Understanding Patterns

Continuing our exploration into the transformation of the thought processes within our deep consciousness, this session explores the origins of your current patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior as they are, and will prepare you for the next steps.

Transcript

Each of us,

From the time that we're very young,

Begins to develop patterns or pathways in the ways that we interpret and how we react or respond to the experiences of our lives.

And even as early as four or five years old,

We've already begun establishing patterns of thinking,

Patterns of feeling,

Patterns of behavior,

And patterns of belief about ourselves and about the world we live in.

You know,

I don't often hear about a person's patterns for living when those patterns are working well and leading to positive results.

No.

In my practice at Monarch,

People usually connect with me when they notice that there's a problem.

They've had some insight or they've started to realize that their existing patterns of reaction and response are ineffective or even causing suffering for them or for those they care about.

Often a person will begin by sharing about what's been happening when they attempt to handle some situation or manage some part of themselves or when they're triggered by something and the person just doesn't get the result that they'd hoped for,

Which then compounds the original problem and often leads the person to suffering with shame,

Anxiety,

Despair,

Even depression.

And maybe the most frustrating part for them is that often the person consciously in their head understands.

They might even plan to respond in a new and more effective way,

But when the decisive moment arrives,

They find themselves swept up in waves of emotion or habit,

And in spite of having the best intentions,

They just repeat the same old pattern and find themselves feeling ashamed and self-critical afterwards,

Asking themselves,

Why did I do that again?

And saying,

I know better than that.

Well,

One thing I've come to learn with some certainty through my practice is that generally,

Each of us learns to do things over time,

Gradually,

But in a very particular way.

And whether we're talking about how we form relationships or how we make business or financial decisions or how you discern your life's path,

The roots of these patterns extend back into our very earliest years,

When you didn't know what you know now,

When you didn't have the personal or material resources or the experience or the depth of perspective or even the emotional maturity that you do now.

And for most of us,

We reacted in a very specific way when we were young,

In response to our environment or experiences,

And if it was successful,

And here success might just mean things are slightly less bad than they were a moment ago,

Our subconscious minds kind of check a box,

Saying,

Okay,

Great,

It worked,

And if that happens again,

We know just what to do.

And so,

When a similar situation or a similar feeling comes up again,

We just do what we already know how to do,

Because it worked,

Right?

Of course,

Time passes,

We grow,

We learn,

We mature,

We transform,

And yet,

The trouble is,

When that old feeling or circumstance or dynamic comes up again,

Which it inevitably does,

Our subconscious mind has already decided and practiced what to do,

So we just do it.

And maybe,

When we were three or four or five years old,

The reaction we came up with was completely reasonable,

With the knowledge and resources that we had in the situation you were in.

It might have been the best response that you could possibly have come up with,

But you aren't there anymore.

Where you live has likely changed.

How you dress is probably different than it was back then.

Your life's aspirations,

What you believe in,

Every part of who you are has changed.

They even say that in just seven years,

Every single cell of your body will have been replaced and updated.

You literally aren't the same person you were back then.

And yet,

In spite of this,

People just continue to do what they already know how to do,

And for as long as it works,

I'm unlikely to hear much about it.

But when it just doesn't work anymore,

What happens then?

Well,

Sometimes,

A person is able to step back from the situation,

And they're able to observe a bigger picture,

And notice that what they've been doing isn't working very well.

It's not getting the result they were looking for.

And then they begin to strive to do something else,

Something new,

Something different.

And if they're not sure what to do,

They might ask for guidance or support from someone that they respect and trust,

Someone who's more experienced or knowledgeable,

More skilled at doing the kinds of things that you're wanting to do.

And you know,

When that's what you do consistently,

Life becomes a whole lot easier,

Less frustrating.

But,

For other people,

They often find themselves stuck in a repeating pattern.

They only keep doing what they already know how to do.

And if it doesn't work,

Well,

They'll do exactly the same thing again,

Except maybe bigger,

Or louder,

Or faster,

But always the same thing,

Because that's what they know how to do.

And when it still doesn't work,

When they continually fail to get the result that they're striving for,

They personalize it.

It becomes about who or what you are,

And what you're are or aren't,

Instead of being about what you're doing.

And they might say to themselves,

I can't do this,

Or I don't deserve it,

Or I'm no good.

And it doesn't seem to occur to them that it isn't you that's ineffective or incompetent.

No,

It's just the strategy that you're using.

And when I use the word strategy,

I mean the specific step-by-step process that you follow in order to achieve a particular result.

And you do have a strategy.

Whether you're consciously aware of it or not,

You have a strategy for absolutely everything you do,

From the specific order of body parts that you wash when you're bathing or showering,

To how you choose what clothes you're going to wear every day,

To how you decide what you're going to eat for lunch,

Whether you ride a bike,

Take a bus,

Or drive a car,

And even how you decide who you're going to engage in relationship with.

You have a strategy.

And for a person who's effective,

Who consistently succeeds at realizing their goals,

This means that their strategies are accurate and efficient for doing precisely what they're trying to do.

The flip side of this,

Of course,

Is that when you try something,

When you employ a strategy,

And it doesn't work,

It doesn't mean that you're a failure or a loser.

No.

It only means that what you tried,

That specific strategy,

Didn't work,

And you're always free to do something else,

Something different.

Now,

A very old saying is,

If at first you don't succeed,

Try,

Try again.

And I think sometimes we tend to take this a bit too literally,

And we'll just do what didn't work before over and over again.

So when I hear someone say this,

I want to clarify,

I want to add,

And you're allowed to try something new.

You can do something different.

Because I've rarely come across a time or situation where there really isn't any alternative.

And of course,

A new way might be uncomfortable,

Or it might take more time,

But you do have options.

So don't give up.

And when you try again,

Do something different.

And of course,

Doing something different requires flexibility.

It requires adaptability,

Your ability to intentionally choose a new response to a familiar situation or pattern.

And for many people,

It's so uncomfortable doing something different that they just keep doing what they already know how to do,

Because it seems familiar,

Because it's comfortable,

Even though you already know it can't work.

And others,

Well,

They simply don't know what else they could do.

And so they might just give up and try the repeating cycle of failure after failure that just gets them nowhere.

And so it's crucial that you develop your natural ability to pause,

To ground yourself in your deepest,

Wisest center so that you can just let go and let go and let go and let go and let go.

And you're able to take a step back from the momentum of those familiar feelings of uncertainty or doubt,

Even your fear of trying something new.

So you're able to do something different,

Something that offers a much better chance of accomplishing what you're aiming for.

And you may find these sessions so encouraging that you easily become much more flexible,

More adaptable,

That you're so much more willing to experiment.

And it happens so easily,

Naturally,

Almost automatically.

You might even find yourself looking forward to opportunities to experiment with new ways of seeing things,

New ways of responding,

New ways of relating to your life and your world.

Now,

I don't know if you'll start to see these changes right away,

Or they can develop over the next few days or weeks,

Because when you do,

Actually do something different,

You inevitably get different results.

New and different things happen.

So,

You can be willing to step outside your familiar comfort zone to do things differently in situations you know you can handle better.

You can learn from others who consistently seem to do better.

You can use your ability to be observant.

You can notice more of what works.

Your subconscious mind can easily grasp and integrate the deepest meaning of what we explore together.

And in a way,

That's already doing something different,

Is it not?

And in a way,

That's already doing something different,

Is it not?