From Control To Compassion

How much of your relationships are about you feeling overly responsble for the feelings, actions and situations of others, especially those you love? The desire to control the feelings and situations of others – to 'fix' them – comes naturally to many of us, but it also comes at a personal cost. This meditation is intended to help you adapt and reframe your response in these situations.

Transcript

Welcome to your From Control to Compassion meditation.

I'm your guide,

Terry Cole.

Please find yourself a comfortable place where you can sit or lie down now for the next 10 to 12 minutes.

Put your phone in airplane mode.

Dim the lights.

This is your time.

A time for total relaxation and inner stillness.

Take a moment to make sure that you're warm enough and that you're seated or that you're lying down in a really comfortable position.

You can rest your hands loosely in your lap.

Now gently close your eyes and let's begin.

Take a long,

Slow,

Deep breath in through your nose and then slowly exhale.

Just allow any tension to melt away as you breathe out.

As you gradually relax more and more deeply with each breath in and each breath out.

Take another long,

Slow,

Deep breath in through your nose and release on the exhalation.

Empty your lungs completely,

All the way out.

Take another deep breath in.

Take your time and just let it go.

You can already feel yourself drifting into a state of deep relaxation.

Continue to breathe slowly and gently as you bring your awareness to the top of your head.

Just sense,

Visualize,

Or imagine a feeling of relaxation beginning to spread down from the top of your scalp.

Feel the muscles in your forehead,

Your temples.

Relax.

Allow your eye muscles to release.

Let your cheeks and your jaw soften.

Let go of all tension.

Now let this peaceful feeling flow down into your neck.

Feel it loosening every single muscle,

Every tendon,

Every fiber relaxing with each breath you take.

This relaxing feeling becomes deeper and warmer.

It works its way into the muscles in your shoulders,

Soothing them.

This peaceful feeling flows down from your shoulders into your arms,

Loosening the muscles in your upper arms,

Your forearms,

Your hands,

Relaxing and soothing all the way down to the tips of your fingers.

As your body relaxes,

Your mind relaxes,

And your thoughts seem to become lighter.

You are drifting further and further into a dreamlike state of stillness and relaxation.

Now bring your awareness to your chest and your stomach.

Feel how this area of your body gently rises and falls as you breathe.

Peaceful sensation flows throughout this area of your body,

Soothing and releasing every muscle,

Relaxing every organ.

Turn your attention to your upper back and feel this relaxing sensation flow all the way down your spine as it gradually works its way down your entire body.

Feel every muscle in your back relax and unwind.

Your entire upper body has become loose,

Limp,

Relaxed.

Now feel your hips relax as this peaceful feeling starts to work its way down through your lower body.

Relax your buttocks,

The back of your thighs,

The front of your thighs.

Feel all of these large,

Strong muscle groups becoming looser and more and more relaxed with each moment.

The soothing feeling of relaxation flows down through your knees into your calves.

Your ankles relax,

And your feet relax.

Allow your entire lower body to relax totally and completely.

Now allow any remaining tension from anywhere in your body to flow out through the tips of your toes straight into the ground.

You are totally comfortable,

Peaceful,

And relaxed.

Now that you're relaxed from the top of your head to the tips of your toes,

It's easy for you to visualize with perfect clarity.

In your mind's eye,

See the way that you relate to the people that you love.

You want them to be happy,

Healthy,

You want them to be safe,

You want them to make the right decisions,

And maybe you make suggestions or feel compelled to fix any problems or pain that they may have.

Take a moment to honestly think about how much of your relationships are about you feeling overly responsible for the feelings,

Actions,

Situations,

Or circumstances of others.

This desire to control those situations and outcomes and feeling states for others comes very naturally to many of us,

Especially if you are an empath or codependent.

But this relational pattern comes at a cost to you,

The other people,

And your relationships.

I want you to imagine asking questions instead of immediately making suggestions.

Visualize yourself,

Saying,

Tell me more about how you feel,

Or what do you think you should do?

What does your gut instinct say?

Because I trust your gut instinct,

And I'm here to talk it out if that would be helpful.

Move into a space where you can visualize yourself asking instead of assuming.

Ask how you might best support the person in their current situation,

And even if they do straight up ask you what to do,

I really want you to think about this profound question.

What makes you think you know what life lessons anyone else needs to learn in this lifetime?

People are not projects.

People are not problems for us to fix.

They are humans for us to love,

Respect,

And allow to be independent of us.

This is not to say that we won't be supportive for the people that we love.

This is to say we must be willing to give up the illusion that we have all the answers for anyone.

We can only have the answers for ourselves.

When you start relating to people in your life that they are competent,

And that their mistakes or their successes are their own and not yours,

You will have so much more bandwidth to pour into your own amazing one of a kind life.

I want you to visualize and feel this shift moving from controlling or fixing to embracing and allowing.

It is so much more loving to be able to be with the people we care about,

Or they're going through a hard time or making a tough decision,

And to have the faith and their ability to manage their own lives,

Their own emotional landscapes,

Have their own relationships,

Figure out their own circumstances,

Their own careers,

And to be there for them even when they make mistakes.

Many of us have become incredibly identified with our status as the ultimate helpers.

But in reality,

Our desire to control the feeling states,

The outcomes,

The circumstances,

The situations and the relationships of others is because their pain or discomfort or chaotic situation feels intolerable to us,

So we seek to fix it.

As you breathe in,

Know that you can only be responsible for yourself,

And that's enough.

You can be loving and not seek to control the outcomes for others.

As I release fixing and control,

I choose compassion,

Curiosity,

Love,

And listening.

This is our affirmation.

As I release fixing and control,

I choose compassion,

Curiosity,

Love,

And listening.

Repeat it silently to yourself.

As I release fixing and control,

I choose compassion,

Curiosity,

Love,

And listening.

You're gently repeating the affirmation until you hear my voice again.

As I release fixing and control,

I choose compassion,

Curiosity,

Love,

And listening.

As I release fixing and control,

I choose compassion,

Curiosity,

Love,

And listening.

Please gently stop repeating the affirmation as you continue breathing in through your nose and out through your nose.

Let each inhalation draw in compassion for yourself and others.

Each exhalation releases the behaviors that no longer serve you or your relationships.

Notice how you feel.

Memorize that feeling of love and liberation,

That setting down the need to control others inspires.

Take another long,

Slow,

Deep breath.

And now it's time to come back.

So I'm going to count backwards from 10.

10,

9,

You're feeling rested and relaxed.

8,

7,

Feeling incredibly grateful.

6,

5,

Feeling uplifted and joyful.

4,

3,

Feeling ready to allow.

2,

1.

Now slowly bring your awareness back to your body and back to the room that you're in.

You can gently stretch your hands and rock your feet and give yourself a full body stretch.

Always do this meditation as often as you wish and as always,

Take care of you.

Reviews

Wise words in affirmation, beautiful relaxing background music, and an easy to listen to track. I enjoyed this and will be revisiting. Thank you. 🥰🙏💓✨️

A helpful and relaxing meditation, love the affirmation towards the end, thank you 🙏

Love. All of Terri’s tracks are incredible, and this one really got me

Very relaxing. By the end of it, I felt like I released all the frustrations and control that was necessary for me to have a good day today. Thank you 🙏

Amazing. I love your meditations. Today was just what I needed to let go of people pleasing.

I will be coming back to this, I need to hear it.
Thank you 🙏🏻

Thank you for this incredibly helpful meditation 💕

“Ask questions rather than give advice” seems useful.

But is this not itself giving advice?

As I recognize someone can know more than do I, might I not also occasionally know more than another? Is trial and error the only effective teacher?

Thanks, as always! 😊🤔🙏

I appreciate and value the depth and detail of your response to my questions and comments!

Once upon a time I was a teacher and coach. During class or practice the role of “dispenser” of content and technique was gated by timo constraints. (Even Socratic seminars and individual lessons are not exactly open-ended?

It is a challenge for me to exercise patience when I see a crisis or conflict.

Part of the personal boundaries challenges I continue to work impacts my propensities to over-everything I fear. The choice of anyone to enter a “helping” profession might make one emotionally vulnerable to those in need.

You certainly help me reflect on what drives me! Feeling good about trying to help sometimes undermines my journey?

🙏🙏🙏😊

Helpful insights in the meditation to challenge that compulsion to fix and control. Thank you 🙏

Super good meditation for control freaks like me 🙏🏻 Feels so releasing, trustful, relaxed to let go and I see the beauty in just listening, being compassionate, supportive- my children and partner deserve that I fully trust them 💗

Great choice after 10 day challenge…ohhh we is - has a way to “ get inside”

Just what I needed this morning .Thank you!😃❤

Excellent! This Meditation is kind and positive. I feel nurtured and nourished.

Love the mantra and time to repeat to myself before coming back