Finding a comfortable position,
Sitting or lying down,
Closing your eyes if that feels okay and taking three relaxing breaths.
You should be really comfortable when practicing with difficult emotions.
Perhaps offering yourself some soothing or supportive touch like a hand on your heart just for a few moments to remind yourself that you are as worthy of kindness as everyone else.
Allowing yourself now to recall the difficult situation that you want to work with.
Please don't choose something that's really overwhelming,
Something that's mild or moderate.
If it's not right here you might like to clearly visualize the situation.
Who was there,
What was said,
What happened or what might happen.
Just allowing yourself to feel the feelings that come up.
Perhaps confused or hurt or sad or perhaps there's another emotion that comes up.
Can you give it a name,
A label?
Worry,
Grief,
Fear,
Despair or you can use your own language,
Maybe icky or fluttery and if you're not sure what emotion you're feeling that's okay for now,
Just experience it,
It is plenty.
And if you're having many emotions maybe name the strongest emotion associated with the situation.
And now repeating that name of the emotion to yourself in a tender understanding voice as if you were validating for a friend what they were feeling.
Oh that's longing.
This is grief.
Now expanding your awareness to your body as a whole.
You may need to recall the difficult situation again if it's sort of slipped away.
Name that emotion again and scanning your body now for where you feel it most easily.
In your mind's eye sweeping your body from head to toe,
Stopping where you can sense a little tension,
Little discomfort,
Just noticing what is feelable in your body right now,
Nothing more.
If you can please choose a single location in your body where the feeling expresses itself most strongly.
Might be familiar,
Might be new,
Maybe a point of muscle tension in your neck,
Or a painful feeling in your belly,
Or an ache in your heart.
In your mind inclining gently towards that spot.
Perhaps you can experience the sensation directly as if from the inside but if that's too specific or too strong just maybe touching the edges or noticing the general sense of the discomfort.
So now that we've labelled the emotion,
Been mindful of the emotion in the body,
We move now to soften,
Soothe,
Allow.
And I'll be instructing this in a linear way but when you practice it,
It may be a different order.
It might be going between them,
Spiraling around.
So seeing how it would be to begin softening into that location in your body,
Just letting the muscles soften and relax,
As if in warm water.
Softening,
Softening,
Softening.
Remember that you're not trying to change the feeling,
You're just holding it in a tender way.
Maybe just a little bit of softening around the edges,
Maybe using the breath.
And now soothing yourself because of this difficult situation.
You may try placing a hand over the part of your body that feels uncomfortable,
Feeling the warmth and gentle touch of your hand.
Perhaps imagining warmth and kindness flowing through your hand into your body.
Maybe even thinking of this part of your body as if it were part of a beloved child or a little suffering puppy or some other being you care about.
Soothing,
Soothing,
Soothing.
Perhaps there's some comforting words you might need to hear.
For instance,
You might imagine if you had a friend who was struggling in the same way,
What would you say to your friend?
I'm so sorry you feel this way.
This sucks,
I care deeply about you.
Can you offer yourself a similar message?
Oh it's so hard to feel this.
May I be kind to myself.
And finally allowing the discomfort to be there.
Making room for it,
Releasing the need to make it go away.
Allowing,
Allowing,
Allowing.
Can you allow yourself to be just as you are,
Just like this,
If only for this moment.
Including mind wandering,
Resistance,
Disappointment that the practice may not be working.
Remembering that this practice is not to make emotions go away,
Even though it's human nature for us to want this if they're painful.
This is turning towards the emotion with kindness,
Compassion and mindfulness.
Sometimes just to add compassion and mindfulness to pain can be really helpful.
So continue to soften,
Soothe,
Allow,
Soften,
Soothe,
Allow.
Taking some time and going through the three steps on your own now.
Perhaps you might notice the feeling starts to shift or even change location.
That's okay,
Just staying with it.
Softening,
Soothing,
Allowing.
Now letting go of the practice and focusing on your body as a whole.
Allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel to be exactly as you are in this moment.
This meditation is from the Mindful Self Compassion Course devised by Kristen Neff and Chris Germer.
