingly helpful.
And Wilma did all that.
And then she did one more thing.
She said to her feelings.
I am here with you.
See the shift here.
Is that you don't just have your feelings.
You don't just get carried away by your feelings.
If you pause,
You can also be with your feelings.
That's what we call the inner relationship.
And it's an inner relationship of love and compassion and caring after all.
You of all people can understand what led to those feelings.
And you can say to them,
No wonder you feel that way.
It's such a kind and self-loving thing to do.
And when we're kind to ourselves,
It's easier to be kind to others,
Especially the other people we care about.
It just naturally works that way.
