The Basics Of Habit Change

Want to change a habit? To quit something, or start something new? In this video we discuss the basics of habit change, offering some simple techniques to help you break unhelpful patterns, build healthier behaviors, and create lasting change over time.

Transcript

So let's talk the basics of habit change. If you want to change a habit, That is instill something positive or remove something that you perceive negative, Here's some broad strokes advice that may work. I want to remind you that everyone is individual. What works for you may not work for someone else and so on and so forth. Consider what I'm about to give you as a collection of potential tools that you can work through. Some will feel better in the hand and some will work more appropriately for your situation compared to a different one. With all that said, A couple of things really do help. Self-awareness is key. If you are not aware of the problem, You can't change it. So just in general, Broad strokes speaking, Becoming aware of the problem is first necessary, But awareness not from other people telling you you've got a problem or other people suggesting you should do this or make changes. That awareness can sort of start to trigger things or start to tell you, It's like, Hey, This should be done. But if the only awareness is coming from the external, Most likely not going to be enough. The awareness has to be internal. You have to know it, Feel it, Want it, Desire it from inside. Why do you want to make this change? You, Not other people, Not other situations, Not external, Coming from the inside. Why do you want to make the change? This leads to the idea of a strong why. What is your reason to want to make this change, To add or remove something from your life? Can you tell me, Can you summarize it in one sentence? I want to make this change because. . . Now, If you know that why, Write it up, Stick it up, Look at it daily. Because here's the thing, It can be a strong why, But the reasons that will block our change can also be strong, If not stronger. And in fact, They will be stronger because you haven't made the change already. If you could, You would have, But you haven't, Right? That's why you're watching and connecting and doing this process right now. So given that fact. You will still have a strong reason why. Have it, Stick it on the wall, Put it there, So you can read it daily. And make sure you do read it daily. Make sure you connect to it and really feel. You've got this idea internally why you need to make the change. You've stuck it on the wall and connect to it. Really deeply connect to it daily. Not just reading it casually, But sitting there almost as a meditation. My reason for change is this. Connect to the emotions. To the physical world. The physicality of that feeling. Connect to the social implications of that feeling. Connect to your values based on that feeling. What will this change give you or stop from happening? Sit there. Maybe as like a daily practice, Just one minute looking at it. Not reading it academically. Deeply reminding you, You've got your strong light. The next thing we need to do is accept. Accept the reason that we have to, Or are going to, Or want to make this change. If we don't accept reality as it is for what it is right now, We're not going to be able to make a change. The thing that you're trying to change will have consequences. Not changing will have consequences. Let's accept them both. The change I'm wanting to make is this. My strong why is this. If I don't make the change. This is what happens. If I don't make the change, This is what happens. We're really priming ourselves to understand what we're trying to change. Why we're trying to change it? And what not changing it will cause us and impact us and how that will transform or fail to transform our lives for good or for worse. If we consider the reason why. Oftentimes, Particularly with negative habits, With behaviors or substances or other things, We are doing this behavior to avoid something. To avoid feeling something. Are you aware of that? I'm really harping on the idea of self-awareness because self-awareness is key. If you are not aware of what's going on internally, In the mind, In the body, Habitually, In your social situation, It will be hard to change. Speaking of awareness. Getting other people on board with your change is very important. If you live with people, If you have a friendship group, So on and so forth. And you're trying to make a change and other people either aren't making a similar change, Don't care, Or are actively discouraging you, It will be quite hard. If you're trying to change your behaviour around substances, Around eating, Around behaviours, And you're surrounding yourself with people that are doing those things? It's gonna be a constant reminder and a constant pull, Even if they're not like actively saying, Hey, You know, Come back to us. You will still feel a little bit of that pull because of course you will, Right? That's how humans work, We want to fit in. So there may need to be a change of situation, A change of place, And potentially a change of social groups depending on what's going on. Obviously I'm not saying to make these changes and like lose all your friends and all that sort of stuff, But rather Consider, Become aware and accept the reality of your situation. What is more important to you? Are people going to support your change? And on the positive side of things, If people are supporting a change, If they're getting on board as well, Or if they're encouraging you to do so. Even better. If you make a public declaration, I am making this change, I am quitting this thing or I'm adding this habit. Getting people to check in with you, Either in real life or perhaps through socials. You will feel a pull to make that change. You will feel socially obligated to make that change. We do not want to feel like a hypocrite. We do not want to feel like we are saying one thing and doing the other thing. We want to be consistent, Our words and our actions. Get the support and help of people. And tell them you're going to do them and tell them to help you to stay accountable. Couple of other things. I want to remind you, The best time to start is now. We have this temptation. We're sort of symbolic creatures in a way. Oh, It's a new year. Oh, It's a birthday. Oh, It's some significant event. That's when I'll start. Start now. Start right in this exact moment. What other time is there other than the now, Right? You can wait for a significant event and all that sort of stuff, But chances are you've tried that. Right? It doesn't work. What happens when you try and, For example, Start exercising daily. From the New Years. You start off real strong. But then life starts to creep in and you stop being able to allocate that time. Why? Because you are all full of motivation at the start but then it drops away and the things that you pushed aside for the new habit creep back in. They need to be honored. Those things were being addressed in your life. Now there's no time for them. They build up. Habit breaks. As you're instilling a new habit, Consider the amount of it if you could do it daily for six months. If I'm helping people to start a meditation habit, I will often suggest just start with one minute a day. Just one minute. Why? Because you can find one minute a day easily. That won't push the rest of life out too much. It's a very small thing, Yes, But imagine if you were doing one minute of meditation daily for the last 10 years. Or for a more, I guess, Visceral example, Physical example, One minute of exercise daily. One minute of push-ups or squats or whatever. You'd be a lot fitter, Wouldn't you? Don't you wish you had have already started? One minute a day you can fit in daily. Then you extend the time. Yeah, If you're adding a behavior, Consider picking the behavior. Starting the behavior on top of a habit you're already doing. So, For example, We all brush our teeth, Hopefully. After you brush your teeth, That's a habit you're already doing. Do the behavior you want to add. You turn up at work, You sit down in the car, You're waiting. That's the time, Right? We're pegging the new behavior to an old one to help us out. If you're wanting to wake up earlier. Go to sleep earlier at night, Set an alarm in the morning and force yourself. For the first few days, Setting the bedtime alarm will help the morning go. Go smoothly, Right? The final thing I want to mention is the idea, Well two things actually. There is a lag between actions and results. If you're making a change, Adding something positive, Removing something negative, It will take time before you see the results. You act first. You wait, Then you get the results. So there must be a little bit of a faith-based feeling, Not in some mysticism, But in the process. Having first-hand accounts of people who have done it helps, Right? You act. Bit of faith or trust in the process, Then you start to see results. But the results will always lag. Okay, Hold true that it will happen, Speak to people, Read accounts of people who have done it, And you'll notice that over time you will improve. But it takes time and there is a lag. And also, Be easy on yourself. You are implementing a new habit. That will be hard. And that's okay. It's okay for it to be hard. This is a skill we're developing. But like any skill, Practice makes it better. It takes time for new skills to be implemented. And the new skill of habit building or habit building itself is a skill. And the new habit that you're building itself is a skill. So double practice here. Go easy on yourself if you miss a day. Start again. Keep going. If you were to miss a day once per week. There's a temptation to just stop. Okay, But what if you kept going? By the end of the year, If you missed one day, Every week. You missed a day every week of whatever habit you're trying to change, You'd still be successful 300-ish days of that year. 300 successes, 300 days of exercising, 300 days of meditating, 300 days of not using a substance, 300 days of whatever it is. That's actually a massive and significant change and shouldn't be discounted. Obviously we're trying to aim for a consistent habit daily. But if you miss one, Just get back on board. And if you do miss a day. Forgive yourself. You're only human. It's fine. But also try and learn, Was it because I was triggered or activated or in a mood? Did I not get enough sleep? Did someone say something? Was I encouraged down a certain path by certain people? Systems changes do I need to implement. So on, So on, So on. Figure it out and then make those changes in your life. Having a journal can help. Having a weekly or monthly or yearly calendar can help where you tick, You know, Successful days, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick. Try and get a streak of ticks and so on and so forth. This session has been quite dense and I've really just jam-packed a lot of habit changes into it. This is what I've done to be able to meditate daily, Exercise daily, And change my dietary habits, My sleep habits, And a variety of other things. I've given you a bunch of tools and I encourage you to consider them all, Apply what works for you, And address and adapt. What works for you in your circumstances, Your mind, Your body, Your habit that you're trying to change will be different to me and different to everyone else. But there's broad stroke principles. Leg between action and results, Getting people on board, Going easy on yourself, Getting back on board when you fall off the wagon, Starting now. And just. Just keep going. If you miss a day, Get back on board. Write down your strong why. Why are you trying to change? Strongline. Read it and feel it daily.