Hello again and welcome.
Can I ask you something?
Have you ever really wanted an opportunity,
Perhaps to be chosen for a team?
Or for employment.
And found out that you weren't successful,
That someone else was chosen.
There can be at that moment a feeling of deep disappointment.
And perhaps some of the first thoughts might be,
Wow,
That's not fair.
Why wasn't I chosen?
That should have been me.
And before long,
If you watch.
.
.
The mind can take it much further than the initial feeling of disappointment.
Can shift that feeling into something which is personal.
What did I do wrong?
Am I not good enough?
But in that first moment on reflection,
What actually happened?
Someone else was chosen and you were not.
That's all.
Yet the mind can continue to interpret that disappointment as something unfair.
And turn it into something much larger than it needs to be.
It can begin comparing,
Questioning,
Judging.
Why were they chosen?
I am better,
Far more experienced.
And now the simple reality of not being chosen is no longer simply about not being selected.
It becomes about expectations,
About blame,
About hopes and dreams.
About being recognized,
About missing out,
About being overlooked.
These feelings can be particularly strong when we are young.
When one is still experiencing life,
Growing,
Maturing and understanding.
Who am I?
Do I know my thoughts?
Can I accept that this is just the beginning of my whole life?
Being acknowledged and accepted can be deeply important.
It can feel like confirmation.
That we have what others are looking for,
That they like the person I am.
So when one feels excluded,
Rejected or not accepted.
Can place doubts in our minds,
Feelings of insecurity,
Self-doubt.
And this is where something interesting may occur.
The mind can begin trying to prove to itself.
To justify its position.
Perhaps they missed something.
I am qualified.
I know I am good enough.
Not necessarily because one wants to prove anything.
But because underneath all that is happening.
There is a longing,
A personal need.
To be accepted.
To be recognised for what we are.
After all the work and the effort that we have put in.
And perhaps this is part of why rejection can hurt so much.
Not simply because we weren't chosen.
But because we may have made it mean something personal about who we are.
So what happens then if one is not chosen?
Without immediately asking,
What is wrong with me?
Someone not accepting you doesn't mean you are not good enough or that you are not qualified.
Not being chosen can simply be what happened in the moment for reasons we may never know.
Is it disappointing?
Yes,
It can be.
Perhaps even deeply painful,
Yes.
But it's not a final judgement about who you are.
And this is where we can begin to see rejection differently.
Not by pretending it doesn't hurt.
If it hurts,
Let it hurt.
There is no need to push away the feelings or convince yourself that you shouldn't feel disappointed.
You were interested,
You cared.
You wanted to be accepted.
You worked hard.
You wanted to be chosen.
This is human.
But then notice what the mind begins to add,
What it begins to interpret around the belief that this is about you and your feelings.
This means there is something wrong with me.
This means I'm not good enough.
They're better than me.
I'm a failure.
Of never being good enough or belong.
These may feel completely true in the heat and emotion of the moment.
But with a little hindsight.
They are simply thoughts and reactions,
Interpreting what happened.
Not necessarily a true reflection.
Of what actually did happen.
Choosing someone else does not automatically mean they are more worthy than you.
And not being accepted by one person does not mean you will not be accepted by another.
One opportunity ending does not mean there'll be no other opportunities.
So perhaps instead of asking again and again.
Why wasn't I chosen?
There is another question to ask.
What do I need to do right now?
Perhaps it is time to talk with someone you trust,
Someone whose perspective you trust.
Can help you see things more clearly.
Perhaps it is some space alone.
To look a little closer,
A little deeper.
At what actually happened.
Without immediately making a move.
It about yourself.
Perhaps it is simply allowing the disappointment to be there,
To be felt.
As an experience without turning it against yourself.
Because you do not have to prove your worth to the people who don't choose you.
And you never have to become someone else.
To deserve belonging.
Rejection can hurt.
You may miss out.
You may feel disappointed.
And this will not be the last time.
But none of that has to become a judgement about your value or your self-worth.
You will not be chosen every time.
But that does not make you less important,
Less capable,
Or less worthy.
Rejection is not a statement about who you are.
It is simply another person's choice in that moment.
And that is all it will ever be.
