How To Live Through Grief

Grief affects people in many ways and at times can be overwhelming. Grief comes in different ways ... each one just as painful as the next.
No matter your grief, here are my suggestions to help you navigate it.

Thank you for your kind messages and continued support ... all are truly appreciated.

Transcript

Grief affects people in many ways and at times it can be overwhelming.

My name is Jacqueline,

Welcome to my Tranquil Spirits podcast.

I'd like to share with you some of my thoughts and some of my tips on how to live through grief.

There are different forms of grief.

Losing a loved one,

Losing a pet,

The breakdown of a relationship,

Losing a job,

Not achieving goals and dreams,

The devastating news around the world and many more,

That the feeling of grief is still the same.

No matter your grief,

Here are some ways which can help you navigate it.

Always allow the tears to flow.

When we suppress anything,

Then we make ourselves become ill or not feeling quite as good as we can.

Now we wouldn't suppress laughter or most people don't,

We just let laughter flow.

But a lot of us feel that our tears have to be kept inside,

That we can't shed them.

But the more we push our tears inside,

Eventually we become like a pressure cooker and then we just bubble up and we explode.

So allow the tears to flow.

Pain often means that there's emotion which needs to be released.

So when your heart aches,

Allow those tears to flow.

When your heart aches,

Allow the emotion to come out,

Whatever it may look like.

It may mean that you want to shout from the rooftops.

It may mean that you just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

It can mean anything.

But when you have that pain,

Know that there's emotion there which needs to be released.

Find someone to talk to.

Now when I say find someone to talk to,

I don't mean someone that has their own worries to share.

You know we've all got those friends where they're just full of doom and gloom and that's all they seem to want to talk about.

Find someone that will just offer you their ear,

Let's say.

That's someone that you don't necessarily need to have any feedback from.

You just want someone that you can talk to,

Someone that will understand you.

So find that someone special to talk to.

The more we can release this built up emotion within us in whichever form it takes,

The better it's going to make us feel.

Intentional breathing.

Now we breathe all the time as I'm told.

But intentional breathing is when we really focus on our breath.

So we really take time and notice of breathing in,

Holding the breath and then allowing that breath to flow.

So we can do it on the count.

You can either count to five as you breathe in,

Count to five as you hold and count to five as you breathe out.

Or you can increase that number to eight or ten,

Whatever works for you.

But when we do intentional breathing,

It helps to restore the balance in our body and also gives our mind something else to focus on at that moment of feeling distressed.

Meditation is also another very good thing.

Meditation is great for all sorts of things,

But meditation is very good for relaxing us.

And you can do intentional breathing as a meditation as well.

So meditation takes lots of forms.

It's not just sitting still for an hour doing nothing.

Nobody can really do that.

But it could be a guided meditation.

Check out my Tranquil Sleep Meditations podcast if you like guided meditations.

But there's lots of meditations out there.

Or just sit,

Light a candle and just focus your attention on the flame of the candle.

That really helps as well.

Have things to do which will move your attention away from your grief.

You know,

It's okay to grieve and to be in that moment of having to grieve,

But it's not good really to stay there for a long,

Long time.

So when we have the tools ready,

Different things that we can do to move our attention away from the grief,

Even if it's only for half an hour or whatever it is,

Then that's when we can then build our strength back up and gather ourselves and go about our day a little easier.

So have those things ready to do.

It could be a playlist.

It could be photographs to look at,

Something that changes your mood,

Makes you feel happy.

Keep some structure in each day.

You know,

It's very easy to lose the hours when you're going through grief.

It's very easy to just want to stay in bed and not to do anything.

But if you keep some structure in your day,

Now that could be that you say you go for a walk every day at 10 o'clock.

It could be that you meet a friend at 3 o'clock for coffee.

It can be anything at all,

But just keep some structure in each day and you'll find that those periods of time will help you get through the days.

Plan things to look forward to.

It is okay to enjoy life.

That's why we're here.

So have those little things to look forward to.

And it could just be meeting a friend for coffee on a Saturday.

Or it could be going to see that movie that's just come out at the cinema.

It could be that you plan to go for a picnic with some family.

Any little thing.

It doesn't have to cost you lots of money.

Just a little thing.

You know,

Maybe every Tuesday afternoon you meet with a friend down the road and you go for a walk.

Whatever it is.

But have things,

Plan things to look forward to.

Pets.

They're a great one.

If you don't have your own pet,

Then visit a friend who does.

Because just by petting a dog,

A cat,

Whatever it is,

Holding a fluffy bunny in your arms,

You know,

It doesn't really matter what the pet is,

But it takes your attention away from your grief.

So pets are great for that.

Self-talk.

Now we can either do this by looking in a mirror and talking to ourself or by just talking out loud to ourselves.

Now it does sound a bit strange,

I know,

But it helps in so many ways and on so many levels.

By talking out loud how you're feeling,

Whatever it is,

It will,

It just,

I can't explain how it helps,

But it really does help.

Try it one time.

You know,

When you walk past a mirror or something that shows your reflection,

Just look at yourself and just say,

How are you doing today?

It's almost like somebody's saying that to you and it does bring you a comfort.

And just let your frustrations out if that's how you feel.

But if you're feeling good,

You know,

Having a good moment at the moment,

Then that's a good thing too.

So self-talk,

That's a great way forward.

We all grieve in different ways and for different lengths of times,

And that's okay.

You know,

If we've lost a loved one and we still feel that energy,

That pain around us a year,

Two years,

Three years on,

That's okay.

What's not okay is when we sit with it and it makes our life stop.

That's when it's not okay because we'll just be making ourselves ill.

But when we can cope with it and we can still go about our day,

Then who's to say that a year,

Two years on,

Three years on,

That,

You know,

We still feel as if it was yesterday when they were gone.

That's okay.

But those people that say to you after a few months,

Haven't you got over that yet?

Isn't it time to move on?

They're not the kind of people that will understand you and they're not the people that you necessarily need around you.

So choose who you share how you're feeling with because that has a lot to do with how you're going to get through your grief.

Now,

If you're someone who has a friend who is grieving and you're unsure of what to say or do,

Here are some tips.

Don't ignore them.

We often don't feel comfortable approaching people in grief,

But there is nothing worse than feeling isolated.

Offer an ear.

Some people just want to talk without receiving advice.

Take some food around to them.

Often people forget to eat when they're in grief and there's nothing nicer than someone cooking for you.

Send them a simple text,

Letting them know you are there if they need you.

It's a comfort to know friends are thinking of you and remember to check in with them a few days later.

When someone is grieving,

They often feel the world doesn't care as everyone gets on with their lives and the world still turns.

So by just checking in,

They know you're still in their thoughts and they probably will by then want to talk.

Whatever your grief is,

It will be personal to you.

There is no right or wrong way to go through it.

By talking about it openly will help you to heal.

Check in with yourself regularly and if you have long moments of sadness or anger,

Find a way to change your thoughts and bring happiness into your day.

Your body needs happiness to thrive and the more you can do this,

The shorter the negative periods will become.

I hope some of these tips will help you.

Different things work on different days.

Let me know how you deal with grief by going to my website www.

Tranquil-spirits.

Com.

Thanks for listening.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Thank you so much for this talk. It’s very helpful as my sister passed away 1/10 this year and you give good advice here how I can make it easier for me to live through this grief . Much love to you 🙏❤️