Meditation: Pausing With Self-directed Anger

Pausing is an alternative response to habitual ways you direct anger at yourself. It's not about getting rid of anger, but rather it's about pausing enough to notice the space between the observer and the self-directed angry thoughts and voice. Simply pausing and noticing is enough.

Transcript

Welcome. In this meditation, I'll guide you in pausing. Without judgment as a way to work with habitual ways you berate and direct anger at yourself. It's helpful to practice when the situation is not happening, So that when it is, Pausing is more likely to arise, Giving you access to the space between the triggering event and the negative, Reactive, Berating voice. Anger is a strong emotion, And when you're still, The mind may suddenly be or feel chaotic. It might seem like there's actually more thinking and thoughts. This is totally normal. Simply observe whatever is there without judgment, Or notice the judgment. There is no right way to feel or respond to the prompts. There is only your way. You're not trying to get rid of anything. The practice is simply to notice. If at any point you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, Stop. It can be helpful to move or shake your body or your arms, Whatever you need to do. So at the beginning of the meditation, I'll guide you in noticing your body and physical space. Suggest some breathing. Then guide you in bringing up the angry voice and pausing. After the meditation ends, I'll offer a few words of reflection. So let's begin. With eyes closed. Or slightly open but unfocused. Find a comfortable position. Can be sitting. Standing. Lying down. And bring your attention. To where you are rooted. So if you're standing to your feet, If you're wearing socks, Feel the socks or the floor through your socks. Are you barefoot? If sitting, Notice your butt in the chair. Or whatever surface it is sitting on. Now. Bring your attention to your breath. I'm going to ask you to take two deep breaths. Breathe in as you breathe in. Count, You're going to hold that breath at the top for just a moment, And then exhale. Longer than your inhale. So. . . Breathe in deeply. Hold that breath at the top just for a moment. Then exhale. For longer than your in-breath, Exhale fully. Do that one more time. Inhale deeply. Hold. Release fully. And feel yourself rooted. From the inside. Drop your shoulders. Relax your jaw. From this rooted place. Imagine a moment. Recent or otherwise, When you directed anger at yourself. Something small, Not big. Maybe something that occurs regularly. Maybe there's a negative phrase you often use. If a specific event does not come up, Just think of that persistent phrase. And with the phrase or the event in mind. You may also notice a story immediately arises to explain. Or justify. The anger. Notice, But do not get involved in it. Note. But do not nurture. It can be most. . . Ooo like being almost next to the experience, As if you are a kind and curious observer of what's happening. And as you're noticing, You may feel like you'd like to put your hand on your heart. Wherever there might be some activity, It can feel soothing. So feel free. To soothe yourself. And at any time that you're overwhelmed, Just pause the meditation. And come back whenever you feel like it. So as you're paused. . . Now, Notice that space between you and the anger. Between you and what you're observing. It's fine if there's confusion or numbness or a sense of blankness. It's all normal. There is no right or wrong way. To experience. It may not be obvious, That's also okay. Just notice what it's like. To not be thinking. To not be engaged. And thinking. Whenever that happens. So just sit for a minute. With that feeling of observing. And as we come to the end, We're going to do again the two deep breaths. Inhaling, Holding it at the top. Exhaling for longer. And we inhale. Let's do that first breath. Or inhaling deeply. Holding it top. And exhaling. And do that again. With that deeper sense of pause as we come. To the end. Just give that a little bit more. . . Emphasis. Notice the thoughts or the voice, The angry, Self-directed voice. And like a kind observer. And then notice the space, If there's any space. Between yourself, The observer, And the mind. Event. Or voice. And when you're ready. You can slowly open your eyes. Or if they've been open and softly focused, Just look around. Be slow and intentional and thoughtful about your movement. You haven't, And think of how perhaps that feeling is still in you. That space or that observing of space. The meditation is ended. Here I just offer a few words of reflection. However you felt in the course of this is fine. It is all good. Just keep practicing. In our modern lives, There's our attention. And where we place that attention. And we most often place our attention on thoughts and thinking. In this instance, We did it with thoughts about anger. So this is a Generally, This is a practice of bringing our attention, Our noticing, To a place of awareness, That space that is not bound by thoughts or thinking. I talk more about this in the companion talk. This meditation titled, The Roots of Anger. Self-directed anger. Noticing is simply a signpost. It is not the endpoint. It points toward awareness, The space between event and reaction. There are no words to describe that awareness. But it is within all of us. Always available to us. Thank you so much for practicing and listening. If you found this helpful. Please rate and help others find it. As well, And my work. Thank you so much. Be well. And be safe.