If I Go, There Will Be Trouble, And If I Stay It Will Be Double (Season 2)

Once you realize that it was actually your parents' job to provide that love, to lift you up rather than bring you down — and that your narcissistic parent was incapable of providing those things — it can be actually be freeing. It’s like, “Wait a minute, I was actually incredible and amazing the whole time. I had so much to give, and I deserved so much better than what I got." On my healing journey, I created distance with my parents by giving up the delusion that they will someday change.

Reviews

Very helpful insights and perspectives, thank you.

This was just what I needed to hear today! Thank you for putting out this body of work!

With the older narc mom, I have finally instituted the 2 hour limit in visits. When I have spent more than 2 hours - bingo the narc mom comments begin. So it only took me 60 years to believe this family dynamic existed - always waiting for the Donna Reed mom. When realization it will never happen I became lighter and set my boundaries. Case and point, just got diagnosed with skin cancer and after recovery I had to call her and she only talked about her ailments and book clubs and what she needed. Again, thank you Tami (we are normal people and we are survivors)!

Many years ago I subconsciously chose low contact. I had never heard that term until I started listening to these podcasts. It was an AHA moment for me when I heard this. I’ve considered going no contact but I haven’t because of my dad. He’s got his own issues for sure but he’s a lot better than my narc mama! I followed the same pattern with mama for as long as I can remember. I would arrive. Could tell things were going south quickly because she is pushing my buttons in one way or another so I leave. Sometimes with her kicking and screaming...but I left and it made me feel bad because of the way I acted. What the hell.... why should I feel bad? I didn’t do anything to provoke this. It was on her and now I know that. Your suggestions and tools have helped tremendously. I am able to respond in a different way and don’t let her push my buttons most days! I have stopped tip toeing around her and just make the boundary clearer. It has gotten easier over the last few months and I’m thankful for that. At 91 & 92 I feel too obligated to go no contact since I’m an only child. I’m in a much better space than I’ve ever been in with them! 🙏🏻