Fireside Fables: The Grass Is Always Greener

This is an old Chinese fable about a man who kept wishing he were something else, and kept getting exactly what he wished for. It's funny, and a little heartbreaking, and probably more familiar than you'd like to admit. We'll talk about the loop of comparison and what it actually costs us, and what it might look like to come home to what's already ours. Pull up a chair.

Transcript

Thanks for joining me around this fire where we can talk and share ideas. Just take a moment to get yourself comfortable and cosy. Now this is a folk story, One of those old Chinese fables that's been passed down so long nobody quite knows where it started. But I think it's one of the most honest stories I know about ambition, Envy and the very human habit of believing that whatever we are right now isn't quite enough. So if you're nice and comfortable and ready for a story, I'll begin. There was once a stonecutter who spent his days cutting rock from the side of a mountain. It was hard work, And he was often tired. One day he saw a wealthy merchant pass by, Beautifully dressed, Powerful, Admired. I wish I were a merchant, The stonecutter thought, And somehow, In the way of fables, His wish was granted. He became a merchant, Rich, Comfortable, Respected. But then one day he saw a government official being carried through the streets, Everyone bowing as he passed. I wish I were an official, He thought, And so he became one. He had real power now, Until a hot summer's day when the sun bore down and he realised the sun had power over everyone, Over him too. I wish I were the sun. He became the sun, Radiant, Unstoppable, Until clouds gathered and blocked his light. I wish I were a cloud, And so on. The cloud became wind, The wind blew hard, Until it hit something it could not move, A mountain. I wish I were a mountain, The man thought, And he became one, Vast, Immovable, The most powerful thing he could imagine, Until he felt something small and persistent at his base, A stonecutter, Chipping away at his rock. There's something almost funny about it when you hear it laid out like that, And yet, How much of our life do we spend looking sideways, Measuring what we have against what someone else has, Arriving somewhere we wanted to be, And immediately scanning the horizon for the next thing? The story doesn't say ambition is wrong, It says the endless outward search, The belief that the next version of yourself will finally be the right one, Is a kind of trap, A loop, And the loop only ends when you come back to where you started, To what your hands actually do, To what is actually yours. There's a concept in Stoicism about this too, The idea that we cause ourselves tremendous suffering by wanting to be elsewhere, Someone else, In different circumstances. The Stoics called it amor fati, Love of what is, Not resignation, Love. The stonecutter at the beginning of the story already had everything he needed, He just couldn't see it yet, Can you? If any of this happens to resonate, My course, Start Again, Come Home to Yourself, Is really about exactly this, Finding your way back to who you actually are, Beneath all the noise and comparison, 30 days, Simple practices, A gentler way home, And I'd love for you to join me, But in any case, I'll just keep this fire burning until next time, Take care of yourself, And I'll see you soon.

Reviews

A wonderful story and your comments right on and lovely. I did, however, find the sound of the fire distracting.