The ABC Of Happiness, And It's Not What You Think It Is

Please keep in mind that this was recorded from a live video session on Insight Timer.
Happiness is what you are, unhappiness is what you do. Suryacitta point to this with a very simple and beautiful metaphor using a glass and a jug. He describes the visual in detail for the benefit of those listening on audio.

Without giving the answer to his lecture away the secret to happiness is not what you think it is. Listen and find oiut for yourself. Followed by a short meditation.

Transcript

Thanks.

Okay,

So the ABC of happiness.

Okay,

That's what I want to share with you.

It's not what you think it is unless you've listened to me do this before.

Okay.

I haven't done it for a while actually.

I really like this way of explaining what happiness is or what peace is contentment doesn't matter what word you use.

So the young Zen student goes to the master and it says master tell me the secret of life.

Tell me the secret to happiness and a master just ignores him.

Goes back the second day master please tell me the secret of life and invites him into his little office his little room his little cell like Zen people have invited him and say sit down so he sits down to stand up so he stands up now get out.

That's what Zen masters do.

You don't know quite know what you're going to get from a Zen master.

The third day comes back says master tell me the secret of life in true Zen style if you ask something three times you're obliged to answer.

So he said look I've been telling you for the last 10 years the secret to a happy life the secret of happiness to peace to enlightenment to awakening is to know the difference between the contents and the container.

Now get out.

And when he was pretty disappointed with the huh I imagine in a sense you are but when I read that I thought yes yes that's it and he was instinctively intuitive what was meant.

Right.

I'm going to go through this slowly because I'm going to explain this for people who are listening on audio.

OK.

So we've got to know the difference between the contents and the container.

So right here I have a glass full of water.

We have a container here and we have the contents.

The glass is full of water.

Now we have to know the difference between these.

OK.

So let's say that the the water represents our stuff our contents which will be what our thoughts our feelings our sensations our our moods our.

Can we just say our stuff our psychological emotional stuff.

Good morning Dave.

Yeah.

That's what the water represents.

So if the water represents our contents our psychological and emotional stuff we all have stuff don't we.

What would the glass represent.

Now there's a one.

Hello Alison.

So the glass here it might be a here I don't know on audio the glass represents obviously the container what would that be.

Now some people said the body now the body in a sense is a container.

Yes.

Yes.

Maria it's awareness.

You are aware of your contents your mood your thought your feelings but you are also aware of your body.

So in a sense awareness is greater than the body.

Yeah because you can be aware of the body.

You with me.

If you know it doesn't matter.

It does not if you're not quite with me.

This is the ABC of I heard the glass good.

This is the ABC of happiness remember.

Sometimes I refer to it the ABC of mindfulness and meditation of peace contentment.

It's going to drink some of the contents.

So we come along to a life of meditation of this if you call it the spiritual life whatever we call it.

We want to change the contents from unpleasant to pleasant don't we.

Yeah we do.

That's that's what we want to do.

Now right now the glass is full of water.

Our awareness is full of content.

It's full of moods.

Yeah.

So let's say that you say something to me you criticize me or we get criticized.

What happens.

Now if you're on audio I'm going to tip the glass.

I'm going to shake the glass a little.

What happens.

The water tilts out.

The water spills out.

There's upset.

So if someone if as we normally I have someone say something to me if something bad happens we get upset.

The world's got to know about it doesn't it.

Do you know what.

Yeah.

That's normally our usual state of affairs if we're honest.

We're easily upset.

The water spills out of the glass.

We want to change that.

We don't want to be so upset so easily.

We want to be happier.

So we try to change the contents through meditation and the contents do change.

They do change to be more pleasant more benign.

Yeah they do change.

But that's not the real change.

I want to show you and tell you what the real changes.

The real change is this.

Now if you're listening on audio I now I have that this little glass full of water but I now have a large green jug four or five times the size of the glass and I'm going to pour the water into the jug.

Now.

Now if someone says that same thing to me or something bad happens now I'm swirling around the water but what what isn't happening.

The water isn't spilling out of the vase of the jug.

I'm not so upset.

There's still movement I'm still touched by what's said but I'm not upset.

My emotions don't spill out.

I can what can I do.

I can contain them because not upset Alison.

Yes.

Now the secret to happiness.

The ABC.

Are you listening because this is the secret to happiness.

The contents do change.

They become more pleasant.

The mind calms down and the feelings become more agreeable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The ABC the secret to happiness is a bigger container.

ABC.

So we move we move from living a cramped life.

With all our contents with the water in the glass where we easily upset to living in a bigger container where the contents are still there.

But we can contain them.

There's more awareness.

There's more perspective.

I don't take things so personally.

That's it isn't it.

You know what you said to me.

He did you know.

Contraction to expansion.

Yes reframing.

Yes.

And I can I can take on a lot more of life.

When I'm in the bigger container when there's more awareness greater awareness.

Thanks for the hearts by the way.

I hope I've explained it OK if you're on audio.

Of the people who are going to listen on audio.

OK.

Now where would you rather live.

Would you rather live in a small glass that's full of water or the same amount of water in this large jug.

With greater awareness greater space expansion where there's much more expand expandedness.

If that's the right word in the jug of course.

Why there's more peace there.

There's more there's more inner space there's more joy there's more freedom to choose how to respond.

We're not so at the mercy of our react of our reactivity.

A five gallon pail yesterday.

A bigger container yes a five gallon pail yesterday.

Some comments in the chat.

Yeah lovely.

But this this is only a metaphor of course this container this plastic jug.

Because awareness is limitless it just keeps growing as we practice as we meditate well.

But this can be brought about through force and effort.

It's brought about through observing and just being here experiencing that emotion being with it being it being the sounds noticing your reactivity.

I just want to you know I just want to shout and scream and noticing that rather than doing it.

OK.

I feel really hurt right now.

Let me just take a few breaths.

And that's when the container grows.

And it grows through meditation.

I'm going to have a look at how to do that in meditation in a few minutes.

Life is more comfortable.

It's a it's a more joyful ride.

It's a it's a much more enjoyable journey through life when you've got a bigger container when there's greater awareness.

So somebody ever asked you what the secret of life is what's the secret to happiness.

Just tell me it's a bigger container.

Beautiful.

So it's actually awareness that actually brings about greater awareness.

It's being able to be with our experience.

That's why we sit still in meditation.

Thanks for the hearts by the way.

And if you would guys all I ask is if you make a small donation great.

But this is importantly or more important please do just share anything you like of my profile and sign up if you haven't signed up.

A few more followers.

Thanks for the whole lots of lovely red hearts.

I like those.

If you are listening on audio I've got a I've got a beautiful purple shirt on.

This is from Spain.

And it's really it's quite something when someone can say something someone can say something which normally upsets you.

Thank you Dave.

Thanks Liz.

It's really beautiful when somebody says something which normally upsets you.

And you know what you just don't get upset.

Thanks Tatiana.

And also are you don't get so easily upset.

Or you go into a situation which is normally made you anxious and the anxiety is just not there.

What happened?

I'm normally anxious.

Because the contents are being held in a greater container in greater awareness.

Chip in for a bigger bucket.

Yes.

Good question Maria.

So the more aware we get the big container.

How to grow your container.

Yes Maria.

There's a few questions in the chat here.

How to grow your container.

Yes.

So I just want to do a little exercise.

I'm going to have a meditation.

Let's just suppose that somebody says something to you that upsets you and you fire back.

The contents of your container have spilled out.

You've got upset and you probably regret it later on.

Agreed.

Sometimes it's good to fire back.

Don't get me wrong.

It's good to know.

An assertive no is useful sometimes.

But you know what I mean.

When it's just that.

And it's out there.

OK.

So you do your best in the moment first of all.

But we can't always just hold the reactive the reaction.

Now when you can as soon as you can take five minutes and just go over that situation again.

You said this then she said ah or he said that.

That's when I fired back.

Be quiet and ask yourself.

What really bothers me about what she said.

What really bothers me about what he said.

And then be quiet and just feel.

And the response will come either in the belly the chest or the face and just feel that response.

Just hold it just be aware of it.

No need to try and work it out.

Learning to respond versus react.

Yes Dave.

The mention in the chat.

Absolutely.

And it's you can't do this intellectually or I'm like just with an intention.

I'm going to I'm going to react less.

It doesn't really work because those reactions the energy is in the body not in thought it the held in the body.

So something said and it's just this automatic reaction because you have a you have something that needs healing.

Yes you don't steal it you don't need to try and work it out.

You need to heal the energy and you what we feel we heal.

So just feel what's here when you ask that question.

Don't go to the mind go to the body and you might feel a little squeeziness in the belly.

Oh interesting.

Just feel it.

Just feel it.

It might be a flush in the face.

Just feel that.

Now when it happens again go back and do it again.

You do that several times and you start to notice something sensing yes sending when I'm until it's triggered.

Yeah.

Yeah right here.

Then you feel that then at some point you notice it.

I'm not reacting like I did.

Because reactivity we know that it's it's one of the worst things for our relationships.

Because quite often a person didn't mean to be rude or mean.

It's our own healed something.

We all have them.

So just feel it.

It might be a thought.

Stay in the body.

That's the question again.

What is it that really bothers me about this.

Be curious.

Then something will pop.

So can we have a meditation.

OK.

So just sitting quietly.

I think I recognize blossom there.

Hello blossom.

So I've shared one way of creating a bigger container greater awareness.

Now let's do a meditation.

And this is just sitting meditation.

So sit with eyes open or closed.

That's it.

Now what I want you to do is just take a couple of deep breaths.

Just spend a few moments with the That's it.

Now I want you to notice whatever comes into your container of awareness.

Whatever arises in my voice.

I'm going to go quiet for a few seconds occasionally.

The pause.

Just notice.

Feeling of the movement of the breath.

Will be noticed.

Maybe a tightness or attention will be noticed.

Just feel it.

Don't try to get rid of it.

That's fighting with the contents.

Just be here.

Just be it.

Just be with it.

Feel it.

There may be external sounds the sound of traffic or the refrigerator humming.

So rest in awareness in presence and let what arises arise.

Pass through and pass away.

Stay as the container.

This is from the Zen tradition.

The Soto Zen tradition.

Now what may appear in your container of awareness might be a thought.

I'm not sure I'm supposed to be doing.

That arises and passes away.

Just notice it.

Might notice an itchy lip or an aching knee.

Just sit in presence.

Just sit in presence.

Fall in love with presence.

Here.

Fall in love with your own presence.

Leave the contents alone.

Let them be.

Just watch.

Just feel.

Just feel.

Just feel.

Just watch.

Just feel.

A doubt may arise.

Why am I doing this?

I'm not getting anywhere.

That arises.

You're here.

Be here.

Your mind will keep promising you something.

Follow me.

You've been following it all your life.

Sit in presence.

It's your home.

This awareness.

This presence.

It's the beloved.

That's what we're looking for.

Just to sit here.

Without being pulled.

Hello muggy.

Without being pulled here then everywhere by our thinking mind.

You may notice a joy,

A delight,

A calm.

That arises in this container of awareness.

This presence.

There's nothing to achieve.

We want to be still.

We want to be here.

It's what we long for.

We want to be here.

There may be a heaviness you notice.

Oh.

Did you notice that?

Just feel it.

What you feel you heal.

Just feel what you find.

Stop going to war on yourself.

Hello heaviness.

Let it just be here.

It's a guest at the table.

Again another sound may arise.

Rises and passes away.

Just like a thought.

It arises,

Passes through the container of awareness.

Gone.

It's gone.

So I'm just going to say a few words before we end this session guys.

You can carry on with your eyes closed or in the meditation if you want to.

See we keep following,

Keep being disturbed by the promises of the mind,

The thoughts,

The overthinking let's say.

Not thought per se because some thought is useful obviously.

It's a brilliant tool.

But we keep being seduced by it.

Oh it's got the answer.

It hasn't got the answer.

Living in thought is like living on the surface of the ocean.

It's always busy,

Always sort of rocky and not very calm.

Be here in presence.

Sitting in presence is like sitting in the depths of the ocean with its power and stillness and beauty and life.

This sense of presence,

This content of awareness,

The depth of it,

The feeling of it,

The joy of it increases over time.

The more time we spend here.

But initially it's like what?

More interested in all the stories about me and my life.

How I'm going to work it out.

What happened and what should happen,

What could happen,

What can go wrong.

Learn to be here.

The ABC,

A Bigger Container,

That's how it grows.

Leave the contents alone.

Thank you.

If you came late guys this will be on audio in a few days if you missed it,

If you want to listen to it.

I'm here tomorrow at four-thirty UK time.

Can't remember a call.

Well thanks for the heart by the way and I'll see some of you tomorrow.

But I'll be here again,

I'll be here again next week.

I might just do a blossom ice cream,

That was amazing.

Laugh out loud.

Hey,

Look at you blossom.

Laughter is needed this today.

Have to say goodbye to someone important soon.

ABC.

Thank you guys.

Lovely.

Bless you all.

Wonderful.

I don't know if you could see some of you.

But yeah,

Not to be.

Bye bye.

Thank you Maria.

Bye bye.

Reviews

I had a heavy sensory experience while I listened to this. It’s exhilarating. Thank you

Thank you, thank you, thank you. So grateful for the talk and the meditation. 🙏😘

this talk / meditation may have just changed my life. you made it sooo simple for me (my brain, my thinking likes to over complicate everything). focusing on one thing, presence, awareness— falling in love with presence is joyfully simple 🕊️💕🌙🕊️💕🌙🕊️💕🌙🕊️💕🌙🕊️🌙💕