Traveling While Spiritual

This week on Pretty Spiritual we're talking about traveling. It's all about finding your spirituality and your center in the middle of a trip. So, how does that happen? We'll share about our travel meltdowns, how we try to make the most of falling apart, and what tools help us fall back together. So join us for what we do best: some good, old messy spirituality.

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy,

Beautiful,

Imperfect life with spiritual tools,

What principles and our own personal stories.

So we're not experts,

We're not religious,

We're definitely silly.

We're honest,

Real and willing to share.

So join us as we connect,

Bond and grow together.

Hi spiritual friendies.

Thank you so much for joining us today.

Today we are going to be talking about traveling while spiritual.

Ooh,

Juicy.

Oh my God.

We've packed our bags.

We've got all the spiritual baggage one could ever want or need.

Did we pack too much?

Probably.

I'm a designer.

Thank you,

Ella.

So hey everyone,

My name's Lindsay.

I'm Ella and I'm Annie.

Yay.

So we're so excited to be here today and chatting with you all.

The reason why I chose traveling while spiritual,

I was one could say an incredible,

Credibly terrible traveling partner.

There you go.

People can relate,

The holidays.

When I started,

When I thought I wanted to talk about this topic,

It's really been a gift that I've gotten to travel.

As a young child in my childhood and growing up,

We never traveled.

We weren't afforded that luxury.

Anytime that we were quote unquote traveling,

We were actually driving across country and moving somewhere.

And that happened frequently.

And I have to say that it was a bad time.

And I wanted to talk about that because I thought it's important when traveling to understand expectations.

And so sometimes for me,

That's like,

Well,

What was this like before?

What was it like before when you were traveling?

Because oftentimes for me,

When I look at,

Like when I reverse engineer it and I see how it was in the past,

I start to get a better understanding of why it is the way it is now.

Like why I show up to traveling something that's going to be fun in like this super chaotic,

Scared,

Anxious.

It just didn't seem like fun,

Even though I didn't recognize that.

Like I'd get really excited about traveling and I didn't know how to temper my excitement or even recognize that I had expectations.

And so here I am,

You know,

Like 30 years old,

Getting to go on a trip with like a beloved.

And as we set off and the bus is late,

I am furious.

I'm also not aware of how furious I am.

And then I begin to start to torture my travel partner.

So this was kind of a long intro into talking about what it's like to try and navigate how to travel and bring along spiritual tools or principles.

Ella,

Why don't you tell me a little bit about my pleasure.

So I recently had my own chaotic experience with this.

I have Lyme disease and I've had it for a few years and I haven't done any big trips since I was diagnosed.

My loving partner invited me to join him and his family for a trip to the UK.

My first response was like,

No,

Thank you.

But I realized I was really afraid of taking a trip that long and what it would mean for me physically.

You know,

After like looking at my motives and that kind of stuff and sitting with it for a few days,

I was like,

Okay,

I'm willing to try to do that.

And the good news is that I learned I can be on like a 10 hour flight and be okay.

There were also some things that I learned that didn't feel so good.

One of the things that happens for me with neurological Lyme disease is that I go from being pretty overwhelmed to like,

I am out of resources utterly and all I can do is lay on the floor and cry.

And that happened the first three nights we were away.

So I really got to see how I wanted to please other people and I was packing way too much.

I was so much in for my body and spirit to handle.

And then I just crashed violently.

And yeah,

I get to this this place where I haven't been paying attention to what's happening inside of me.

And then I'm just kind of like,

Tornadoing and just destroying all the stuff around me.

So it was a really good learning experience.

In the aftermath of all of that,

I'm actually pretty glad that my partner got to see what happens because now I think we can both agree that we don't like when that happens.

Hopefully that means that I'll be more willing to listen to my body.

The reason I am willing to do spiritual stuff,

Usually is because I've done it the other way and it's awful,

You know,

And it's like,

It's too painful to keep doing it.

I'm not doing it that way.

So usually that's where the willingness comes in.

I'm like,

Oh,

That was really bad.

I don't wish to experience that again or force others to experience that again.

So maybe this time I'll try it differently.

What about you,

Annie?

I love hearing about how people travel and what they're doing.

Because in my mind,

Now in my life,

I travel a lot.

But before that was the case,

In my mind,

It was like,

If I'm traveling,

It has to be perfect.

And I mean,

Like my attitude,

It's gonna be the best ever.

I'm gonna feel so great.

And I've talked,

Mentioned before,

Like I used to use things to make myself feel great,

Whether it was like people or alcohol or whatever it was.

And that could help me achieve this kind of hazy glow of perfection that I thought that I needed or that was right.

And then when I don't use those things to achieve a certain state of being,

Then it's just when I travel,

I'm actually just Annie.

And often times when I travel,

It makes me uncomfortable.

Like I get out of my comfort zone,

Like Ella was mentioning,

10 hour flights are brutal,

So hard on the body and to hurdle across time and space into different time zones,

It has a real impact on my nervous system and my brain and my body.

And so I don't want to take any of that into account.

I just want to feel good.

And so I'll wake up in Barcelona and be like,

It's gonna be the best ever.

And then I'm super uptight and I can't figure out why.

My wife and I both work remotely and we do home exchanges.

So we'll swap houses with people around the country and we'll go stay places for three weeks at a time.

And also her job is in a global position.

So we will travel often for her work and I can work wherever we're at.

Sometimes it's shorter travel experiences and then sometimes it's up to three weeks.

And when we first started traveling together like this,

It wasn't something that I was used to and it really messed with me.

But then the other half of my brain was like,

This is a privilege,

You better freaking enjoy it.

Everything has to be great and you have to be the most charming travel companion of all time always.

And I realized that just,

I also wanted this idea that like once I got on an airplane that I was escaping Annie.

So all the things that make me uncomfortable,

My insecurities,

My fears,

That I was just going to leave those at SFO and that wherever I landed in the world,

Like I'm just reborn like as this sparkling little magic,

I don't know,

Fairy dust angel and feel really great.

So it's like I have these structures in place that I use when I'm living my day to day life.

And I had,

When I first started traveling a lot,

I thought that somehow I could take a vacation from that and that it would be fun,

Which most reasonable people I think are pretty good at taking care of themselves and they know what they need to do.

But there's always this part of me that like wants the get out of easy,

Get out of jail free card.

You know,

I want this stuff without the work.

And so I thought,

Oh,

You know,

I can just go and I'll just take a break from,

You know,

Waking up an hour early from everybody.

And so I could do prayer and meditation and like checking in with people that like is my support network and keeps me feeling grounded.

And I found out that that actually doesn't work for me.

So traveling with spirituality for me brings that means that I have to bring my relationship with my higher power and my spiritual tools with me wherever I go.

When I'm out of my comfort zone,

Even though I don't want to admit it,

Like in my head,

I want to be this bohemian free spirit.

I actually don't do super well when I don't have structure.

I kind of flail.

Traveling with spirituality for me is bringing all the tools with me that I need and actually using them tools for traveling while spiritual.

I think we talk a lot about like how tools are needed.

And then it's like,

Well,

What are you even talking about?

I like to think of step zero.

Ooh,

Yeah.

As breathe,

Because I have to give credit where credit is due.

And that's not mine.

It's actually my beloved traveling partner that was like,

Okay,

So let's let step zero.

Oh,

Breathe.

I know,

Okay.

And then I'd be all mad like,

You don't know me.

You don't know what I need.

If I need to breathe or calm down,

Take a nap.

Yeah,

Tools are really simple things that are laid at our feet.

And that we bend down and like pick up and that's really a spiritual act.

I think,

Ella,

You talk about willingness.

And I just want to elaborate on that for a little bit.

Because for me,

For a long time,

All this talk of willingness,

And like I really didn't understand what do you mean tool of willingness?

What really helped me in wondering like what willingness was,

Was to actually recognize that my will,

Like my willfulness was in the way.

And to actually put that down is where then a real willingness for something else to happen kind of took over when I put my willfulness down.

Luckily,

Or whatever,

You know,

Time has gone by and we've been attempting and learning.

I know I like gobble up any kind of,

Whether it be like Buddhist podcasts or any kind of like readings or literature over how to live a spiritual life.

I really am soaking that up and listening to podcasts and trying to read and learn about any of that.

So a lot of these things that are so simple to say,

Such as like tools or trust,

Like I'm even open.

I think it's a good thing to do to like really pick that apart for some of our friends who have just joined us who are like,

What even is spirituality?

You know,

Like,

If that's where we're starting,

And what does that look like?

And so,

Again,

For me,

I'm going to just keep coming back to this again and again,

Where maybe I like stop myself or one of us and I'm like,

Hey,

What are we talking about when we talk about willingness?

Like,

What are we talking about when I'm saying the number one tool I pick up right now and so very often that I think is absolutely important is awareness.

Right?

And like how to even what is awareness,

Which by the way,

I have to,

The dictionary is my best friend.

I have to look up all the words all the time and what a fabulous time to be alive that I can put it into my pocket God and boom,

There it is all the answers I ever even needed to know.

So it's much easier.

I don't even have to go to the bookshelf anymore.

So much work.

Who has time to walk over there?

People read books.

I know.

We read books.

Please read books,

People.

Yeah,

I actually don't read books.

I'm embarrassed about that.

But now it's out and open and it's all good.

You're safe here.

It is a safe place.

It's just a suggestion and I need books because I need help.

A tool is a book.

Awareness.

Yeah,

Just really having the moment of like,

I guess for me awareness is like,

What's going on inside my head?

What's going on outside of reality?

How can I get shared reality between the two?

Because oftentimes I'm stuck in my head and I'm living in what I like to call fearality,

Which is just fear and reality put together.

That's where I live.

But when I come out of that and like have this moment of like,

Okay,

What's actually going on here?

That tree is really green.

This couch is really orange.

And then I can like calm down my nervous system so I can be like,

Oh,

What's here?

What's here?

That's really awareness,

Which is the tool that I'm talking about.

And the reason why I'm talking about that is because if I can't become aware that I am completely freaked out because as a child,

It was chaotic and insane.

Now I continue to bring that pattern into my life when I like go on a trip.

If I can't be aware of that,

Then I really have nowhere to start.

Thanks,

Lindsay.

That was so great.

And I love how you talked about all these different things that awareness makes possible.

I really I agree that awareness has to be this first step.

And for me,

What I've been focusing on lately is what I need after I have awareness of what's going on.

And almost always,

I crave even when it feels like the farthest thing from what I want or need.

It's always acceptance.

It's always this.

And a lot of the time,

It's this like very gentle,

Tender acceptance that's not,

I used to think acceptance meant I like what's happening right now.

And my very patient,

The Zen teacher,

Shout out to you,

Linda Galian.

She helped me understand that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean I like what's happening in reality.

And most of the time,

What happens for me is I recognize that something does not feel okay,

Like something is not right.

And when I start to look at what that is,

Oftentimes,

Without even recognizing that the transition has happened,

I'm starting to feel badly about myself for having a hard time.

In Buddhism,

They call that the second arrow.

The first arrow is just suffering.

Suffering happens.

If you're alive,

You will suffer.

The second arrow is when we make ourselves bad or wrong for the suffering we're experiencing.

And please believe there are third and fourth and fifth and third,

All the arrows all at once.

So what happened when we were traveling is I was at a dinner party with people that it was important for me to visit.

And I went with my partner.

I was having a hard time communicating to the group that I needed to leave soon.

So I was kind of hoping that my partner would get the message and help me exit gracefully.

And instead,

He poured himself another glass of wine and I was like,

Oh,

Hell no.

So I kind of went to this like internal show.

Turning over the table now.

Yeah,

It was it was on.

I have enough pride that I kind of kept it together while we were around these other people.

But when we're in the taxi,

Thank you pride.

Yeah.

It helps so much sometimes for face saving.

When we're in the taxi,

I was pissed.

What was so interesting and what I haven't thought about since the taxi ride is that in the taxi,

I was doing this meditation technique called RAIN,

Which is an acronym for recognize,

Allow,

Investigate,

Nourish.

And I was just doing this gentle rain thing.

So I was like,

I'm freaking pissed that was recognized.

Allow is like,

Yeah,

You sure are,

You know,

Like,

It's just this kind of gentle like,

That makes sense.

You're really tired.

You packed way too much into today and like,

Can you let yourself be angry?

That's fine.

Like,

It really makes sense.

And then investigate is this like,

Very embodied,

Like,

Where am I feeling this anger or rage or self righteousness or whatever in my body?

And I was like,

Really like,

Oh,

My heart felt squeezed.

And I felt this like,

Kind of punch to the gut feeling.

And so I was doing this,

And I was prepared to let the whole thing go.

And then my partner mentioned something about it.

And it was on.

I was like,

I'm taking the bait and running with it.

So it turned into this whole big thing.

What I just want to say is that for myself,

And I think it's probably the case for other people too,

When we're struggling with suffering,

Whether it's emotional or physical,

A lot of the time,

All our heart needs to really surrender to it is a little love,

You know,

Like a little bit of like,

It's totally fine that you feel this way,

I get it,

You know.

And for me,

That's,

That's like the heart of acceptance.

And once I can,

Once I can show myself or someone else that tenderness,

And by the way,

I think people are especially lovable.

When we're like cranky,

Crabby,

Like,

I feel that way about you guys,

Annie and Lindsay,

And it's really nice.

It's so easy to like,

Feel tender towards you when you're like that.

And so I use that,

You know,

Because for me,

When I'm,

When I'm feeling cranky,

Or angry,

Or toxic,

Or any of these things that I'm not supposed to feel,

It's like,

I just need some softness,

You know.

So I talked way too long.

I'm done now.

Annie?

I love it.

It's perfect.

Love hearing about the spiritual tools for traveling.

And while you girls were talking,

One of the things that popped into my mind was when I first started traveling a lot internationally with my wife,

I was kind of about three years into the spiritual journey,

But I wasn't prepared for the tolls that international traveling would take on my take on my nervous system.

And when I talk about that,

It sounds like half of me wants to laugh at myself because I'm like,

Oh my God,

You're not so delicate.

But then the other half's like,

No,

You kind of are.

Because the impact it has on my emotions and my body is really real.

And so the first few times we would go on these trips,

I tried to pretend that that wasn't the fact because I didn't want to be wimpy or weak or whatever,

However,

I decided to view myself.

And I had someone and I also have anxiety,

Clinical anxiety.

And so that would manifest in trying in these insane ways to over prepare for the trips,

But not realistic,

Insane ways like,

You know what,

I'm going to plan for a walk and some quiet time and some nurturing.

It was me micromanaging with Excel spreadsheets what I was going to pack.

And I'm like,

I have to make sure that I have all the right things or it's gonna explode.

So I'd have like my entire room covered in clothes and this monster suitcase that my wife now makes fun of me about,

Like you can pack a family of gymnasts into the suitcase.

It was so big and ridiculous.

And I,

A friend suggested that,

So that's one of my tools is realistic expectations.

And then the other one is connection.

So on realistic expectations,

It was like a friend suggested,

What if you just call it expectable anxiety?

Because every time we'd land,

The first three days,

I'd be really anxious,

But I would fight the anxiety so hard.

I'm like,

Oh,

It's supposed to feel perfect,

But I didn't.

And then it made like Ella was referencing and made it worse because I was punishing myself for what was happening.

So this person suggested,

Why don't you just plan to have this expectable anxiety?

And in my head,

I'm like,

That sounds terrible.

I never want to not have a great time.

But when I just could kind of anticipate it,

It was so much less painful.

I'm just like,

Oh,

Hey,

Anxiety,

You're here.

This is normal.

It's not dangerous.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

So for me to have realistic expectations with traveling,

That for me is a spiritual tool.

And again,

For some people,

That's just common sense.

But like my brain's kind of hardwired to always want to feel amazing.

So if I don't,

I think I need to either punish myself or maybe the people around me.

So when I can kind of anticipate that life is normal,

And maybe I'll get sick,

Or I'll be anxious,

Or I'll be crabby with my wife.

And if I have room for that stuff,

Like it's realistic expectations,

Then the traveling for me is a lot more fun.

And for me,

That's a spiritual tool.

Like having an open heart about things not being how I think they should be is for me,

Like amazing.

And then the other tool,

Which I will just share briefly is connection.

So when we go to another place,

We're often there for a couple weeks,

Or even if it's just a weekend.

Let's say we're in the southeast with my in-laws.

I'm again thrown out of my ordinary routine,

And that makes me uncomfortable.

And then I start reaching for things that are going to make me comfortable,

Whether it's like candy or checking out in some way or another.

So I set up the same routines that I have that make me feel good here,

Which is like I pray and meditate in the morning.

But also I connect with people who are using the same type of tools that I do.

So Lindsay and Ella,

I FaceTime with both of them a lot while we are traveling.

And I have some other friends that I do this with too.

And it's so soothing,

And it grounds me to see face to face another person.

And I can share with them whatever my concerns or my frustrations are.

And instead of someone just kind of having a bitch fest with me or totally sympathizing,

They offer me spiritual tools,

Which is exactly what I need.

Maybe they offer to pray with me,

Or maybe they just say,

Oh,

That sounds really hard.

And have you had some quiet time?

Maybe you need to incorporate a nap into your day.

They give me really simple tools.

So for me,

Realistic expectations and then connection are things that really keep me grounded while I'm traveling.

Our flight's about to take off.

Bingo!

Is that a travel term?

No.

Bingo.

All aboard!

Nice save,

Lindsay.

Yeah.

Oh my goodness.

Wow.

I really,

One of the tools I really liked out of all this was connection.

And I want to let you all know how you can connect with us.

You can go ahead and email us at prettyspiritualpodcastatgmail.

Com.

Don't forget to go ahead and go over and make fun of our Instagram at pretty spiritual podcast.

You're silly.

Yeah,

Connection's so important.

And so feel free to drop us a line.

We'd love to hear from you any topics that you want us to discuss.

Speaking of which,

What are we going to be talking about next time,

Guys?

Yeah,

We were thinking that we would broach a darker subject next week.

And so let's just go ahead and talk about death and dying.

Right for it.

It just goes straight to the heart.

You know,

Everyone's born.

Everyone has a life.

We covered travel.

We're pretty much ready to take on death.

That's right.

Here we go.

In a sense,

Isn't it the ultimate form of travel?

Yes.

Yes.

This is our final destination.

Oh,

Yeah.

Oh,

Yeah.

She went for it.

We're gonna go there.

So thanks,

Everyone.

So glad that you were here with us.

Bye.

Bye.

Remember,

We love you.

Of you.

Reviews

I really liked this I felt like I was hanging out with you guys maybe even having a slumber party LOL! Going to follow you!

So well-intentioned, open and generous-spirited I’ll accept some vocal fry & uptalk. MY biggest travel anxiety: anticipating not sleeping.

Had me laughing and learning; thank you!

Loved it! I’m getting ready to take my first trip (professional) after a long sabbatical due to illness. You ladies gave me some great ideas to add to my toolbox 🧰! Thank you 😊

Great tools and chat as always, love you ladies 💜 x

Perfect, thank you!