Appreciation isn't,
Do I like this,
Right?
Appreciation is,
What is the other person doing?
Are you doing something for me?
Whether it's exactly what I want or not exactly,
Have appreciation for the fact that they love you enough or care for you enough to try to even do something for you.
So that's a really great definition of appreciation.
It's not for the thing that you have.
It's for the reasons you have it.
Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 80.
Wow,
80.
I'm very excited for this one,
I have to say.
As you are everyone.
Yes,
But especially.
Really?
I don't know what I meant for.
You'll surprise me?
No,
No,
Just that I think that,
Well,
Let's wait for the questions.
Well,
Let's see if our listeners can guess what we're going to cover.
So kids ask questions constantly.
Why do we say hang up the phone?
Who's going to remember how phones used to be wall mounted,
I guess.
Why do some people have wrinkles?
Do monkeys eat anything but bananas?
How did God make us?
Right?
And the questions go on and on.
They're really creative and interesting.
But by teen years,
Those questions taper off to almost none because of course,
Teens have it all figured out.
And when we evolve into our 20s and have the realization that we know nothing again,
Why don't we start asking more questions?
I guess because we don't want to look stupid and some level ego is very involved at that point in our lives.
It's been around for quite some time.
I'm always very impressed by people,
Especially successful people who are looked up to by people they're on a conversation with who somebody says a word and they don't know it.
Most of us,
Our ego will not have the guts to have them.
What does that mean?
Or anything like that.
You know,
My father used to always,
Which I always really loved about him.
I don't think I ever told him,
But I guess he's hearing this somewhere.
But when somebody would tell him something that he didn't know or he hadn't heard before,
He'd say,
Is that right?
Like within such a like his way and then he'd sit back and he'd let them like teach them something that he didn't know.
Is that right?
All right.
So and after maybe date number six,
We stop asking questions of our partners.
I'd say maybe it lasts more than date number six,
But certainly after the questions,
But not good ones.
Why are you late?
Why are you making me late?
We don't wait for the answers.
It reminds me actually when we went out on a date this last Saturday night,
Went to really cool place somewhere new.
And do you remember there was a couple sitting behind you?
It was like a piano bar type loungey thing.
And I said to you,
I bet you they're on their first date.
And you said,
How do you know?
I said,
Well,
First of all,
She hasn't stopped talking and she's really excited to share about herself.
And she and I can tell from his body language because his back was facing me and his legs were squared and his back and he was really engaged,
Like kind of leaning into her,
But he really wanted to hear what she had to say.
And I was like,
You're never really that enthusiastic unless it's a really good first date,
Maybe a good second.
And when we left,
I said,
Enthusiastic.
Now you're interested.
And yes,
Because we have a healthy relationship,
Thank God.
But most,
I mean,
There was like energy coming off that table.
So I wanted to see if I was right.
So you went you started your way out.
I said,
I'm going to stop at this table,
Which is something I started doing later in life.
I never used to do that.
And I went over to them and I said,
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I just have a question.
I said,
I'm a relationship expert.
And I said,
I want to guess,
You know,
Is this your first date?
And she's like,
How did you know?
And so I told her what I just told you.
And then she's like,
Wow.
I said,
Well,
It's looking pretty good.
And then I asked them their signs.
I guessed that right as well.
And they happened to be our signs.
He was Gemini cancer cusp and hers was a little bit flipped.
She was cancer moon and Virgo.
And I'm Virgo,
Men in cancer.
So I gave him some advice and well wishes,
But I don't know if you ever hear this.
Let me know how it worked out.
Okay.
Back on point.
We assume we know what our partner is thinking,
So we don't bother to find out.
And I know you like this quote because you were surprised earlier today.
Actually,
You saw it in my book or rethink love,
Perhaps Henry Winkler,
Otherwise known as the Fonz on happy days to the older listeners amongst us.
He's got to know happy days.
I was just talking to Miriam this week.
Tuesday,
Wednesday,
Thursday,
Friday,
Happy days.
About Marla.
I was saying something about Marlon Brando.
I don't know how it came up.
And she was like,
Who's Marlon Brando?
That's embarrassing.
She should know who Marlon Brando is.
But what he said at best,
He said,
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
And that's really why it is one of the reasons why it's really important to ask questions and continue to ask questions.
Questions are powerful while assumptions are insidious.
Instead of asking questions,
We may be depending on assumptions we may have made years ago.
Are we basing our actions on previous experiences and never questioning that those early experiences may no longer be relevant?
I think that's a really important point because we assume,
Well,
I know them.
I decided to marry them.
I live with them.
I see them every day that we know.
And absolutely,
You do not know.
I can tell you that because we evolve and we change.
And so do our motivations and intentions.
And unless you're constantly checking in with each other to see what those are and how they're changing,
You might be living together,
But certainly not growing together.
And I was just thinking as we were talking that when we take the opportunity to learn something deeper about our partner,
It bonds us that much stronger.
And unless you're doing this on a consistent basis,
Which means discovering something new,
Discovering something deeper about your partner,
You're missing the opportunity to grow stronger and closer.
Well,
That's the positive,
Right?
But at the very basic level,
It also,
When you don't ask questions,
It allows for a lot of misunderstandings to occur.
We create stories in our head.
We create stories about our partner.
So yes,
On one level,
You want to keep asking questions so you can grow together and that you can love each other even more,
Hopefully,
Like with the person sharing with you.
But the flip side of that,
If you don't do those things,
It's really easy to take something as innocuous as.
.
.
If people don't actually check in with each other,
If you say,
Can you check the thermostat?
I'm cold.
And then,
You're always telling me what to do.
It becomes this kind of different dialogue that occurs unless you really do have these conversations.
I do want to underscore what I said before though,
Because I know that even in relationships that are going well,
And we talk about it,
But I'm not sure if it's always present in people's consciousness,
That you have to be growing closer all the time.
And one of the ways to do that is by discovering new things,
By being tied to something deeper within your partner.
And that's why I know for myself,
It's always exciting when I learn something new about you.
And when you share something,
Sometimes often it's in the same vein of things or conversations we've had before,
Which is beautiful and important.
But when it's something new,
I find that to be something very awakening of closeness.
Yeah,
Just thinking when I discover something new about myself,
I feel closer to people.
No,
Because that is ultimately,
You want to be able to have that conversation with yourself so you know yourself.
And when you know yourself,
You can share that deeper part of yourself with other people.
But whenever I do discover something new,
I do.
You're the first person I tell,
Sometimes the only person I tell,
Mostly the only person I tell.
So to that end,
We're dedicating this episode to asking more questions and making fewer assumptions.
And what I'd like to inspire our listeners to do is hopefully first listen to this podcast and get any inspiration that you can from it.
But then to make the time with your partner,
Maybe listen to it with your partner and ask questions,
Maybe some of the ones that we've come up with or some of your own and really set aside the time to get closer.
All right.
So shall I start?
Why not?
So how are we doing this?
How do you want to do it?
Maybe one question each.
We go back and forth.
And we just to let our listeners know,
Monica's directive to me was five questions and then 10 rapid fire questions.
So I came up with actually,
Was that not the right instructions?
Did I not follow?
I'm not sure why we're sharing that,
But yes.
I think it's important to be as transparent as possible.
I actually came up with more than five and more than 10,
But we'll see.
Well,
Let's see where this goes.
So where shall I begin?
Well,
Let's start with an easier one.
What is the one song you most associate with love and what does it really say about love?
That's a very.
.
.
Monica,
I am so impressed with your question.
Seriously,
That's such a great question.
Oh,
Thanks.
You should write that down.
You know,
Often we have,
And Monica of course knows this before our listeners,
On a Friday night when we have to get together.
It's game night every Friday night.
And game night isn't like playing Monopoly,
But asking deep or deeper questions.
And we've come across many,
Many questions.
I've never seen this one.
This is very good.
Yeah,
Well,
We're creating our own game.
Yes,
Yes,
Absolutely.
So what is the song that I most associate with love?
And what does it really say about love?
So I have quite a few answers to this question.
Oh gosh,
It's going to be a long.
.
.
Episode.
Hopefully our listeners are enjoying.
So I'll start with something that's not exactly maybe what you're asking.
So one of our daughter Miriam's favorite songs to listen to right now is actually an older song by John Denver.
Those of you who know,
I'm sure many of our younger listeners,
Maybe some of our older ones never heard of John Denver.
And there's a song,
Leaving on a Jet Plane.
And it's probably the first song,
English song that I became aware of.
And because when we lived in Israel in the 1970s,
The Rav,
My father,
Would often travel to the United States and other places to teach and do that work.
And often my mother would stay home and we would stay home with her.
And it was sort of a very sad song that they would either play or.
.
.
It came into my consciousness in that way,
Living on a Jet Plane,
Where my father's going away and my mother's home and there's a little sadness around that.
But of course,
The sadness comes from a love that existed that for the time being has to take a break.
So that's one relatively quick answer.
And then between you and I,
I would say the two songs that come to mind are the James Taylor song,
You Can Close Your Eyes.
And I'm pretty sure that's one of yours as well.
And it's basically.
.
.
What it means to me is that it's just the two of us and the world is spinning around.
But really,
And I'm sure many of our listeners experience this,
When you're in love and you're certainly when you're having moments of closeness,
When you feel there's the world out there,
But there aren't really people there because it's just you and your partner.
So that's what that song means to me.
Is there a time limit?
I have two more.
Oh my gosh.
Okay,
Go ahead.
This is too much.
Another song is the Billy Joel song.
And so it goes?
And so it goes.
It's kind of sad though,
I could say actually when I was preparing the question.
You're listening to this one?
I was like,
Oh,
You know what I said there?
And every heart there is a room.
Yeah.
A sacred space,
Something like that.
But then it goes.
.
.
Yeah,
It does get sad.
But anyway.
Yeah,
But you don't have to connect to that part.
Which for me it was that idea that when you're with your.
.
.
Hopefully you're developing your relation with your partner.
We all kind of relate to what I was saying earlier,
Where you're building compartments within yourself for your partner,
Which I think is beautiful because it's no longer them and you or you and I.
They live within you.
They live within you.
In the chambers.
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
And one more is a Mumford and Sons.
You guys haven't.
.
.
If you don't know this about Michael,
He's very sentimental and romantic.
Yes.
And I very much enjoy music.
So there's a Mumford and Sons.
Mumford and Sons?
Yes.
And the song,
The Ghost That We Knew.
And okay,
I have so many answers to this question.
But this one is.
.
.
You just dedicated the whole podcast to today's episode to Michael's favorite love songs.
The Ghost That We Knew.
And there it's that same idea that when we're together,
All the fears go away,
Which isn't always true,
Right?
But it's certainly true that when you have somebody that loves you,
It gives you strength at least to transcend many of the fears that would otherwise either overwhelm or consume us.
And the words that speak to me are the ghosts that we knew,
Right?
That idea that all those things that scare us are,
You know,
Sort of leave our view at least or become less powerful over us.
And the last one,
Which I'll mention,
I'm probably taking too long to answer this question,
Is a Death Cab for Cutie song.
I'll follow you into the dark.
Yeah,
I can cry every time I think about it.
I know that was also one of the ones that I put on my list.
And I was like.
.
.
And it talks about the fact.
.
.
I actually remember when our oldest David was seven,
We were in the car,
He was driving and he asked me,
And he got teary eyed,
He asked me to turn it off because it made him sad.
Right,
Because it talks about my love of mine one day,
Right,
When your soul embarks,
I'll follow you into the dark.
So I guess that idea that which.
.
.
I never liked those first few words,
Someday you will die.
But the idea is that even then I'll follow you into the dark.
And that idea that,
You know,
We believe in soulmates and that souls exist beyond even this physical world,
That even if that day comes when you physically separate in this world,
You hopefully reunite in that world as well.
The only problem I had with the lyrics was I wanted it to be I'll follow you into the light,
Not into the dark,
But I guess the dark of the unknown.
We didn't write these songs,
Right?
So we can't.
.
.
It would just add it slightly.
Yes.
Was that a thorough enough answer?
It was very thorough.
Too thorough.
So let me see.
I will ask you this.
I'll do that for last.
What is your greatest vulnerability?
Oh,
What is my greatest vulnerability?
Or at least that you feel,
Right?
It's not often the true one,
Right?
But what do you feel most vulnerable about?
In life in general,
I would say having enough quality time here in this world that I can do the things that I want to do,
That I want to achieve from a place of strength and connection and truth.
So,
You know,
And I've shared,
I think a lot of it's connected to my father,
But that idea of running out of time.
So I'd say that that's the thing that gets me.
.
.
It motivates me,
But also terrifies me.
Interesting.
Yeah,
I was going to say that because I see what I like about the questions that I wrote is that I didn't know the answers necessarily.
I had some ideas that I couldn't follow.
Did you guess this one?
No,
I didn't.
I didn't.
I had other things.
Like what?
I don't know.
I think that's the way this game works.
But as you said that it makes sense to me that you're so driven,
Right?
That I think sometimes pushes us to do too much and probably because of that.
Yeah,
It drives me for sure.
And it also gets me into trouble sometimes because there's times where I should stop.
But I think that's my biggest vulnerability.
Yeah.
My answer is short.
Well,
This is kind of a fun one.
Would you rather love or be loved?
Not so easy,
Mr.
Berg.
No,
I'll tell you why.
Because the immediate answer that came to mind was to love.
Because I think loving another person,
I'm totally experiencing it with you,
Experiencing it with our kids,
It's really fulfilling.
It's really fulfilling to have somebody who's accepting of your love and that you love and then you have the ability to give them and show them your love.
Well,
You're assuming the person you love is accepting that,
Right?
Right,
Of course.
Of course.
Obviously,
That's another.
Right.
But the other part of it is to be loved.
Because in general,
And again,
Not to be too spiritual about this,
I don't really,
Except for you and.
.
.
That's not really true.
And my kids and my close friends,
I don't really care what people think about me,
Right?
I'm very much mission driven,
Like what I believe I need to do in life and what effect that has on people.
And I hope it's always a positive one,
But not because then they will love me,
But just because I want to have a positive effect.
But you don't know how you would feel if you existed in a world where you were not loved,
Right?
You happen to have always been in a nurturing,
You always knew you were loved by someone.
Your parents,
I always knew I was loved by my parents,
Someone that we never went through life.
There are times where we're more popular or less popular perhaps,
And that doesn't matter.
But the concept of feeling loved,
I don't think,
I'm sorry I'm answering your question,
But I don't think you can really love unless you've experienced receiving love.
And I think that that's,
I think they go hand in hand.
So I'm not even sure it's a fair question,
I guess.
Oh,
So two points off Monica for that question.
I like to see you try.
Yeah,
But I do.
I do think,
Okay,
I guess all I can say then for sure is that it's definitely a great feeling to love and have those accept your love,
Receive your love.
I have a deeper question for you.
Do you think that you could give love if you never experienced love?
Oh,
I don't think so.
I don't think it's possible.
That's an easy answer.
I think for me that's an easy answer.
It's only,
Not only received love,
But also,
And we've spoken about this before,
Seen love.
I think what makes it easier for me to experience love,
Give love,
Is the fact that I've had very beautiful role models.
In this case,
I would refer directly to my parents where I saw real love.
Between two people.
I saw real love between two people.
I wonder,
Right?
Somebody who grows up,
Which I think is probably the majority of people who grew up in a home where they don't see consistent,
Deep,
Real love between their parents,
It probably becomes more difficult in life to feel love,
To give love.
So my question,
And I was trying to make these as I was thinking,
Some that are general to our listeners,
But this one I think is more specific to you.
So you could take this in one or two directions.
The first question that I wrote down is,
What is the craziest situation that you've encountered in your counseling couples?
That's the first one.
And then the second was just in general,
What's the craziest thing you've experienced or seen?
Well,
That's very general.
So I prefer you answer the first one.
Well,
I've seen some real dysfunction in people and relationships,
But it really starts,
I think,
With what's going on in their own,
In their head,
In their body,
How they feel about themselves.
I think the most destructive thing I've seen was someone who was married and really struggling with some addiction issues.
She slept with a relative and he lost his virginity to her.
And she felt tremendous shame and guilt after,
Especially when she became sober.
But,
You know,
And it's self-sabotage at its fullest.
I mean,
Fully,
Because she didn't know how to navigate.
And that was,
You know.
So I mean,
For me,
That was the first time I really saw,
Because I have to say,
She's really like,
She's a beautiful person.
She's got a beautiful heart.
And she's only shown kindness to me and to others.
It's when she's horrible to herself that she hurts the one she loves.
But it was the first time that I really understood.
And it really helped me for,
You know,
With everything that I try to offer people,
What a human being is capable of doing,
And not just to others,
But to themselves.
That it doesn't define you,
But we have the ability to do things we'd never ever imagined.
Right.
I know we've had these conversations where probably the craziest things that people do that are,
You know,
Everybody makes mistakes,
Everybody does stupid things,
But the self-sabotage,
Right?
When it's so clearly not in their own interest.
Yeah,
And just another relationship time that kind of shocked me.
We were out to dinner with a couple and I knew her,
But not very well.
And it was the first time that we had met her husband.
You hadn't met either one of them.
Yes,
Thanks.
Monica often brings me out.
Interesting.
And at some point in the dinner,
She had had a little bit of a drink.
She said,
You know,
To her husband,
When you say that,
It reminds me of your mother.
And I hate your mother.
And we're at the table and you did the cutest thing.
You're like,
Hey,
That's not fair.
That's not nice.
And I was just like,
That's a good way to handle it.
We are really uncomfortable.
But it was interesting,
Again,
You know,
I mean,
To see where relationships can go in ways you'd never ever imagined,
Which is the importance,
Honestly,
Of doing the work early on.
And if there are any other things,
Choose well,
Choose for the right reasons,
But then be all in consistently.
Good answer.
Hard question.
OK,
This is a good one.
How would you define trust?
Trust.
So,
You know,
We had this conversation a few weeks back.
And I think trust begins with the belief that the person with whom you want to,
Or you do give your trust,
Is somebody who will always want what is best for you.
That you can otherwise,
I don't think you can trust somebody,
Because so often people who love somebody else,
Right?
But because momentary lapses or other reasons,
They'll do things that are hurtful.
You can't really trust them.
You can love somebody who you don't trust.
But you can't trust somebody who you can't depend on always,
Or at least mostly,
Always being certain that they'll do or think or try to do what is best for you.
What I like about your definition is by putting you first,
Right,
Your needs,
They're removing their agenda.
And that's where the trust comes in.
Because so often,
Especially with the people we love,
They really have an agenda.
Parents do this with their children and they mean well,
Right?
Spouses for sure do this to one another.
But I think that is the key ingredient.
Yeah,
And again,
As it comes to maybe lessons that our listeners can take from this,
I think really think about your relationship,
Especially people you love,
Right?
Because sometimes we're not sure is this person I love or don't love,
But.
.
.
And can you be trusted?
Do you feel that you are working on removing your agendas from that relationship?
Because I think it really can be eye-opening to realize,
Wow,
I love them,
They love me,
But I don't know if they can trust me.
And there might be times that I will do things that are either because of my agenda or just because I'm thoughtless in some ways that hurt them.
And again,
You can love somebody you don't trust,
But you can't really have a deep love,
I don't believe,
Unless you can trust.
And trust means again that you believe that they will always look out for your benefit.
So surprise me.
What?
Surprise me.
Surprise you with what?
Anything.
I don't like that question at all.
I love it.
Yeah,
Take some time to think about it.
I don't know if I can surprise you.
Well,
Let's see.
We have time.
Yeah,
I hate this question.
I hate it.
That's good.
Who's going to need to like all the questions?
That's not actually,
You know what's wrong with this?
It's not a question.
It's a statement.
And therefore I'm not going to respond.
Sorry.
I'm going to respond.
I'm going to respond.
I'm going to respond.
And then you're like,
You know,
In jeopardy.
How do they do in jeopardy?
Yeah.
No.
Can you surprise me?
No,
I cannot.
There you go.
Really?
All right,
I'll turn it back to you.
Okay.
Can you surprise me?
I kind of thought I was going to take this cup and pour it on you.
That's just me.
That would certainly surprise you.
Is that the lead you want to take?
No,
No,
No.
What,
Surprise me?
I would have done it.
I would have done it.
There was something recently where you surprised me.
I feel like I'm always surprising you.
But I can't be pressured into it.
See?
Not a good question.
Are we editing this one out or are we keeping it in?
I don't know.
We'll see how that goes.
Okay.
So here's another one.
This one you liked.
How can I become.
.
.
It's not that I didn't like the other one.
The other one wasn't a question.
How can I become a better person,
Husband?
Oh,
Yeah.
I got a good one.
Better person.
I wouldn't even advise on that because it's something that you're constantly striving for and you're asking yourself that question.
Not sure you're asking yourself the question,
How can I be a better husband?
Really?
Well,
I think.
.
.
You just surprised all of our listeners.
No,
I think that you strive to be that,
But I don't think it's the same question as it is the first one.
I don't think it should be,
By the way.
You're surprising me.
I think that the first question should be.
.
.
We should definitely keep in that question from before.
I think the first question should be,
How can I be a better person for you?
I think that just by the nature of a relationship,
We're constantly giving each other feedback on how to do that.
Even as parents,
We do this all the time.
This one wanted your attention or the phone or whatever.
But for a better husband,
I think that.
.
.
And we've talked about this.
You've shared it a lot.
Your nature is not to be a talker.
And although you are a good communicator,
Again,
You'd rather just leave things unsaid.
That's just your nature.
But I've shared this with you too.
Everything I'm telling you,
I've shared with you.
When you're stressed,
Especially,
Which isn't that often,
Or when you're trying to figure something out,
You get even more quiet.
And then that feels lonely to me.
So every now and again,
We need to have a wake up of like,
I need.
.
.
I need.
.
.
Again,
I think you're surprising our listeners.
I'm sorry,
I asked a previous question.
I need more Michael.
I need conversation.
I need share.
And that's funny because especially now in our roles in the center,
People are,
Tell me something.
And I'm like,
Oh,
I didn't know this,
But I told Michael I thought he'd tell you.
And not knowing that that's just not your nature.
Anyway,
You also don't gossip.
You wouldn't even think to repeat something.
You don't even actually remember it.
It's like things come in and out.
So I would think that just.
.
.
And I make the joke of like,
Oh my God,
When we're old and gray,
You can be really quiet.
All right.
I totally forgot about that.
I didn't.
You often read that out.
So I think that for me to be a better partner would be that.
And you're aware of that and I think you're trying,
But you excel in all areas.
You're like the best husband.
So it's not a complaint.
No,
No,
No.
I'm very happy.
I'm happy you've reminded me about this in the past and currently.
And it's interesting,
I'm always in awe of people.
I would say all of our kids are very big talkers.
And I'm always impressed.
You'll sit with them.
It's true.
And they're like for half hour,
They'll just tell you about everything and keep on talking and jump to another topic and another topic and another topic.
And I'm really in awe because that's completely the opposite of my nature,
Which is,
Yeah,
There's something important to say.
I'd like to communicate it otherwise,
You know,
Quiet.
My response to that is sometimes things are important.
You don't realize they are until you talk about them.
And what I would add to that.
.
.
Wait,
Did you just hear that?
No,
No.
I totally glossed over that.
But I was going to say it again.
I did listen,
But say it again.
What did I say?
Let me test you here.
No,
But I was going to say.
No,
Because you only value or deem certain things as important.
And I don't agree with that,
Right?
I think that's just how you were raised.
And I think you're studying very heady,
Deep wisdom your whole life.
So in the context of that,
Very little is important,
Right?
But you also are a human being and you want to have human relationships and you want to experience life in physicality.
So you know,
And it wouldn't.
.
.
I don't think before we were married,
I don't think you really shared feelings or thoughts about yourself or anything.
So you've come so far.
Aw,
Thank you.
But this is next level.
So I'll say two things.
Funny enough,
Today I was actually thinking about the idea that,
You know,
I do very much enjoy and think it's important to study very deep concepts.
I was thinking about today that most of what I study,
I can never explain.
I can never speak to people about it because it's so deep,
Which is interesting.
The second thing.
.
.
You need to find a scholar friend.
No,
No,
No.
I'm very happy.
I'm very much inspired by it.
I know you don't want that.
I have no desire.
It's funny,
Yeah.
I don't know that.
You get to be by yourself.
Yes.
But I think again,
What you do remind me of,
Which is a very important and very much appreciated and point taken that,
Again,
Like I said before,
That one of the big things you taught me is that in order.
.
.
It's not about,
You know,
Being a good husband.
It's about how does the relationship grow stronger?
And unless,
Thankfully,
You naturally do this,
Unless you're really going out of your way,
In my case,
Where it's less natural to share even more than you would think necessary,
This makes you closer.
So it's not even so much,
Is this an important.
.
.
Because that's the way my calculus is.
Oh,
Is this something important to share with my medical or not?
No.
What are the things you can share so that you can get closer?
And also to your point,
When couples don't do this,
The other person feels very lonely in the relationship.
And it's not obvious or understood.
No,
It really is that way.
No,
I just had a vision of us in rocking chairs in our 80s.
I'm not going to be in a.
.
.
I'm going to be running in my 80s.
No,
But I know after you run,
We sit down on the rocking chair and we talk.
Sure.
But the other thing is when couples don't do this,
Then they don't feel seen or heard.
And then that really,
Really chips away at the relationship.
And that's a very important point.
And I'm going to be supporting it for myself.
And I would say probably for many of our men,
Husbands,
Men listeners,
And I'm sure there are women who.
.
.
And men,
Women know when you really are listening,
When you're not.
What did you say?
Just saying.
What did you say?
Men,
Women know.
I was joking.
Oh,
Ha ha.
Exactly.
I'm so used to that.
Again,
You surprise our listeners.
All right.
My turn.
Describe the moment you realized you had fallen in love with me.
Okay,
Let me give you a better one.
I was actually,
As I was thinking of these questions,
I was trying to.
.
.
I just thought that was funny for me here.
I've come up with things that I didn't know the answers to.
But you want me to answer that one?
Yeah,
I'm not sure I know actually.
Okay.
Well,
First of all,
I think.
.
.
I mean,
I know when you noticed me and I know when you felt something,
But fallen in love,
That's something different.
I think that's a constant process.
I feel,
And I share this,
I think,
Relatively often with you,
That I do often feel that I'm falling even more in love with you.
So like you said,
I think there's a moment that we know in 1996 in my office in Los Angeles,
We started having a conversation and I noticed you in a way that I hadn't before.
What is that movie?
The Disney one?
There's something here that hasn't been before with that.
.
.
Something like Beating the Beast?
Beating the Beast,
Yeah.
But then from that moment on,
I think it's a constant growth.
And I think you never want to stop falling in love with your partner.
And then I know that the past 24 and more years,
I've had the blessing of being able to fall in love with you more and more all the time.
And I really hope that I do the work and that that is a constant process.
Because that felt and sounded a little bit like self-promotion,
Well,
Promotion for me anyway.
After this one,
Do you feel like your name suits you?
It's interesting.
I never growing up,
There are many names that I could point to that I like better than Michaela,
Which is the Hebrew name or Michael.
But it absolutely.
.
.
Really?
What would that be?
For instance,
I love the name David more than the name Michael.
And those listeners are first.
Our first son,
Firstborn son's name is David.
I love the name Joshua more than I love the name Michael,
Our second son.
But I feel completely that it's the name of my soul.
And we often talk about this,
That a name isn't sort of,
Parents something,
Say,
Oh,
It's a nice thing that we like.
Really what you're trying to do is trying to find.
.
.
And I've had this conversation very often with parents who call me after birth with a child,
How do we go about naming?
And kabbalistically,
It's really important because you're not giving a name to a soul.
You're trying to ascertain,
Feel what is the name of the soul.
And so for me,
It's very clear that.
.
.
So define your name for those that don't know.
What is Michael?
Well,
It means many different things.
Literally translated means who is like God.
Mikael,
Which is the.
.
.
I think it's a perfect name for you.
But it represents what we call the archangel Michael,
Which represents what we call right column or mercy,
Kindness,
Sharing.
That's the energy of that name.
I'm happy my parents gave me that name because it's definitely the name of my soul.
And again,
It's not the name that I like the most,
But it's certainly the name of my soul.
If you could change one thing about yourself,
What would it be?
Well,
I've worked really hard to change many things.
I think.
.
.
For sure.
Well,
It's the one I'm working on,
So maybe that's why it's coming to mind.
But I think it's to have more appreciation for what I have done instead of what I will do.
And I think that I spend a lot more time in the realm of,
Okay,
What's next?
What's my next goal?
Push that.
I spend very little time in where am I today in that space.
And the injury has really tried to.
.
.
It's really helped me be much more present and experience the moment more.
And part of that is also appreciating where I find myself,
Not just the thing that came up in the day,
But just where I find myself in life.
So I think that's the thing.
That's beautiful.
And yeah,
I think it's so important,
I'm sure,
Not just for you,
But for many of our listeners.
And I think it relates to something,
I think one of the first answers you gave,
Which is the idea that you're most vulnerable about having enough time.
But what happens,
Because I can say it's crude,
I'm sure many of our listeners know,
The amount of people that you spend every week helping and the impact that you have.
I think why it's so important,
Not as a way,
And I know this is not the way you mean it,
To feel good about yourself,
But to appreciate the gift that the creator has given you to be able to do that.
And I think what happens then is that it actually makes you a much more powerful person the next time.
Yeah,
You're able to do more.
And from a stronger.
.
.
Exactly.
Like if you think about Superman or whatever,
From your crypto,
Whatever it is,
That force within you.
That grows by appreciating yourself more.
We're watching Star Wars with Abigail now,
And it's that energy,
That life force.
But I guess part of what we teach also is you don't know the potential of your soul,
And you don't want to arrive at the pearly gates and say,
Oh,
I could have been this and that.
So it's not.
.
.
I think clearly,
I think this is a really important point for you and for our listeners,
That the more you take the time to appreciate what you've done,
The more powerful you become.
That's really hard for me.
Again,
Almost just having this conversation,
I'm getting a little emotional.
It's my.
.
.
I guess also because I've made it a real point not to rely or need validation or even feedback at this point.
Well,
Not from anybody else.
No,
Right.
It's from yourself.
But this is the thing.
So if you're not giving it to your.
.
.
If I'm not giving it to myself,
Because I'm always like,
Okay,
What's the next level of where I'm supposed to be?
I'm not giving it to myself and I'm also not paying attention to the external.
It's just not there.
Right?
So I have to learn to cultivate it for myself,
But I really.
.
.
And that's where I'm stuck.
Oh,
That's so sweet.
I really love the vulnerability of being right now.
Oh,
Yeah.
But you know,
I.
.
.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I think it's so important.
.
.
Because in my mind,
It's just you and me talking.
I know that's naive also,
But yeah.
Yeah.
I really hope that you do work on that really.
Just pretty.
.
.
Yeah.
It doesn't detract.
It actually makes things stronger.
Okay.
So now we're gonna.
.
.
We have more questions for each other,
But we don't have time.
I don't need to get to them,
But we are going to read some of them off and suggest that you do this with your partner or even yourself,
Just to see how well you know yourself or with the best friend.
So they're one,
One,
One,
One.
How many more do you have?
I don't know.
Go ahead.
Okay.
What drives you?
What event from your childhood shaped you today?
Oh,
Good question.
Do you wanna answer that one?
It's interesting.
So I can answer it.
I can have a long conversation about that because many,
Many,
Many,
Many,
Some of which I wouldn't want to go into in a podcast.
But the one that comes to mind,
Which is I would say relatively light,
When I was about seven or eight years old,
In those years we didn't have a lot of money.
So we would buy clothes in thrift shops,
So we didn't really buy new clothes.
And we were living in Jerusalem.
It was cold in the winters.
And my parents were so excited.
They went to the store,
And I remember the name of the store,
And they bought the brand new coats,
Long coats,
From me and my brother.
And I remember I hated it.
Brand new?
Yeah,
Yeah.
It's like the first new piece of clothing they ever bought.
They were so excited.
So they gave them to us.
We put them on,
And we went for a walk in cold Jerusalem.
And I hated it.
And I remember I had an attitude the whole walk.
And we actually have,
I don't even know if we still have the picture,
But we have a picture.
We were taking pictures of us.
We have that picture.
We do.
And I remember that because I was so upset that I hated the coat.
And I was just,
I think it makes me,
This is now over 40 years later.
It's a little painful to hear it.
Knowing your parents,
And knowing essentially Karen probably like.
.
.
I feel so bad.
She forgave you,
I'm sure.
Yeah,
I'm sure she did.
I'm sure both my parents did.
But you know,
And that's why one of the things that I just can't stand when I see it in any of our kids is any lack of appreciation.
Because I remember how stupid that was then.
Funny.
And that shaped you today?
No,
In just really realizing appreciation isn't,
Do I like this,
Right?
Appreciation is,
What is the other person doing?
They're doing something for me,
Whether it's exactly what I want or not exactly.
Have appreciation for the fact that they love you enough or care for you enough to try to even do something for you.
So that's a really great definition of appreciation.
It's not for the thing that you have.
It's for the reasons you have it.
It's kind of like a deeper,
More expansive.
Rapid fire?
Okay.
Well,
Okay.
Well,
Yeah.
Do one more.
Read up the questions first.
When were you the most hurt?
That's a really good question.
You're welcome.
And.
.
.
Do you want to answer that?
Okay.
We're running out of time for the round.
I'm actually excited for that rapid fire ones as well.
But I think I know the answer to that question.
Do you?
I think I do.
I mean,
Yeah.
It was when we moved to California,
I was just alone a lot at the beginning.
We moved when I was in third grade.
And so I would hang out with my parents all the time and they would play tennis with this couple every Sunday.
They were named after food.
I don't think.
.
.
They couldn't have been the real names.
Okay.
His name was Stu.
Hers was Lasagna.
I'm not even joking.
And I was like.
.
.
Lasagna?
In my mind,
I'm like,
How can you take these people seriously?
I don't even understand.
Anyway,
They played devil's tennis with them every Sunday.
What was it,
You're saying her name was actually Lasagna?
And I kept saying,
That can't be your name as a kid.
And she's like,
That's my name.
Stu,
I understand.
Stu,
I understand too.
But you put the two together and you're like,
There's something really fishy going on here.
So the donor thing was cat.
I don't know.
They had enough children.
But we would go to Beverly Hills High School where they play at the courts there.
And I would roller skate up and down,
Up and down for the hour that they played.
And at the end of that,
I can tell I wasn't really a fan.
I thought she showed off a lot.
But anyway,
She said,
I'm going to race you.
And she was running.
And I was on roller skates.
So clearly,
I was like,
Great.
Yeah,
I'm going to beat you.
And I did.
But then I ran out of sidewalk and there was street coming.
And I could see that if I kept.
.
.
And I couldn't stop.
I mean,
I was going at full speed.
And if I kept going,
Then I was going to get hit by a car because the car was coming.
So I made myself fall.
And I really hurt my wrist.
And so I kept telling my parents,
I'm really hurt.
They're like,
No,
You're fine.
And to my dad,
He was always very proud for good and for bad.
And he never wanted to embarrass people,
Even though sometimes you should.
So he didn't want her to feel bad.
So he kept making it like my pain wasn't really there.
So we were going to dinner after with them.
Oh,
With them?
Stu and Lasagna.
What do you have for dinner?
They had pasta bowl and they put the two together.
So I kept in the car on the ride.
I was just with my parents and like,
I'm really hurt.
It really hurts.
They're like,
No,
You're fine.
We go to the restaurant.
I order.
I don't need anything.
And by the time that they're eating and laughing at this point,
I'm thinking nobody's listening to me.
Nobody can hear me.
Like,
You know,
I don't like nobody sees me,
You know?
So I put my head down on the table and I just like and I had no appetite.
At that point,
They started taking things.
I put it before that.
The lasagna lady's like,
Well,
You know,
You know,
Maybe you should take her seriously.
She looks hurt.
My dad shook my wrist and said,
No,
No,
She's fine.
Because again,
He didn't mean to be hurtful.
He was trying to look good to them.
And it was just that was his way,
You know?
So I was so hurt though.
And then,
Of course,
They finally took me seriously and I had a broken wrist.
And I remember we went to the emergency room.
I just felt so validated.
I was like the day when I got the extra.
I'm like,
You see,
I told you I hurt myself.
But I think that was the time I was hurt the most.
But it goes into that story emotionally hurt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Physical pain,
You know,
That isn't.
Thank you.
That's beautiful.
But I love you dad.
I forgive you.
It's OK.
But it really taught me to actually,
You know,
Hear people.
Right.
All right.
So rapid fire.
Yeah.
So I'm going to do one one.
No,
No,
No,
No,
No.
That's how it goes,
My friend.
No,
No.
Rapid fire is rapid fire.
So you just say the first thing that comes to your mind,
Even if it's real or imagined.
Who said I love you first?
I assume me.
Probably not.
Who was most likely to get food poisoning?
You.
Definitely you.
What?
I eat more adventurously,
But you have a more sensitive stomach.
And also I wash my hands more.
OK.
No,
Please.
Who can run faster?
Should I answer this question honestly?
Yes,
You should.
This one finally.
I mean,
It's the third one.
I can run faster short distances,
But you can definitely outrun me longer.
That was the next question.
You can run farthest.
Who is most likely to get a speeding ticket?
You for sure.
Correct.
Who is most likely to get a speeding ticket?
You.
Yeah.
You speed a lot more than I do.
Right.
But technically you get caught much more than I do.
Who apologizes first?
Be honest.
Fifty five.
Forty five you.
Fifty five me?
Yeah.
Yeah,
I'd say that's accurate.
Who is most likely to lose their passport in a foreign country?
Be honest.
Yes,
There you go.
What vegetable did you hate growing up?
You know this?
How would I know it?
I never asked you this question ever.
I was trying to remember if it was their vegetables that I hated.
Did you eat vegetables?
Because I remember when we got married,
We loved like a good Twinkie and a Ding Dong.
And what was the other one?
Double dogs.
Yes.
Yes.
I don't think we had to be very much of a vegetable.
We had to have a lot of experience with them to hate on.
That's true.
Okay.
And do you prefer the beach or the mountains?
Oh,
Definitely the mountains.
I know that.
There you go.
That was easy.
I hope yours are light and fun.
Well,
Okay.
Favorite movie?
Pride and Prejudice.
Favorite drink?
Penicillin.
Who's the funniest person?
In our relationship?
Funniest person?
You know.
Gosh,
There's too many.
I don't know.
I mean.
Me?
No,
What are those?
The comedian that we really like?
We listen to with Miriam.
The better question is who's funnier in our relationship.
Okay,
Who's funnier?
Me or you?
Depends what you find funny.
I'm funnier with words.
You're funnier in actions.
There you go.
What's your favorite word?
What's my favorite word?
Schnast.
Okay.
I don't think that's it.
Okay.
You'll have another opportunity.
What's your current inspiration?
Children's books.
What's your favorite crime?
My favorite what?
Crime.
Crime?
Crime.
What's your favorite crime?
I don't believe in crime.
That's not true.
Stealing a bike.
No,
No,
No.
Speeding.
Is that a crime?
See,
That's the thing.
I didn't consider that a crime.
It's against the law.
Well,
Not really.
What's your favorite derogatory word?
Yeah,
I can't say that.
You can spell it out.
F.
F word?
What makes you happy?
You.
I think we ended there.
So it was fun.
Yes.
I hope our listeners,
As I said,
I was really excited for the recording of this podcast.
I got to spend this time with Monica.
I got the warm and fuzzy feelings going.
For our listeners,
And I hope you did receive some inspiration and love from this podcast,
We do strongly recommend you listen to this podcast with all the people you love,
But also take maybe some of these questions,
Make your own questions,
Sit down with your partner,
Ask questions,
Go deep.
Because as we said in the beginning,
It is these conversations that are one of the great cornerstones of a love that keeps on growing.
I was on Channel 11 yesterday.
One of the questions they asked was,
During the pandemic,
These last two years,
It's really thrown a lot of couples off kilter and what can they do to get back on or to connect?
And we hadn't actually thought this game up yet,
But I actually think this is a really great way to do that.
To stop and say,
Okay,
Where are we now and why?
And really just get to know each other.
Of course,
There's things that couples have to work through and communicate about,
But this is a really fun way to start doing that and to start feeling vulnerable with one another.
Again,
I think to the point,
Unfortunately,
We know that most couples,
It's just the statistics are not happy.
And I think one of the main reasons is that they're not making the effort to renew their knowledge of their partner.
I mean,
Especially,
You know,
You're married five years,
10 years,
20 years.
Oh,
I know them.
So let's have new,
Exciting adventures outside to rekindle passion or love.
No,
There's a way to get to know your partner anew all the time.
And I think it's so important.
By the way,
My favorite words in a group.
Oh my,
You're going to keep going back to the other ones.
What the actual.
I don't finish it,
But like that's when I'm like,
What?
Yeah.
So a few exciting things for our listeners.
Next week,
We're doing Spiritually Hungry Live in London.
The week after that,
We're doing Spiritually Hungry Live in Mexico City.
The week after that- I'm not sure that it's New York City and then Mexico.
That's okay,
Friends.
Okay.
Join us live in London,
In New York City the week after,
And in Mexico City pretty much the week or two after that.
So we'll post it all.
Yes.
If you're in those cities,
Please join us.
We're also going to be streaming it.
And we're also very exciting.
We're starting to open up Spiritually Hungry to Live questions.
So you will start seeing- So you can join us and be here with us.
Sitting right here next to us.
Even if it's virtually,
You will share the stage with us and we would love to have you on.
So keep your eyes,
Ears,
Emails,
Texts open to see how and in what ways you can send us to questions for the topics and the podcasts coming up.
And those interesting questions are the more interesting questions.
We'll have the opportunity to ask them live and be our guests for those questions on Spiritually Hungry.
So very exciting things coming up for Spiritually Hungry.
And as always,
Please continue to send your questions,
Comments to Monica and Michael at Kabbalah.
Com.
And please make sure to continue to share this podcast with everybody you know.
Go to Apple podcasts and write five star reviews.
And again,
Share this podcast anywhere you get this podcast with all of your friends and family.
And as always,
I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we really enjoyed recording.
Bye.
Stay spiritually hungry.
.
