In the context of my practice,
I work with many different people,
From many different cultures and backgrounds,
People who've grown up in different generations,
With different resources and opportunities,
And who've struggled with different challenges,
Losses,
And traumas.
I've come to see that each of us,
As we've grown up,
Has developed different reactions and responses to stress,
Grief,
Fear,
And anxiety.
And some of those responses are healthy,
Positive,
And effective.
But usually,
People don't seek me out to explore those responses.
More often,
I'm offering support to people who find themselves in situations or patterns that are feeling repetitive or cyclical,
That are becoming increasingly painful,
And need resources and guidance in finding their way out.
And it strikes me that,
As we explore the problem together,
Many,
If not most people,
In looking back,
Looking at how they've come to this point,
They can see and understand the specific choices,
Decisions,
And actions that were made,
That created the path that inevitably led them from where they were back then,
Directly to the current situation.
As the saying goes,
Hindsight is always 20-20.
Sometimes a person might even say,
Well,
It seemed like a good idea at the time,
As we start to unpack poor relationship choices,
Or financial and career decisions,
Or sometimes just to make light of a past course of action that in truth could,
And sometimes was,
Recognized as being potentially disastrous well ahead of time,
But they did it anyway,
And they're really not sure why.
Often a person can see it now,
Now that they aren't in that situation in the past,
Thinking what they thought back then,
Feeling what they felt back then,
Seeing what they saw back then,
And responding the way that they always responded back then.
Isn't it amazing how clear things can be when we're looking in the rear-view mirror?
Almost everyone who connects with me for support already has a really well-developed skill of hindsight.
But you know,
Hindsight really isn't the most important skill that a person can have,
At least not on its own.
If we don't learn to focus that clear-sightedness forward,
Into your future,
You'll continue to find yourself saying,
Whoops,
I did it again.
So if you were to ask me what the single most important skill is that people can have,
That I know would make your life more satisfying,
And would make the world a better place for everyone,
I'd have to say that skill is foresight.
Foresight is the ability to clearly think ahead,
To accurately discern and anticipate the reasonable outcomes of the various available choices,
Or decisions,
Or actions,
Realistically,
And to be able to wholeheartedly and skillfully recognize that if I choose to do this,
Then such and such is what will most likely happen.
And all a person needs to do is spend a few minutes listening to the local and world news to realize that,
Unfortunately,
The vast majority of human beings on this planet are profoundly unskilled in foresight.
For most of us,
Our capacity to think about and anticipate the future accurately,
Realistically,
And in detail,
Is almost totally undeveloped.
For most of us,
If we think much about the future at all,
We usually tend to project into the future the very same kind of wounds,
Abandonments,
Betrayals,
Disappointments and losses you suffered in the past.
Sometimes a person I'm supporting might say things to me like,
I'll never be happy,
Which is really a prediction for the future.
And when I ask,
Why not,
They say,
Because I never have been.
They may say,
I'll never get a good job,
And if I ask,
Well,
Why not,
They say,
Because I've never got one.
Or I'll never be in a good relationship,
Well,
Why not,
Because I've never been in one.
And sometimes a person might even utterly twist the space-time continuum by saying something really convoluted like,
I'll never be happy until my parents treat me better when I was a kid.
And all these are examples of a person trying to predict the future entirely on the basis of the past,
As if tomorrow can only be more of yesterday.
But you wouldn't drive your car on the highway looking only in the rear-view mirror,
Would you?
So how can you move forward in your life by only looking backwards?
And of course,
Exploring and reflecting on the past is important,
I mean,
It's one of the ways that we learn as human beings.
But expecting that the future can only be the same old thing we experienced in the past?
Well,
That's just plain faulty thinking.
Because the future and your life are still unfolding,
And the future hasn't happened yet.
What I've found much more fascinating,
And what I hope you're interested in,
Is how you can make decisions and take actions today,
Anticipating the kinds of positive results you'll experience tomorrow.
You can make decisions today that will bring you the kinds of things that you want to have happen tomorrow.
Believe it or not,
Even when you're really struggling,
When you're overwhelmed with stress or emotion,
Or caught in the grips of a negative pattern or spiral,
Even then,
You still have the ability to make choices.
You can either choose to surrender your innate sovereignty to some unseen force that you're calling habit,
Or anxiety,
Even depression,
And just go on autopilot,
Which really does nothing to change or improve things,
Or you can choose to step in,
To truly show up in your life and your relationships,
And start making some wise and informed decisions today that will lead you to think differently,
Act differently,
And eventually,
You feel differently.
The past is over,
And the future hasn't happened yet.
I wonder if you've ever given yourself the freedom,
Or even the permission,
To just imagine the wonderful things that are possible for you in your future.
The future isn't just more of the same.
Your future has the potential to be incredibly different when you make choices that create new opportunities,
Or choices that bring new people into your life,
Or choices that allow you to learn new skills.
So let's focus on the future now,
And how things can transform,
Because your future hasn't happened yet.
