Searching For My Soul

This poem explores our complicated relationship with silence, and what we might discover when we stop filling every quiet moment with distraction. It reflects on silence as a mirror, a teacher, and a place where we may begin to rediscover ourselves.

Transcript

I have a sneaking suspicion. That something significant is sitting in the silence. Aspect. That we're right to stop. And sit and be still. That something would speak. Perhaps then we'll start to see. Perhaps then I would start to feel myself. My true self. At not-quite-definable something. That is silently screaming to be seen. Seconds pass. And I realize that I've become stupefied. Cycling through thought. I'm not sure what would happen. If I were to take these suspicions seriously. But I did ask for a cold link. And I do long to stroke the small flames that sit in the heart. And to start sealing the wounds in my stomach. To heal. But I am scared. Because what would it mean if I were to search for my soul? But be unable to see. What would that make me? O ye of little faith, " a voice whispers silently. Stop self-sabotaging and take this one step. Close your eyes. Surrender. Suddenly, A moment of serene clarity. All suspicions seep away. Replaced by a recognition of a new reality. Paradigm shift. No more second-guessing. No more doubt. And feel safe. My heart has opened up. And with it. I see the thing I seek. Sitting in front of me. I am her. And she is me. Simultaneously. We both speak. Sharing ourselves completely. Surrendering ourselves. To the sweet ecstasy. That comes when a spirit is satiated. So much was said in that one second. Too much to recount anything more than this summary. It turns out that my search was serendipitous, For my soul has also been seeking me, Sending me signs. Hoping that I would see the beauty of the stillness. That is sitting just inside of me. Sitting inside of the silence. In service of my higher self. Simultaneously sending sermons on how to surrender shame, With instructions on how to see and attain the summit of a distant mountain range. And sending sunshine. Despite the rain. I am no longer scared to speak. No longer scared to share. No longer scared. To be second-guessed. For my soul. She is with me. Sending shivers down my spine to remind me. That we are one another's Savior. That we will act. Is one another's sabre. And that every second spent in silence together. Is a step away from sadness. And a step closer to one another. That every sacrifice wasn't in vain. And that to allow things to change. That I am safe. And that I always will be.