Embodied Self-Compassion

One of the most common barriers to healing that I see as a psychologist and trauma specialist is when we experience feelings of despair and hopelessness. Sometimes it may feel as if nothing you do is going to make a difference. In these moments, it is important to learn how to turn toward these difficult feelings without over-identifying with them.

If you find it difficult to accept yourself, this post focuses on simple practices that you can incorporate in your daily life to help you lovingly accept yourself. Moreover, compassion practices also invite you to challenge and dispute self-disparaging beliefs, such as when you tell yourself you are unworthy or unlovable. Embodied Self-Compassion invites you to turn toward your body in a loving manner while enhancing a felt sense of ease in the present moment.

Transcript

Hello it's Dr. Arielle Schwartz here and I'm joining you today to do just a little bit of kind of share and then a practice on the topic of embodied self-compassion and this is really just meant to be support for your healing journey. You know one of the most common barriers that I see as a psychologist working on trauma recovery is that sometimes we can get caught in really deep feelings of despair or hopelessness. This experience like no matter what I do it's not going to make a difference and especially with that sense of powerlessness I think it's really important to know that there are small simple practices that you can do in your day that can hopefully make a difference in how you feel right here and now. Because our mind can get caught in these profound stories that there's nothing we can do and sometimes that's the case especially when we're children and there was nothing that we could do to stop really difficult things from happening in our world and in our lives and that same feeling can come with us into adulthood especially when there is a tremendous amount of pain and suffering in this world that we once again can feel kind of rendered helpless or hopeless and while there are many things that we cannot change about this world there are things that we can do to enhance a felt sense of softness or kindness or empowerment in ourselves in our own lives and from that place we can become a source of greater wellness or kindness or compassion for those in our sphere and it can ripple out from there. So when you feel like you've brought yourself into a sense of center and clarity and well-being and goodness then you can in a sense bring that out from there and we do then influence the spheres of our world be that very small how you feel towards yourself or how you're raising your children or how you're speaking to friends, Colleagues, Co-workers and so forth. So I want to just also link this for a moment to the polyvagal theory and what we refer to as the science of safety and this recognition that there are these physiological responses that we have within us that are quite biologically driven and they're quite automatic and they help us navigate the world around us and ultimately they help us survive but if we stay stuck in states of fight-flight sympathetic activation or sometimes if we stay stuck in states of self-protection, Withdrawal, Collapse, Those physiological states which are meant to be kind of short-lived and helping us navigate an immediate stressor or threat, If they stay within us for extended periods of time we just simply start to think this is who I am. So what I'm offering today is that I want to invite a very compassionate way of understanding your own threat response and also to know that there is a path out of that and that this embodied self-compassion practice that I'm going to lead you into is a way to support your nervous system again right here right now. So when we're speaking about self-compassion we're really focusing on creating a kind and loving caring relationship to yourself and sometimes we're really able to do that for ourselves and sometimes we need other people to help us that's what we call in the polyvagal theory we call that co-regulation and we can lean into others as co-regulators we can also lean into our pets or the natural world around us as sources of co-regulation and when we cultivate this sense of self-compassion what we're claiming is a quality of can you deeply love and accept yourself just as you are and if you're human sometimes we have barriers that come up maybe those barriers are beliefs that say I'm not enough or I'm not worthy or I'm not lovable and we need to in a sense work with our mind to identify when we're engaging in thoughts that are not beneficial for our overall well-being and can we observe the thought and separate from it and perhaps give ourselves permission to refine the beliefs and thoughts that we carry about ourselves so that we can use more kind and might you know might I say more accurate statements that help us to to sense our own birthright of love lovability and kindness and care so you might say to yourself I know that I'm good enough just as I am or I know that I'm worthy and deserving of love or kindness or respect and I know that I'm not broken that I'm whole and I'm in need of care and and attending to my wounds without over identifying with them so because this is an embodied self-compassion practice you might need to progress slowly in these and especially if relating to your body brings up any discomfort know that you can take one of these you can practice them all and take them at a pace that really serves and works for you so with that said I'm gonna guide you into a few practices and the first is is really just to kind of wake up to the feeling in your hands just allow yourself to sense the feeling in your hands maybe some slow touch you can rub them a little bit more vigorously to bring a little bit more warmth in there really whatever serves you and then when you feel ready I'm gonna invite you to just rest your head in your hands just allow your hands to make contact with your face you can keep your eyes open or close them that is up to you and with your hands around your very own face maybe sensing how sometimes the thoughts in your head are a source of difficulty perhaps just say to yourself even though I sometimes have negative or self-critical thoughts I am willing to generate loving and kind thoughts to myself even though I sometimes have negative or self-critical thoughts I am willing to generate loving and kind thoughts toward myself and just be with that for a moment and notice how your body responds notice how you feel our next gentle practice here is to place your hands along the sides of your neck so that the hills of your palm kind of palms gonna come together in front of your chin but of course you're not creating any discomfort in the front of your throat my hands are in front of my neck not not directly touching and my my fingers are lightly touching the sides of my neck and in this shape you might choose to integrate these words even though I feel hurt I can acknowledge these feelings while being gentle with myself and then release your hands just notice what you're aware of mind and body head and heart and speaking of your heart and mind and mind your mind and your heart I'll invite you to place your hands over the center of your chest and if you'd like you might quietly say to yourself here even though I sometimes feel unworthy or unlovable I recognize that all people including myself deserve compassion love and support and I will offer those words again for you even though I sometimes feel unworthy or unlovable I recognize that all people including myself deserve compassion love and support you stay with that one more round of breath and then let your hands rest in your lap just allowing yourself to sense what it's like to just take this one step today to offer yourself loving kindness a gesture of self-compassion knowing that not only do I hope that you benefit from this self touch and these statements you can even close out with a little bit of a self hug but that hopefully as you bring yourself into this knowing into this moment that you come away with just a little bit more buoyancy that you can bring to this world with great gratitude to you