Soften the Sting of Loneliness

This meditation is designed help you consider the ways you are connected to many people in this exact moment. Be prepared for dialogue and a writing prompt. :)

Transcript

Hi there.

This meditation is for when you are feeling lonely.

But if you're new to my meditations,

I should give you a heads up.

There is a bit more speaking than you might be used to,

And I do offer a writing prompt towards the end of the recording.

So if that's not your jam,

I totally respect that,

And I wish you well on your journey,

But you should totally come back if you want to give this a try sometime.

For those of you who aren't canceling out and are still interested,

Welcome.

I'm really glad you're here.

Super truly glad that you're here.

If you selected this meditation because you're feeling lonely,

It's a huge step.

Loneliness can be really suffocating,

And it can kind of just keep you there rather than reaching out and trying to connect with something,

Even if it's just a recorded meditation.

So good for you.

This stuff's hard.

I mean,

Studies have shown that loneliness can increase the concentration of cortisol levels in your body.

Cortisol is your stress hormone.

Like,

Loneliness is stressful.

And when we are exposed to high levels of cortisol over long periods of time,

It can lead to anxiety,

Depression,

Digestive problems,

Heart disease,

Sleep problems,

Weight gain,

And more.

Essentially,

It messes with your immune system.

And so it's no wonder why we hate it so much.

It's so stifling and it hurts us physically.

But sometimes loneliness feels pretty unavoidable.

Sometimes it looms over us like a rain cloud that we can't get out from underneath.

And loneliness is not just like a picture of a person sitting alone in her home wishing that someone would text her or call her.

I actually have a friend who said that his loneliest moment was at Burning Man.

And I've felt lonely at parties I've hosted or when hanging out with a really good friend that I enjoy.

Like,

I felt lonely during that.

So it takes all kinds.

There isn't a right or wrong way to feel lonely.

And this meditation will ask you to consider the many things you are connected to in this moment.

And it's my hope that it will help you see how you are connected to not only me,

But to hundreds,

If not thousands of other people in every moment of every day.

But as with any mindfulness practice,

It's important for me to mention that this meditation is not asking you to change the way you feel.

Like I'm,

I mean,

It would be wonderful if you walked away from this meditation and you felt less lonely.

But I'm not telling you to snap out of it.

I'm not telling you that it's not okay to feel the way you feel.

I'm asking you to watch the feelings as they occur.

So I'll be asking you questions or having you consider certain thoughts or ideas.

And your only task is just to observe how you respond physically,

Mentally,

And emotionally.

If you want to qualify it or put it in a box,

You can,

But you don't need to.

If you start to,

And you're like,

Oh,

I don't want to be doing that,

Just gently catch yourself and gently let it go.

The more you do that work in these meditations,

The more you will find access to that kind of unattachment in your everyday life.

All right.

That is enough preaching for me.

Let's meditate together.

So for this meditation,

You can choose to have a comfortable seat,

Perhaps with your back resting on the back of a chair or a wall or a pillow.

And you may also choose to lay down if you wish.

Place your hands somewhere intentionally,

Somewhere near your body,

Or maybe you just want to rest your palms on sort of a solid surface that's near you.

I really like when I'm feeling lonely to place my left hand over my heart and my right hand over my left.

It feels very cradling,

But you might also like to put your hand on your belly and your other hand on top,

Just to sort of hold space for yourself.

Feeling very sweet.

Now let's just connect with our own breathing.

I'd like you to take the slowest,

Deepest,

Broadest inhales you can,

Filling yourself with as much air as possible.

And then at the top,

Hold the breath for just a second.

So the inhale sound like this,

Inhaling really deeply.

Exhaling.

Now I'm breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth because it feels really good to me.

If you'd like to just inhale through your nose and exhale through your nose,

That's totally cool.

But let's continue together with this very deep,

Very slow,

Really gentle breath.

Cheers.

Allow your breath to remain deep,

But perhaps less calculated,

And let's bring our attention to the outermost layer of our physical bodies,

Our skin.

So starting at the bottoms of your feet and traveling up from there,

Create sort of a sensory map of your skin.

Feel the air as it sort of caresses your own skin.

Feel the clothing that you have on.

Feel maybe the mat or whatever it is you're sitting on or laying on.

The texture of it on your skin,

If your skin is exposed.

If you have longer hair,

Can you feel your hair as it tickles your face or the back of your neck?

Really feel every square inch of your skin as you breathe.

Your skin is absorbing the environment around you.

Pay such close attention to this to the point where you almost feel like you're vibrating.

Awesome.

Let's see how connected we can feel to the individuals in the things around us.

So consider a garment you're wearing.

So it could be your shirt,

Your pants,

A sock,

Whatever.

And consider all the people who had a hand in designing it getting the design approved by someone and then getting that design sent to the manufacturer.

Before that piece can be made though,

The material itself had to be grown or made depending on the fabric.

So how many people do you think it took to do that?

To pick the product,

To manufacture the product,

To get the dyes,

To put together the fabric,

To put it on a roll,

To get it shipped.

Some all of the things like there are so many different people that had a hand in just getting the fabric to the warehouse.

Once the material is made it to the manufacturer,

Consider all of the people it took to construct the piece of clothing.

And if it was machine-made,

How many people it took to build the machine and keep that running?

If you're wearing something that you got at a thrift store or a yard sale,

Consider the life it had before you started wearing it.

When we think of this,

We can consider that just by wearing a shirt or pants or a sock or whatever it is,

That you are connected to dozens and dozens of people.

People that you do not know and will never meet.

Take the next couple of moments in silence to consider other things that you use every day and all the people it took to get it to you in the condition that you have it.

And perhaps instead of seeing them as just people who don't care about you,

People who don't and won't ever connect to you and how this world is just this big vast place full of disconnection,

Consider that there is a connection there.

Watch how this lands for you.

There is no wrong answer or wrong feeling here.

Now let's connect with the people we kind of know but not really.

So choose an activity you do daily or often like go to the coffee shop or get gas or groceries or order food from a certain place.

Something like that.

Something that's sort of you know a pretty regular thing.

And consider just one person who works there.

What do you know about them?

What don't you know about them?

What don't you know about them?

What would you like to know?

What do you really like about this person?

What do you wish or hope for them?

What do you want them to do?

Hold this person sort of in your mind's eye for a little while longer here.

Just relate to them.

Kind of this ancillary person that sort of always there making your coffee or bringing up your groceries.

That you usually exchange maybe cordial pleasantries with but never go deeper.

Consider them as a deeper human being.

A human being who chooses to do something every day that involves interacting with you.

How does that land?

How does that sit with you?

Again just watch.

Let's connect with someone you know.

Choose someone you care about deeply who maybe you've lost contact with.

Perhaps someone who has passed away or moved away or maybe you just aren't as close to this person as you used to be.

This is this one is the hardest for me.

It would be easier if I could just reach out to this person and get them to be there for me right now in the way I want them to be.

But sometimes,

Oftentimes that's just not an option and it can be very frustrating and isolating.

So to this person that's a little harder to connect with due to maybe proximity or this person not being on this earth anymore or the connection being broken in some way.

I'd like you to consider how this person is still very much with you.

Let's start by thinking about how this person has positively impacted your life.

Just start to list ways and as you start to list these ways in your minds,

I notice any emotional,

Physical or even mental responses that come with that.

What has this individual taught you?

How has this person contributed to your growth?

How can you when you consider these positive aspects of this person?

Does it feel like their absence diminishes this contribution?

And is that because of some other circumstance or is that because you're frustrated with your inability to connect with them in the way you want to?

Can you?

Can you?

Regardless of all of that,

Just hold space right now to connect with the sweetest bits of the memories of this person or this relationship that still live inside you,

That still inform the way you live your day to day.

Can you?

Again,

There is no wrong answer here.

These are just answers and feelings that you're paying attention to and experiencing for the sake of experiencing them.

Let's bring it back to the body.

Become aware of your breath.

Once again.

If you feel compelled to deepen it,

Like we did at the start of this meditation,

Please do so.

And then again,

Start to notice your skin all over your body and everything that it touches.

And you feel like you sort of stepped back into the physical.

You can start to move your hands around.

Keep your eyes closed.

You can start to move your hands around,

Wiggle your legs.

Turn your head from side to side,

Maybe stretch a little bit.

Start to really get back into your body.

Now,

If you're feeling inspired,

I suggest you take some time after this to write a short message to yourself from yourself,

Writing in the way you wish to be spoken to right now.

So be the voice you need.

Be kind and loving and cradling.

You can save that message and take it out another time.

Or if you're feeling particularly brave,

One of my favorite things to do when I'm feeling particularly lonely is to write a short letter to one of those what we call sort of ancillary connections that,

You know,

Barista that you see every day or the random grocery store clerk.

It doesn't have to be super specific to them,

But just a small thank you letter for thanking them for being there,

Expressing that you acknowledge them and their presence in your life.

It seems so cheesy.

But I have done this and this smile that you get,

Which is sort of combined with an incredulous look from the individual,

Is so powerful.

And that stuff comes back to you.

That little moment of reaching out and thanking someone when you're feeling lonely.

It creates a ripple effect in your life.

But again,

If that's not your style,

I totally support that.

So write the letter to yourself instead.

Just on a little like tiny note card.

It does not have to you don't need a notebook.

You don't need special paper.

You don't need a special pen.

Just something small.

Post-it note.

I don't care.

Please come back and use this meditation again and again when you're feeling lonely or like you miss someone or someplace.

If you have any questions or you'd like to connect,

Please find the links in my profile.

Shoot me an email.

I respond to every comment.

I'm here.

I get loneliness.

And I would love to be there for you if you need someone right now.

Thank you and have a wonderful,

Wonderful day.

Reviews

This really helped me. Thank you, Tatum. Love your voice and energy 😊💗

Perfect. Thank you. The abundance of depth and sincerity in this was incredibly impactful.

Very helpful perspective to raise gratitude 🙏

Thanks Tatum🙏🏻

Deeply thoughtful and I thank you for your insight. I have this bookmarked and I will come back to it again. You inspired me to acknowledge the lady at the dry cleaners who always gives me a warm smile and always remembers my name! You inspire me to be more aware of spreading light and warm smiles and be a more present me.

........namesté 🙏💕🦋🦋🦋

Thank you for this very peaceful, very thoughtful meditation. It was helpful. I appreciate the connectedness that you reminded me I have with others, on so many levels, and in so many ways. I will write a note to my local coffee shop people, and drop it off today. May you know that what you do, and the gracious manner in which you do it, is a blessing to me, and to others. Thank you.

Thank you for your authenticity and honesty. How refreshing! Thank you for guiding me back to the forgotten and unseen connections in my life. Bless you.

Okay first off you are an absolute chatterbox, and I really needed that.

The tone and pace here really works for me as it comes across as genuine and friendly rather than forced.

The language and the approach felt safe and reassuring and listening to this really helped to remind me of all the connections I have and to the global interconnectivity of our day-to-day lives.

Thank you ❤

A grounding, inspiring meditation which helped me reconnect again.

Thank you, so, so much.

This meditation helped get me out of a moment of overwhelming sadness. 💔 I feel comfortable listening to you, and will continue. Thank you, you are very genuine. And... I am here, too. 🌻❤️

I like this work the Medatating has lost itself my not concentra

Very relaxing voice, and an effective meditation. Good job, and thank you ✌🏻

This is helping me in a particular time of mental and emotional pain..
Thank you very much!
Rapha ☯️🙏🏼

A wonderfully sweet moment...

Thank you. This was such a beautiful and comforting meditation. Your kindness is incredible. Thank you.

Really excellent way to feel connected and gets you out of yourself momentarily

A beautiful reminder that we are all connected.

Awesome! definitely lives up to its name and helps put everything in perspective

I was almost in tears of gratitude, by theend of this. This was absolutely beautiful and just what I needed. Thank you so much.