How To Work Through Tough Feelings After A Conflict Occurs

Feeling angry, defensive, critical, or any other unpleasant emotions after a conflict? This meditation will help you get to know the part of yourself better that causes those feelings during the conflict. You will better understand those parts of fears and how to communicate those in a more grounded manner.

Transcript

This meditation is meant to help you when you are in the midst of a conflict with someone. And it feels like you are in a place of anger, Defensiveness, Criticism, Whatever it may be that is no longer allowing you in this person to communicate effectively. And so we'll begin by taking a position of comfort, Maybe sitting on a cushion, The floor, Whatever feels comfortable for you in this moment. And I invite you to slowly close your eyes and begin by taking a big deep breath in and slowly exhaling through the mouth. And oftentimes, When we're in this heightened state of emotion, We carry this somewhere in our body physically. And so we'll begin by doing a body scan, Bringing your attention to the very top of your head and spend a few moments here, Bringing your attention to every part of your body as you work your way down from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes. And if there is a particular physical sensation that stems out to you during this body scan, Focus in on it now. And internally ask the sensation, If it had a voice, What would it like to say to you in this moment? And simply observe and notice whatever that message is. Try not to judge or criticize it. We're simply gathering information from ourselves in this moment. And then express some curiosity to this part and asking if it could do anything in this moment, What would it like to do? And again, Try not to judge it, Whatever it is that it may tell you it wants to do. Just notice it and make space for it. And then you can continue to get curious and ask the sensation, Does it know who you are on this day? Oftentimes we can have parts of ourselves that protect us from a young age and continue to stick around into adulthood. And they can get pretty activated in moments of conflict or distress or anything that may feel similar to them in the present that was really problematic for them in the past. And if it feels like this part is uncertain of who you are, Or maybe is confused by your current age, Just show it around your current life, Showing it all the ways that signal to it that you are an adult and how you care for yourself and can protect yourself. And then you can continue to get curious and maybe ask this part, How does it feel towards this person that you were just experiencing this conflict with? And what is it about them that causes this part to feel pretty activated in this way? And you can also ask this part, What does it believe about you? Or what happens for you when these types of interactions occur that feels so threatening and feels so problematic? And you can ask this part, What does it need you to know about those types of interactions? Maybe there's a certain want or need that's not being respected, Or maybe there's a boundary that this part needs for you to set with this person. Just seeing what that internal knowing really would like for you to do when these interactions are present. And now I would like for you to ask this part, What would it be like for this part to take a small step to the side of you during these interactions? So it's still very much there with you, But it allows you to help it more when it's not overwhelming you. And really letting it know that you would love to speak for it rather than feeling like it has to take over and speak for you instead. And if it feels like that part is having a hard time doing it, That's okay. Sometimes it takes a little bit of trust building within you and your parts for them to trust that they can still be with you without having to completely take over. And if it's having a hard time letting go or taking a step to the side, You can spend a bit more time with it, Getting curious and asking what it would need to allow that to happen. What would it need from you or in general to trust that it can still be with you next to you while not taking over for you? And if it feels like you're able to get to a point with this part where it is willing to take a step to the side, Just asking it again, How would it like for you to speak for it during these conflicts? What type of language or what type of wording, What kind of messaging feels most useful to feel like it's getting its point across? And you can also get curious and ask this part, Is it something specifically about this person that you're interacting with in present times that's problematic? Or are these feelings from the past that are maybe getting confused with these same interactions in the present time? Sometimes our parts don't always recognize that the people we're acting with in present times are different than the people in the past who maybe did hurt us or did lead to some pretty negative consequences. And so you might have to, Again, Kind of show it around your current life and who this person is to help it feel a bit more comforted and knowing that we are no longer in the past, But in the present moment of today. And now I encourage you to just ask this part if there's anything else that it needs you to know or needs you to hear in this moment, Anything that feels important for you to express that maybe we didn't get to today. And if you're able to make the commitment to this part that you will address this person that you're having conflict with in a way that feels grounded and also gives voice to those parts concerns and expressing some gratitude to this part for being willing to show itself to you in this way and provide you with this valuable insight and awareness that you maybe didn't have before and gratitude that it's trusting you to advocate for it. And whenever that feels complete, You can take a final big deep breath in, Slowly exhaling through the mouth and begin to bring your attention to your hands and your feet, Gently wiggling your toes and fingers. And whenever you're ready, Gently open your eyes and come back to the space around you. Beautiful. I encourage you to repeat this at any time whenever you're feeling really activated, Either in conflict or maybe just in general. This is a great way to get to know parts of yourself and know what's actually happening when it can feel very cloudy or chaotic inside. And maybe even journal or write down what the insights and awarenesses were for you so you continue to build upon that. Thank you for meditating with me.

Reviews

Wonderful! It helped me. Thank you!🙏

I came to the IT app after being activated by a criticism from a family member, in need of some soothing and self regulation. And there in my feed was this meditation. It literally appeared in the exact moment that I needed it. Thank you.

One of the best I've ever done here. Thank you for this gift.

Loved this. A perfect guide through working with parts and IFS work. My only recommendation is to make another version (exact guidance) where there is a longer pause after each question. There are many questions asked, yet not much of a pause for contemplating / answering the questions. Otherwise, this is a well written meditation. Thank you.

Thank you