53 | Difficult Conversations @ Work | Tool #2 Be Present

Handling difficult conversations at work isn't easy. In session 2 of 4, you learn how to practice and apply evidenced-based mindfulness tools for Being Present; to help you handle challenging conversations with more ease and less stress.

Transcript

G'day,

My name is Rachel Grace.

Welcome to this talk,

Which is part two of a four-part series where I'll introduce some practical and evidence-based mindfulness tools that are designed to help you handle difficult conversations at work.

The four tools we'll explore are influencing physiology,

Being present,

Compassion,

And recognizing similarity.

And in this session,

We're focusing on the second tool of being present.

It's easy and understandable when faced with a challenging work situation like a difficult conversation to want to check out from it,

To want to avoid it,

To not really give much attention to how stressful it might be for us.

And yet,

To prepare for,

To deliver,

And to emerge from difficult conversations well,

We need to learn to stay firmly rooted with our attention in the present moment.

And to do this,

It involves acknowledging whatever thoughts,

Emotions,

And body sensations,

And any other experiences that are present in the moment.

Oftentimes,

There is a temptation to judge,

Minimize,

Or avoid experiences that are difficult.

But the thing is that even if we're avoiding it,

Or minimizing it,

It doesn't change the fact that it's part of our reality.

Those experiences are still there.

But if we don't pay attention to what's going on for us,

For other people,

And in the circumstance we're in,

Then those experiences will be impacting us,

But we won't be aware of how they're impacting us.

So by paying attention to what's going on in the present moment,

It puts us in the position to better able to face the reality of the experience that we're having as it is.

And through that,

It puts us in a better position to notice what we need and how we want to respond to what's going on.

So being in the present moment is a powerful tool to use because it also keeps us out of that extra unnecessary stress that can come from getting our thoughts caught up in rehashing the past or worrying about what might be happening in the future.

Instead,

We focus all of our attention on what's going on right now,

Recognizing that that's probably challenging enough and there's no need to add extra layers of suffering to this moment by worrying about stuff that's been and gone or stuff that might not even happen.

So doing practices that help you to be present in the moment can help you to combat overwhelming emotions,

Rumination,

And also help you to access the clarity and groundedness you need to handle difficult conversations with resilience and skill.

So let's practice this skill of being present.

I invite you to adopt a posture that supports you to be both alert and relaxed,

Allowing your eyes to gently close or softening your gaze towards the floor.

Then I invite you to join me in taking a big breath in,

Filling the lungs right up and then exhaling gently and slowly,

Releasing all the air from your lungs,

Allowing your breath to settle into its natural and gentle rhythm.

Then I invite you to bring your focus,

Bring your attention to feeling the physical sensations in the area of your belly as you breathe in and as you breathe out.

If you can't feel physical sensations in the area of the belly as you breathe,

That's okay,

That can happen.

What you can do is you can place one hand on your belly.

Resting your hand on the belly can make it easier for your awareness to make the connection with the physical sensations of breathing.

So feeling the belly rise as you breathe in and feeling what it feels like in the belly as you breathe out,

As the belly falls.

Using the hand resting on the belly if it helps and supports you or letting it go anytime it feels like it's not necessary or helpful.

So feeling and noticing the physical sensations in the area of the belly as you breathe in and as you breathe out.

Whenever you notice that your attention has drifted away from being focused on feeling the sensations in the area of the belly as you breathe,

Understand that that's totally okay,

That's normal,

It happens to everyone.

But the practice here is to notice that gently and kindly acknowledge whatever thought,

Emotion,

Body sensation or other distraction has caught your attention.

Before then gently and kindly letting that distraction go and choosing,

Responding by bringing your attention back to the belly and once again focusing your attention right here,

Right now on feeling and noticing the physical sensations in the area of your belly as you breathe in and as you breathe out.

So as we start to approach the end of our practice I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath in filling the lungs right up and then exhaling gently and slowly releasing all the air from your lungs allowing your eyes to open bringing your attention back up into the environment around you.

Congratulations on your practice.

I encourage you to apply this skill of being present as a powerful way to support yourself to prepare for,

To be in and perhaps recover from difficult conversations at work.

Simply by paying attention to the physical sensations that are going on in the area of your belly as you breathe.

Doing this has got three big benefits.

The first one is that because your body is always in the present moment when you pay attention to the breath and how it feels at the belly it helps to keep your attention in the here and now which is the only time and place that you can ever affect change.

Second,

Typically belly breathing calms the nervous system if it doesn't for you then you can always try to focus your attention on a different part of the body or a different body sensation whatever brings you the most ease but find a place a location in the body that when you pay close attention to it it helps you to feel more ease.

For many people that's the breath but if that's not you just choose another sensation another part of your body and the third big benefit is by paying attention to the breath it sets up your cognitive resources to get a good vantage point if you like for observing all your thoughts and emotions without getting fused and caught up with them and carried away by them and this is really valuable because it gives you the power to choose to respond wisely to what's going on within you instead of perhaps blindly reacting to different thoughts and emotions that might be turning up in ways that aren't helpful.

The more you practice being present the easier this tool will be to use to help you handle difficult conversations at work so keep practicing feeling the sensations that are present in the body in the area of your belly as you breathe it'll keep your attention in this moment it'll soothe the nervous system and it'll support you to have those difficult conversations with as much skill and ease as possible.

May this practice support you the work you do and all of those around you thanks for joining me in this practice and I hope you'll join me again soon.

Reviews

I find these practises very helpful and listening and practising before I face a difficult work environment has really benefited my personal resilience.