You Are The Love You Seek

Join Selena for this passionate and insightful replay of one of her live Insight Timer talks. Empower your relationships with others and yourself, and welcome the beauty of your own love.

Note: The sound quality is lower than usual due to the nature of the live class and the hum of the computer fan.

Transcript

A very,

Very warm welcome,

My loves.

Let's begin today by just breathing together.

I invite you to set your phone down.

You can pick it back up if you're holding onto it.

In general though,

If it's possible,

I definitely recommend if you're using your phone or a tablet or something,

Have it propped up so you don't have to be holding it on your physical body.

It's my invitation for you.

So let's just take a breath together.

Let's inhale,

Pause for just a moment,

And then exhale through the mouth.

Inhale,

Pause for just a moment.

Exhale.

One more inhale.

Pause for just a moment and exhale completely.

Just feel yourself here in this moment,

Meaning feel your body seated and supported.

Feel your body breathing.

And as you breathe,

Maybe feel different areas of the body begin to soften with your awareness.

Maybe you notice that the belly is tense and as you feel that,

You can allow it to relax.

Maybe you feel this letting go in your shoulders and your heart center and your face.

The body holds so much tension.

So let's just bring our loving awareness to the body as an invitation to soften,

To release.

That's beautiful Faith.

Faith shared that she feels like this community is having found her people.

Yes,

And yes,

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

So here we are together.

For those of you that I'm getting to meet for the first time,

Extra special welcome to you.

My name is Selena Layel.

I am a yoga and meditation instructor,

A transformational coach,

And an awakened life teacher.

And today we are going to move into the grace of love.

I invite you to just pause for a moment and feel that word inside of you.

Love,

Love,

Love.

Whatever you experience,

Hearing this word or feeling this word inside is okay.

We all have different relationships to this idea of love or our experiences of love or what we think love to be.

So all of you is welcome here in this time together today.

And this is going to be full of Selena tangents and I'd also love to hear from you.

So if you have a specific question at some point or something you'd like to share,

I'll be able to get to a few of your comments throughout our time today.

And as always,

If I miss your comment,

Please know it is never personal and you're always welcome to send it again if I didn't get to it and you're really wanting to connect.

So let's,

Let's begin by thinking of things you're grateful for.

What's something you're grateful for?

And my invitation,

Whenever we do gratitude practices together,

My invitation is to really think about something that you genuinely feel grateful for.

Not because you should or because you feel guilty,

But what is something that you genuinely feel grateful for?

Something that lightens your heart or warms your heart to think about.

Feel free to drop it in the chat or just think about it.

You don't need to be on your phone or typing all of the time.

It's okay to just practice being in presence.

So what is something you're grateful for?

Neal shared gratitude for feeling healthy.

Rosita shared the same.

Oh,

Is shared that I'm pregnant.

It's a miracle.

Yolanda shared earth,

Love,

Nature.

Michelle,

My grandchildren,

Liliana,

Nature.

Christine,

Insight timer.

Yes.

Kiki,

My dog makes me so happy and full of love.

I'm so grateful.

Lori,

This space that insight timer created.

Yes.

My children shared Maria,

Beautiful,

My loves.

Yes,

Lori,

To be alive.

Yes.

And now I invite you to think of something else you feel grateful for.

Maybe a person.

If you thought about a thing or an experience,

Who was someone in your life that you feel grateful for?

That just to think of them,

Something in your heart begins to soften,

Begins to wake up.

And I invite you to just pause on the typing for a moment.

You can share in a moment.

I invite just for a moment to feel this gratitude as you imagine this person.

And then let us think of one more experience in our lives that lights us up with gratitude that maybe even softens the tension in your body.

Maybe it's a really beautiful memory that is just full of joy and peace for you to think about or maybe it's another person or maybe it's your job or maybe it's our time together.

What is something else?

And again,

Rather than typing for the moment,

I invite you to just become aware of this gratitude inside and think about it for a moment.

Imagine it,

Feel it in your body,

Let it come to life.

Take a deep breath into this feeling of gratitude.

And if you're having difficulty connecting with gratitude today,

It's okay.

Sometimes it's difficult to feel when there are other emotions present.

So maybe even just in your mind,

Think of something you know you're grateful for even if you can't feel it in the moment.

Beautiful.

Let's take another deep,

Full breath in and out together.

Beautiful.

Gratitude.

Gratitude awakens the grace of the heart.

Gratitude uncovers the beauty of the heart,

The peace of the heart.

The grace of love can be uncovered through gratitude.

Many of us think of love as something that we get or share with somebody.

It's this thing that's exchanged.

We feel it in relationships.

I have love and then I don't have love.

I'm in a relationship and I have love.

Oh,

The relationship ends.

I no longer have love.

This is how many of us think of love.

Yes.

I invite you to consider for today that love is not an exchange.

Love is not something that comes and goes.

Love is your own essence.

Love is your true nature.

It's not emotional.

Many of us experience love as emotion.

Oh,

I miss this person so much it hurts.

That's not love.

That's an experience of longing.

That's an experience of attachment.

That's an experience of passion.

Love is this ever-present substance of life.

Love is not anger and rage or jealousy.

Those are emotional experiences that come when we experience our own heart opening and closing to love.

Love is ever-present.

Ever-present.

When we experience love with someone else,

Something in their presence allows us to feel safe enough to feel the love that we are.

Something in their behavior allows us to open to an experience of love within our own heart.

I can't put love inside of you.

I know some of you feel so loved when we're together and I feel it too.

I'm not putting love inside of you with my presence.

Something in you becomes receptive when we're together and you feel the love that you are.

You feel the preciousness of your own heart.

Love is always in you,

As you,

And experiences in life,

People in life,

Give us this journey,

This experience of the heart opening and closing,

Which is just an experience because again,

Love is ever-present.

Let's just take a breath in that.

What do you notice in your body as we move into this topic of love,

As you hear me speaking?

What do you feel in your body?

You're welcome to drop it in the chat or just be with it and just notice.

There's no right or wrong answer.

Some of you may be feeling a lot of contraction and resistance to what I'm speaking to.

Some of you may feel a softness and an opening.

It's all welcome,

All welcome.

Yeah,

Love,

Openness,

Sadness.

Yes.

Feel the boom boom of my heart,

Warmth,

A longing,

A missing,

A sadness.

Yes,

My loves.

Yes.

We live with this deep yearning to feel love,

This longing,

This longing of the heart to feel love.

And many of us spend our entire lives looking for someone else to make us feel that way.

And then we get caught in the play of I feel love,

I don't.

I have love,

I don't.

And it's so painful.

It's so painful when we are reliant on a person to make us feel loved and lovable.

Something else to consider.

Something else to consider.

When we enter a relationship or when we have a harmonious relationship with others,

It could be romantic.

Well,

Let's just use a romantic relationship for the sake of example.

Let's use the beginning of a relationship.

You're in the beginning of that relationship and oh,

You just feel so good.

You just think about that person.

You want to be close to that person.

Everything is so juicy when you feel that person in your heart and your body when you think about that person.

What if the reason that we feel so deeply is because of what that person is reflecting back to us about ourself?

Because when you're in a new relationship that feels really good like that,

Isn't that person saying to you,

I love you?

Oh,

You're so beautiful.

You are so fine.

You are so sexy.

I love your mind.

I love how creative you are.

Wow,

You're so intelligent.

I love the way you do this.

I love the way you do that.

Oh,

It's so good to feel you.

Oh,

You're so beautiful.

I love the way you love people.

I love how fierce you are.

I love how strong you are.

I love how powerful you are.

That experience of love that we're feeling,

You could possibly even say is because that person is showing us how lovable we are to our own self.

That person with their thoughts and their way that they are with us,

They're saying,

Wow,

You are incredible and we believe it.

Wow,

I do feel a little extra fly.

I do feel,

I'm feeling myself a little more in this relationship.

Wow,

I am really funny.

I really do have many gifts to give.

People are a reflection.

And when we feel so in love with someone in those ways,

It's because they are awakening us to feeling something in our own self.

My loves,

We are longing.

We are longing from the time that we are babies,

That we start to develop this human consciousness,

This ego consciousness.

We long to feel love.

We long to feel that fullness and that connection with others also.

Most of us are not taught though that all of that love that we're longing for is right here.

And so we spend our lives seeking it out.

Coming back to this example of how we feel so loved in these new relationships because that person is just giving us all of this praise.

You could also consider that this is why it hurts so much when a relationship ends,

Because that person's presence that we were using to remind ourselves that we were worthy of love is then gone.

We were using that person's presence to know our worth.

And then when they're not there to remind us of our worth,

We feel the ache of that.

But they never made us lovable and they never put love in us.

They taught us how to love ourself for that moment.

But unfortunately most of us don't realize that's what's happening.

We think that that person is the source of the love.

And so when the person is gone or when the relationship changes,

We feel the love is gone.

But it was always right here.

We just stop loving ourselves the way they loved us.

And this is just one example.

This is just one perspective to consider.

There are many.

There are many,

Yes.

So let's just take a breath together.

For some of us,

Again,

This may feel really difficult to consider.

You may resist it completely.

And for some of us,

We may be feeling more open.

Let's hear from a few of them.

I'm going to come back to our comments.

Linda shared,

I love this.

I do miss that reflection from another.

You have such a beautiful loving spirit.

Beautiful Linda.

Yes,

We long for it from the other because we haven't been educated how to awaken to it within our own self.

And on this topic,

If you think about it,

If you really look at it from a certain perspective,

Aren't we really just talking about self-love being the ultimate fulfillment of love?

When someone is praising us and loving us,

It's showing us how to love ourselves.

Ooh,

I am sexy.

I am talented.

I am beautiful.

I do have a wonderful heart.

That person is inadvertently teaching us how to love ourselves and we feel the fullness of it.

So really,

Aren't we just talking about self-love being the fulfillment of love in our lives?

It doesn't mean that sharing it with others isn't the most beautiful,

Rich,

Uplifting experience.

When we truly embody that relationship with ourself,

That love with ourself,

We are full.

We are full.

We are already awakened to that love,

That wholeness within.

Neal shared,

Thinking about your love and then see a smile.

Oh,

There went the comments.

And then see a smile by the other.

Beautiful,

Neal.

Heather said,

Ditto.

It is shared so true.

Kathy shared,

Wow.

We have some wows coming in.

Faith,

Our higher self knows better.

We need to connect with our higher self and our own heart to remember how worthy we are.

Yes,

Faith,

This is beautiful.

And not all of us have a relationship to thinking about a higher self.

Not all of us are open to that.

So yes,

We could speak on this for days and lifetimes really,

If you have a relationship to your soul,

To an awareness of soul,

To a thought of soul,

To your higher self,

Higher consciousness,

The presence that you are.

If you are longing,

And even if you don't have a relationship to that,

But you're open to it,

This is one of the clearest paths to awaken to the fullness of love in ourself,

To call on that presence,

To call on your soul,

Beloved soul.

I need you.

Fill me with your love.

Beloved higher self,

Beloved I am presence,

Fill me with your love.

Feel this longing,

Feel this pain that I carry in my heart of separation,

Of feeling alone,

Of feeling unworthy.

Fill me with your love.

Fill me with your presence.

I need you.

My heart is longing so deeply for love.

Grant me the grace of love,

Beloved.

Grant me the grace of love.

When we nourish this relationship,

Our lives change.

Thank you for sharing that.

Jen shared,

Trying hard not to resist.

Yes,

My love,

And it's okay if you're resisting.

It's okay if you're resisting.

Welcome that resistance.

What is often covering an experience of love within us is all of the pain that we feel and our resistance to just letting ourselves accept it,

Letting ourselves feel it so that it can move through.

And it's like a covering,

Yes,

A covering over the heart,

Our judgments,

Pain that we carry,

Wounds that we hold onto.

So when we hear someone speak about love,

How many of you,

When you hear someone speak about love or being in love or you see people in a relationship,

You just,

Ugh,

You cringe?

Ugh,

Don't talk to me about love.

This is that,

This is that covering over the heart that says,

I've been hurt.

I feel I've been betrayed.

I feel like people aren't who they really are.

All of the beliefs and the pain that we carry around experiences of love that we've had,

They are these coverings over the heart.

And sometimes,

Sometimes speaking to our presence or a higher self and just welcoming that,

Sometimes just speaking out loud,

What is a burden on our heart?

Sometimes feeling deeply is what allows us to have this release of all of that burden that is covering the heart.

The heart is still pure,

The heart is still full of love.

It's just what covers it that makes us feel resistance or angry or not trusting.

Mm,

Susana shared,

Was like a step for my evolution.

Liliana,

Why is it difficult to have self love?

Ah,

Yes,

My love.

Yes.

Think about behavior in your life that is like really strong in you.

Maybe it's being a really loving person.

Maybe it's your sense of humor.

Maybe you're a giver and a caretaker,

A strong behavioral pattern you live with.

And then take a step back as if you were a witness to your own life and see if you can identify the person who you learned that from.

Everything we experience in our self,

Some of it is innate.

It is that innate self of who we are.

But quite often our personality,

Our characteristics,

Our ego,

Consciousness,

Ways of being,

Behaviors,

Your learned behavior.

So I invite you to just notice,

Okay,

Who in my life did I learn this from?

It could have been someone on the television.

It could have been a caregiver,

A friend.

All of our major belief systems,

Behaviors,

Most all of them we've taken on from someone in our environment.

We've learned from someone in our environment.

And it is very rare that we have a strong role model in our lives that practices self-love.

It's very rare.

Think about it.

Caregivers.

Maybe they set up lifting things to you,

Maybe not.

We all have different upbringings,

Yes,

And experiences.

But think about it.

Did you see your main role models,

Not your role models,

Like your caregivers,

Those who you were raised by,

Did you see them being deeply loving with themselves,

Deeply caring,

Deeply forgiving with themselves?

Or did you see them judging themselves,

Being hard on themselves,

Not being forgiving with themselves,

Beating themselves up,

Taking on behaviors with food and drink and drugs and ways of being that were hurting themselves?

This is how we learn.

We learn from our environment.

The reason that,

And I was raised in a loving family,

Dysfunctional loving family,

And I have my fair share of all the good stuff that makes human life rich,

Meaning for those of you that don't know my personal story,

I've experienced much trauma and pain in my life.

I'm not sitting here with you because my life has been perfect.

It has been perfect,

But it hasn't been full of joy all the time.

On the contrary.

The reason though that I am able to be more of an embodiment of love is because of what my teacher Saima has taught me,

Has helped me awaken to in my own being.

This teaching how to love myself,

Again,

I came from a very loving household,

But I'd say that to a certain degree,

Both of my parents were hard on themselves.

I didn't see them constantly loving themselves or praising themselves.

They didn't come from families where they learned that.

And this is how most of us are raised.

So it's through the grace of my teacher and practicing again and again and again and again and again to come back to self love that I'm able to live more of it.

Even last night,

I had a moment last night.

I've been feeling a lot lately and I won't go into this in great detail because I'd love to get to more of your comments.

But I was in so much pain,

Just feeling pain.

Remember,

We are not pain.

Our experiences of trauma and abuse,

The wounds,

They're not who we are.

They are an experience.

Get this,

This is very important.

They are not who you are,

My love.

They are an experience,

Maybe an experience that you hold on to for dear life,

But they are an experience.

So last night,

I just finally had a break.

I've just been carrying so much inside that I didn't even realize I was carrying.

I found myself on the kitchen floor just last night.

I'm human,

Crying and feeling so angry,

Feeling so angry and crying.

And even in that moment,

I had to practice loving myself because when we really take the time to be present with what we're experiencing,

We'll usually find that it's not about what we think it's about.

If I feel really angry about something,

I can usually go a little deeper and find out that it's about something else.

And I can even usually go a little deeper and find out that it's about something else and even go a little deeper until finally I get to the root of what's really occurring.

And so much of the pain that I was experiencing,

My mind was making it about the world.

My mind was making it about the election.

My mind was making it about the people who would vote for a certain candidate.

My mind was going into all of these stories,

But really the deep pain I was feeling was because I was judging others and judging myself for judging them.

So I was ultimately rejecting myself in that moment.

And that is the ultimate pain that we feel inside when we reject our own self.

That's why it hurts so much when someone rejects us because we reject our self in that moment.

Of course we're going to feel whatever we feel when there's conflict or a challenging experience with someone.

But the reason that it feels so intense is because we abandon ourselves because we believe what that person said.

We reject ourselves because we believe what that person did.

So I'm going to bring it back home because I'd love to get back to some of your comments.

As I promised,

Many tangents today,

We could go so many different directions with this topic of love.

So many.

And it really does come back home to ourself.

Because I'll say this last thing before I come back to your comments.

If I am truly loving in myself,

Let's say that somebody,

And this happens,

Right?

Let's say for example,

Many of you know I have many,

Many recordings here on the app.

I have a course.

And of course,

Part of putting ourselves out there is that we are not for everyone.

Not everyone resonates with me.

There are some of you probably right now in this session that are like,

Ugh,

I'm not feeling this woman.

And it's okay.

It's okay.

We're not going to like everyone.

We don't resonate with everyone.

So there are times when people leave comments about recordings that I've made or in life.

Maybe somebody says something to me and it somehow rejects me or judges me.

If I am fully loving in myself in that moment,

My experience and perception of that person's judgment or negativity or unkind words,

It's kind of like it comes and then it just goes.

It's like it goes in one ear and out the other.

Not to say that I won't take it into consideration,

But it doesn't impact me as this devastating experience that I'm a terrible person and unworthy of love and I have to do better.

Now if I'm not in that place of anchored love within myself,

Of being more present with myself,

Of practicing forgiveness and love with myself,

Then I read those comments or I receive someone's feedback and it feels so painful.

I get so contracted,

Right?

Because I'm not loving in myself in that moment.

I abandon myself to believe that person.

I reject myself the way that I feel rejected by that person.

So it really all starts in here,

Right here.

And again,

Most of us coming all the way back to Liliana's question that sparked these many engines,

Most of us,

The majority of us have not been taught how to be loving,

Forgiving and kind with ourselves.

And even if someone spoke those words to us to be that way,

We still learn through emulation.

Meaning my mom told me so much throughout my life how beautiful I was,

How I could do anything,

How I was so special,

How I was all of these things.

But because of the media and because of my peers and because of other people in my life,

That's not what I really believed.

And also because I didn't see her fully embodying that in herself at that time.

So she could say every kind word to me,

But if she wasn't embodying those things,

I'm learning through emulation.

I'm learning through how she behaves.

So coming back to you,

My loves,

Thank you for being here for this conversation.

I guess it's less of a conversation if I'm speaking so much,

But thank you for your presence.

It looks like I'm not,

You've all been sharing so many comments.

Unfortunately,

I can't get back very far in them.

Let's see if I can.

No,

Well,

Let me move the cursor.

So Don shared,

Selena is our role model for self love.

Yes,

Because I'd be happy to be your role model for self love because I'm still practicing it every single day,

Every day.

And of course,

The more that we practice self love and we live in that vibration or that space of fullness within our own self,

That's what we attract.

I know some of you are itching to talk about relationships.

If I am in a place of an energy,

A vibration,

A behavioral pattern of not being loving with myself,

Of rejecting myself,

I'm going to attract someone who's the same way.

They may not seem that way from the outside.

I might be like,

Oh,

You're so beautiful and amazing and you're my soulmate.

But often that experience of feeling so connected to someone is because they carry the same wounds.

They carry the same pattern.

So there's this unconscious resonance with them.

And we usually find that out after the honeymoon phase,

Right?

Wait a second.

You're not who I projected you to be.

So even in cultivating and manifesting and attracting the kind of relationships that we want,

It also starts in here and it's an ongoing journey.

It's an ongoing journey.

Like I said,

I wake up every day and I say,

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

And some days I don't feel it and I have to really look for those spaces of love in myself.

Other days,

It's just like a flowing river.

So it's a daily practice,

Daily practice.

Heather shared,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience.

Yes,

My pleasure.

I am seeing some of your comments from things that I shared and I'm not sure what they're in reference to because we went so far,

But I'm glad that these words are resonating with some of you.

T shared,

What does self love look like and does it.

.

.

Oh T,

Where did your comment go because I really want to read it.

Oh,

It disappeared.

No,

No,

No.

Okay,

Let's all just pause.

I humbly invite you to pause commenting for a moment,

Even commenting to each other so that we can stop the flow of the thread so that your comments don't move around on me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

T,

What does self love look like and does it coexist with.

.

.

Oh,

There it went again.

I think you were asking tough love.

I lost it again,

My love.

And does it coexist with tough love to push through difficult feelings,

Situations,

And thoughts?

That's a great question.

For me,

Self love is like an infinite ocean that is full of loving kindness.

That is the heart,

The essence of self love.

It is unconditional forgiveness.

It is unconditional love.

It is the grace of love ever flowing.

What I hear you speaking to is developing patterns and habits and behaviors that honor,

Respect,

And nourish ourselves.

And it does go hand in hand with self love because the more that I love myself truly,

The more that I'm deeply loving with myself as a daily practice,

The more I'm able to move towards behaviors that say,

I respect myself,

I honor myself,

I deserve the best.

Because even if we have that thought,

If we're not practicing self love,

We may never turn towards those behaviors because we're living in the belief that we're just unworthy.

And it can still feel really difficult.

Even if we're practicing self love,

It can feel really difficult to take on those behaviors of saying,

I deserve respect,

I deserve goodness,

I deserve to be honored and treated with kindness.

Yes?

So again,

Self love for me is this ocean of love to be drawn upon,

This strength even to be drawn upon that supports us in choosing behaviors that are a reflection of that love.

So I would take tough love out of it.

And I would say that when I'm truly loving with myself,

Even if it's uncomfortable,

I create boundaries that honor that.

If I'm truly loving with myself,

It may be a practice,

But I make decisions that nurture me that respect me.

And that's,

It's a journey.

Self love is a journey,

My loves.

It's not something that you do and by next week you're going to be full of self love all of the time.

It's a journey.

I'd say that I've been consciously,

Really consciously practicing different ways of self love for,

I don't know,

15,

20 years.

And that looks like things like for me,

It was stopping drinking alcohol.

I mean,

I'll have a drink here and there,

Like literally a few times a year for fun or just pleasure.

But I realized that I felt so much better when I didn't drink.

So an expression,

Even though I wasn't aware of it at the time,

An expression of self love for me was no longer drinking.

An expression for self love for me was choosing to eat certain foods,

Right?

Maybe the mind,

The ego consciousness wants certain comfort foods because they help me feel relief for a moment.

But ultimately they don't make my body feel vital.

They don't make my body feel energized.

They don't make my body feel balanced and healthy.

So choosing to eat certain foods was a reflection of self love,

Even though I might've had a craving for it or desire for it.

One of the biggest,

I'd say maybe the biggest,

Debatable,

But probably the most grand expression of self love in my life was no longer choosing relationships that were not a reflection of health,

Of peace,

Of respect,

Of maturity,

Emotional maturity especially.

I was always longing to feel loved so much,

Just the way most of us are,

That I was always looking towards that relationship,

Looking for a relationship,

Looking towards my partner to make me feel a certain way.

I've been single for three years now,

Totally by choice.

Maybe that was clear already.

And I would say in these three years of being single,

My experience of love within my own self is stronger and more full than it has ever been,

Ever.

I don't long for a relationship the way that I used to.

I feel full in myself.

I'm not looking for someone to make me feel better.

I feel full in myself.

Now,

Of course there are times,

Like last night I called my mom and I called a friend and I was like,

Do you,

Can you talk or can you listen?

So it doesn't mean that I don't have relationships that support me or that I support them,

But there's a fullness that exists within me now because I have been choosing day by day,

Week by week,

Month by month,

Year by year to take decisions,

To make decisions that honor me and respect me,

That nourish me.

So let's just take a breath.

Again,

You may be feeling a lot of resistance.

It's okay.

You may be feeling a haas,

Peace.

It's okay.

Whatever you're feeling is okay.

Thank you so much for your donations,

My loves.

Your donations are a gift.

Think about it.

Your donations support me and they support Insight Timer and we're together now three or four times a week because of Insight Timer and it's a free platform.

Yes,

There are subscriptions,

But so many users use it for free.

These classes are free,

Yes?

So thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for your heart and its givingness.

Let's see how far we can get back in the comments.

I think all of that came from T's question.

Oh,

My loves,

I think I've missed many of your comments because it is just not letting me go back very far.

Glad you're finding them to be soul food faith.

Beautiful Sarah.

Resonance is important to notice.

Beautiful name.

Jessenth.

Jessenth,

Beautiful.

Yes.

Resonance is important to notice.

Yes.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Yes.

Susana,

What should we do?

Oh,

There goes your question.

I hate you.

I'm not sure what you were asking my love,

So hopefully I can get back to it.

It's somewhere in here.

Oh,

There we go.

What should we do to unattach to those people that made us feel good and then they're gone?

Oh,

Yeah.

Well as I was speaking to earlier,

I find that one of the ways,

At least for me personally,

To uncover the heart,

Because again,

That fullness of love is right here.

It didn't go anywhere when that person left.

I just stopped loving myself.

I stopped believing that I was lovable.

I started to feel this void that actually isn't even there.

We have this feeling of this void,

But if we just were to take away the picture of the void,

We would be full inside.

So again,

Sometimes for me to be able to uncover that fullness of the heart,

I need to feel the pain.

Not always.

Not always.

Sometimes just grant me the grace of love.

Grant me the grace of fullness,

Calling on my soul,

My presence,

Calling on Saima,

Calling on God.

Sometimes just that can shift,

But for me it often is about feeling,

Because my resistance to feeling uncomfortable emotions is usually a reflection of me not giving myself permission to be as I am,

Judging myself for feeling angry,

Judging myself for judging,

Judging myself for feeling sad.

Oh,

Don't feel this way.

So sometimes to access that fullness and to just soothe the heart when a relationship has ended or someone's left the body is to give myself permission to feel fully.

That's what I had to do last night.

Rather than just using all of my practices to be peaceful and to take the higher road and to be compassionate,

I needed to let myself just feel it all.

Feel the anger,

Feel the disgust,

Feel the sadness,

Cry it out,

Squeeze my fists,

You know,

I needed to let myself feel it so the emotion could pass through.

And then I felt free on the other side of it.

I felt my tender heart.

It wasn't just full of anger anymore.

I felt the heart.

I felt the love and because I gave myself permission to be just as I was,

Just as I am,

I felt freedom because I was no longer resisting,

Judging,

Blaming,

Guilting,

Shaming or rejecting myself.

So sometimes it's just giving ourselves permission to feel fully without blame and judgment.

Okay,

Sometimes we need to let those thoughts come,

Oh,

I feel so angry because that person is whatever.

But after you've had that initial expression,

I invite you to come back to qualities of compassion.

I won't go off on that tangent because it'll be a long one.

Thank you for asking that.

That's important because that's a challenge many of us experience.

Yes,

Somebody said,

Carly said sobriety is self-love.

Yeah.

It's huge for many of us because think about it,

Many of us who have addiction issues or maybe we're past that or we're in it or we had it once upon a time,

All of those addiction issues ultimately come from a place of not loving ourselves.

We're in pain and so we're looking for relief and we're not respecting or honoring some part of ourself by hurting ourselves over and over.

So yes,

Yes,

Definitely sobriety is self-love.

Klaus,

Very grateful for your ruthless openness today.

Makes it a lot easier to accept myself as I am today with a lot of anxiety and resistance.

Ah,

Yes,

My love.

Yes,

We're all in this together.

I sometimes have to remember sometimes when I'm in the throes of just feeling like,

Why am I not enlightened yet?

I have to remember a beautiful teaching that for me to be who I am,

To serve you with my heart,

To serve you with my love,

I have to go through everything that we go through as human beings.

That's not always true.

Yes,

There are some teachers or masters out there who just transcended the human experience and awoke to their true nature.

But I guess with the kind of person that I am and the way that I wish to serve you,

It's valuable to know every part of the experience.

And this is for all of us.

We're all,

We're all wise.

We're all teachers.

We are all this grace of love and this grace of life.

And as human beings,

We have this opportunity to experience all of these challenges and opportunities and emotions and ups and downs and traumas and blissful moments.

We have the experiences.

And if we so choose,

If it is part of our life path,

Then we also awaken from this dream.

We also awaken from all of these experiences in a remembrance of who we truly are.

And so that is the dance that we have here in this life experience.

Wonderful,

Maureen.

Wonderful.

Jess Sands shared,

Resistance is draining.

Oh,

There goes your comment.

Lean in.

I saw lean in something else.

Beautiful.

I love seeing you love each other.

David shared,

I heard this recently.

Feel the feelings,

But let go of the stories we attach to them.

Yes.

Yes,

My love.

Exactly.

And sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to just purge it out.

Right?

Yes.

Many of you know this is a strong practice.

Feel the feelings,

Drop the story.

Feel the feelings,

Drop the story.

It's something I've been engaging in for a long time.

And sometimes we just need to be a puddle of messiness and just let it all come out.

Let every story and every emotion and everything just plow.

Sometimes that's what we need to be able to come to the place where we can practice feeling the feelings and dropping the story.

Sometimes.

But I really invite anyone who's unfamiliar with that practice or new to it,

Try it on.

Try it on for a while because most of us,

Many of us,

Many of us are still caught in the behavioral patterns of just getting caught in the story and it keeping us triggered and charged and upset.

And we don't know how to release from that.

So practicing to really feel the feelings in the body and release the stories of the mind is a beautiful way for us to come back to balance and harmony within ourselves.

Try just to give ourselves permission to be without telling ourselves we're supposed to be a certain way or feel a certain way.

Just giving ourselves permission to feel and to feel fully.

Saima,

Again,

My teacher says,

If you're going to feel something,

If you feel shame,

Feel it 200%.

If you feel doubt,

Feel it 200%.

Feel something fully.

This is the life.

This is life.

Feel something fully because what we usually do is we feel it 20%,

30%,

And then we just get caught in it.

We get caught in this shame,

This doubt,

This fear,

This guilt,

This anxiousness.

We just get caught in it.

But if you feel something fully,

It transforms on its own.

It gets to move through us on its own.

So feel fully.

Feel the feelings.

Drop the story or whatever works for you.

Always an invitation,

My loves.

We've been here for almost an hour.

It's my great joy.

I hope you've received something from our time together today.

I know we've kind of gone all around on this topic.

Yes,

My love,

Niels,

I think you asked before your comment disappeared,

Do self-love and forgiveness go hand in hand?

100%.

Because for us to be able to move into a place of forgiveness,

We are awakening a self-love within.

And I think that forgiveness is one of our most needed pathways to the heart.

Again,

If you're longing for that great relationship in your life,

Recognize that where you are inside of yourself,

The way you love yourself,

The way you treat yourself,

What you think about yourself,

What kind of a vibrational state you're living in,

That is what you're going to attract.

And some of you will say,

Well,

I've just been doing all this self-help work and I feel like I'm in the best place I've ever been.

But I still attract somebody who is something,

You know,

Who is whatever,

Something you don't want.

Because that vibration is still in you,

That behavioral pattern is still in you.

And we attract,

We attract what we are resonating.

We attract what we are.

And there's nothing bad,

There's nothing wrong about it.

It's just always a learning opportunity.

That's why it's so much easier to be single.

Because when we're in a relationship,

We are constantly up against our own mirror.

When we're in a relationship,

I'm holding a mirror up or that person's holding a mirror for me and I'm holding a mirror for them.

Right?

We're just seeing our own self.

And this brings me to something really important that I wanted to share today.

Thank you all for being here.

I know we've been here for a long time.

This is on the topic of relationship for those of you who are wanting to speak more about relationships with others.

This is a very powerful teaching from Saima.

I just want to take a moment of deep,

Deep gratitude and reverence for my beloved Saima.

For anyone who hasn't,

Doesn't know about Saima,

I wholeheartedly welcome you to learn more about Saima.

Saima is the grace of love in my life.

I am the grace of love in my life.

And Saima is the embodiment of love that has,

You could say,

Molded me into who I am today.

Saima is the first female guru in a tradition of 2,

700 years to be acknowledged with this very holy title in India.

First female in 2,

700 years.

Saima is a global humanitarian,

A master of energy and just in service to all,

Complete embodiment of love.

Just fantastic.

And I just feel so much gratitude and love in my heart for Saima.

This will be my 20th year since I began studying with Saima.

Love you,

Dawn.

Thanks for being here.

I will just share Saima's,

Spelling of Saima's name here and you can look up.

So the teaching that I'd like to share.

I wish we were in person for this one.

Such a fantastic teaching.

So let's say that,

What do I have here?

I have a mallet and I have hand lotion.

Let's say that here you are and here is the person you're in relationship with.

Let's,

We can,

Actually,

I invite you to do this practice with me right now.

So imagine yourself and then imagine a person you're in relationship with.

It could be a romantic relationship.

It could be a parent.

It could be anybody in your life.

But imagine someone in your life that you're in a relationship with.

And for those of you listening to the replay of this,

The audio only replay,

You can just imagine that you're standing across from this person that you're in relationship with.

Now imagine you're standing across from this person,

Yes.

But you feel inside of yourself like you're not really fully worthy of love.

So now,

Oh,

I can't do this.

I can't represent this physically for you.

We'll just imagine this person is still over here.

So now,

Because you have this belief that you're not worthy,

You have something in between you and this person you're in a relationship with.

And it's called unworthiness.

Okay?

So you see this unworthiness is now in your line of sight between you and the person you're in relationship.

Now let's say you also have jealousy from a past relationship.

You just felt like,

You know,

Whatever.

You felt some jealousy.

So there's also jealousy in this relationship,

In your line of sight between you and the person that you're currently with or in relationship with.

And then,

Let's say there's also fear of not being loved.

That is also in your relationship between you and this person across from you.

And then,

Let's say you have,

What else?

What else do we have,

My loves?

We have fear of not being good enough,

Right?

This is also in your relationship between you and this person.

What else do we have?

We have not being worthy,

Not being good enough,

Jealousy,

Fear of not being loved.

What else?

Just throw something out in the chat.

What else do we have?

What else do you feel inside of yourself?

Fear of abandonment.

Yes,

You have this fear of abandonment in you.

Even though this person you love so much,

You have this fear of abandonment from your life.

So this fear of abandonment is also between you and this person that you're in relationship with.

So even though I can't physically trust issues,

Yes,

I'm going to be left.

I'm going to be betrayed.

Trust issues,

Those are also in your relationship.

So now,

Let's just pause here for a moment.

All of those things that I just held up are still up here in front.

And between you and the person that you're in a relationship with,

You have the fear of not being worthy,

Not being good enough,

The fear of being left,

The fear of being abandoned.

You have jealousy.

You have the fear of being betrayed.

You have all of these things between you.

You have anger,

Anger towards your last partner.

That's still in you.

So that's in your relationship.

You have deep grief from your last relationship.

So that's in this relationship.

Between you and this person you're in this relationship with,

You have all of this.

Now just imagine,

Here you are standing across from this person where there is jealousy,

Fear,

Anger,

Rage,

Fear of abandonment,

Fear of not being worthy,

Beliefs that you're not good enough.

Can you even see that person standing across from you if all of these things are between you and that person?

Imagine that each one of these energies we're speaking to were tall people standing between you and the person across from you.

Could you actually physically see that person if all of these emotions and energies were tall people standing between you and that other person?

No.

You wouldn't be able to see them.

You wouldn't be able to see them.

If these were all people standing,

Or you could say walls standing in front of you between you and that person,

You couldn't even see them for who they are.

You would be seeing them through the eyes of anger,

Fear,

Jealousy,

Resentment,

All of those energies.

Knowledge shared,

Oh,

Confused,

Tainted,

Disturbed.

Yes,

These are more emotions.

So just imagine you can't even see the person you're in relationship because of everything you're putting in the relationship.

And you don't even mean to put it in the relationship,

But it's in you.

So it's in the relationship.

Now imagine that person also has all of their baggage.

They have their fear of abandonment.

They have their anger from their last relationship and so on and so on and so on.

With all of those energies and beliefs and emotions between you and this person you're in a relationship with,

Can you even see each other?

You can't.

You can't.

And what you do see of that person you're in a relationship with,

It is through the lens,

Through the perception of all that you carry within you.

This is in your relationship.

Yes.

Yes.

So this is why we turn towards ourself.

This is why we choose to do the inner work,

To become more emotionally intelligent,

To feel fully and release stories,

To tend to those old wounds that we hold onto for dear life,

To practice on a daily basis,

Even if it's really challenging and really painful and really awkward,

To practice self-love on a daily basis.

And if self-love just sounds too woo-woo and gushy for you,

Just call it doing something that respects your body,

Doing something that honors your mind,

Doing something that nourishes you.

These are all actions of being loving with yourself,

Being compassionate and forgiving with yourself and others.

This is all self-love.

So just know,

My loves,

That when we come into relationship,

Or even when we're in a relationship with someone we've known our whole life,

Like a parent,

These energies are between us.

So rather than just projecting everything onto the other person and expecting them to be a certain way,

Start to tend to what you are unconsciously putting into your relationships.

And it's natural.

It's natural.

Some of those things are going to be there.

It's okay.

Just do your work.

Do your.

.

.

Take time for you so that you can start to create a clean slate for yourself.

Close the eyes.

Right where you are,

Just close the eyes.

And feel the space of your heart softening.

Feel your chest relaxing.

Breathe deeply.

Breathe deeply into your whole body.

Welcome.

Welcome this possibility of fullness.

Welcome this possibility of peace,

Of love in your heart and your entire being.

Just be open,

Even if only for a moment.

Use your breath.

You are an embodiment of love.

You are love itself in human form.

Breathe that in.

And just welcome,

Welcome yourself fully in this moment.

Welcome every part of you that you're having difficult accepting.

Just be willing to welcome for just a moment.

Any emotion,

Any judgment,

Any behavior,

Just welcome yourself fully as you are in this moment,

As you are,

Just as you are.

You can slowly open the eyes.

This power of love will unveil the illusion of the worldly life and take you beyond the world of physicality to the world of supreme bliss,

Which has no birth and no death.

This love permeates the whole world,

The whole universe.

How many of you are aware of this power?

An experience of life without faith and without love is full of separateness and thus full of pain.

So be devoted.

Give more love.

Give more.

More love into every atom and be the embodiment of love itself.

Transmute so-called negative or dark emotions,

Doubt,

Anger,

Envy,

Greed,

Jealousy,

If you choose by embracing them with your love.

So pure,

So bright and so magnificent.

This love is in you.

It's in you.

Go inward because the outer world will never give this to you.

You are then a real human being.

Play with the creator.

The inner world is a playground and the creator is waiting for you with love.

Now ask yourself if love is the undercurrent of all of your actions,

Self-inquiry is needed if you feel no satisfaction in your heart.

I'll just repeat this.

Self-inquiry is needed if you feel no satisfaction in your heart.

When there is no feeling of love in your prayers or meditation or practice,

If your meditation is dry,

It's better to stop because the practice is not serving you.

Still,

Yearn for this love and you can experience the beauty,

The innocence and the sweetness of this experience of life that you have been given.

When you emanate love,

You can walk into a room and the hearts of all those in the room will melt.

You do not have to do anything.

When a heart melts open,

The shakti,

The spiritual energy and grace do their work and then your every moment becomes effortless.

Beautiful my loves.

Rosita,

When I go deep inside,

How can I find the root?

My invitation is when you're going deep inside searching for the root,

If it comes back to you,

Then you found it.

If it comes back to you,

You found it.

My pleasure is.

Yes,

Carol,

Tears of love and myself celebrating love.

Yes,

Klaus,

We definitely went on a journey today.

I thank you my loves.

I thank you.

Waves and waves of love for you as you.

You are my heart.

You are my heart embodied.

I am yours if you so choose.

We are one consciousness,

Individual droplets in an ocean of consciousness.

And this ocean is love itself.

Thank you.

So remember,

Whatever you're feeling is OK.

It's OK.

Just welcome it.

Practice welcoming whatever you feel into your heart.

If you feel rage,

Practice just bringing it into the ocean of love that your heart truly is.

Even if your heart doesn't feel like an ocean of love,

Maybe maybe you just see this bright sun of light,

This warmth in your chest.

Bring that rage into that light of your heart.

If you feel terrified,

Bring that terror into the light of your heart.

If you feel resentment towards yourself or unforgiveness towards others or yourself,

Welcome that into your heart.

Just practice bringing it like a physical object into your heart again and again and again.

Just continue to welcome whatever you feel.

Give yourself permission to feel fully.

I love you.

I do.

I love you so.

And my wish for you,

May you see yourself the way that I see you.

May you know yourself as an embodiment of light and love the way that I know you.

May you know yourself as the perfection of who you are inside of all the messy humanness the way that I know you.

May you love yourself.

Reviews

Beautiful, I felt the truth of this deeply. Thank you 🙏

You are my heart! ❤️needed to hear this and to feel this. So grateful your session was recorded, thank you for everything

Wow, this was an amazing discussion. The embodiment of self love you have cultivated is so inspiring. I will continue to strengthen this daily practice in myself 💗

Such a powerful and enlightening talk. So much wisdom and glorious guidance. I loved the part on how what we experience in relationship with others is a reflection of ourselves. And also the call to embrace all of our feelings, whatever they may be, with love. What blessing of messages!

I stumbled upon this and it was everything I needed to hear. Thank you.

Full of insight!! I’d love the same session taught without comments so I can listen in repeat until I get the information deeply. More direct would be shorter too. I appreciate your teaching, I think it’s the first time I understood without questioning it. 🙏🏻tysvm ✨💖

Perfection ❤️❤️❤️

Really enjoyed listening to this talk. It gave me a lot to think about love being already in me. 💓

Selena is the one to touch your heart and your soul on how to reconnect with your self love. Beautiful talk. Thank you Selena 🙏💞

Profound and insightful. It resonated with me. Thank you. Namaste🙏🏾

This was a wonderful experience. Thank you! 🙏🏾

Your profound messages, Selena, are conveyed from a place of such deep love. Yes, embracing the perfection and love from within despite all the messy humanness. You are radiant and a gift to us all!

Thank you! I need to practice more self love so I’m not hurt by what others say to hurt me. It is very challenging but I believe it will bring me much needed peace.

Wonderful. Soothing. Nurturing. Modeling self love. So yummy and needed.

This was so helpful! I needed to hear so much of what you shared and so much guidance on my (no always easy) journey. Thank you so much! Blessings 🙏🏻

Outstanding!!! I must come back to this again and again. There is so much I need to learn and be reminded of. Thank you, dear Selena.

This is a complete eye opening practice for self-love. Thank you Selena 🙏🙏❤️❤️

This was extraordinary my dear. I am so thankful Insight Timer added this live event!! Been working on self love awhile now but you are correct in saying “self love is a journey”. Many thanks. I loved this! 💜