Tonglen: The Wholeness Pt 5 (5.8.26)

Tonglen means sending and taking in the Tibetan language. This is a practice of holding space for challenges as you inhale, and offering your softness back to yourself, to the world, as you exhale.
In part 5, we'll put together all of our shorter practices: creating space and compassion for self, loved ones, and finally all beings. Notice how you feel as you allow yourself to be whole, not needing to fix or change yourself, just holding space for difficulty as much as you allow in love and tenderness. (P.S. Toward the beginning, you'll hear my cat briefly in the background sharing his voice, too :)
Thank you for your practice. It truly does affect and support all beings.

Transcript

My name is Larissa and we're going to practice together for about 30 minutes. It's taking a little bit of time to settle into your body, Spend a little time with yourself. And you're welcome to close your eyes at any point, Just setting your gaze downward if that feels more comfortable. And as we begin here, Maybe you're still making a little wiggle in your body, Making some adjustments so that you find that balance of effort and ease. I'll share just a bit on this practice of tonglen that we've been working with these past few days. At the practice of Tonglen. It's a Buddhist practice. It's a meditation style. And then, Excuse me, The word itself means giving and receiving, Or sending and taking. And it's this idea that. We're taking in the difficult things in life as we breathe in. And oftentimes when I teach Tonglen, I giggle because if I start off by saying, Okay, Now we're just going to breathe in suffering, It sounds terrible. It doesn't sound like a fun practice. But essentially, It's practicing just being human. A lot of us have been taught if we feel quote unquote bad, We have to fix it. If we feel good, We should hang on to it. But what's true about being human is suffering just exists. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. But we will experience difficulties, Even in a moment. And I know I give this example often, But you're sitting in the sun, It feels really lovely and warm, And then all of a sudden your skin is burning and it's not lovely anymore. So even in moments, What we enjoy starts to turn into something difficult or something irritating, No matter how small it is. So because that's true, It's really important that we can learn how to hold the difficult moments of life. My cat is having a conversation in the background just in case you can hear that I'm naming it. Again, As we practice this tang len, I'll give us a bit of time here for starters just to really get into the breath because the breath is the foundation for this practice. And as we start to settle, I'll invite in eventually this practice of breathing in something that feels a bit challenging. And then breathing out our goodness. And that's also a really important part of the practice. And we're breathing out. And offering back to the world our gentleness, Our softness, Our compassion. And it's also helpful to remember that we're not trying to hold on to the suffering for a long time. We're not trying to hold it and figure out the story of it. We're just breathing in that moment. I can hold this for this breath in, And when I breathe out, I can soften again. So this is where we begin, Just noticing your breath, Noticing that natural expansiveness and softness of your breath. Letting your ribs expand just a bit more, Breathing just a touch deeper. And then when you breathe out, Look for the softening, Your jaw, Your shoulders, Your neck. I'll invite you as you're noticing your breath here. Into just a little breath practice. It's just a holding of your breath on the inhale to really notice the expansion. And you're not trying to hold your breath until air hunger, You're just noticing the spaciousness that you have. Just breathing in, And when you get to the top of your breath, Can you hold it just for a heartbeat or two? And then when you breathe out, Again, Just look for the softening quality of your exhale. And do that a few more times, Just breathing in, Pausing at the top, Looking for the spaciousness, The expansiveness of your body. And allow that softening as you exhale. And then one more addition to this. When you breathe in and you get to the top of your breath, Can you sip in just a tiny bit more air? It might sound like. And then sigh out your exhale. You look for that spaciousness at the top. Can you sip in just a teeny bit more space? And then perhaps sigh out your exhale. And just allowing that release. Try that a few times on your own. Breathe as big as you can. Maybe sip in a teeny bit more air on the top of your inhale. And then a big release on the exhale. And as you continue with your breath, Remembering you can come back to this at any time. Is your breath itself a gift? Spacious and expansive. And also soft and easeful. And our breath. Physically, Quite literally, Is reciprocal. We breathe in. Let the greenery, The trees, And the grasses gift to us this oxygen. And we breathe back out the gases that help nourish the greenery around us. Our breath truly is this receiving and giving. It's taking and sending. And then we just add our intentionality to this already abundant and reciprocal breath. This intention of receiving for just the inhale. Anything that's difficult. In intending to. And then offering back. Your compassion, Your well-wishing, Your softness. Just take a moment here to notice again your breath. You might even say to yourself for a few rounds, I'm breathing in. I am spacious. I'm breathing out. I am softening. I'm breathing in. I am expansive. And breathing out. I am compassionate. I'm breathing in. I can gently hold what comes. I'm breathing out. I give back my goodness. I'm breathing in. I trust I can hold whatever comes. I'm breathing out. I give back my well-wishing. I am breathing in. I trust I can hold whatever comes. I am breathing out. I offer back my goodness to the world. And just allowing this spaciousness and softness to move through you as you breathe. And as we practice, I'll invite in. A few images or scenarios in your own life. And reminder that it's just the inhale. We're not trying to hold the burden of the world. And you don't need to remind yourself of the story. We don't have to figure out any outcome. It's just. . . Taking and sending. Receiving and giving. And it's breath by breath, Moment by moment. You might notice your mind wanders. You might notice. . . Your body responds. Little tensions that come in as you think a thought. Every time you exhale is an opportunity to soften your body. Every time you inhale is an opportunity to create more space. And as we invite in. These concepts or scenarios in your life. Before we do so, I'll share this. It's a piece of a poem from Jared K. Anderson. And he says, There's no real power in destruction. Everything ends on its own eventually anyway. The real power is in creating. Healing, Preserving. Embody that power. Conspire with nature, Plant a tree, Hang a bird feeder, Share your space with a spider. Find the strength to nurture. And at beginning and end, There's no real power in destruction. Find the strength to nurture. Sometimes we try to destroy difficult feelings. We try to push them away. Or we get caught witnessing so many challenges in the world and we don't know what to do and we have this anxiety that lives within us. Sometimes because of that, Finding the strength for anything feels rather challenging. It's not about conjuring up energy you don't have. It's about witnessing the wise effort of your breath here in this moment, Even if you're exhausted and overwhelmed and heartbroken. Your breath still moves through you. There's still that wise effort, That wise energy of your inhale. And the Y's ease, The Y's softening of your exhale. So we begin here, As Jared so wisely says, The real power is in creating, In healing. We embody that power through our breath. Just take a moment and consider, Is there anyone in your life that's struggling a bit? Could be the simplest thing, One of your kids. I went to school this morning. A little upset. It could be a big thing. Somebody that you love is dealing with a big illness. And again, You're not telling yourself the story and trying to figure it out. You're just bringing that person into your heart. Into this space of intention. And then you work with your breath exactly as we just did. With this person in mind. This person in your heart. As I breathe in. I breathe this difficulty with you. And as I breathe out, I offer you back my goodness. I breathe in space to hold this difficulty with you. I breathe out, I offer you back my deep listening. I breathe in space to hold with you. I breathe out. Offering you my tenderness. And just work with that for a time. Maybe you work with a particular set of words. And they don't have to be the perfect words, Or maybe you just notice the expansiveness and the softening of your breath. As you have this. Person in your heart. Just one breath at a time. Just as witnessing your breath. And bringing in this intentionality of holding space for whatever comes. And witnessing the wisdom of your body as it softens. Trusting that no matter what your mind does, Your breath is already in this creative power of holding space. And then giving back. A gift. We receive a gift and we give it back. And just take a moment with whatever person came to your heart. Just thanking your heart for holding space, Thanking your body for holding space. Thanking your mind for returning. Even when it feels challenging. And then you turn this intentionality towards yourself. You might be having one of those days that's easeful and lovely. And it can make the practice seem a little more easeful. You might be in a season of challenge, Or you might recall a moment in time in the past day or the past week that something didn't quite feel right. Steady for you. Could be the simplest thing, You had an irritation in your mind. Or you said something, Or you didn't say something that you wish you would have. So just bringing this intentionality back to yourself. Is there any challenge that you're experiencing that might be a little bit hard to hold? And if not, Perhaps you even bring up a past version of you. Some hurt that you've carried with you. And again, It's not about telling yourself the story or fixing some scenario. It's just being with yourself. It's that same practice, That same quality. Of giving and receiving. You might work with a set of words for a while. I'm breathing space to hold whatever comes in my life. I'm breathing out my own compassion for myself. I breathe in, I give myself permission to feel. I breathe out. And I soften that feeling just for this exhale. I breathe in, I notice the spaciousness of my inhale. I breathe out. I notice the restful quality of my exhale. I breathe in space for whatever is here in my life. I breathe out my gentleness and my softness. Just working with this in whatever way makes sense for you, Spacious and soft. Expansive and compassionate. If imagery works for you, You might even imagine you're breathing in a storm cloud. And you breathe back out the soft fluffy clouds that float in a sunny sky. There's transformation that happens within us. As we allow space for what's difficult instead of resisting it. Even instead of trying to fix it, We just hold the space. So let your breath transform it. You don't have to think about it. I'm breathing in this storm cloud just for this inhale, And I breathe back out this softness. Spacious and soft. Expansive and compassionate. Breath by breath. And this final offering is bringing in some imagery of the world, Of the nature around you. And working with something that you can hold for a moment. Maybe it's an image of your favorite tree that got blown over in a storm. Maybe it's an image of the globe and you're just offering your tenderness for the suffering that exists. And just create the same spaciousness. I breathe in space to hold whatever comes. I breathe out my softness. I breathe space to hold the difficulty of humanity. I breathe out my compassion for all of us. I breathe in space to hold the sorrow of what nature experiences. I breathe out my genuine empathy. I breathe in space to hold this difficulty for just this moment in time. And I offer back. My open heart, My tenderness. I breathe in space to hold what comes. I breathe out my open, Compassionate heart. We're breathing in space within our heart rather than trying to hold the heaviness on top of our shoulders. It's allowing our lungs and our heart to transform. Whatever it is that comes. Just like our lungs and our heart know exactly what to do with oxygen to make it a gift to our body. And then we breathe out a gift back to the world. The same thing happens with this intentionality. Of giving and receiving. It's receiving just a moment of difficulty so I don't have to try to pretend it isn't there or put it away. Or stuff it down. I breathe it in just for this moment. I allow it to be here. I trust my heart to transform it. I breathe back softness. Breathing in space and capacity. Breathing out your compassionate tenderness. I'll invite you to place a hand over your heart. Maybe both, Maybe both hands stacked on top of each other. It's taking a moment for thanking your body and your heart for holding the space. Again, Thanking your mind for working with you. Imagery, Words. But specifically that your mind returns to you even when it's difficult. And we'll end in just a moment with our loving kindness raises. I'll share here, This is a brief passage from Louise Erdrich, The author. And she says, Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that. But you have to love. You are here to feel. It's the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up, And when it happens that you are broken, Betrayed, Or left hurt. Let yourself sit by an apple tree. Listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, Sharing their sweetness. Remind yourself. You've tasted as many as you could. That is this practice. Sharing our sweetness with the world. Even when things are difficult. Especially when things are difficult. And so important to, Excuse me, To end as we did. Thanking your body, Your heart, And your mind. It's not always easy. And yet we create more and more capacity to hold whatever comes, The good and the difficult. More and more space. Feel free to repeat these loving-kindness phrases back to you as they make sense. May I remember the spaciousness of my naturally radiant heart. May I thank my heart and my body often today. When action is needed. May I choose to move with ease and peace. And may the merits of our practice ripple out to benefit all beings. And go slow if you can. A moment to thank yourself just for showing up. Movement as it feels good in your body. And as always, Be well. Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting each other in our sangha.