Why Neurodivergent Minds Can Be So Self-Critical

04:26

Why Neurodivergent Minds Can Be So Self-Critical

by Karelin Wadkins

Rated

4.9

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

141

Neurodivergent people often grow up receiving far more correction, criticism, and messages about what they “should” be able to do. Over time, those experiences can become an inner critic that uses shame and pressure to keep us functioning. In this short talk, we’ll explore why ADHD, autism, and other forms of neurodivergence can make us especially vulnerable to self-criticism, the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, and how the inner critic may actually be trying to protect us from failure, rejection, or disappointment. You’ll also learn a simple practice for responding to that critical voice with greater curiosity and compassion—without giving up accountability or growth. *Please note: This talk is intended for educational and supportive purposes and does not replace professional psychological or medical care.*

Self Criticism Self Compassion Self Esteem Inner Critic Shame Anxiety Neurodivergent Support

Meet your Teacher

Karelin Wadkins

Fair Oaks, CA, USA

Meet your Teacher

Karelin Wadkins

Fair Oaks, CA, USA

Transcript

If you're neurodivergent, There's a good chance that you spend a lot of your life being told directly or indirectly that you should be doing something differently. Pay attention, Sit still, Stop interrupting, Try harder, Be more organized. Why did you forget that again? And sometimes it isn't even harsh criticism. It can be the repeated experience of looking around and realizing that something everyone else seems to be able to do so easily is incredibly hard for you. Getting started on homework, Keeping your room organized. Remembering what you were supposed to bring. Following conversations in a loud room. Being on time or keeping track of everything. And when we're young, We usually don't have the language to say, My brain is processing things differently. We tend to come up with a much simpler explanation. Something's wrong with me. I'm lazy, I'm too much, I'm irresponsible, I'm difficult. I should be able to do this. And after enough repetition, Those messages can start becoming an inner voice. Eventually, Nobody really needs to criticize us. We've learned to do it ourselves. And I think that this is where it can be helpful to talk about the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion. Self-esteem is generally about how we evaluate ourselves. Am I good at this? Am I successful? Am I capable? Am I doing well compared to people around me? And there's nothing wrong with having healthy self-esteem. But self-esteem can become pretty fragile when it depends on performance. Because some days you are going to forget something. You're going to struggle with executive functioning. You might become overwhelmed. You might say the wrong thing, Miss a deadline, Or look at that pile of laundry and wonder how it got there again. And if your sense of self-worth depends on proving that you're competent, Productive, Organized, Or getting everything right, Those moments can feel like evidence that we've failed. Self-compassion asks a different question. Not, Am I doing well enough to feel good about myself, But. . . How am I going to treat myself when I'm struggling? And for neurodivergent folks, I think that that distinction can be incredibly important. Because healing may not mean reaching some place where you never doubt yourself again. It may mean developing enough trust in yourself to know. When things get hard, I'm not going to abandon myself. And even the inner critic usually has a reason for being there. The voice saying, You have to get it together. Don't mess this up. You're being lazy again. May actually believe that criticism is the only thing that's keeping you functioning. Maybe shame was how you got yourself through school. Maybe anxiety was how you remembered things. Maybe being terrified of disappointing someone was the only thing strong enough to push you through executive dysfunction. So that critical part of you may sincerely believe, If I stop pushing you, Everything's going to fall apart. Which means that fighting the critic isn't really that helpful. Instead, Here's one thing you can practice. The next time you notice that harsh voice, Use three steps. Critic. Concern. Compassion. First, Notice the criticism. I'm so lazy, Why can't I just do this? Then ask. What is my inner critic so worried about? Maybe it's scared you're going to fall behind or that someone might be disappointed in us. We're going to fail. And then offer a compassionate response that actually addresses the concern, Something like. I know you're worried. This is hard for me right now. Let's figure out what would help. And then get curious. Do I need to make the tasks smaller? Do I need another person nearby? Do I need fewer decisions, A timer, A break, A written list? Because self-compassion isn't letting yourself off the hook. Is creating a relationship with yourself where shame is no longer the primary tool that we use to get things done. And maybe that is one of the most important shifts we can make. Not convincing ourselves that we're always doing a great job, But learning that even on the days when our brain struggles, We still deserve to have someone on our side. And that someone can be us. Thank you so much for spending the time with me today to listen. I hope to hear from you in the comments what your thoughts are and how you can best support yourself on the most challenging days. Take care and I'll see you in another video.