Know & Accept Yourself

In this session we discuss one of the principles of taking yourself from surviving to thriving: "Know & Accept Yourself" - Highlighting how in order to progress, we must first accept who and what we are. Radical self-acceptance leads to growth because we are acting from a place of reality, and thus our actions are well informed.

Transcript

Know and accept yourself.

At the heart of true and lasting transformation lies a delicate balance between radical self-acceptance and the drive for growth.

If we honour ourselves as we are,

We create space for the evolution of who we can become.

This is a dialectic approach to self-help and self-improvement.

We first realise that it is all on us,

And then we realise,

Or then we wonder,

Well,

Who are we?

Who am I?

And what do I even want?

So we need to work on knowing and accepting ourselves.

And if we can accept ourselves and know ourselves,

Then from that place of knowledge and acceptance,

We can move towards what we want to achieve.

And a later principle will dive into that achievement,

Where we're even heading with all of this.

But for the moment,

We're going to be looking at knowing and accepting ourselves.

Who am I?

This is a core question that we need to be asking ourselves daily.

And there's many ways to get at the concept of who you are.

Because who you are will in fact change depending on the context.

You will be different as a parent,

As an employee,

As a boss,

As a customer,

When you are by yourself,

When you are with your friends or your partner.

The you that presents to the world changes.

The you that presents to the world changes over time.

Changes from moment to moment.

Is there a core aspect that could be said to be you?

These are sort of philosophical questions that can help you to begin the process of introspection.

And like I said in the previous session,

I can only be a finger pointing to the moon.

I can only suggest pathways to look into.

You have to walk it.

If the idea of a philosophical or spiritual or psychological introspection into the nature of the self seems obvious or unappealing,

Well,

Move on.

That's okay.

But chances are,

There's a question mark there.

Chances are there's depths to yourself that you've yet to discover.

I know that even after meditating daily for over 10 years,

That there is more and more to discover within myself.

I'm constantly surprised by what I find.

And I know that when I work with people and discuss themselves and their lives,

I'm always discovering more about them,

And I'm helping them to discover more about themselves as well.

This is true for everyone I've met.

So chances are,

It is true for you.

But why do you need to know and accept yourself?

Because if you know and accept yourself,

You can make better choices.

You can move towards things that will best suit you,

Your personality,

Your disposition,

Your likes,

Your dislikes,

The way that you can best benefit the world.

You'll understand just how limitless your potential is.

But you'll also understand that you do have limits,

And how to embrace and acknowledge them and accommodate them.

And more important than all of this,

Is that you'll accept that it is okay to be you.

The fact of the matter is,

Is that there's no such thing as normal.

Normal is a statistical point.

Normal is average.

You put everyone together,

Average them out,

And that is what is quote-unquote normal.

But no one person fits that normal mode.

There'll be things about you that is odd,

That is different,

And that's a negative wording.

You could also rephrase it as unique and interesting.

And if you accept yourself,

You'll lean in towards the positive view of the self.

And in turn,

You'll see a positive view of everyone,

Which will also bring benefits.

But what can we do to actually know and accept ourselves?

In my mind,

The clearest way to know and accept yourself is to just sit with yourself.

Listen to yourself,

Be with yourself without distraction.

Spend time every day without music or podcasts or videos or books or any other external distraction that takes you away from your own thoughts.

Spend time in commute,

In silence.

Wash your dishes and just feel the water on your hands.

Take a moment every morning to sit and close your eyes and turn the lens of attention inwards and see what arises.

View your thoughts and moods and emotions and other inner spaces with curiosity.

Who is this person that I am?

Who is the person curious about who the person is that I am?

Ask these questions.

You could turn and look at shadow work or in a child work,

Thinking about your earliest memories and what do they mean for me?

How do I see the connection between that and my current life circumstances?

That moment,

Those choices back then leading to the choices that I make now and the relationships that I'm in now and the dynamics in my mind and in my world and in the space and the place that I'm in.

You could consider talking therapy,

Writing therapy.

You know the page listens,

It doesn't judge,

It's always available,

It's ever-present and you can discard it when you need to.

I'm a massive advocate of writing.

You could consider daily meditation practices.

I've talked a lot about mindfulness,

The idea of drawing your attention to the breath or any other object and when your mind wanders you bring it back and in that way you start to see what your mind is throwing up at you and you start to gain some control over it and you start to accept it because you realize things just pop up so the next time when you're out and about in everyday life things just arise you can accept it and you can gain some control over it.

If you know and accept yourself you will be at peace because other people will judge you,

Will say things,

Will go against what you think but if you accept your truth you won't let them sway you,

You will be like a rock in the river or like a tree in the wind you might move and dance with it but ultimately you've got strong roots,

Ultimately you know your place,

Ultimately you know and accept yourself and you know it's okay to be you but the only way you can do that is through turning the lens of attention inwards by accepting the totality of who you are and by knowing the totality of who you are.

The truth is that each and every one of us is flawed,

We have done bad things purposely.

We need to accept that about ourselves,

This is an aspect of integrating the shadow.

If pushed,

If compelled,

If a certain set of circumstances came up you have or you will do things that are not great.

It is okay and necessary to accept that part of you.

I'm not saying to act upon it,

I'm not saying to embrace it as a lifestyle choice but you're just to accept it as a reality of the human condition of which you are predisposed to but also to accept the beauty and the artistry and the connection and the love and the joy and all the other good stuff that you bring.

We shouldn't just focus on the negative or just on the positive,

It's about finding balance and we'll talk about balance in a later session but for the moment let's just focus on accepting the self but for now let's just focus on knowing and accepting the self.

In your everyday life,

Just have a percentage point of your awareness turned inwards,

Turned back upon the self.

Notice who you are around different people,

Notice the feelings that arise,

Notice that you are not stable and solid and permanent,

Notice that there's almost like a container or a flow that you move in between.

You are changing constantly both in response to the people and the environment around you but also over time.

Who you are at the start of this session compared to who you are now compared to who you will be at the end of the day is different and yet it is all you.

You dream at night that is still you despite being in a fantastic,

Crazy,

Different,

Odd,

Completely unique scenario that's still you.

You are all of this and more.

You're the thing observing it all.

You are the thing acting.

You are the thing thinking and the thing having the thoughts and the thing observing the thoughts.

You are the confusion and the understanding.

You are the emotionality.

You are the body.

You are the relationships between the person that is you and everyone else in the world.

You are the process.

If you know and accept all of this,

The good,

The bad,

The ugly and everything in between,

You will find peace.

You'll be better able to move from surviving to thriving because you will know what it takes to survive.

You'll know what thriving looks like and you'll be able to head there.

So take a moment,

Sit in silence and just be with yourself and see what arises.

This track is taken from my course From Surviving to Thriving.

Ten Principles to Turn Your Life Around.

It's out now and available on my InsightTimer profile.

I invite you to check it out.