87. Understanding Duality: 7 Ways To Embrace Your Darkness & Light

In a culture that values self-improvement, we can get caught up in the idea that we should strive to eliminate all of our negative traits. However, Kabbalah teaches that the duality of our good & bad characteristics is necessary. Without these two forces, we wouldn’t have the power to choose between the two. Our consciousness awakens one or the other, & the more positive actions we do, the more goodness we create in the world. Tune in as Monica & Michael discuss the balance of darkness & Light.

Transcript

You should be competitive with yourself.

You know,

Internalize all of that.

And you should compare yourself with who you are today and who you have yet to become.

Right?

So take all of those things that seem like negative characteristics and actually turn it inward and use it for something that can be really powerful and motivating.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry,

Episode 87.

Welcome.

I'm going to start off with a Cherokee fable.

I love Cherokee fables.

I really like this one.

There's a fight going on inside each one of us.

It's a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf is evil.

He is anger,

Rage,

Envy,

Regret,

Greed,

Arrogance,

Self-pity,

Guilt,

Resentment,

Lies,

False pride,

Superiority,

And ego.

That's a big wolf.

The second wolf is good.

He is joy,

Peace,

Love,

Hope,

Serenity,

Humility,

Kindness,

Empathy,

Truth,

Compassion,

And faith.

So which- That's another very big wolf.

Which wolf will win?

I've heard this one before,

So it's not fair for me to answer.

It's the one you feed.

So this is so fitting for today's topic.

Darkness and light,

Good and evil.

Everyone has both good and bad within them.

And I think often people go through life preferring to assign that person's a good person,

That person's a negative person.

I'm a good person.

That's true too.

But this duality- But I wonder,

Is there anybody in the world who really ever thinks I'm not a good person?

Yeah,

No,

There are a lot of people who are very self-punishing and have a lot of self-hatred.

But when they compare it to the people they see or view as negative,

They see themselves as being much better usually.

So this duality is a necessary part of our lives.

If it weren't for duality,

We wouldn't have the power to choose.

And choosing to see the good in those around us creates more goodness.

Finding the good in people or a situation not only brings love onto the scene,

But it creates goodness in our lives as well.

So I think the first thing is,

Full stop,

We all have positive and negative tendencies.

And we need to have both positive and negative tendencies.

So Ravashlagh talks about this idea in his book on world peace,

That everything has the right to exist in reality.

Whether good or bad,

Including even the most evil and damage-causing thing in the world has the right to exist.

To the degree that destroying it and removing it completely from the world is forbidden.

So the way I understood that is that it's our duty to only repair or fix it and guide it towards goodness.

So what I understood,

It's about transformation,

Right?

So it's not about destroying something that is bad,

But it's the possibility and the ability to transform it that's really our purpose.

How would you unpack that?

I think that idea that.

.

.

Because forbidden is a big word.

So I think that that's an indication that it's a really important thing.

Right,

That everything that exists has a reason.

Even things that are negative.

And a purpose.

I would say especially things that are negative.

And that when we look inside and hopefully we do this work of introspection and we find negative aspects of ourselves,

It is not about either being disappointed or upset that we have those tendencies and those qualities,

But rather the understanding that we are given them in order to guide them,

Transform them,

But that nothing doesn't have a purpose.

And as a matter of fact,

The more developed,

Spiritually developed person is somebody who actually has more to work on,

Which means more,

We'll call them,

Negative traits that they were able to transform.

And if I can,

There's a story in the ancient fables where during the time of Moses,

And of course thousands of years ago there were no cameras,

There was no way to easily depict what somebody looks like.

And one of the great kings of the time heard about this Moses,

This leader of the Hebrews out of Egypt,

And he wanted to get a vision of him.

So he sent one of his artists to go meet Moses and create a sculpture of the exact likeness of Moses.

He does that.

This takes obviously a long time in olden times.

He brings back the sculpture to the king,

And the king who was a very wise man,

And there is a wisdom to be able to look at somebody and their features and be able to tell very much about them from it.

He looked at that sculpture and he said,

This man has all the negative characteristics in the world.

By looking at him,

So what does that mean?

So the Kabbalists asked the question,

Most of us assume that Moses either looked like a Buddha,

Sort of this peaceful,

Fat,

Sort of meditative guy,

Or we always would like to assume that if we saw somebody of a spiritual stature- They were beautiful on the inside,

Beautiful on the outside.

And here we're told that Moses actually had all the even physical characteristics of somebody who would externally at least seem to be a very negative person.

The answer they give is the fact that it is true that Moses was born with a tremendous amount of what we call them negative traits,

But that his greatness came not from being pure and perfect,

But from transforming all of that negativity into ways to grow and to change,

And that's how he became Moses.

But I think that's a very- So when he came to the world,

He was both unappealing internally and externally?

Right,

He had the potential to be unappealing internally,

Right?

He had the potential to develop traits of ego,

Of jealousy,

Of lust,

Of all these negative traits.

He was born,

And therefore his physical body resembled somebody who would grow to be that.

But he didn't act on it.

No,

He fought.

But he had the desire.

Yes,

Yes.

And I think that's a very- A very human Moses.

And I think this is the point.

Yes,

All of us have good and bad.

All of us have positive and negative.

All of us have light and darkness.

And it's not about enjoying our light or enjoying our goodness and being proud of that.

Actually real life,

Real work is to find those dark parts of us and make them light.

Find those- As a matter of fact,

For example,

It says about the stages using example,

If somebody is born with negative traits,

He or she must find a way to use that,

Not just to become a good person and discard negative traits,

But rather to find a way to use those for positive.

Well,

It's so interesting you say that because it reminds me of two things.

One is that light and darkness,

Good and evil,

They're all subject to the laws of gradual evolution.

That's really what we're talking about,

Right?

And you would probably fast forward that to not be so gradual.

But if you- What do you mean by that?

That is the purpose.

Like if you look at a piece of fruit,

Let's say,

And you pick it before it's ripe,

It's going to be bitter.

You're not going to judge the fruit and say,

Oh,

This is disgusting and it's horrible as it is.

You understand that you've picked an unripe fruit and you haven't allowed that process of evolution to occur.

Now in nature,

It's natural.

The fruit will ripen and that's part of its process.

For us,

That's where our free will comes in,

It's not a natural evolution.

The law of evolution is true,

But we have to take the front seat and take the reins in actually creating that.

And it reminds me of a conversation I had this week with somebody.

I met with a group of people and we were talking about things that how our ego comes in,

The picture and where it comes in and how we can really take charge of that.

So first,

We broke the ego by admitting our flaws in this big group of 50 people.

But this one person said that his biggest thing,

And he didn't realize this about himself because he always thought he was unmotivated,

But he realized that he's very competitive and he's also,

He compares himself a lot to other people.

So he was praying for like,

I hope this is going to be removed from me.

And I said,

No,

You've got this all wrong.

These are actually traits that you can use and utilize for your goodness,

Meaning you should be competitive with yourself,

You know,

Internalize all of that.

And you should compare yourself with who you are today and who you have yet to become,

Right?

So take all of those things that seem like negative characteristics and actually turn it inward and use it for something that can be really powerful and motivating.

Absolutely.

I think that's maybe a main message of our podcast today.

The fact that people would like to think of themselves.

I think most people,

You know,

I'm good or if there are parts of me that are not perfect,

Right?

Good.

I mean,

We try to either hide them,

Extinguish them,

But that's not the purpose for which we're in this world.

There's a reason why we are all,

Every single one of us born with light and darkness,

With good and bad,

Not so much for the light that we came into this world with,

But rather for the darkness or for the aspects of our personalities that are not in their perfect state,

In the ripe fruit stage to be brought to that.

And I think it's a really revolutionary way of seeing our lives.

Whereas I think often spiritual people think,

Well,

If I'm a spiritual person,

That means,

You know,

I don't have that much negativity in me.

No chaos.

Not just no chaos.

No,

Internally we look inside and we see I'm a pretty good person,

Right?

When in reality that's an indication of actually being far spiritually.

Oh,

I think that's an indication of being asleep,

Quite honestly.

Right.

But also because,

For example,

There's a very important parable from one of the capitalists that,

You know,

If you have a candle and you have,

You know,

Dark room,

Then it seems to be very bright.

And if it's sunny outside,

You go outside to the sun,

Suddenly you pick up your candle,

There's no light at all.

And the point is that the only time that one looks inside and only sees light is because they're not anywhere near real light.

And if you're getting closer to what we call light or to goodness,

That's one of the greatest indications is the fact that you are finding more of your own,

I don't even want to call it darkness,

But more of your own material that needs to be transformed into light.

And as I said,

I think it's a revolutionary.

.

.

Well,

And neither can exist without the other.

You won't even recognize what light is if you were not in a dark room.

Right.

But more than that,

That our real purpose in life is to discover the parts of us that are not ripe,

Right?

You can call them dark,

You can call them negative,

And transform them into light.

And if a person gets to a state of spiritual state where Nirvana will call it,

Where he or she thinks,

Oh,

I'm good,

I'm doing okay,

I'm meditating every day,

Whatever it is that I'm doing,

I'm a spiritual nation and I don't see anything else for me to change or any great things,

That is not a positive spiritual state.

I know when people call me and they're struggling,

And I usually get a lot of calls before like a spiritual event or something that's about to happen,

Right?

Because there's usually an awakening of some sort.

I'm like,

This is great that you are seeing this about yourself.

Now you can change it.

You're clear about what needs to be done.

I always get super excited for myself too when I can see something that I couldn't see before that warrants attention and needs change.

I think very often people don't like process.

And so they want to be on the other side of it already.

And they feel like a failure if they're not there quick enough.

And I would say I think one of the big messages hopefully from today,

From this podcast,

Is don't get scared of your darkness.

I think so many of us have,

And again,

I think it's,

You know,

Have this logical thought.

Anything that's,

Again,

I hate using these words because they're not the right words,

Bad,

Negative,

Dark about me.

Oh,

That's bad.

Let me,

Again,

Let me hide it from myself.

Let me hide it from other people.

No,

That's the fuel that will drive your growth and your blessings.

So it's really embracing the reality of the darkness that exists within us and knowing that that is actually what,

Of course,

We have to grow and change and use that and bring it to its right state.

But that's what makes us,

Gives us the purpose to our lives.

Well,

Here's the thing.

This is the trick,

Right?

When people,

Like you said,

They think they're living a spiritual enough life and,

You know,

They're doing things in a sharing nature and then they see something,

Let's say,

Ugly about themselves,

Then it's like,

Oh my God,

I've fallen.

I wasn't like this a year ago when in reality,

The truth is you can see now more clearly because you've been taking steps towards becoming more spiritual and transforming.

And then when you see,

Don't run from it and cover it up and say,

Oh my God,

I've fallen and I'm terrified.

I'm doing something wrong or this isn't working for me.

Actually realize that for the first time,

Your blinders are off and you can see the gift of sight.

I also think that people think they're the last good or bad thing they did and they get stuck there,

Right?

So when you do something positive or you're having a good day and everything's going the way you wanted it and the way you planned it,

Great.

I'm really,

I'm spiritual and I'm living correctly because I don't have these other annoyances or these external challenges that other people I see have to deal with it.

Great.

Then what happens next to you?

You wake up and you're having a horrible day.

Everything's gone wrong.

So then what happens?

Or let's say you were nasty to somebody or you lost your temper or you acted in ways that are not really aligned with who you are at your core and you're a bad person.

Well,

That's it.

You must be all negative.

And in reality,

There's gray.

Even black is different shades of color,

Right?

It's not taking either one too seriously because you're going to have times where you can see your negativity,

Which we all have.

And there are other times your positivity is shining.

But when the positive is shining,

It doesn't mean the negative doesn't exist.

Again,

As I would go further to say that we don't ever want to be in a state where we have no more negative.

No,

We don't.

That's death.

I don't think that's happening.

Exactly.

And there's actually,

If I can,

There's a really interesting book.

It's called Out of Character,

Written by two psychologists.

And again,

It's all based on research and science.

And I do recommend,

I don't necessarily agree with everything in this book,

At least the theories.

But what I thought was very interesting is that they talk about the history of the way people view themselves.

The word they use is character,

Right?

Because so many times in life,

Right,

We see on the news somebody who was at least putting himself forward as having this character did this thing,

Right?

And I think so much of the downfalls.

Well I love that they look around,

They're like,

Well,

What did we miss?

Well,

You just weren't looking hard enough.

Or,

And this is their point,

Which I do strongly believe,

Is that we are all capable of almost anything,

Right?

I say that all the time.

Right.

So I just want to read,

Again,

I do recommend- We think we're not,

But we don't know what's going to push us to tap into that part that does exist in all of us.

And that's,

I think this is maybe a big shift that's also science-based,

But certainly spiritually based.

A new understanding of ourselves,

Right?

Because historically,

And this has been the way most scientists,

Philosophers have viewed human nature or human character,

That it is established.

Maybe how you grew up,

Maybe how you developed yourself.

But at a certain point in life,

You have your character.

And then suddenly you do something out of character.

Where did that come from,

Right?

So the thought,

The historical view of character was that it's,

At a certain point,

It's sealed.

It's the way it is.

It's the way you are.

And that surprises what happens when you do something out of character.

So I'll just read two paragraphs from this book,

Which again,

Both speak about the past history of the way the thinkers viewed character and the right way to view character,

Which is very much in line with the spiritual view.

So character,

What Webster's defines as the complex of mental and ethical traits,

Often individualizing a person,

Has long been almost universally agreed to be a stable fixture.

And this is the point that most people view,

And again,

Historically,

Even the philosophers and thinkers viewed character as being a stable fixture.

Once it's developed,

This is who you are.

Well,

What?

That's funny.

People believe that it is formed at an early age through learning and experience,

And that it becomes internalized and solidified into a deep-seated disposition that guides their actions over the course of their lives.

I can challenge that right now.

What do you say about siblings that grew up in the same house with the same parents in the same environment?

Right,

But you could say they had different experiences in life,

And that's why their characters became different.

But it's saying it's developed early on.

Okay,

Keep going.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Because.

.

.

I don't think I agree with that.

Well,

Clearly,

Neither do they,

But it's important,

I think,

Oh,

It's important to the historical views on this.

The historical view of character was that it was a stable fixture.

In fact,

The word character itself comes from an ancient Greek term referring to the marks impressed indelibly upon coins to tell them apart.

So the word character actually comes from something that is a stable fixture.

And since that time,

The term has been used to describe the supposed indelible marks pressed upon humans' mind and souls that reveal their true nature.

That's again the old view.

Character is the currency we employ to make judgments about people to determine who is good and who is flawed,

Who is worthy and who is not,

Who is saved and who is damned.

Character quite simply is who we are,

Like it or not.

Everyone believes this to be a fact.

Even the complete idiot's guide to understanding ethics says that character traits are fixed,

Deeply ingrained features of personality.

But this is not true.

Well,

It's the opposite of what we teach at the Kabbalah Center.

And also studies- We're like,

You can change your nature and your character.

Exactly.

Now,

Then he says,

There lurks in every one of us the potential to lie,

Cheat,

Steal and sin,

No matter how good a person we believe ourselves to be.

So the view of character as a stable fixture crumbles.

So that's science proves that that is not the case.

The best way,

So this is their conclusion,

The best way to envision character is as a fluctuating state,

Not a permanent state.

It's not a static attribute like blue eyes or broad shoulders.

It's a state that is always shifting,

Trying to find the right balance between competing psychological mechanisms.

And I think this is so important because this is the true,

Again,

Both scientific but spiritual view of character.

I have to know,

And this really impacts the way you live your life.

As I sit here now,

And hopefully I'm doing something very positive right now,

I'm sharing maybe some wisdom information,

I have within me the potential to do something really,

Really bad in the next second.

Should I leave?

Okay.

But that's the truth,

So much so,

And this is the understanding of free will.

So even if somebody,

For instance,

Becomes,

Let's say,

More spiritual,

Has developed themselves to be a better person,

A more sharing person,

Whatever attributes one would put into the category of a more spiritual person.

And you develop that over 30 years,

40,

However long.

Well,

What we call the negative inclination,

In order for us to continue to have free will,

Has to grow as strongly as you are.

To keep challenging us.

Exactly.

Because if,

For instance,

Use this example of a person who,

Let's say,

When they were 13 or 14,

Decided,

I'm going to work the next 20 years to develop positive character traits to become a better person.

And he or she does that for 20 years.

And so if on a scale of 1 to 10,

When they were 13 years old,

They were at a 2 of a positive state,

And now they're at an 8,

Well,

That means that their negative inclination has to grow to an 8 as well,

In order to keep equilibrium of free will.

If their positive state grows to an 8 and their negative inclination stays at a 2,

There's no longer free will.

There's also no more growth,

Really,

For the most part.

Right,

Right.

So to allow for growth,

There has to be free will.

And this is a very important point.

In order to allow for free will,

The higher a person elevates,

The more a person develops,

The more the balance of negative inclination,

Negative thoughts,

To lie,

To cheat,

And steal,

Must grow as well.

Right,

Which is fascinating.

And I don't think people have thought about that probably until we're talking about it now.

But there are also people where their evil inclination,

Like we talked about the parable at the beginning with the wolves.

If a person is not growing,

Let's say,

To an 8 on the spiritual side,

Their evil inclination can still grow higher because it's what they're feeding.

But the point is,

And this is.

.

.

No,

But I still think that's an important thing to clarify.

Right,

Right.

A person can,

On balance,

Be more negative than positive.

But this is.

.

.

But to know what you're up against,

Understand the reality.

So when you're living a spiritual life and you're working on growth and you're transforming and then you look and you're like,

Oh my God,

Why am I seeing this about myself or why is that so challenging?

Understand the spiritual world.

It has to be.

And the reality is that,

Again,

I don't like the word righteous,

Right?

But sort of the good person,

Meaning in our terminology,

A person who is growing and changing in a positive way will have a greater negative inclination than somebody who is not,

In absolute terms.

So,

Again,

If you have two people,

Right,

One of them starts off at life or at age of 13,

14 when these tendencies become stronger,

Add two positive,

Two negative,

And the other person also starts at two and two.

This person,

One of them decides I'm going to invest in my transformation and my growth and all the negative characteristics that I find about myself,

If it's jealousy,

If it's love,

Whatever it is,

And he grows,

Right,

To,

As we said,

An eight.

The negative aspect of him,

The challenge of him,

Has to become an eight.

Whereas this person who spent the first 20 years of their lives being selfish and negative and they stay at it,

They don't even stay at a two,

They go to a one,

Yeah,

The negativity,

Like you said,

Will grow maybe from a two,

Two,

Or three.

But the beautiful,

I think it's beautiful,

The paradox is that the better a person is,

The stronger their negative pull will be.

And they'll also be more apt to be able to handle that too.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

But the challenge,

And this is,

Again,

That's why,

Again,

Sometimes people become as heartened saying,

You know,

I've been working so long.

Why do I still have challenges?

Well,

There has to be in order to allow for free will.

But understand that the discovery of that,

Not darkness,

But that challenge within yourself,

Suddenly you see jealousy,

Suddenly you see ego,

That's a very,

Very positive realization.

Yeah,

No,

This is really,

This is a news break for many people.

And there's a Kabbalah,

A concept called the shattering of the vessels,

Which means that even before the creation of our physical world,

There was great light that fell into the place of the greatest darkness.

And we view our life,

What's the purpose of our lives?

To go into those dark places and find that light or those sparks of light that fell into the darkness and elevate them.

And that is what fuels our blessings.

And that is what fuels our growth.

That is what fuels our happiness.

If you're not going to the dark places and excavating sparks of light,

You don't have fuel for blessings.

You don't have fuel for growth.

So what this means is that when you today,

Hopefully all of our listeners are introspective.

I think you need to go slower.

You have to start with the shattering of the vessels really.

Well,

Simply put,

Simply put,

There.

What does vessel mean?

I mean,

I know what it means,

But I think it needs to be explained.

Well,

I'll use a parable.

A king has thousands of diamonds and he wants to give them to the people in his kingdom,

But only to those who are willing to work for them.

So he tells his servants,

His soldiers,

To take his thousands of diamonds and dig deep holes all over the palace,

Outside of the palace,

And bury the treasure,

Bury the diamonds.

And then he tells all the people in his kingdom,

Around my palace,

There's diamonds,

Thousands.

You want to become rich?

You want to have an amazing life?

Come to it.

And then a few people come,

They dig for three,

Five inches,

10 inches.

They say,

Oh,

There's nothing here.

Other people dig for two feet,

Three feet.

They give up.

Only those who are willing to dig deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep till they finally find those diamonds.

That's what we're talking about.

That in the process of the creation of our world,

And this is the term,

Shattering vessels,

Vessels represent light.

Light was taken and put into the darkness.

And our job in this world is not to be good people,

Not just to do good things,

But to excavate the sparks of light,

The diamonds in the deep darkness.

And this gives,

I think,

Great inspiration to those of us who find the darkness,

As opposed to saying,

And again,

That's why I hate that we can't call it bad.

I don't know if you can even call it darkness.

No,

Because you need it.

It's just the place where the light is.

It's the place where your blessings are.

It's the place that you have to dive into to excavate.

It's interesting.

When you're talking about,

I think of like in the ocean,

When you go deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Where people can't really,

I mean,

It's black,

Right?

Pitch black.

And there's a few things that live down there.

And it's really scary and really creepy.

But it's almost like that's like,

If we pictured our soul,

Right?

We need to go and extract the things that are dwelling in that part that's super dark.

And it's not,

And it feels negative,

But in reality,

It's still just a part of our essence.

That part of the ocean is still part of the ocean.

We can't even go down there,

Right?

We couldn't survive.

But,

And it feels negative and it feels scary.

And if you look at the animals,

They're super freaky,

But it's still part of the ocean and there's a necessary part for it.

So I think it's the same.

We could see our souls in that way.

And if we could view it that way,

Then I think you will completely change the way that you view the parts of yourself that you don't like.

I always tell people,

You know,

Because,

You know,

I love talking about change and people get so stuck.

Like,

I just don't,

I can't see myself ever changing that about myself or,

You know,

And they're so they're beating themselves up.

And I always say you have to fully love yourself so completely and accept yourself so completely.

And then from that place,

You can really look honestly at all your flaws because you know they don't define you.

They know that you're not even,

That's not who you are.

It's just part of who you are and it's your responsibility to find it and to remove it.

And I would add that part of you is actually the part that holds your greatest,

Your greatest blessing potential.

I love,

I love the,

The analogy you gave,

The parable.

And I love,

I hope that everybody's really listening to the shattering of the vessels.

It's explained in a very clear way.

Because again,

Because what this means,

If you understand this idea that you,

That you come to love the darker parts of you more than the light parts of you,

Because that's,

That's where the exciting part of life is.

That's where the real blessings will come.

Whereas again,

A person who is just involved in being a good person and embracing the light part of them,

They're missing out on the greater part of them.

Well,

There's no growth.

And I know that every time I found a part of myself that,

You know,

I've come to you and I'm like,

Oh my God,

I didn't know I was,

You know,

I realized this thing.

And then when I start to work on changing it,

I actually love myself more because I feel even closer and more connected to who I really am.

It does,

It really unpacks,

Reveals what's behind the thing that was blocking you all along so that the greatness,

The light can really shine through.

Right?

So I think that one of the big understandings,

As we said all along,

Is that we all have equally growing parts of good and,

And challenging.

Okay.

They want to call it bad.

So what that,

If you really understand that concept,

You live life much more carefully.

And I think this is a big learning from this understanding.

Right?

As an individual thinks,

Okay,

I'm a pretty good person right now.

I could just go through life with the same thoughts that I have and just,

You know,

Try to maybe slowly make myself better.

But if I understand as,

Again,

Science tells us as well,

And certainly the Kabbalists tell us that in any given moment I have the ability to do a negative action because my negative side is as strong as my positive side.

You live much more carefully.

You don't just quickly jump to action,

Conclusions,

Thoughts.

It's almost like you can't really trust yourself.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And you have to be careful.

Which isn't a bad thing.

Right.

You need to.

.

.

You have to be aware,

Aware of the fact that I have within me a force that will try to bring me to do negative things no matter how much I'm developed,

No matter how spiritual I am right now.

You live much more carefully.

The other part,

Which is just as important,

Is hopefully if you really understand this concept you don't,

You can't judge other people.

Because what does judgment usually mean?

It means that I see that person doing something negative.

I would never do that.

I'm so much better than him because he did it,

I wouldn't.

Right.

But the truth is.

.

.

You could.

I could.

And if you really accept that,

I could but don't,

He could but did,

I'm not that much better than him.

It's the thought that my character would never.

.

.

I'm such a better.

.

.

I have such a better character than that person and therefore I would never do that and therefore I can judge them.

But if you really.

.

.

You know the phrase,

I wasn't raised like that or I know better than that.

All of those kinds of things.

Well,

No,

No and no.

Right.

So I think a very important learning from this is the fact that if we accept the truth that we all have positive and negative and equal measure and that we all have the ability to do terrible things,

Then you can't judge somebody else because again,

As we said,

The judgment comes from the fact that they say,

My character is better than yours,

I'm a good person,

That person is a bad person,

That's why they did it.

No.

For the most part,

Of course,

There are really bad people in this world but for the most part,

A person doing a negative action is just somebody who in that moment fell just as I can and that gives much greater humility.

I was just going to say that.

And does not allow us to judge.

And more than that,

And I think this is an interesting study,

That the way we look at other people's actions is often an effect of not true assessment about other things.

About our own actions too.

Or not just that.

I think- This from the same book?

Same book,

Yeah.

He brings a study from one of his colleagues that they dem- so he said,

This is the experiment,

Which I thought was fascinating.

They ask participants to rate the moral acceptability of various acts.

How immoral is it for first cousins to have sex?

How immoral is it to eat your dog after it dies?

Oh my God.

Yeah,

Okay.

But wait,

That's not- how immoral is it to eat your friends if they're killed in a plane crash that leaves you stranded on a glacier?

We talked about this two days ago.

But unbeknownst to- There is a movie about that,

I think it was called Alive or something.

So again,

Terrible things,

But that's not the point.

So unbeknownst to the participants,

The researchers- Is it shocking that I was more shocked about eating the dog than the people?

Because that did happen.

No,

I mean,

That is- I never heard about eating your dog after it died.

Maybe somebody did that.

I hope.

No judgment.

I mean- Maybe you can judge a little bit.

I'm a vegetarian for the most part sometimes.

But anyway,

That's not the point.

So the- It's an interesting conversation though,

But okay,

Keep going.

The researchers had decorated the room where these decisions were to be made for half of the participants.

So prior to their arrival,

The first half found the room to be,

Shall we say,

A little messy.

The researchers replaced the clean chairs with stained ones.

They replaced new pens with chewed pens.

They replaced empty trash cans with filled ones,

Topped off with dirty tissues,

And low and behold,

The participants who made their decisions in the messy room overwhelmingly rated each possible moral transgression as far more reprehensible than did their counterparts in the clean commission.

How crazy is that,

Right?

Because we,

Again,

Especially those of us who are more judgmental,

But in general,

When we judge another person,

We like to think,

Well,

I'm objectively judging them.

We're never objective.

So just to finish off this study,

The feelings of disgust generated by the mess primed the intuitive system to be disgusted by whatever happened to next come in.

In essence,

That feeling of disgust bled over onto the next things that entered consciousness.

So when people were asked how they felt about a somewhat tenuous moral action,

The answer was already there.

It was disgusting and condemned those actions they did.

I love that study because we so underestimate the things that influence us,

Things from our past.

If you see one person,

Right,

And somebody else reminds you of that person and you think they have all of the same negative qualities,

When you have really no idea,

You have no idea about the person,

No idea about their past,

And you have a bias based on opinion about something else.

And in this case,

They were feeling uncomfortable in the room.

It made them now associate and make that decision.

It's so interesting.

We do that all the time,

Though.

We don't realize it.

Of course,

Of course.

And I think this is another aspect of this understanding,

That when we talk about the positive and negative aspects that each one of us has,

It's not the obvious ones.

Of course,

There are sometimes obvious ones,

And there are some obvious ones that we discover.

It's that our positive and negative become so intertwined.

And it's the insidious,

Hidden nature of our negativity that is the more challenging part.

It's that,

Again,

In a case like this,

Where we judge somebody else,

We think,

I'm doing the right thing.

I'm judging this negative person.

No,

Your ego,

Or whatever you want to call it,

Is so polluted or polluting your mind.

That's why you're allowing yourself to judge.

That's also why you see what you see.

Exactly.

And that's why it goes back to what we said before,

That when you really accept this concept of the light and darkness that every single one of us has in equal measures all the time,

You live much more carefully,

You make decisions about yourself much more carefully,

And maybe more importantly,

You make decisions about others.

You judge tremendously less.

There's a great Italian capitalist.

.

.

I'll just tell you something,

When I'm at the gym sometimes and a class will come in that just finish and I was finished before,

Whatever,

And I'm showering.

And then sometimes they walk in and there's a lot of gossip.

I run out.

I don't even want to hear it because I don't want to pollute my mind.

I don't even know who they're talking about.

I wasn't in that class,

Or I was in a different one.

But I'm just like,

I need to protect my mind and my soul at all costs.

That's a very important point.

For example,

So the zero uses the parable,

The example,

That every morning that we wake up,

There is positive angel and negative angel with us.

And as your parable of the wolves,

The one that is supported throughout the day is the one that gains strength.

And that support comes often from our environment.

So for example,

If you're spending three hours with somebody who's negative,

Then your negative side becomes stronger.

So we spoke before about living more carefully.

You want to limit the strength that you give to your negative side.

By the way,

If you speak negatively about other people,

You strengthen your negative angel.

Any negative environment you put yourself in strengthens your negative angel.

Every day is a battle.

Two forces come with us equally.

Which one will we feed today by environment,

By actions,

By words?

That's what's going to push the rest of our day.

And we have to be so,

So careful of protecting our environment,

Protecting our positive angel,

Giving it strength as opposed to negative words and negative actions that give strength or a negative angel.

And again,

Be careful not to compare yourself.

Well,

I'm better than that person or I'm a good person or I do good things or I was just listening.

I didn't participate in the conversation.

No,

No,

No,

No.

All of this adds to you not being able to see clearly,

A,

And B,

You're growing parts of yourself that you really don't want to.

Absolutely.

And again,

So the great Italian Kabbalist there,

Amkhal,

Said that you have to know,

And this really has to become an inner knowledge,

That life while we are in this physical body is a constant battle,

Constant battle of these two forces within us.

And the only thing that ever changes is the battle line.

If you're growing,

That just means that you're moving the battle line to more dangerous territory,

I would say even,

But at least to darker territory,

We can say,

But that the battle never ends.

And this is maybe an important understanding.

If you don't feel you're in a battle,

That means that you're losing it.

You lost it.

Exactly.

You already lost it.

So the question,

And I really ask our listeners to ask themselves this question,

Knowing that I am made up of positive and negative,

I need to be,

To be alive.

And that today,

As I woke up,

They were in relatively equilibrium.

Did I feel the battle today?

Am I conscious of it?

Am I conscious of the need to protect my positive side?

And if the answer is no,

At least for today,

That means I lost the battle.

That means that that battle line of the battle,

The never ending battle of life has moved back into my territory.

And you have too many days like that.

You're not going to be too excited about the future either.

Therefore this leads us to what I think is a beautiful Kabbalistic concept that it's just that before every action,

Certainly any significant action that we take,

We should view the whole world and ourselves as completely balanced,

Positive and negative.

And if I do a negative action,

I have to know that I'm now tilting certainly my own balance,

But the whole world's balance now to the negative.

Most people don't think like that.

But that's the point.

But this is,

I think again,

One of the clear messages.

Let's explain how that works.

Well,

This is exactly the point.

Everything we said until now that every negative action tilts me to the negative.

Every positive action that I do tilts me to the positive because we are always in equilibrium.

When we wrote,

As I said,

When we,

You and I woke up this morning,

When everyone of our listeners woke up this morning,

They were of equal balance.

That's what the Zor means when it says I have a positive and a negative angel.

No matter what you did the night before?

No matter what I did.

Because again,

Like we said before,

If I did more negative things yesterday,

Then still in order for that to free will,

When I woke up this morning,

The battle has to,

The equilibrium has to come back to its best.

You've created more negative angels.

Yes.

And we can talk about that.

That's yes.

But for today's battle,

It has to be a balance.

Right?

So even though I might've done more negative actions yesterday,

That's still,

That has to be taken care of in a different way.

But when I woke up this morning,

I woke up in equilibrium,

Meaning able,

Capable.

The ability to create.

To choose.

And that's why,

Again,

One of my favorite quotes,

Which I think I've quoted before in the podcast,

But that a person has to know that even after having done the worst thing in the world,

In the next second,

They can be the most elevated person.

Because as you said before,

We are not the last negative nor last positive thing that we've done.

We always come back to equilibrium for the purpose of allowing free will.

And from that equilibrium,

One action,

Positive action,

Tilts me to the positive.

One negative action tilts me to the negative.

And that is the daily battle.

This takes,

This is necessary to pause and people really think about that because people have done really something that they can't even get their head around.

Like they have shame or guilt and they stay in that,

I did this bad thing and I just can't forgive myself.

You know,

You're missing the point of life really.

And the same thing.

If you,

If you do something positive,

You think that that's going to get you through the rest of your life,

This great thing that you did at one point or little great things that you do,

It's just not enough.

It's actually interesting in that book,

Out of Character,

He says,

You know,

What makes the news?

Somebody who everybody thought saw as a paragon of something,

Right?

Of righteousness,

Of whatever it is.

And they did one negative action.

It's over.

It destroys their character.

Especially in cancer culture.

He brought this example,

I forget the name,

Of a homeless guy,

A drug addicted homeless guy who jumped into a river to save a woman's life.

Right?

No,

But that didn't make the news because people have this false view.

A very positive person does one negative action.

He's now a terrible person,

But a terrible person,

Not a terrible,

Whatever,

But a lower person who did one positive.

Not suddenly the most righteous person in the world.

So clearly it's illogical both ways.

And that's the point.

The point is that we are never the last thing that we've done.

And to your point of,

And I know often people get stuck in this,

Again,

Another way to view this is that our soul never gets damaged.

Our light,

Our essence never gets damaged.

The only thing we ever do,

Even by doing the worst thing in the world.

We cover it.

Is we cover it.

And we might put 10 covers,

A hundred covers,

A thousand covers,

But it's important to know.

With work and time.

Know that your soul,

Your essence never got damaged.

Of course,

But with work you can reveal it.

To exactly,

You put layers upon it to not allow it to shine as clearly as it can,

But you never damage it.

And don't let yourself judge other people that you see covered and think that that's really who they are.

They're just very,

Very much hidden.

Again,

One of the teachings,

Which I think is beautiful,

Is that the creator loves the person we need to be most negative more than we love the person who we deemed to be most positive.

Because of the potential.

Because of what they are.

And this,

Again,

I think one of the biggest takeaways,

I hope,

For our listeners from today in this podcast is the understanding of equilibrium.

The understanding that no one action,

Again,

Makes us what we are,

Positive or negative.

And that the battle continues always.

Very powerful.

So,

What would you like to leave our listeners with?

So which wolf is going to win for you?

And obviously,

It's the one you feed.

It's not our work to always be good or to eradicate our worst qualities.

It's really take each day,

Take the time to look within,

To find the parts of yourself that are deep,

Deep,

Deep buried and find them so you can reveal the light that's in them.

And if you view,

I think,

Each day like that,

Right?

I think just the takeaways.

You wake up in the morning,

Your scale is equal.

You get the opportunity to live your life,

Live your day any way you want.

You have free will.

How are you going to choose to do that A,

And respond to the things that come into your environment,

Into your day,

Into your world?

And B,

How much effort are you going to put in to really find those hidden gems that are within you that we deem as bad,

Really?

And take the time.

If you take the time every day to really transform the things that you think that are the worst things about you even,

Take them.

They're energy.

They're very powerful,

Right?

The darkest things we think and say about ourselves are very powerful.

We have the ability to completely change that and use that energy and create something good.

Yes.

Yes.

I would only add that accept every single one of us is of equal measures light and dark.

And our greatest fuel of blessings,

Of growth,

Is from the dark parts.

That's where the diamonds are.

That's where the light is.

That's where the sparks are.

And embrace for the purpose of,

Yes,

Working in it as Moses did,

To transform them and use them in the proper way,

But that the darker parts of us are the more potentially light-filled and really the purpose for which we're in this world.

We're in this world to embrace and transform our darkness,

Not to be enjoying our light.

And also walk around a little bit more scared each day.

More mindful,

I would say.

To create humility,

Really know that that could be you.

I mean,

We all,

You know,

The fact that,

You know,

I think we walk around thinking we're protected,

Certain things will never happen to us.

Yeah.

Or we have,

You know,

We have certain characters.

This is my character.

So of course.

And I'm better than that.

So really,

You know,

Yeah,

To walk around very carefully and with eyes wide open.

So I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

And please remember to continue sending your questions,

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Comments to MonicaAndMichaelAtKabala.

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As we always say,

The reason we record this podcast is to hopefully inspire and share with our listeners and the more listeners that we are able to share with the more inspiration we draw.

So please do send your questions,

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Stay spiritually hungry.

Bye.

Reviews

This episode made me think, which is good and bad. Thank you! Love seeing things differently.✨✨✨✨✨

Excellent wisdom! Thank you!