I can't be mad at her even when I want to.
Watching how the more destroyed I am inside of myself,
The more I hate myself,
The more I want to be mad at her,
Right?
The more I'm bothered by her,
The little things she does.
She has this adorable way of lying,
Little white lies,
Right?
Just not coming out with the real truth.
If I'm bothered on the inside already about myself,
It's just amazing how that can make me angry.
But then when I'm totally fine,
It becomes the most adorable thing.
And not only is it the most adorable thing,
But it's so obviously an opportunity for me to hold a safe space for her so that she can see that it's safe to tell the truth.
Because the only reason we lie is because we're afraid.
We're afraid of being judged.
I think that's just,
It's so fascinating.
It's such a mirror,
Right?
Like,
What is it that really nurtures this relationship?
It's not being mad at her and blaming her for my own internal drama.
It's seeing that it's impossible to blame her.
Which is such an illustration of how God sees us,
Or an illustration of the truth of us.
When I see her and see that there's nothing to blame,
That she's not really doing anything wrong,
She's just learning,
And I'm just holding a space for her to see things more clearly,
That she doesn't need to be afraid.
And sometimes that takes time.
And regardless of what she says or does,
The conclusion for me is,
I love you.
Same with a parent,
A child.
You see that?
It's such an obvious dynamic,
Right?
When you start touching real love,
It's such an obvious dynamic,
Which exposes the,
Let's call it,
Dynamic of God.
Just holding space with unconditional love.
Knowing that our only problem is that we are afraid.
Which is also like saying,
Knowing our only problem is that we don't see God.
Which is also like saying that we are wrapped up and trying to protect our ego.
Understandably.
It's super innocent.
Right?
Imagine,
From the character of God's perspective,
Watching you dream.
God knows it's just a dream.
Not concerned.
Knowing that what you really are is perfectly fine,
Rested in bed,
Untouched by it all.
So God lets you dream.
Lets you have any dream.
Knowing that the dream serves a purpose.
