How Inner Parts Hold Onto Pain - Q&A Session

In this session we discuss the concept of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and fantasy. The idea that we fall back into old patterns of survival to keep us safe. If it worked the, so pour body thinks, it will work now. The problem is of course, that those responses may no longer be optimal and we need to process and integrate the past to release ourselves from it's grip.

Transcript

When we look into parts. We are looking at the idea that things have happened in the past. And we were not able to process it at the time. And those parts then do something or part of us does something to keep us safe. The whole goal is. . . Continued survival. So often times we fall into an idea of fight or flight. That's the main ones that you hear all the time, Fight and flight. To keep yourself safe from a external stress or threat, You might fight back. Or you might flight, Which is flee. Or you might freeze, Which is sort of fall in collapse. And if it works for you in your past, You will typically do that into your future. Because it worked in the past, Things that keep us alive, Our brain and our body remember, And we go into that. So if you fought back to keep yourself safe. You're still holding on to that fighting energy. And although it worked in the past, It may not be that useful now. Or if you ran. In the past, When conflict happens now, You may run in the present. Or you might freeze up. Now there are a couple of other responses. We've got fight, Flight, Freeze. They're the main ones you hear talked about. There's also faun. Fawn which is you, Sort of placating, Buttering up, Stroking the ego of. Basically agreeing to, Or almost falling for. The person or the situation that is dangerous. Why? Because it keeps you safe. The whole point of this response, Internally, Is to keep you safe. Then later on, Once again, If you were in that phone response. You may find yourself overly agreeing with people that maybe you shouldn't. Twisting your own thoughts and feelings to connect to their point of view more than you should. We become aware of it and we can address it. And the final one, And this is an addition that I like. Is fantasy, And you could argue that it's an extension of the freeze response, But sometimes we dissociate. We go into a fantasy response. Our body is no longer there. And we are our minds off in a fantasy world. Once again, It keeps you safe. Things are too overwhelming in the moment. So our mind goes into fantasy to survive it. Once again, It's a useful survival mechanism. One that we may still be holding on to. Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Fantasy. For me in this session, I was connecting to a part that was held deep in the belly. Deep in the groin, Like the hips, That sort of region And whenever I connect to that space, It's quite powerful. Where it feels incandescent. Really strong. And we get this visual of this bright white light A sun, If I turn my eyes to it, It's hot. And up until this very session, I've not been able to sit with it. Because it's just been too much, Overwhelming. But with the attitude of compassionate curiosity and calm confidence. And what I discovered was that within that incandescent Feeling. Tension in the body. It was anger. Deep Anger. Anger that was repressed and not being able to express because it didn't help. So I sat with it. I got curious about it. And just allowed it to be. Anger is an intense emotion, Obviously. And it's also one that in the past I learnt too. Squish. I squished it because. . . It didn't help, But it in fact made the situation worse. So instead I ran. I left home at 16. Fight wasn't an option, So you go to the other options, Right? Fight, Flight, Freeze. Fallen Fantasy. But obviously those feelings are still within. And during that 10 minutes, I sort of processed it and realized that I'm generally a calm person. However, There are moments that. . . Deep anger just sort of comes. And it can cause. Disruptions, It can cause relationship issues, It can cause a lack of attention and presence to the present moment. But when those feelings speak up and it feels so strong that I have to look away, This incandescent sun imagery. This process as we will explore as we go into. Future sessions. Will get quite visual. Will bring up. Internal feelings and… sensations and analogies and a whole bunch of stuff will come for you. As a way of providing and offering insight. And yeah, In the past it had felt like staring into the sun. Too hot to touch. But I was reminded of. Work that I was doing with my psychologist. She was basically saying a way to deal with these spaces that become overwhelming. Is to pendulate. Is to titrate, Is to very, You sort of touch it with your awareness and then you return, You touch it and you return. To the present moment. It's almost like you are in two modes. You are here now. But you're also touching upon these parts of the body. Touching upon the parts of the body. But you're here now. It's a duel. Process. It's a dual process. And that dual process helps you to stay safe and centered and grounded. But also allows a little bit of this space, The space you're working with. To release, To process, To reintegrate. So I say all of that. To highlight that. This session. Just now was the first one that I was able to. Really sit with and connect into that space. To allow a little bit of that anger. And I will. In future sessions, Sit with it more, Feel those parts of the body. Although it still feels incandescent. Feels manageable or at least approachable. What an example of parts. Do a go into the body to first identify, Then try and label it. A G feeling in the shoulders. Then, Oh, This is overwhelming. This is my overwhelming part. There are a few different ways to identify parts within. You could go. There are two main ways that I look at it. You find a part in the body that just sort of appears. So you might be like, Okay, I'm gonna do some inner paths work, Some intuitive guidance work, Some paths work, And you call forth the paths that is there within. And you might just find something appearing. And it might be a feeling. Oh, This is my anger. Oh, This is my overwhelm. Oh, This is feelings of whatever. It might come to you as an emotion. Or it might come to you as a memory. If it comes to you like that. You find is like, Okay, I'm holding on to something here. This is the part of me that Yeah, It was XYZ emotion. If that arises, You can then try and find where you're holding onto that in the body, Because chances are you are. Your overwhelm, If that's what came to you, Will be held in the body somewhere, For example in the shoulders. That could be the case. My anger is held deep internally, Deep within the gut, Right? That's where my anger or this part of me is being held. So you might find that a part comes and you get curious about it. Where are you? Where are you in the body? When did you come about? Based on what event or events. How are you helping me in this moment? We sort of go from the sensation or the emotion to the body and then open up and explore. That's one option. Another option that we will explore is you scan the body part by part, Piece by piece. And you might find that as you go, You're feeling just settled and grounded, But you'll go down parts of your body and you'll check into your lower back and you'll recognize there's something there. There might be physical tension, But perhaps there's a sort of intuitive knowing that you're holding onto something in the body. Realistically, If you have chronic stress, Chronic pain, Or some sort of injury, Chances are there is a part there to be worked with. Might be sort of a relatively speaking small or newer part, Or if it's sort of chronic and long-term could be quite long. Years or decades ago. But you can approach it from two different ways. The feelings, The emotion, The part sort of appears to you and then you find it in the body. Or you scan the body, Find the part where there's physical stuff, Or you'll get this sort of sensation, Or perhaps even a numbing feeling. Like, Ooh, There's something there, And get curious about it. And then it's a process of sort of discovery. Because when you label it going, Oh, In my shoulders is the overwhelmed part, Those are just broad speaking sort of labels. It may just be in the shoulders, But it could just be identified from the shoulder and then you'll find it in other places too. And you might call it the overwhelm part, But really, What is overwhelm? There are layers and layers and layers of stuff underneath the overwhelm. There is expectation, There's patterns of behavior, There's relationship, There is whatever caused the overwhelm in the past and then the overwhelm in the present that's sort of re-triggering it. There's a lot to go through here. And I guess what we're doing in this intuitive guidance work is helping you to. Turn your attention towards it. And start to see it. I believe in a three-part approach to healing. Awareness, Acceptance, Action. You become aware of what is arising in this moment, In yourself, In the world. Awareness comes first, It has to. Then you must accept, Accept the fact that there is that overwhelmed part. Accept it, And not because you like it or because it's good, But because it's truth. Then you take action. And in this context, Our action is to sit with the part. Get curious about the pot. Except the part. Get a dialogue and a relationship to the part. Over time, Allow this part gradually to reintegrate, Then we go back to acceptance. So we sit with it, We become aware, We accept, We take action, And that whole process is the process of slowly reintegration. I've done this process for years now, Both internally and personally, And with therapists sort of expressing my process to them. And sometimes things just release. It's almost like a psychological weight off the shoulders, It helps me to interrelate with the world better. But other times particularly with the deep stuff. It can take months or years. And that's okay, Because we've been holding onto it for quite some time. It's a question, What do I mean by reintegration and release? So when we do intuitive guidance work, Parts work, Shadow work, This sort of stuff that we're doing where you connect to the disparate and different parts of you. We can look at this idea of integration, Reintegration and release, A returning. So chances are, The part of the bodies that you're working with are. . . Doing a job for you, Holding on to something. The body keeps the score. And these parts of the body are doing something for you. They're keeping you safe. Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Fantasy. They're doing something. But that role is something that they're not necessarily wanting to do. They may want to play or just learn something or just be. So by connection, By understanding, By doing this intuitive guidance process, We're turning our attention to those parts. And saying, Hey, We're here, The self, Us, Is here in this moment. That process will help the part to release from its role. And return. Return back to the self. To reintegrate. Now what is actually happening here versus the words that I am saying? There's a gap. But the internal. A subjective experience of this is one of like opening, Awakening, And releasing. When it happens it will feel like it. A release of tension. For years I had this part in my lower left belly. And due to this work and a variety of different works, All of a sudden it just let go. And that physical letting go released a lot of physical pain. But also a lot of sort of anxiety around certain things just disappeared and haven't returned. It was like that part finally felt safe enough that I, The self, The wise mind, The core, The part that's connected. HeartSpace. Had it under control. I was back. It trusted me. It trusted the process and it could stop doing whatever it was trying to do to keep me safe. With time, There will be small, Like releases. And even when you, You know, When you take a small, Slow, Calm breath, Right? That, That moment where you're like, And there's this sort of settling. It's almost like a micro-release, A micro-reintegration. That but on a quite a larger scale. The only caveat here is that if you push for it, That's like saying to someone in therapy, Like, Heal, Get over it, It doesn't work. What you need to do is sit with these parts. Allow them to feel safe, And offer them. It's like, Hey, I offer. It's okay, I accept you, You are safe, And I invite you to release that sort of energy. And eventually they will. But it's deep work.