It's here,
The holidays.
Even the most joyous among us know that the holidays can be emotionally,
Physically and psychologically invading.
In addition to buying gifts,
Negotiating travel plans and shuttling from gathering to gathering,
Many of us spend intensive time with our families and every family,
No matter how loving,
Has its fair share of challenges.
Yes,
That's right.
All of us have these issues.
Coupled with these difficult family dynamics,
Plus the holiday season stress,
We may find ourselves at a crossroads.
Do we burn out,
Stress out and spend the holidays in a state of nervousness?
Or do we set boundaries around our time,
Space and energy?
Let's begin,
Taking in three deep breaths.
I know for many of us,
Breaking the people pleasing pattern and setting boundaries poses a unique challenge.
Although we must do it,
Do it to keep our sanity in check and to keep truer to ourselves.
For years,
We may have felt burdened by unspoken expectations that have made it hard to put our own needs first.
It's hard to enforce boundaries because we feel like we owe them everything.
As a parent or sibling,
We may feel obligated to offer our time,
Money,
Space or energy without limitation.
Looking now at kindness with knowing that setting boundaries can protect your material possessions,
Your emotions,
Your physical space and your spiritual beliefs.
They are not mean.
They simply draw a line between what belongs to you and what belongs to others.
Keep these for all moral codes in mind.
That is,
When we refuse to set a boundary,
We prioritize other people's comfort over our own needs.
Setting boundaries is a courageous act of putting ourselves first.
It's a great way to break the people pleasing habit and practice the art of self-care.
Remembering too,
That honesty is not about being unkind.
It's not mean to stand up for yourself.
It's actually the most truthful and authentic way to interact with others.
Next,
Know that you can manage your boundaries or manage other people's feelings,
But you can't do both.
The bottom line is,
Your boundaries might make people frustrated or resentful.
That burden is not yours to bear.
And lastly,
Remembering that people are not mind readers.
Don't expect them to be.
There is no shame in directly asking for your feelings to be acknowledged or your needs to be met.
Even our loved ones need ongoing instruction in how to care for us because we are always changing as are our needs and boundaries.
So this holiday season,
Give the greatest gift to yourself and practice setting boundaries in your family to give yourself the gift of feeling joyful,
Peaceful and empowered.
Happy Holidays!
Happy Holidays!
