It's natural to feel lost at times when we try to meditate. Is the goal to clear the mind of thoughts? To always feel calm? To reach a state of bliss? In this talk, we discuss what Zen teaches about why we meditate, what we're doing, and how to do it.
Meet your Teacher
Newton, MA
Transcript
I'd like to talk. Tonight about something that comes up for me. Often and I know comes up. For many of you this fall. Question. That keeps coming back. Which is What are we doing? When we meditate. What are we doing? When we practice Zazen. It is a practice that's not like any other. And. . . Not the simple mindfulness technique. That can be explained. To anyone. And is a skill that we can cultivate. This Zazen is something. Much more mysterious and profound. And so. We read tonight the passage from Johaku Okamura. The great Japanese teacher who is the great interpreter of Master Dogen. Who was one of the masters at investigating Cya soon. And Okamura. Writes in a way that at first doesn't make sense when we encounter it. And so I'm going to read a bit of it again. He says, We try to see reality with our minds, Abilities, Willpower, And effort. We try to become enlightened in order to put everything under the control of the self. So that our life is stable and peaceful. If we cling to favorable conditions, We create the cycle of samsara, Of suffering. Within our practice. And then he says, All of this is delusion. Practicing with this realization and letting go of rigid belief. In the narratives and preferences of our minds? Is opening the hand. Of thought. What's he talking about? What is this? One of the difficulties we have in approaching this is that our minds are accustomed to seeing ourselves and our activities in a certain way. And words. Zen asks of us, What this practice asks of us. Is to turn all of that upside down. For example, We naturally approach meditation as a tool. Of course, We want something. We want to become calmer. We want to reduce our stress. We want to become enlightened. And in fact, If we practice. These benefits may occur. But that isn't. The heart of practice. Sazen isn't simply something that we do. That it's an expression. Waking up. It's an expression of the awakened nature. In and of itself. And so. . . To go back to Okamura. Zazen is not a practice that makes beings into Buddhas. Zazen itself is Buddhist practice. We are not going to become enlightened Buddhas, No matter how much we do this practice, Because we are already Buddhas. And in the sitting upright, In the breathing. In the allowing thoughts to come and go? That is! The awakened nature. And so we think of Zazen not as a preparation for our life. This is hard to square with what we've been conditioned to do all of our lives, Which is to measure success and failure. And we bring the attitude of, Am I succeeding or not? Of course to our cushions. Now, I'm often thinking, Oh, That was a good sit, Or, Oh, That wasn't very good at all. And I got to a point. Early on in my practice where I decided that a good meditation was when my heart rate became lower. And so I found myself measuring my heart rate. After every zazen, And I would track it, And I began to write it down. And then I realized that I had turned Zazen into a project. In the way I turn so many things into a project. And of course. My teachers listening to Dharma talks. Sitting enough made me realize that this was completely A delusion getting me nowhere. And I measure my success at Zazen by whether I'm distracted, More or less distracted, During a particular activity. Period of sitting. As though monkey mind, Busy mind were a failure. When of course, All it is, Is a lie. Buddha Bob expressing himself in this moment. And so what? Practice invites us to do is put down this project of becoming. And seeing if we can. Truly experience. Something that is being. Where we don't try to escape. Our experience, We don't try to improve the experience. We're just there for what is, For the sound of traffic, For the ache in our knees. Wandering mind. Nothing left out. And when we have those moments, Of just being? It is such a relief. It is such a relief to have absolutely nothing to do. And nothing expected. One of the things that we often hear about. Practice is that this is not a self-improvement project. That doesn't compute, Because of course it has to be a self-improvement project. Why else did I come here? To feel calmer. To feel happier. Just to feel better generally. And of course that's true because we come to practice. Usually because we are suffering. And we want relief, Of course. And then we're confronted with the paradox. That we're all ready. Complete. Or to use Suzuki Roshis. Famous words. To his Sangha, You're perfect just as you are. You could use a little improvement. And of course we are perfect and yet we still have habits. We still make. Mistakes all day every day. We still grow. We still decline and decay. But our fundamental nature is not lacking anything. And that's what Suzuki Roshi points to. Practice is not manufacturing Buddha nature. Practice is simply expressing it. But again, That can seem so confusing. I don't feel like I have Buddha nature when I'm sitting there with monkey mind. But perhaps the best analogy is to be found in nature. We look at a flower. And we don't think. Now that flower is struggling to become itself. That flower simply unfolds according to causes and conditions. I think of this a lot because my neighbor has a dog. That has three legs. It was born that way. The dog is a happy creature. Walks very differently from other dogs. And that dog doesn't feel like there's anything lacking. That dog has no idea. That it is anything but itself. Just as it should be. And that, Of course. Is our true nature. Just being ourselves. Usually, Our model is that if we practice, We're going to achieve something. If we practice piano, We'll become a pianist. If we train for a race, We'll become a better runner. And the end says. . . Okamura tells us in our reading. Practice is realization, Sitting down. And meditating. Is enlightenment. It is the awakened nature. Not that the realization comes later, Not that realization is the prize at the end. But that every moment of wholehearted practice expresses awakening. This was actually one of the central insights. Of Dogon. The great Zen teacher. Who realize that practice and enlightenment are not separate things. One doesn't lead to the other. And so we go back. To the reading where Okamura says, We don't personally become a Buddha. But rather we awaken to the reality that from the beginning we are living Buddha's life. And so when we sit. And we allow ourselves just to be even for a moment. We notice there's nothing missing. There's nowhere to go. Nothing to attain. And of course, This does not just apply to a meditation cushion. That it happens when we listen completely to another person. When we wash the dishes and we're completely present for the feel of the soap on the dish. And the water. When we're walking attentively in kinyin. When we're meeting grief. Our own or someone else's. Without turning away. Each of these is an expression of the awakened nature. So why is this so hard? For us to get. So hard to believe. Well, We're constantly told to be better. We're constantly told to get more, And now I'm hearing the verb optimize a lot. We're constantly told to optimize ourselves. And our practice. Challenges us. In this moment. To see that nothing needs to be optimized. Nothing needs to be added. And so? The judging mind still comes up and we still say, Yeah, This was a good meditation or that was a bad meditation. This was a good day. That was a bad day. But practice. Invites us just to notice the judging mind, Not to be trapped. By it just to notice it. And let it be. The other thing we often find ourselves doing. In Zen, In Zazen, Is seeking special experiences. I want some special state. Particular visions or some feeling that's blissful. Some out of the ordinary state. And of course, What we find is that chasing special experiences. Even if we have a brief special experience. That chasing it, Trying to get it back, Is delusion. It sets up a me. That tries to get something over there. And of course we can be tempted by that if we read accounts that some meditators have written. Accounts of having special experiences. And it's difficult because if you've ever read any of those accounts, You almost can't look away. It's like, Whoa. You know, They talk about reality changing and all these unusual things happening. James Ford. Our teacher. Once called these writings enlightenment porn. Because you can't really stop looking. What practice shows us is that. What's extraordinary is not to be found in any special state that we're going to achieve on the cushion. It's found. In the ordinary. So. . . What changes? If we stop treating practice. As a separate activity and start treating it. As a way of being alive. As a way of being awake. And a lot. Could be standing in line. It could be. Having a disagreement. With a partner or a coworker. It could be boredom. When we could be totally present and awake. To boredom. And of course can be grief and sadness. Enjoy! Zen is about how we meet every moment. It offers the radical possibility that when we wholeheartedly There's nothing missing. And therefore practice isn't a means to an end. It's not a means to become enlightened. It's not, How do I get somewhere else? It's how. How can I fully meet this moment? And so let me close. More from Okamura. He writes, Enlightenment is not the self-awakening to reality. But Zazen, Awakening to Zazen. Dharma, Awakening to Dharma. Buddha, Awakening to Buddha. Awakening to Buddha. This is the meaning of Dogens. Profound insight. That practice. And enlightenment. Are one. Thank you.
5.0 (3)
Billy
June 19, 2026
Wow this really answers my question of "what is the goal of meditation?" Very profound way of looking at our practice. Thanks so much
