59. Live Boldly: How To Never Settle For Less

Change is an exciting part of life; it leads us to better self-awareness, helps us think and act from our soul, and creates our unique path to the real fulfillment we are meant to live. Tune in as Monica and Michael share practical tips and tools for identifying if we are, in fact, changing for the better and not settling for anything less than our best life.

Transcript

You don't know who you are,

What you desire,

You really can't show up for other people in your life.

And I think of a person's understanding and compassionate with their own body,

Their thoughts,

Their emotions and they can be compassionate towards other people.

So again,

It's like there has to be that internal process that happens,

So that's what you express out into the world and are able to offer and help other people with.

You're a soul,

You know what you want,

Your soul knows exactly what you came to this world to do.

But the spiritual journey is to uncover that.

None of us have to settle for anything in any area of our lives that is not completely fulfilling and growing in the level of enjoyment and fulfillment we receive from it.

If we are to be growing,

If we are to be creating,

We are looking forward a lot more in every single day when we are looking backwards.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 59.

Special summer edition.

Happy summer.

Maybe this one will be shorter than the previous one.

Alrighty,

I'll speak really quickly and cut you off so you can't speak.

So this is going to be five ways to tell if you're changing for the better.

Because we're all changing,

Not all change is great,

Right?

And you know,

I consider myself a change junkie,

So I am excited about this topic.

And I want to kick it off by sharing my change junkie manifesto.

Would you like to hear it?

I would love to hear it.

Alright.

Monica's manifesto.

One,

Change is necessary to become your better self.

Two,

The more you know who you are,

What you love,

What you hate,

What excites you,

What drives you,

The closer you are to achieving what you want.

Three,

Be spiritually hungry.

By the way,

I wrote that before we started this podcast.

Yeah.

Yearn for something more deeper,

Richer,

Lasting.

No matter how great your life is,

There's always another level and something new to discover.

Four,

Continue always to celebrate who you are and where you are in your journey.

Live life with joy.

Do what you love and success will follow.

Five,

Change requires action,

Urgent and immediate every day.

That's the end of the podcast.

Just kidding.

So that's my manifesto.

That's how I try to live my life.

Very different than how I was born,

Raised,

And also my life before we were married.

Routine,

Certainty in my schedule.

Don't deviate from a plan too much.

And that is a formula for unhappiness actually.

So this is a much better way of living and being and existing and it's true freedom at its best,

But it requires surrender and flexibility.

So here are the five ways to tell if you're changing for the better.

You ready,

Michael?

You're so quiet over there.

You know what you want,

How to ask for it,

And are in touch with your emotions.

That's number one of how you know you're changing for the better.

You know what you want,

How to ask for it,

And you're in touch with your emotions.

So basically the more in touch you are with what's inside of you.

Yeah.

And again,

I won't belabor this point,

But I accept that many people have an issue with that.

I'm trying to think for myself.

Oh,

You're adorable.

Yes.

Have I ever really not thought that I knew what I wanted?

You're an anomaly.

I don't think you really understand.

I think that's actually why you are in the role you're in and that you lead a lot of people.

I think that's what creates a great balance is that I came from that opposite spectrum.

I think that when you're the two pieces together,

It's the head and the heart.

I'm sure that's true that many people,

I'm sure it's true even today,

People we know very closely who have lived really a significant portion of their lives,

But seem to have very little awareness of what they actually want.

They could be 60,

70,

80.

It's crazy a person can go through life and not really take the time.

That's what I want today.

I want a croissant.

I want a coffee.

But what do I want my life to be?

It really is kind of crazy that too often too many people go through life without really knowing,

What is it that I want to be?

What is it that I want to accomplish?

What is it that I want my life to be rather than just living life?

The importance of that too is because if you don't know who you are,

What you desire,

You really can't show up for other people in your life.

And that's when it gets complicated.

Explain that.

Because if you're not in touch with that aspect of you,

Then you're probably going to choose not the ideal partner for you or the right friends or the right environment because you really don't know who you are,

What you desire.

So how do you know where to place yourself in life?

It also affects how you're able to give to others and be there because again,

If I don't know what I want and I don't honor that,

Then I'm just going to be there and whatever,

Whoever wants to take from me,

That's what my day will look like.

When I think of a person's understanding and compassionate with their own body,

Their thoughts,

Their emotions,

Then they can be compassionate towards other people.

So again,

It's like there has to be that internal process that happens.

So that's what you express out into the world and are able to offer and help other people with.

Yeah,

That's a very important idea because again,

Whether it is.

.

.

I know I couldn't,

I couldn't,

When I was not in that place,

Even though I had a desire to give and to share with other people,

I really couldn't because I was so busy being affected by life,

You know,

By everything that came at me because I really had no idea who I was.

Because knowing what you want makes you a strong person,

Makes you a real person.

And whether you're a partner or spouse or a parent or friend,

Unless you're a strong person and strongly knowing what it is that you want to do in life and be,

It makes it much more difficult to have the right partner,

Be the right partner and be the right parent in every area of our lives.

Yeah.

And I often talk about this too.

Small children have no compunctions about saying what they want,

What they desire.

They usually yell it,

Shriek it in lines in the grocery store.

And you know,

At some point we lose that aspect of ourselves and we don't ask for what we want.

We don't even know what we want because we stopped listening to that voice a long time ago.

Right.

And the beauty of it again is the fact that I don't want to make this sound too easy,

But you don't have to go out into the world to discover what you want.

Your soul actually knows.

It's within you.

You have to discover.

You have to discover what you are,

Who you are.

If you think,

As some people probably do,

I have to travel somewhere to an ashram,

Whatever,

To discover who I am,

Discover what I want.

Sometimes those journeys are helpful,

But not that you're going to find anything new out there.

Any of those journeys,

Any of those things that we do are,

Should and are only to allow us,

Enable us to discover what is already inside.

Because your soul,

You know what you want.

Your soul knows exactly what you came to this world to do.

But the spiritual journey is to uncover that.

And I think it's very important to be careful not to think that I need to go outside of myself either to another person or another place.

Often physical place.

Yeah,

Both.

People do both.

Those can be helpful again,

As long as the- Or they can be misleading.

Absolutely.

If you don't know where you're.

.

.

Again,

If you put yourself in an environment that's appealing or that you're susceptible to anything and everything.

Right,

That's right.

If you don't know where you're going,

Any road will take you there.

Yeah.

So that's number one.

Number two,

You aren't settling for the ether road,

Speaking of roads.

So again,

Five ways to tell you're changing with the better.

You're not settling.

Some of those thoughts look like this.

This isn't the job I really wanted,

But I'm lucky to have one.

This isn't the relationship I wanted,

But he's a nice guy and he loves me.

This is pretty good.

I think I'll stop.

Everything's fine.

This is the way that things have to change.

This is the danger zone.

You've called it the place of the almost in your books.

It is the place of good enough.

And honestly,

It might be good enough today.

It will not be good enough forever.

Right.

That I can guarantee you.

Or worse,

It's probably worse if it actually is good enough forever,

Which means that you never actually experience life as it was meant to be experienced.

It's kind of like having your taste buds being dulled and your senses dulled.

You can see,

You can taste,

You can smell,

But it's heightened.

How many people do we know who lost their taste of scent?

Yeah.

And,

And it makes life much less life.

Pleasurable and your experience of it is half.

And when we settle,

We actually,

We're living life without really experiencing life.

I think it's so important to realize none of us have to settle for anything in any area of our lives that is not completely fulfilling and growing in the level of enjoyment of film that we receive from it.

And I think whenever you settle,

You always get,

Give up more than you expected to.

Yeah.

You never think it's going to be.

And worse,

Like we said,

We've spoken last,

Last episode that what happens is,

Is that it actually becomes.

Your being.

Exactly.

Which means that,

You know,

When maybe you started just because you were settling,

You know,

At home with your family growing up,

You didn't allow yourself to really be who you wanted to be because,

You know,

Your parents weren't ready,

Whatever,

Whatever that was.

And then progressively throughout life,

If you did not fight that thought of,

Oh,

This is good enough,

This partner is good enough,

This work is good enough.

Then you don't,

Then it becomes actually what you are,

It's your essence.

And you never get to experience any part of life to its most beautiful and greatest degree.

There's a quote from King Solomon.

He said,

The heart of the misguided people is almost.

I love that quote.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's really,

Again,

Unfortunately not just speaking to our listeners,

For ourselves.

If we're not careful in life,

We wind up almost.

And living with intensity,

Living with fullness is what life is meant to be.

How dull is your life in any area?

How dull is your work life?

How dull is your relationship?

That's the question because none of it needs to be dull.

Not,

Not again,

You know,

We've spoken about this in our wedding anniversary just past to those who are listeners listening to this podcast,

But that the intensity of love never has to wane,

Never has to wane.

That's not meant to in fact.

Exactly.

But you have to be living life with that consciousness in order for that to become a reality.

Well,

That's where I think people really start to age.

Their desire wanes,

Right?

And I think it's,

I really think a big part of it is because they settled.

It's like,

Okay,

This is,

You know,

It got to this stage in life.

I had a good life.

You know,

I don't know what I can do more.

And they just get into that state.

And when you lose that desire,

You actually lose more aspects of your being than you realize.

You know,

Your,

Your inability to,

To change,

To grow,

To recognize new thoughts.

There's just no more desire.

I mean,

You don't have desire.

You actually,

It's really close to being dead.

Yes,

Absolutely.

Three,

You embrace challenges,

Small and large.

We don't always get to choose what happens,

But we can choose how we feel about it and how we react to it.

So we've talked about proactivity and reactivity,

But I think we can always use refresher in that.

Because as much as occur in our lives,

We can choose to have a proactive or reactive consciousness.

When you're proactive,

You're actively shaping your life in the way you want it to be.

You're the cause,

Which I think is so powerful when you think of your life like that.

Conversely,

When you're reactive,

You're responding to whatever comes up.

So you're the effect.

You're giving up your power.

Reactive consciousness results in thought,

Words,

And deeds that create instant gratification,

But long-term chaos.

And I'm sure instant gratification,

Right?

I think for a lot of people it is reactive consciousness.

Yeah.

It's not always gratifying.

In the moment.

Yeah.

Like something happened,

We know that we call them the sufferers,

Right?

Oh my God.

No,

But like if you yell at somebody and you- Oh,

That's reactive.

It's still reactive.

I mean,

It's all reactive.

I think again,

It depends.

But my point is,

I'm not sure.

I don't think- Nobody wants to be an effect versus a cause.

I'm sure.

Consciously- But it's not always gratifying.

And it's also- I mean,

It's like you're using that example of a person who goes through life as the sufferer.

So I don't think he or she is experiencing anything amazing,

Even in the moment that they say,

Oh,

This is the next bad thing that's going to happen to me.

Being reactive about it and sharing it with somebody,

They actually get a power in that and a strength.

And it's short-lived.

There is an immediate like,

Oh,

I just dumped this on that person.

I feel a little bit better.

Because if they're suffering all the time,

That's actually going to be a release.

And so I guess instant gratification,

You're thinking in terms of like,

What would actually be fulfilling and positive.

I'm speaking when somebody is already in a negative that would even still provide some kind of release.

But the point is,

And I think we both agree on this,

Is that you want to eradicate that completely.

Absolutely.

Four,

You take action.

So all change begins with a shift in outlook.

That's where it starts.

And any change we wish to see in our life begins with a change we make within ourselves.

Following this,

We establish a goal,

Visualize what we want,

And develop a clear understanding of the steps necessary to achieve our goals.

And then nothing happens.

Why not?

You know how many people set their goals and I plan this and why is it not meant to be?

I often spend a lot of time thinking and even writing and planning.

Spending money or whatever.

It's very elaborate.

You understand why you want to change.

You made your to-do list.

And the only thing standing between you and your desired experience is you,

Along with your inherent aversion to change.

And I know nobody wants to think that they are averse to change.

We all want things to change,

But we're really set in our comfort also.

So in order for this kind of fundamental change to happen,

You're going to have to let go of a lot of things that you're holding onto that make you very comfortable and complacent if you truly desire positive change.

Like everything in life,

Change begins with a thought,

A belief,

An idea,

And it starts with again,

A shift in your outlook.

But again,

I think what you're saying,

Which is so important,

Is you're taking action,

Right?

Because there's a phrase that the sages use.

They say,

Your actions need to be greater than your wisdom.

Then you have wisdom and then you have light.

If your wisdom,

Which represents thought and understanding,

Is greater than your actions,

Then you don't have wisdom and you don't have light.

And I think we have a dear friend who often uses the phrase,

There's people in this world that are manifestors and then there's those who aren't.

And I think what you're saying,

Which is so important,

Is for each one of us to ask that question.

Yeah,

Of course we all know you got to think about things before you do them,

You got to plan them,

But are you a doer?

Are you a manifestor?

Are you somebody who takes action?

There's another understanding that if you are not taking action,

Sometimes you have a good thought,

I should do this,

Right?

And then a day goes by or a week goes by and you never wind up doing it.

There's actually a negative force whose job it is to let you have the great thought,

Let you have the great idea,

Just don't manifest it.

And what you're saying,

Which I think is so important for our listeners,

How do you know if you're growing,

That you realize that you're changing,

That you are taking many more actions,

Small ones or great ones,

Than you did before.

If you're not taking more actions,

Doing more things than you did prior,

Then you're not growing,

Then you're not really changing.

Exactly.

And really just don't wait for your life to happen to you.

And create it.

Yeah.

Create it.

A thousand percent.

And five,

You make mistakes and you learn from them.

We are who we are at this very moment because of previous experience or experiences.

Through that lens,

Our mistakes aren't bad.

They're merely part of our journey.

We can waste so much of our life regretting the past.

And that's a scary and sobering thought,

Right?

Living in that space all the time.

Unfortunately,

We know people like that,

Right?

That's been so much time and regret.

That they don't enjoy the present.

Exactly.

It actually takes up all their energy just feeling bad about what happened in the past.

And how crazy is that?

And I think that's a great- It's a waste of a life.

And that's the question again,

It's important to reflect.

It's beautiful to have some,

To bring back memories of the past.

But are you looking forward or are you looking backwards?

Life is meant to be looking forwards,

Which means that we are meant to spend most of my energy today in creating new,

Rather than regretting past or even living in the past.

How many people do we know that,

Especially if right now life isn't exactly as they would want it to be,

They will go on and on and on about what happened.

How this great thing happened in the past and that great thing happened in the past.

And what you're saying,

Which is so important is that,

And the question we have,

Our listeners have to ask themselves is how much of my energy is forward directed?

Which means when I woke up this morning and I spent my day,

Most of it was about the future.

Most of it was about creating,

Rather than looking backwards in regret or even enjoy,

But looking backwards.

If we are to be growing,

If we are to be creating,

We are looking forward a lot more in every single day when we are looking backwards.

It reminds me of a movie,

Life is a House.

Yes.

With Kevin- Klein.

Klein.

Very sad movie.

It's a very sad movie,

But it's a powerful message because basically,

And I saw this a long time ago,

So I might be 100% accurate,

But this is how I remember it.

He had a beautiful house.

No,

He didn't have a.

.

.

He had a beautiful property,

A house that was in this gorgeous place,

I think,

In Malibu,

Something like that,

On a cliff overlooking the ocean and sunsets and the sun was gorgeous.

His house was completely run down and dilapidated.

He lived in the garage in a small cot and the neighbors hated him because his house was a high store.

It's funny.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to cut you off,

But you're telling me this.

I remember this movie.

I so did not remember any of that part.

All I remember is that he died at the end.

That's my big memory.

That is horrible that you just did that because our listeners might have wanted to watch it and you just killed it and you don't want to be one of those people.

Okay?

I apologize.

Spoiler alert.

I'm sorry.

Anyway,

As I was saying,

The neighbors hated him because they all had gorgeous mansions,

Houses built,

New,

Because the property,

That whole space,

The neighborhood was gorgeous.

Yeah,

As Michael spoiled the end,

He had cancer and he was very sick and his relationship with his son was horrible.

He had one son and his wife was remarried now and he had so much regret.

I'm very impressed.

You saw this movie with me like 15,

20 years ago.

Because it really impacted me.

The time we saw it,

I was pregnant with Josh.

I was feeling very vulnerable and yeah,

It really impacted me.

Then I revisited it when my father started to get Alzheimer's.

It's actually,

Yeah,

It was an impactful film for me.

So basically all of like,

And he still loves his wife and he dreams about her and his days are filled with regret.

I am so impressed,

I have to say.

And his son is like a teenager and the son needs to come live with him that summer for whatever reason.

They have a horrible relationship.

Cut to they end up tearing down the house and rebuilding together and creating something beautiful that he knows he won't live in,

By the way,

Right?

Because he's dying.

So it's this evolution of the life.

He was stuck in this place of like pain and suffering and sadness and regret all day,

Every day.

And then the transformation was he mended his relationship with his ex-wife.

I mean,

They were friends,

Right?

And with his son,

They built this thing together and it was a beautiful thing to see a cycle of life.

And then you watch it and you're like,

Okay,

I understand the lesson in this,

But I guess for us now,

Right,

Where we have choices,

Change that around when you're healthy and you have the ability and the capability to live a life that's very different from maybe the one you're in now that's not serving you.

Right.

Live in the present and future,

Not in the past.

Yeah.

So to end with that point,

There's a quote from a Kabbalist and he said that after making the greatest mistake ever,

Falling to the lowest place ever,

If a person does not know that a second later he or she can ascend to the greatest heights,

Then he hasn't or she hasn't even begun any spiritual understanding.

He has this beautiful quote from Abishrela Vruzhin.

And it's one of my favorite quotes because I use it for myself,

But also for our listeners.

What's his name?

Abishrela Vruzhin.

Vruzhin is a town.

And the idea being that there is this negative force,

Negative thoughts that come into our mind,

Especially after we've done something really negative.

Oh,

You got to stay there.

I don't know,

For an hour,

For a day,

For a month.

For a year or something.

But the understanding that literally,

Literally the next second after having done the worst thing in the world,

You contain the highest levels of growth,

Connection,

Light,

Blessings.

That really puts the lie to that other thought that tries to come in.

No,

No,

You just did something really bad.

Take the time,

Regret,

Live the next day,

Weak and regret.

No.

You just gave one second in regret.

Yeah,

You did.

You fell.

You did something really bad.

Next second,

You can be the most elevated soul that ever existed.

Powerful.

And it's really,

I find it very,

Very inspiring.

And again,

Useful,

Useful for ourselves,

Any one of our listeners.

Don't let regret,

Even after having made a mistake,

Next,

Forward,

Elevation in one second after having done the worst thing in the world,

You could be the most elevated soul that ever existed.

And again,

As we said earlier,

You're not the last bad thing you did.

And also you're not the last good thing you did.

Right?

We have both sides within each of us and you're meant to keep rising above and growing and not being defined by any,

Any action.

Absolutely.

So happy summer folks.

Yes.

We hope that you enjoyed these special summer editions of Spiritually Hungry.

Don't forget to go to Apple podcasts,

Write reviews,

Five star reviews,

Spotify,

Anywhere you get your podcasts and share this podcast with all of your friends.

Keep sending in your questions,

Comments,

Because even during,

Throughout the summer,

We'll be reading all of your stories and questions as we prepare for the podcast continuing into September.

Make sure to send us your inspiring stories.

They continue to inspire us.

Certainly those will be get to share with the rest of our readers.

And we really hope that you enjoyed listening to this podcast.

Most importantly,

I would say,

I would add the purpose of this podcast is not just,

You know,

To have that inspiration in the moment that you're actually changing your life,

Especially from this podcast,

From any inspiration,

Wisdom you heard from us today.

Bye.

Reviews

You guys are always the best. Thank you.

❤️

So timely. Thank you.

Thank you 🙏