The Illusion and Trap, Of... Self-Love

Discover the intrinsic longing for love and the desire to see what's true, while unraveling the conditioning that keeps us seeking love externally. Learn how to recognize conditional love, worshiping images, and the confusion of what we truly crave. Experience a profound shift in perspective as Tiger invites you to embrace the present moment and surrender to the miracle of life.

Transcript

More than I want to experience love,

What is really being asked for as it relates to the intrinsic longing is I want to see what's true.

I want to see what's true about what I am.

I want to connect with the realness of what I am,

Which is a soulful and we'll call it spiritual longing to connect with the truth of life.

And this is at the source of all desire within the human experience for every human being.

But really,

Fundamentally,

The craving is one to come home to the truth of life and see what you really are.

Because the experience of love in whatever flavor appears is a natural byproduct of seeing the truth of what you are,

Seeing the truth of life coming home.

The topic today,

The illusion,

Trap and opportunity of self-love.

The concept of self-love in one way makes a lot of sense.

And in another way,

It can very easily set up a trap that keeps us in a cycle of seeking,

Seeking and seeking,

Which is only met with frustration and disappointment.

A struggle to love yourself.

And this is not the original invitation of self-love to struggle at loving.

I would suggest that if love in any context is a struggle,

We need to take a break and step back and re-evaluate what it is we think love is.

Because in its most sincere context,

There's no struggle in love.

The struggle arises in our unwillingness to love,

But the doorway into love is struggle-less.

Similarly,

We can see the concept of letting go as hard.

It's a struggle to let go.

I would suggest that it's the resistance to letting go that is the hard part.

But when letting go happens,

When it's seen,

We often look back and say,

Well,

Why didn't I just do that sooner?

So it's not the happening of love that's difficult.

It's not the happening of letting go that's difficult.

It's our resistance to it.

Difficulty in self-love,

And I guess this is how I'm going to approach it for now,

Giving our playfully limited time.

There's a question that I would propose that looks to clarify the massive misunderstanding.

And that question is,

Are you trying to love who you think you are?

Or are you looking to experience love for what you really are?

I ask this question because if one is engaged in the socially popular activity of trying to love who you think you are,

You will find yourself in this trap.

A trap where this person you think you are is constantly changing.

And thus,

You have to constantly re-evaluate.

Is this character worthy of your love?

It's always in question.

But I invite us to ask this question with a depth of sincerity while looking at the struggle of self-love.

Because I can promise you in a playful way that if there is struggle as it relates to self-love,

The struggle is in trying to love who you think you are.

The character you've made for yourself,

Which is often a picture of a character that you deem as unlovable,

Which makes it hard to love.

But furthermore,

This character that you're trying to love isn't even really what you are.

You're trying to love something that's not even real.

Something that's imaginary.

Something that comes and goes.

And so the love that is extended to it doesn't land on any solid ground.

Think about this.

Trying to love something that's imaginary while thinking it's real.

Do you see the frustration that can arise in that?

This speaks so directly to not only the nature of self-love,

But the primary difficulty in our human experience,

Which is the confusion of who you're thought to be with what you really are.

We live a life as a character in the mind,

Assuming that that character is who we really are.

And so we relate to reality through the lens of something that's not even really there.

And this creates an enormous amount of confusion.

Furthermore,

To explore this topic of self-love in its most authentic form,

Naturally to make contact with this,

We have to examine what it is we even think love is.

Because through our conditioning,

We've been sold a story about love that isn't love at all.

And then we take that false concept of love and try to apply it to our human experience,

And it fails.

In the same way that our experience of love fails in our relating in our human experience.

Because the love we are attempting to utilize is not real love.

And so we don't experience the byproduct of real love,

Which is the expectation in some way,

Because we're not actually moving from a genuinely loving place.

So to explore self-love and what it really might be,

Let's explore the concept of love.

It's wise to recognize that all of these concepts are just pointers.

Love as a word is pointing to something.

It's pointing to a particular experience that has many different flavors.

And if we explore our experiences with love and all of its different flavors,

Whether it's love for family,

Love for your work,

Love for a lover,

There are similarities in all of these experiences that point back toward the real nature of what love is.

I would point to the real nature of love by saying that it is a recognition of wholeness,

Where that which is being observed is completely allowed to be what it is.

And it's embraced in such a way where it exposes a profound beauty about life.

How does that relate to self-love?

It's a recognition of wholeness for what you are,

Which extends a freedom to be what you are,

The reality of here and now.

And in this allowing,

It exposes a profound beauty,

Not only in what you are as separate from everything else,

But a profound beauty in what you are in relationship to everything else.

Like you're a part of it all.

Another thing that's recognized when love is genuinely seen in a manner of speaking is that nothing's missing.

And of course,

This could be intertwined in our experience of self-love where there is not the projection of a self that's missing something.

You know what's fascinating?

As I talk about this,

I see the fundamental trap.

A trap which misunderstands what I'm saying and turns it into something that I'm not saying.

And that trap being an expectation of doing.

That,

Okay,

In order to experience this self-love,

This is what I have to do.

I have to see myself this way.

I have to do more of this.

I have to do less of that.

And if I can somehow get myself to do these things,

Then I can finally love myself.

And that's not what I'm saying at all.

There's a common assumption within the human experience that is fueled by a belief in the concept of time.

Human beings believe time is real.

Meaning that there is something real called past.

And there is something real called future.

And this sets up an obstacle course as it relates to connecting with what you sincerely crave.

If the experience is as such that you are not with what you crave,

Then the assumption must be that it's not here and it must be in the past or in the future.

Which leads us on a quest of questioning the past.

If only this,

If only that,

Then I can have what I crave.

Which leads towards,

You know,

Experiences of resentment,

Regret,

Guilt.

And then there's the experience of if it's not my experience now,

Then it must be in the future.

So there's a game of mental acrobatics that looks for it in the future.

Which is what gives us anxiety,

Stress,

Worry.

You see that this is all sprung from a belief that the past and the future is real.

And that if I don't have what I crave,

It must be in the past and it must be in the future.

Because those are real things in which where it could be.

In this assumption,

In this belief in time,

Which comes with the subsequent belief that what you crave is in the past or the future,

Then the present moment becomes an obstacle.

There is an attempt to escape the present moment and get to wherever the prize might be.

And in this example,

The prize of self-love.

What's fascinating about this and about this confusion is that it sets the stage for a love that is conditional.

And if love is conditional,

It's not real love.

Do you see how this would be conditional love if it's in the future?

Because if it's in the future,

It's in a particular shape of the future,

Right?

It's not just there in the next moment.

It's there if the next moment looks a certain way.

The love that's craved becomes conditional,

Which sets up the further anxiety of it not being how I think it's supposed to be.

And so I might not get the prize.

Creates an agitation,

A fear of potential loss.

We might be able to just leave it at that.

I think that's relatively clear,

Yeah?

How the belief in past and future as something real means that it can hold something real,

Which means it can hold what you crave,

The realness of what you crave.

And if self-love is not experienced,

Then again,

It must be in the future or it must be in the past,

Making this moment an obstacle.

Now recognize this.

In that assumption,

Which creates this moment being an obstacle,

Do you see how there's a fundamental avoidance of this moment?

With the assumption that it's in the future or it's in the past,

The last place you're going to look is this moment,

Which is quite hilarious because it says the last place you're going to look is in reality,

In the real.

This isn't a question of if it's in the past or if it's in the future,

Because past and future are imaginary.

It can't be there.

And if it seems like it's there,

Then it's not the real thing because you're looking at your imagination.

The point being that if what is craved is not experienced,

In this case,

Self-love,

It's not because it's not here.

It's because it's not seen.

This is so important and so profound,

And I'm going to probably talk about this until my last breath.

If self-love is not experienced,

It's not because it's not here.

It's not because you haven't fixed yourself yet.

It's not because you haven't done the right spiritual activities.

It's not because of any condition.

In the most simple way,

It's because it's not seen.

I'm pointing towards a magical doorway that,

At least to me,

Is profoundly obvious if you're willing to open to this discovery.

If it is an issue of it not being seen,

And that is recognized as deeply true,

Can you see how,

In some way or another,

The invitation is one of stillness?

If something is not understood,

Do you see it's an invitation of deep listening?

This is the same thing as stillness.

In the human misunderstanding that believes what is craved in the future,

That is believed that what is craved is in the future,

The last thing on the agenda is stillness.

If I'm just still,

Then I might not get what I want in the future.

I might miss it.

This is why it is fundamentally important to connect with a deeper understanding about the nature of reality,

And to discern the difference between what is imaginary and what is real.

We are so easily hypnotized by images,

Which is also to say human beings are experts at worshipping images.

And the worshipping of images includes putting such importance on past and future,

Which are images in the mind.

There is the idea that what I imagine in the future has what I crave.

That is worshipping the image.

Likewise,

With the past,

If only the past was this or that,

Which is an image,

Then I would have what I crave.

It's worshipping images.

It's worshipping mental content.

It's taking that which is imaginary,

Proclaiming that it's the savior of your reality.

One of the things I spend a lot of time doing in my communication is assisting people to clarify the fundamental craving that they have as a human being.

Because all human beings have fundamentally the same desire,

The same soulful longing.

However,

All human beings tell a different story about that desire.

And then they think they want the story rather than the sincerity of the desire.

And of course,

The story is an image projected into the future.

And so in our own ways,

We chase different versions of the future to connect with what we desire,

But it always fails eventually because it's imaginary.

We do this same silly pattern as it relates to self-love,

Where the desire for self-love is intimately tied to that intrinsic longing that's the same for all humans.

We articulate it as self-love,

And then we create an image of a self to love.

And then we think we must become that image in order to connect with that love,

Which is a conditional love predicated on future.

If only I could do this,

If only I could do that.

And then we can hype ourselves up,

Which is an inflated sense of imaginary self-importance that says,

Oh wow,

I could really become this or I could really become that.

And if I could become that,

Wow,

Then I might get that love.

So let's go,

Let's get to the future.

And,

You know,

Playfully that can be fun for a little while until it turns into its own disaster.

Beyond all of these images of love,

Beyond all of these projections of past and future,

What's the fundamental crane?

And let's see if we can understand how it's connected to the pointer of self-love.

It's not a path of doing,

Because that implies future.

It's a doorway into seeing.

If I'm not experiencing what is craved,

It's not because I'm not doing,

It's because I'm not seeing that it's here.

Which invites a stillness and a willingness to look,

Which of course also simultaneously comes with a surrender of what you think you want tomorrow.

Because you can't do both.

You can't be totally present while hoping the future turns out a certain way.

Which is often why this is so difficult,

Unless there's time taken to really clarify these misunderstandings,

Because then you'll half-ass it.

You're like,

Okay,

Well,

I'll do this,

But I really hope I get what I want in the future,

Which isn't really doing it.

It's to almost recognize in the core of your being how profoundly deep and true this is,

That what you crave is here right now,

And you just don't see it.

And there's nothing for you in the future that will give you what you soulfully long for.

The soulful longing,

This fundamental craving that is articulated as,

I want to love myself,

Is actually saying,

I want to see love.

And the mind confuses it as,

I want to love myself.

But when we say the statement,

I want to love myself,

What we're really saying is,

I want to experience love.

And to experience love only happens if you see love.

So I want to see love.

This is to point to something even deeper.

But I think we can find resonance in this,

Yeah?

That the statement,

I want to love myself,

Is actually just saying,

Man,

I would just really like to experience and feel love for what I am.

But again,

It's really,

I just want to experience love.

And this sets up another trap,

Which is we go looking for a particular flavor of love,

A form,

Which becomes another condition.

Because if we strip it back more deeply,

More than I want to experience love,

What is really being asked for as it relates to the intrinsic longing is,

I want to see what's true.

Which is also a way of saying,

I want to see what's true about what I am.

I want to connect with the realness of what I am.

Which is a soulful,

And we'll call it spiritual longing,

To connect with the truth of life.

And this is at the source of all desire within the human experience for every human being.

And it can be so masked,

So filtered with social conditioning that can be perceivably miles away from connecting with the authenticity of this craving.

But really,

Fundamentally,

The craving is one to come home to the truth of life and see what you really are.

Now,

What does this have to do with love to see the truth of what you are?

Because the experience of love in whatever flavor appears is a natural byproduct of seeing the truth of what you are,

Seeing the truth of life,

Coming home.

Practically speaking,

If you look at the contrast of the opposite of self-love,

We can see a human experience that's riddled with self-judgment,

Guilt,

Blame,

Fear.

We see a human experience that is entangled with the apparent opposite of what we crave.

And those experiences are simply manifestations of not seeing the truth of what you are.

And so the point is not to change those things.

The point is not to stop judging yourself.

The point is not to forgive yourself,

Even though that these are natural byproducts.

But again,

This isn't something that you do.

These are things that happen automatically,

Naturally,

Without effort,

As you touch upon the truth of what is.

And as soon as these things become goals,

As soon as they become action items on your list,

Then they take priority over the real priority,

Which is seeing the truth of life,

Which is coming home.

We begin worshipping our ideas of love,

Worshipping our ideas of self-forgiveness,

Worshipping our ideas of no longer judging ourselves.

And they become traps and obstacles because they become barriers that are projected into the future that become the prize that's not here now.

And we become unavailable to see the truth of this moment.

And if only we saw the truth of this moment,

All of those things would be given to you,

Which reminds me of the classical biblical phrase,

Seek first the kingdom of God,

And then all of these things will be given to you,

Which is like saying,

Seek first what's real and true,

And then everything you crave will be given to you.

It's such a powerful statement in the right context,

And other spiritual traditions have said this same thing in some way.

Seek first what is real and true,

And then everything else that you crave will be given to you,

Not will be earned,

Given.

Now,

Here's the thing,

My friends,

All of this is said only to inspire a devotion.

It's not offered up as information for things for you to do,

To add to your list of spiritual activities.

It's to inspire a devotion where something in you recognizes,

Holy shit,

And in that is a stillness that opens to the possibility that you're swimming in a miracle that has already given you everything you could ever possibly desire,

And it's just waiting for you to see it.

And in that recognition,

This discovery becomes the most important thing.

This discovery becomes the primary focus that shines upon every other focus that might appear in your life,

Recognizing just how important this is.

Because again,

Naturally and understandably and adorably,

As human beings,

We can say,

Oh,

This is cute.

That's a nice spiritual phrase,

Which is perfectly fine.

It can be a great doorway.

But then on the other end,

And maybe only for those who have had the experience,

There's a recognition that touches you so deeply that all you can do is drop to your knees and bow to life because it's seen with such immensity of how profound this is,

Of how profound the miracle is,

And how much it's not seen,

And recognized it's the only thing you actually desire,

Recognizing there's nowhere else to go,

Recognizing that that's the only reason you're here,

Alive as a human being,

Is to connect with this fundamental discovery that's been pointed to since the beginning of human beings being human beings.

It becomes the most important thing.

It's not an expectation.

It's not a should.

It's not a commandment.

It's an invitation.

And if one doesn't resonate with that invitation,

Then it's simply not time.

And that's fine too.

And I sound like a crazy person.

I mean,

My goodness,

If I heard myself talking in the future 20 years ago,

I would think I'm a crazy person too.

And so this discovery,

To whatever degree you can receive it in these times together,

Is exactly why this show is this show.

An opportunity to check in and maybe reignite the fire of that devotion so that you can open yourself up more and more,

Which is the surrendering and releasing of all the fantasies that worship images and come home.

Let's move on to Q&R,

Questions and reflections.

For those listening live,

If you have any questions,

You can write them in the comments.

There's about 100 people joining from around the world right now.

And I'm not going to scroll back through and look for questions.

So you can copy and paste now.

Maybe do a couple of them if they arise.

If not,

Then we'll just transition straight into the guided meditation and wrap this up.

I see a question here from Judy.

Asks,

What about manifesting?

That's a whole nother video,

Judy.

That would be a fun topic to explore.

And I wonder if there's anything I could speak to that in 60 seconds.

I wish I had some more context to your question though.

Words about manifesting.

I mean,

They come in all different shapes and sizes.

And maybe my note of caution is anything that has to do with manifesting something in the future that gives you something that you don't have right now.

As if there's something that could exist tomorrow that if you had it,

You would be more worthy and lovable than you are right now.

And then we start worshipping that fantasy rather than worshipping the truth of life that is here right now.

That's sort of when the pointer of manifesting becomes serious,

Important.

Because when one is connected with the truth of life,

When one is seeing reality much more clearly,

There is a play of manifestation that happens automatically,

Which isn't yet another thing that you're doing.

It's something that just simply presents itself.

And there's not much concern about it.

There's not a,

If only this,

If only that.

Like in the work that I do,

Even like for this show,

Holding Space for Love to be Seen,

There's a playful vision that I have for this program that I share with my small little but big-hearted team what we might be able to do as it relates to sharing things with others in the world.

But is that important?

No,

Not really.

Is it fun?

Yeah.

Is it going to give me something that I don't already have?

No.

Could life want to do something else?

Yeah.

And so what's the point of that vision?

It's playful.

But it doesn't matter.

What matters is that we do what we do in a spirit of love and play.

We honor the time that we've been given.

And who knows if time will come tomorrow?

Laura asks,

What about toxic positivity?

In the most playful way ever,

I would say that concepts of positivity and concepts of negativity are toxic.

I don't see other people's expression in that lens of toxic or not,

Implying that I know what should or should not be for another.

I mean,

My goodness,

To experience a sort of false sense of positivity because we're scared could be an appropriate space for you to be in right now that leads to a profound discovery.

So I'm not going to comment about should or should not.

And I'm not going to label it in a way that is disparaging or less than,

Not implying that that's what's being done in your situation.

But for me,

There's an invitation of caution in these words that we use and to understand that these words that we use don't actually exist in reality.

Like there's nothing in reality called toxic positivity.

That is a way of seeing something.

It's not really out there.

If anything,

It says this is how I paint it.

When I'm looking at this play of energy,

This dance of light,

I perceive it as toxic.

That's how I see it,

Which doesn't say anything about what it is.

It just says how I see.

And so I see a world where there is something called toxic and something called something else.

And again,

That's not wrong or bad because that would just be another way of seeing it.

It's allowed.

The only thing I would invite is a discernment of,

Do you think that's actually out there?

Or is that in you?

Is that something that's been created separately from you?

Or is that your creation?

Which is actually quite interesting because when you encounter something and you label it in such a way,

You don't experience that something.

You experience your label.

You experience how you see it.

And in the confusion,

We think we're experiencing that something out there.

No,

You're experiencing your creation of it.

It's quite fascinating to experience things without labels.

We can use labels to communicate,

But it's very wise to understand that in using labels to communicate,

You're not defining anything.

You're just communicating how you see.

You're not describing something that's actually out there.

You're describing the world you're creating.

All right,

Let's wrap up with a very short guided meditation,

And then we'll get out of here and continue on in our day in a spirit of love and play.

All right,

Let's do this.

We are going to take a very brief moment connecting with the present moment,

Connecting with the here and now,

And invite ourselves to recognize in some way or another that what we really crave is already present and available.

It's simply waiting for us to acknowledge its presence.

So be here with me.

Come home to this moment.

We can discern the difference between all the things we imagine,

Past and future.

And we can acknowledge that those things are not here right now.

Those things are not in reality.

That is the mind telling stories,

Stories that will forever remain in the imagination.

And in recognizing that,

We can gently lay it down and return to what's actually real.

We are simply invited to just be.

Be.

And in this,

We can watch the tension and the anxiety slowly melt away.

Because all of those things are fueled by the imagination of the unreal.

As we connect with what's real,

As we connect with what's real,

We recognize an expansive space,

A space where there is no judgment,

No expectation,

No demand that anything be different.

Everything,

All that is,

Is completely held by this space.

Allow yourself to see that.

Is this not everything you've been looking for?

A space where you can finally just be as you are.

A space where there's no more judgment.

A space where there's no more love being withheld.

This is your real home.

This is what's really true.

This is what's real.

We're going to take three deep breaths.

And invite this space into our heart.

Recognizing just how important reality is.

Recognizing that we are always here and it's just waiting to be seen.

Let's breathe.

Let us recognize a profound gratitude for reality.

A gratitude that the truth of this reality this space has always been here.

And it will forever be here.

Holding us,

Whether we see it or not.

Thank you for meditating with me today.

Reviews

this talk is deep. lots of layers (and i mean that in a good way). i’m glad i’m a plus member here so i can return to the meditation at the end again and again. thanks Tiger 🙏

🙏🏼 Really wonderful. I appreciate you. ❤️🧘‍♂️🌲🌲☮️

Yeahhh, even 10 yrs ago, I would've thought you (& myself), were Whack! 😂 Now, I know the reality of love in this present moment and space, is all there is...and it is more than enough. Keep pointing! Deep bow my heart friend 🙏🏼♥️