From Hustle To Flow: Find True Success (As You Define It)

This talk shares why ambitious women are particularly susceptible to burnout, and how you can quit the hustle without abandoning your dreams. Learn three eye-opening mindset shifts to go from hustle to flow and open up a more joyful and easeful path to true success (as you define it). You can have more impact, achieve your big vision, and follow your calling – without all the overwhelm stress, or sacrifice.

Transcript

Hi there,

My name is Vanessa loader and I'm so happy you're here.

Today I'm going to be giving a talk about three mindset shifts that you can make to go from hustle to flow.

And this topic is very near and dear to my heart because I am a recovering perfectionist overachiever.

I've been ambitious my entire life.

I went to an Ivy League school,

I took a very intense job doing investment banking on Wall Street when I graduated from college,

And I would work these 100 hour weeks around the clock.

And then I came out to California to get my MBA from Stanford,

Worked in private equity doing these billion dollar leverage buyouts,

Basically got to a point in my career where I had achieved quote unquote success.

Everything on paper looked great.

I had an impressive resume,

I was making plenty of money.

And yet inside I felt like some deeper meaning and purpose was missing from my life.

I wanted more of a sense of satisfaction and ease and joy and creativity in my work.

And on top of that,

I would lie in bed at night with my mind just racing,

Thinking of all the things I didn't get done that day,

All the things I had to get done the next day.

You ever felt that way?

So what I got curious about is,

Hmm,

I thought when I had external success,

I would have all these happy inner feelings,

You know,

More joy,

More of a sense of ease and calm and peace of mind.

But instead,

It was like the to do list just got longer and longer,

The more quote unquote successful I became.

So I got really curious,

How can I still have big bold dreams and goals and ambitions and things that I would like to do with my life,

But create that reality with much more ease and spaciousness.

I started studying mindfulness and the neuroscience behind behavior change.

Basically my overachiever went nuts in the personal development space for many years,

I ended up changing so much that I quit my job and decided to dedicate my life to bringing these tools to other people and particularly to women in the business world.

So that's what I've been doing for the last 11 years.

And today,

I'm so excited to be teaching you some of these tools that I think can be so life enhancing and life changing.

So today,

We're going to be talking about three mindset shifts that you can make to go from hustle to flow.

And I co created this content with the wonderful Sherry Lasila,

Who is a also a Stanford MBA grad like myself,

And she's an executive coach who has been coaching women leaders for over 20 years.

So let's dive in.

The first shift move that I want to talk about today is going from a sense of deficiency and self doubt to unshakable confidence.

So one of the things I've learned in working with 1000s of women over the years and in studying some of the research is that imposter syndrome is a very real thing.

I'm going to read you a couple of quotes.

Jodie Foster has said,

When I won the Oscar,

I thought it was a fluke.

I thought everybody would find out and they take it back.

Excuse me,

We meant to give that to someone else.

That was going to Meryl Streep.

Meanwhile,

Meryl Streep has said,

I think to myself,

Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie?

And I don't know how to act anyway.

So why am I doing this?

Natalie Portman has been quoted saying,

When I got into Harvard just after the release of Star Wars,

I feared people would assume I'd gotten in just for being famous,

And not worthy of the intellectual rigor here.

Sheryl Sandberg has said,

There are still days when I wake up feeling like a fraud,

Not sure I should be where I am.

Even J-Lo said,

Even though I'd sold 70 million albums,

There I was feeling like I'm no good at this.

And last but certainly not least,

Maya Angelou has said,

I've written 11 books,

But each time I think,

Uh oh,

They're going to find out now.

I've run a game on everybody and they're going to find me out.

So you are in very good company if you have ever suffered from imposter syndrome or a debilitating sense of self doubt or a sense of your own deficiency.

An imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.

Imposters suffer from chronic self doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.

And here's the interesting thing,

According to research,

Imposter syndrome affects 70% of us,

But it tends to hit women especially hard.

Why?

Well,

Because as women and members of other traditionally underrepresented groups,

It's easy to look around and feel like we don't belong.

There aren't many role models of women in senior leadership positions.

So of course we feel a bit out of place.

So the first thing I want to say to all the women out there who've had any experience with self doubt or imposter syndrome is this,

It's not your fault.

You are set up to experience self doubt.

If you are a woman in today's world,

You think about all the media and advertising that constantly harps on women about our inadequacies tells us we're not enough.

On top of that,

Our culture has a single gold standard for beauty,

A single gold standard of success,

Single gold standard of health and happiness.

There's no room for your unique individual self.

So women today are dealing with this Molotov cocktail of overwhelm from all of these old beliefs around what it means to be a good worker or a good wife or a good mother.

It's a recipe for feeling inadequate,

Guilty and burned out.

So this pressure to be good at everything and to meet the single gold standard is subconscious and insidious.

Well what's the solution?

How can you make a mindset shift from this deficiency and self doubt to courageous confidence,

Unshakable confidence?

Here's the new paradigm of leadership and success.

It values uniqueness versus conformity.

So we're each a unique expression and a unique being and how we'll be effective in our leadership in this new paradigm is to deeply understand and value our uniqueness and the particular combination of gifts and strengths that each individual brings to the table.

There is no single gold standard,

Which by the way is traditionally white and male centric.

We are a collection,

As Sheri likes to say,

We are a collection of 8 billion sovereign souls.

So what makes me unique,

The books that I've read,

The life experiences that I've had,

The things that I'm passionate about,

My unique gifts is going to be completely different than what makes you unique.

We can have a world where we empower and inspire each other to be ourselves,

Where we each contribute our piece of what we're trying to co-create.

So to make this mindset shift right now,

I'd like for you to close your eyes if you haven't already and think of a time in relationship where someone really saw you,

Where they appreciated and valued you.

This could be in the recent past or a long time ago from your childhood,

Someone who really supported you and valued you and saw you just as you are.

What did that feel like?

To be seen,

Fully seen for who you are,

To be encouraged and supported in that way.

What did that make possible for you?

How did you show up when others saw you in that way,

Appreciated and valued you?

What did that make possible for you?

If you'd like,

You can even pause the recording to write this down,

Write down any notes that you're having,

Any ideas.

Now contrast that experience and take a moment to really feel a time when you felt the opposite,

A time when you felt not seen or criticized or judged.

Think of an example now and call that to mind.

What did that feel like?

What did that make possible in terms of growth and ability to achieve success?

Now go back to the first example where someone really saw you and appreciated and valued you.

I'd like for you to take an embodied posture of that.

Take the full shape of what that feels like.

You might stretch your arms out wide up high towards the sky in a V shape or you might arch your back and lift your face to the sky.

What would be a body posture that represents that feeling of someone really seeing you appreciating you and valuing you?

So take that posture now and then complete this sentence.

I am or I feel.

What comes to mind for me when I do it,

I want to lift my chest up and arch my back,

Put my face to the sky and what I want to say is I feel free.

I feel free to be me.

If you'd like,

You can write down your word or phrase.

And a simple way to apply this in action is before an important meeting or before you're going into an important interaction,

Do this new power posture for one or two minutes and say your unique phrase to call this experience to mind and step into your authentic power.

So that's an easy tool to help you start applying right away,

Going from self-doubt and a sense of your own deficiency to unshakable confidence.

You can cultivate that in yourself anytime you'd like.

So the second shift,

Very similar to the title of this talk,

Is all about going from hustle to flow.

We live in a culture today that views being busy as a badge of honor.

If you ask people,

How are you doing?

They'll often say,

Oh,

Busy,

A busy,

Crazy busy,

So busy.

But busy is not even a state of being.

And yet we use it all the time to describe ourselves.

There's even this sense that if your calendar is really full,

You're more important or more worthy.

The more output you have,

The more productive you are,

The more inherently valuable you are.

So we live in this hustle,

Push yourself,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Mind racing,

Never enough type of culture.

And that's the old paradigm of success.

The new paradigm of success is one of flow,

Satisfaction,

Ease,

Creativity,

Abundance,

Win-win,

Feeling at peace with yourself and what you accomplished that day.

So how do you get there?

Well,

First I want to tell you a short story of my own experience of going from hustle to flow.

So a couple of years ago,

I was doing a big launch for one of my online programs.

It's called Create Work You Love.

And I had a lot of work to do on the launch this one morning.

And I don't even,

I don't really ever drink coffee,

But I decided,

Okay,

I'm going to drive myself to the Philz coffee shop in my neighborhood and I'm going to crank out these emails.

So I drove to Philz,

I parked and I was walking on the sidewalk to go into the Philz coffee shop,

Like marching,

Thinking I'm going to crank these emails out.

I'm going to get it done.

I'm going to just crush it.

And I had this moment on the sidewalk where I noticed the tenseness of my own posture and the adrenaline coursing through me and me saying,

I'm going to crank it out.

I'm going to crush it.

And I just paused for a moment and went,

Oh my gosh,

What am I doing?

That's not how I work anymore.

That's the old me who used to work in investment banking and private equity.

That's the Stanford MBA me.

That's not how I want to live and work these days.

So I actually literally stopped short on the sidewalk when I caught myself in this mindset of hustle and the woman behind me almost crashed into my back.

She was walking fast too.

And I literally did a 180.

I turned around on the sidewalk.

I pivoted,

Went straight back to my car,

Immediately Googled on my phone,

Yoga classes starting soon near me.

I took myself straight to a yoga class.

No joke happened to be one starting really soon.

And 45 minutes later,

I was in this yoga class in the middle of a pose when all of a sudden this idea flowed into my mind about a new affiliate partnership for my launch and this one organization that I had not yet thought of reaching out to that could be a great partner for the launch.

So I ended up reaching out to them after the yoga class and that one organization accounted for almost 20% of my sales for that launch.

So cool,

Right?

And I got the idea in a yoga studio rather than cranking it out,

Pushing it through,

It fills coffee.

So that is just a simple example of how to go from hustle to flow.

The key to going from hustle to flow starts by recognizing when you're in a hustle mindset and when you're in a hustle paradigm and then consciously and intentionally shifting into flow instead.

So I'd like to lead you in a short meditation now to help you connect with what these two mindsets feel like for you.

So again,

Gently allow your eyes to close if you haven't already and begin to tune into the breath,

The rise and fall of your chest or belly as you inhale and exhale.

Connect in with your heart center if you'd like.

You can place one or both hands on your heart.

Visualize or imagine that with each inhale,

You're sending breath into your heart space.

It's as though there's a little pilot light in your heart center.

And as you inhale,

That light gets brighter and brighter filling your whole heart space with a beautiful white light.

And from this place of gentle,

Loving awareness,

I'd like for you to think of a time in the past when you were in hustle mode,

Cranking it out,

Crushing it,

Pushing through.

What does it feel like,

Look like,

Taste like or even smell like when you're in hustle?

What are you saying to yourself when you're in hustle mode?

What fears or beliefs are running the show when you're in hustle mode?

And whose voice is that?

Whose beliefs are those?

If you'd like,

You can pause this recording to journal on some of those questions.

What does it feel like,

Look like,

Taste like,

Smell like when you're in hustle?

What are you saying to yourself?

What fears or beliefs are running the show?

And whose voice is that?

You can pause now to write some of those answers.

And as you're ready and done writing,

Coming back to your heart in the meditation with your eyes gently closed,

Reconnecting with your heart center,

Placing one or both hands on your heart,

Sending some breath into your heart space.

Now I'd like for you to call to mind the time in the past when you were in flow.

When you were in flow.

What does that feel like,

Look like,

Taste like,

Or smell like?

What does it feel like when you're in a state of flow?

Perhaps time goes by quickly.

What are you saying to yourself when you're in flow?

What are you doing and who are you with?

If you'd like,

You can again pause this recording to journal on what it looks like and feels like when you're in flow.

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

And what are you saying to yourself when you're in a state of flow?

So here's the simple action step you can take to apply these tools right away to make this mindset shift for yourself.

The next time that you notice that you're in hustle,

See if you can pause and do a soul switch move to get into flow.

So this could be simply breathing,

Doing some deep breathing,

Meditating,

Listening to some uplifting or calming music,

Walking around the block,

Walking barefoot.

It can be fun to even heartstorm a list of shift moves you could use to go from hustle to flow whenever you want.

And if you feel like you're under the gun or on a deadline,

You're going to crank it out.

Just notice your inner narrative and see if you can shift it to something a little more spacious.

That will already move you back into flow.

So for example,

When I'm feeling like,

Oh,

I have so much to do today.

Am I going to be able to get it all done?

I have so much on my plate.

I like to use the affirmation.

I have plenty of time for everything I want and need to do today.

I can feel my whole nervous system relax just when I say those words.

I have plenty of time for everything I want and need to do today.

So make time for leisure,

For rest and renewal.

Make time to honor your flow.

So that's the second shift move to go from hustle to flow.

The third shift move is going from alone and unsupported to nurtured and lifted up.

So many women,

We have this unconscious belief that we need to do it all or it's not going to get done right.

Or we often will tend to play the hero or the martyr archetype.

So we'll either step in to save the day.

You can count on me or woe is me.

Why do I have to do everything all the time?

Often women give,

Give,

Give and don't receive.

We are taught culturally to put everyone else's needs above our own.

So we give to work,

We give to our romantic partnership,

We give to our children,

We give to our families,

We give to our communities.

And who's at the bottom of that list?

You are.

So it's really important as women that we allow ourselves to receive support and that we allow ourselves to be nurtured and lifted up by others.

And it can feel very vulnerable to ask for help to say,

Oh,

Can you,

Can we do a car pull?

Can you give my kid a ride?

Or,

Oh,

Actually,

I don't,

That's,

I don't have the capacity to take on that project at work.

Can you help me with this?

So it can feel a little bit vulnerable.

And I've had some women tell me that it also triggers their imposter syndrome to ask for help.

So it's sort of this double bind where they're already feeling insecure.

And then they feel like,

Well,

I can't tell people that I can't handle it all because I want them to know I can do it.

If you felt that way,

You are not alone.

And the key is to find someone today or this week that you can speak your truth to someone who has earned the right to hear it.

So the action step with this shift move is to ask for help with something to delegate or outsource or lean on others.

So take a moment and again,

With your eyes gently closed,

Think of,

Or notice,

Hmm,

Who's one person or one relationship in your life where there's a possibility to be more receptive to help and support?

Who can you lean on?

Hmm.

And just see if someone's face pops into your awareness.

I invite you to lean on someone this week for something and practice receiving.

And if you'd like support and being lifted up and nurtured,

I highly recommend reaching out to some people in your life or hiring a professional joining a women's coaching circle or a peer support group.

Just really being open to investing in yourself,

Your career,

Your needs,

And your own personal development.

Sherry and I who co-developed the content from this talk are running nine month women's coaching circles.

So if you're interested in learning more,

You can always email Robin,

R O B Y N at Vanessa loader.

Com.

I would be honored to support you on your journey in any way that I can.

And I just want to thank you for taking this time out of your day to invest in yourself and to learn about these three shift moves.

See you're already doing it.

Just by spending this time being present and aware and learning how to go from hustle to flow,

You're already going to be experiencing more ease and more support and more confidence in your life.

So,

Yay,

You did it.

You're doing it.

You're doing it.

Well,

Thank you so much for being here with me.

I hope to see you in some of my other courses and programs on insight timer.

And I really hope that you are able to go from hustle to flow with much greater ease and awareness.

As a result of this talk,

Please leave a comment on insight timer and let me know what you thought of it.

I love reading your comments and getting your feedback.

So thank you for spending this time with me and may you have a wonderful day and an incredible journey in this lifetime.

Namaste.

Reviews

Excellent!✨ Thank you for these beautiful tools, Vanessa!💖

So insightful! I will definitely try your three suggestions. Thank you so much❤

Beautiful! I love the action steps. I tend to be aware of mindset shifts that I need/want to happen but I always get tripped up when it comes to how to actually shift my “default conditioning” and many podcasts talk about the shift but not many talk about the HOW. I’ll be trying these for sure! Thank you!