Navigating Life Transitions

In episode 35, we’re talking about how to find our way through difficult changes in our lives. How flexible and emotionally resilient are we when adapting to change? How can we meet the small ups and downs, as well as the big life transitions, with perspective and a positive outlook? Welcome to the in-between place. Let’s get cozy! No matter what’s going on outside or around us, we get to choose how we show up to witness and care for our inner experience. Tune in now to learn more.

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual, Where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy, Beautiful, Imperfect life with spiritual tools, Principles, And our own personal stories. We're not experts. We're not religious. We're definitely silly. We're honest, Real, And willing to share. Join us as we connect, Bond, And grow together. Hello everyone and welcome back to Pretty Spiritual. I'm so glad that we're all here together. It's so important to me. My name is Lindsay Poni and I am here with the wonderful Annie. Hi, I'm Annie. And also the fabulous Ella. Hello, I'm Ella. We're here to complete your spiritual tripod as we try and navigate this life together using spiritual tools and principles, How to even. How to even. I'll let you know that we just said that. A little prayer as we often do before starting. I feel a lot more available to talk about the conversation we're having today, Which is going to be about navigating life's transitions. It started out as going through changes, Which turns out to be an Eminem song. It turns out all of the people on the internet, When they search for that, What they're looking for is lyrics or videos. To Eminem and not to pretty spiritual podcasts, Surprisingly. Maybe we have a crossover community. Which could be cool. Our muse Eminem singing the soundtrack to my high school life love ya buddy thank you so much for that it was requested that we cover this topic so thank you so much and we just want to say also that if you have some topic or an idea or something you'd like for us to cover or get into or explore, Feel free to email us. You can go to our website at www. Prettyspiritualpodcast. Com. It's extensive there. Fully developed. There's so much for you to click on, Read about, Find out about. Resources. We love us some resources. Love those tools. They're all there. Please visit us there and say hi and let us know what's going on in your life. It helps us so much. Navigating life transitions. So this is a really big topic and I think there's a lot to talk about here. As I was saying, Our friend who emailed us was moving and she also talked about being in between spiritual fellowships and friendships and what's that that's like when we're standing in the middle of Remembering who we were in the past and having shadows of and echoes of who we were before our behaviors, Our thinking, Our ideals, And then looking towards the future of who we really are striving to be who we want to be. How we'd like to be, How we like to interact with situations. Others in relationships, How I'd like to feel in my body and be. And then really the space where I find myself quite frequently is neither here nor there. Feeling as though I'm this old person of over 10 years ago and believing the stories of this is who I am, This is who I'll always be, This is who I've always been, Really buying into that and then having experiences where I'm trustworthy, I'm not that person anymore, I can trust myself, I have less self-doubt. So that really sacred, Special place of in transition, How to navigate who we were before, How it was before. Pointing ourselves towards our ideals and who we want to be, And then finding ourselves somewhere in the middle and how to reconcile that, How to be with that. Simple. Simple. So simple. Whether it's past behaviors, Geographical moves, Questioning relationships and friendships, Whether it be romantic, Changing careers, Or simply getting into the action of letting go. There are so many occurrences we find ourselves, Quote unquote, In transition, Somewhere in between. Today, We're going to explore the outside examples, But more deeply, The internal experiences of finding ourselves somewhere on the path of transformation, Change, Evolution, Incorporating the inside spiritual journey with the outer obvious changes, Reconciling, Accepting, Being with spiritual transformations as we learn to navigate life's many transitions. Annie. Thanks, Pony. What a beautiful introduction. When you sent us this topic, The word I thought of was liminal and it is a word to describe the space in between. So if you think in terms of a day, Dusk would be the liminal time between daytime and nighttime. That's my favorite time and a new word. Thank you so much. Such a good word. It is a good word. So it just essentially is like what was and what will be and then And the liminal space is that part in between. And I think for me personally, I have such a hard time not knowing. And I just want to know. And so even if I know that it'll be catastrophe, That makes me feel good because I know. Learning how to live with transition has been such an interesting part of the spiritual journey because my whole life is transition. You know, In some stages last longer than others. But essentially, It's all as long as I keep growing and reaching spiritually, It all continues to change. And so part of when we were preparing for this and I was thinking about what does this even mean and how do I navigate it without just feeling like life's hitting me with yet another thing, I don't know how to deal, Which is how I used to feel before. So there's this quote I really like. It's from August 2nd in the book, The Language of Letting Go. End. And for our listeners, I just want everyone to know that I like to say LOL a lot and Annie has decided that LOL means the language of letting go and I tried to let her. It's a silent G. LOL So I got really excited and I wrote it out and then I was like, Oh, There's a G. Just let the G go. Just let, Just let L-O-L. I'm already practicing it. So wonderful. Thank you so much for that. So we can put this up on our website, But this is, So it's from August 2nd of this book, Language Letting Go. And there, This is a part of the quote and it says, Sometimes to get from where we are to where we are going, We will have to be willing to be in between. One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, But what we don't want. And being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them. " Which is so beautiful. The whole reading is very sweet and I've been in transition stages and I will read this reading every morning because it's very soothing and it helps me remember being in transition is a really reasonable place for a human to be. And for any, Like any part of nature is constantly going through these different moments of metamorphosis. And so if I can just tap into, It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be scared of letting go, Especially of stuff that isn't working for me anymore, But that is familiar. So my entire life is this type of transition and it's hilarious and sometimes horrible and sometimes wonderful and often scary and often really great. Some things that I'm in transition or transformation right now, I'm in a very, Very, Very, Very slow transformation to my relationship with money and how I think about money and how so much. We have a whole episode on money and I keep procrastinating it because every time we go to start it, I have another rupture. That's how I feel about the Lyme disease episode. It's like, Someday, But not now. I am in transformation in relationship to my body, Which is me. So I have been transforming this idea of what if my body isn't quote my body, But it's this part that isn't a separate thing for me that I either punish or appreciate or like or don't like, But it's just what if I am my body? And I mean that in the way of, For example, With my jaw, I have ongoing problems and it's very easy for me to turn it into into an item that is apart from me and be frustrated with it. And so slowly kind of considering what would it be if I was just all one, Ella likes to call it, Is it skin bag? But like that my brain and my understanding and my cognition was part of it. So much transformation work around my jaw that is not happening on my timeline. I just want to announce listeners will know that this jaw thing has been Epic saga tied up with trauma and emotional pain and expensive dental work and face pain and it's Changing and it's been in transformation for years and like some of the transformations been pretty sucky And then right now it feels really hopeful, But always it's not on my timeline So in the midst of these transformations when I feel like I don't know the outcomes And or it feels like the trans even if it's a good transformation I get scared when I don't know what's gonna happen And I clench up and I try to predict control and manage because then I'll be safe, Right? I want to know I want to feel like I have control but transformation isn't about control and so the part that I'm going to talk about when the tools come up is how can I be patient and trust the transfer the process of transformation through fear and uncertainty and know that if I'm not trying to essentially, You know fix the outcomes like a like a bookie trying to angle the bets a certain way, Then maybe some really wonderful stuff might occur that I can't predict. So that's my thoughts right now. Thank you. Thanks, Annie. That was great. I appreciate it. Ella, What are some changes, Transformations slash that you're experiencing going through, Stuck in, Frozen? Yeah, Those are all words. Um, Yeah, I'm going through a lot of those right now. And when I was newly awake this morning and making some notes, I felt excited that this episode was going to be like just what I needed and get me in the solution. And now that we're recording I'm just like irritated and angsty about it So that's happening and what Annie shared about the word liminal reminded me of this amazing Anthropologist named Victor Turner Who did this really interesting work? I studied him in school with religious Rites of passage and other rites of passage and he like made a career out of studying So he would do studies around the liminal figures in Religious and other contexts so like shamans and shamanesses are liminal figures and it was just a bit twixt in between I remember that being maybe the title of a book or an article, But it's really easy to forget that we're Constantly in and out of that state and I'm so annoyed that this is what is coming out of my mouth right now but in the spiritual communities that I was belonged to the in-between is a place of privilege and the reason it's a place of privilege is because We don't get to know and when we're in that place of not knowing and we recognize it we get access to Mind and a heart that could go anyway. There's like nothing but possibilities, You know, And that is different for me from my kind of habitual state of thinking, I know what's going to happen and what comes next. And it's really uncomfortable, Don't get me wrong. But in the way that one of my friends likes to call it spiritual masochism, Because it hurts, But it's like the pain you would choose over trying to figure out, You know, It's just not knowing. If I zoom out from this topic of going through changes or life transitions, What's at the heart of this episode for me is resilience. That felt kind of like an intuitive thing, But I wanted to say the definition of what, One definition that I found on the internet of what that is. This is about emotional resilience. It's one's ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. And then it says more resilient people are able to quote unquote, Roll with the punches and adapt to adversity without lasting difficulties. And then they say, Just in case you're someone someone who's rolling with the punches of the smallish stuff in your life and not the biggish stuff, They say that research shows that those who deal with minor stresses more easily also can manage major crises with greater ease. So resilience has its benefits to daily life and to major catastrophic life changes. For me, What it feels like to be in the midst of big transitions in my work life, In my relationship, Probably also soon in my housing situation. I feel exhausted. I feel afraid. I feel sad. I feel anxious. I feel depleted like that has been the kind of ongoing physical experience of this set of major transitions is that I feel like my eyes hurt from being open even if I just woke up from like 10 hours of sleep. My body feels kind of just like under the weight of gravity, Tired. And when I am in the thick of those feelings, It's it's tender, You know, And that tenderness also means that I'm opened up to support and love and vulnerability, Courage, Honesty, Connection. And so for me, It's this place where Basically to be anywhere else besides the present moment if I'm in the past thinking about how things were It hurts too much. And if I'm in the future thinking about how things might be it hurts too much. So I just that the kind of Freedom is accessible to me now of having no other options. You know, It's the kind of freedom we get when The only idea we have left is a spiritual solution. So would Pew! No, Not. Okay. It was amazing. Just trying to be excited about it. Excellent. Thank you. Thanks. There's a metaphor that my Zen teacher likes to use which is being in between train cars, And I like to think of it as like an old 1950s subway train or something where like there's that like rickety scary in between place in between the cars where you're like standing on like Who knows what and you're like shaking all around and you have to let the like door to the car You just came out of close fully behind you with like no hopes of reopening To start like taking tender steps toward the next car Like prying with your fingers to like get in and it's not Doesn't feel safe. It probably feels like a bad idea. It maybe feels dangerous and the other I think really appropriate metaphor is, I think we've talked about this before, The chrysalis metaphor, Because the caterpillar actually literally needs to dissolve into goo before it becomes a butterfly. I'm just like, Mother Nature, Do your thing. So whether I like it or not, Whether I'm conscious of it or not, What being in transition means for me is that I have the ability uncommon opportunity to really let my life be carried by grace. That's all. Thanks Ella. Appreciate it so much. A lot of times when I feel very lost and I don't know, I just start saying no matter where I am, Grace, Where's Grace? Like I'm calling to her and looking for my friend. Can you page Grace for me? Last name probably also Grace. Grace, Grace. Grace Faith, Are you in the building? I love it. So there we are. Grace Serenity. Looking for grace. Okay, We'll stop now. Just kidding. Thank you so much for talking with me about this and it's so lucky that I can say that I'm so privileged right now. There are so many places in my life that are going through transition or transitioning and not so much with a job or those things feel almost like I could relax in there, Like I probably have a job for the next three years. Anyways, Who knows, The future is uncertain, But. For me, I guess what I wanted to talk about is usually the big changes, The moves, The friendships, The relationship shifts that bring up the biggest upheavals. Are really noticeable and maybe easier to talk about or more, I should say. I can identify those or identify with those when those are going on, But it's been the small shifts in my life that have been harder to put a name on it, But have been just as big that I want to try and somehow tease out here. So work with me, Mind, Body, Metaphysical realm so that I can somehow find words to put to this. I thank you. Take your time. All the things I don't want to talk about start there. That's where it is. Some of the areas that it feels like five years ago were so obvious and so clear that I needed to change. I put forth these maybe it would be haphazard or halfway or like little attempts or like maybe I like kick rocks at it like maybe one day I'll fix you or I'll look at you or. It's been these little tiny desires for change that have Now, Five years later, I'm in the middle of change and it's in a spiritual realm, In a behavioral realm, In a thinking realm. And I'm going to try and put this into words of what that looks like and I'm going to just be really easy with myself right now. And all the feelings that are here. I'm going to trust that whatever I talk about is, Even if no one receives it, I will receive it. So I'm just foreshadowing my tool. Which is, Spoiler alert, Talking about this, Looking at the past and being, Looking towards the future and being with what's right here, Right now in the present. And so what that looks like before is that my emotional dysregulation, My tone of voice, Which I think has been, I'm really, I don't have the words to explain how. Demanding and screaming and yelling seemed like the way to get my needs met. And it's so deep in my bones that I can't think about it. Ever changing it. Except that I know it doesn't work anymore. It was like the thing that I was like, No, Never like this is my genetics. This is my DNA. This is and it's so interesting to think about how The people in my life that yelled and screamed hurt me so much. When I uncover and go back, I see that there were just needs. Here. That needed to get met and that these were just strategies. Whoever yelled the loudest got the attention or whoever was the bigger authoritarian got to say. This is how this will be. And it's taken a lot of unpacking and beautiful, Wonderful beings who have stayed in my life and been so brave to say, You are hurting me. You have hurt me in the past with the way that you talk to me. And I would tell them they were liars. I would use a tactic of like. . . Telling them that that wasn't true or that they were being sensitive and that if you were going to love me then you were going to love all of me and essentially that meant that you would accept abuse. I'm confusing myself by talking about this because I'm like what? That's me? Because I lived with this for so long and because it was a culture in our family that I didn't know I was hurting other people. I didn't know I was being hurt by it. And now reconciling that I can't force, Trample, Hold down. Have my way be the only way. That strategy doesn't work. I had a lot of things that I wanted to talk about how I'm going through transition, How I'm looking at needs that need to be met, Finding feelings, Finding words for feelings, Finding strength within myself, Connecting with the divine of the strength that's here, That's mine for me. Recognizing that the forcing and the pushing that the actual antidote to that is to be so incredibly gentle. I think a big part of what I want to say is that sometimes in transition, It just seems really Like, I don't know what's here or there, What's in the past, What's in the future, But I can look towards my ideals of how I want that to be. And that can be my North Star that can guide me. And when we talk about the caterpillar to the chrysalis to the butterfly, It's such a helpful image for me because One time I just felt like I'm the saddest caterpillar, You know, I could just barely inch along and like I knew that there was some other way or something was calling me or something deep inside was bringing me closer. To getting more towards the chrysalis to making my own like cocoon to where I could just completely come apart and reorganize and turn into something else and come out. Some sort of different, Completely different being. And so I just want to honor all of those stages right now of what a sacred, Amazing space that this is and that it can be really, Really confusing and that maybe right now you don't even know what type of transformation you're going through or where you're being called to go or what it's supposed to look like. And I just want you to know that we're here with you in that and that maybe you can show up and be there with yourself somewhere in there. That's what I'm trying to do. Thanks, Little pony. Thank you, Pony. So sweet and tender. Oh, So sweet and tender. It's such a privilege to watch you be so honest. Thank you. It all feels like I don't know where to turn or where to go. There could be some tools laid at our feet and at some point we can either collapse and pick them up or actually bend over and reach for them. Annie, What would that look like today? Thank you, Pony, And thanks both of you ladies for just opening up and talking about this. It's so interesting in your introduction, Pony, You talked about the external changes that happen, Transformations, Internal ones. Gosh, It's all so fascinating being a human. And my tools are really fun. Oh, They're fun today. Thank God. So fun. My first one's patience. That is not funny, You tricked us. It's the opposite of fun. Make it fun. Make it fashion. Make it fun. Sparkle. Patience. Patience and recognizing impatience. And I'm absolutely making a joke of it because it's so hard for me even to notice impatience in myself because it just seems like a reasonable desire to know what will happen. Part of it is just recognizing it. And Ella was talking about it in a really clear way. When I can identify some of these things in myself, It often looks like planning outcomes, Living in the future, Fear, And I mean like gripping fear, Desire to control, Regretting what was, Or knowing what should come. So when I have those on some kind of obsessive loop, That can be my first tool is saying, Oh, I can label this right now as impatience with my transition. And then the second part of trying to bring patience in is it's a process. I don't think patience is an attribute that is widely lauded or celebrated in our society. Like we want things immediately. And with transitions, Sometimes they're slow and sometimes they're messy. I really love this quote. It's from the book, Letters to a Young Poet, And it's by the Czech poet Rilke. And it's, I shortened it a little bit. Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms. Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. So live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, Without noticing it, Live along some distance day into the answer. And I love that. And it really, For me, Sums up how I can try to employ patience as living in the present and trying to connect with my higher power and know that my life is, Right now, The question. When I'm in this state of transition, When I'm like, I don't know how to be with money. Flippant when I say that but it's like there is deep and strange things that happen inside of me instead of saying I'm bad or this is how I should be it's like I can live in the question of just practicing and I'm you know using tools and resources and I'm still really bad at it and just be like that's the question right this is me this is the transition state this is Annie goo with money you know I'm no money butterfly I'm I can also, As part of like strengthening the patient tool, Patient's tool is reflect on other times of change in the past and see evidence that I survived. And I can also have that perspective of saying, Wow, I got through that. And in the midst of it, For example, I had my heart broken really bad. And in the midst of it, I was like, This is absolutely wrong. This is not how the story is supposed to go. It's everybody's doing it. All the players are doing this wrong. And it was so confusing. And now years later I can look back at it and see it as this foundational piece for kind of shaping me into the person that I am now in my marriage to this amazing woman. So I can take those times as evidence that like the transformation and the pain. Maybe it's okay to live in that question. And then the last part of how I can use patience as a tool for being in the transition or transformation stage is prayer and meditation. The points in my life that have been the hardest, What I hear time and time again from the people around me who are living with grace is that when life gets really confusing, It's to expand my spiritual life. And so I can do that with prayer and meditation, Even if I don't know what I'm doing. You know, Like my wobbly attempts at those are perfect. And as I reach for those things, When I feel myself gripped in fear, When I start planning for my future, When I try to figure it out, I can pause and I can say, Um, You know, Higher power, They will not mind be done. Um, I can ask how I can be of service, But it like will put me back in that living in the right now. Because what usually what happens when I'm in transition is I think I know I how it should end. I think I can't bear the not knowing. I think the uncertainty is too frightening. And so then I just actively can turn again and again to prayer meditation. As I said, Listen for that higher power guidance instead of trying to force an outcome. And just be here right now. And then my life isn't half a life just because it's changing. You know, Like I often discredit my life if it's not what I think is structured properly. And it's like, Oh, This is my full life. This is it, Right? Minute. That's all thanks. Thanks, Annie. Thank you for those. Ella, Would you like to share your tools with us? Sure. I was listening to a talk that one of our favorite Buddhist teachers Gil Fronsdale was giving. He's so great. He is very careful and precise with the words he uses. And I really appreciate that about him. And he so this is extra meaningful to me because I know those I know him to be that kind of teacher, That he says that all of Buddhism, Thousands of years and millions of pages and practices and interpretations can be summed up in four words. And the four words are, Don't make it worse. And I was like, That's so wise, Just because, You know, All these things we've been talking about all these like really human tendencies to seek for or reach for control in the midst of a life that is mostly not ours to control, That it's a really reasonable tendency, But also that it causes suffering, It makes it worse. It has been my experience with spiritual practice that when I start getting to know myself, A lot of what I'm seeing at first, Where it feels almost like a mistake to start practicing, Is all the ways that I'm making it worse for myself, All the ways that I'm hurting myself, That I'm getting stuck. The ways I'm seeking for control or relief are actually causing me more pain, More suffering. I love that he said that, And he said, If that's too simple, Then you can add, If you can, Make it better. And to me, That is what the spiritual path means. It's like, Yeah, At first it feels like, Don't make it worse. You will be inundated with information about all of the ways that you make it worse first And then if you can you can look toward making it better. And to me, That's what spiritual tools are all about It's like if we are going to suffer in the thick of the human experience How can we make it as easy on ourselves as possible in that same talk, Which I will put on our tools page He talks about how we are the custodians of our own hearts our own inner lives and that many of us, Myself certainly included, Want other people to show up for that responsibility. We might expect other people to show up for that responsibility, But that what it means to be on this path is that we are admitting that we are responsible for tending to that experience. At first that seemed really discouraging to me and now it feels very humbling. It is said that emotionally resilient people practice these things. Emotional awareness, Which is feeling our feelings, Being conscious of the state that we're in feeling wise and being appropriate with it. So if we're suffering, An appropriate response is kindness and gentleness, Like we've been talking about. Perseverance, Which to me means internal coping strategies. Like Lindsey was saying, Where's grace? That's an internal coping strategy. For me, A lot of the time, It's like putting my hand on my heart and saying, No matter what happens, I'm going to be right here. Then there's something that the psychologists, I guess, Are calling internal locus of control, Which means in my way of thinking about it means we are called to take responsibility for ourselves and our own experience that no matter what's going on outside or around us that we actually are in charge of Taking care of our own inner lives that we do get to control that By showing up for it or not showing up for it optimism You know this to me is the part where we learn how much we can actually handle We think we know until we're pushed up against it and in a place where growth is the only way forward And then we learn what we actually can handle apparently we can handle a lot because we're still here, You know even if that's not what it feels like and then For me, Optimism describes a point of view where instead of being a victim of my circumstances, I can practice espousing the attitude that everything in the universe is conspiring for my benefit. That all of the changes and circumstances that are happening in my life today that are so messy and hard and sad and confusing, That in ways I can't possibly understand, Like Annie was sharing about heartbreak, That those were preparing her for something better. And so, To me, That is. . . Optimism to me needs to be more complicated than cheerleading. That's me personally. If you can just cheerlead yourself, That is freaking awesome. And frankly, I'm jealous. But the way I just described optimism is the way that really works for me, Because it doesn't feel frothy. And then a couple more support, Which, You know, Asking for help, What we get to do in our tripod, I really don't want that part of it right now and I'm like so grossed out by needing to ask for help. I hate doing that still after all these years. A sense of humor that is not something I have a ton of experience with around personal struggle but working on it and to me the the most authentic way to frame a sense of humor is What if this wasn't personal to me that feels like the starting point of having a sense of humor about it? Even if I don't necessarily feel like I have one of those right now Perspective new ways. I'll be able to help others reflecting on past hardships and how much I was able to grow in the midst of those difficulties. And spirituality is the last one. And I like to think of that as a choose-your-own-adventure type of enterprise. And then the one that I just thought made sense, At least in my experience, To add to that list is loving kindness or gentleness or tenderness with ourselves and our experience. Because I can have all of the wisdom and self-knowledge in the world. And if I don't treat it with kindness, Nothing will change. That's my tool, I guess. Long list of tools. So many. Thank you. So great. And I want to share one quick thing. We recently created a Patreon page to be able to connect with our community more. And one of the parts of the Patreon page is we demonstrate tools in videos. So if you listen to this and you're like, I don't know how to actually use some of these tools we make little videos on how to Enact them. So I just want people to know and they can find it on our website Ella made a really easy button There is a button with the Patreon logo. You can also go to. . . Patreon. Com slash pretty spiritual podcast. Yep. I'm pretty sure that's it. Well, I'm hoping that's it. You'll find it. Oh, Thank you so much. There are so many tools there that I really feel like we have it covered. That's it. No one's going to ever have a challenge again with transformation. But wait, We do need your tools, Pony. Okay, We need them. The idea that I had for a tool and that what has helped me and what a therapist helped me to do is to make a transition timeline. And it's really useful for me, Oftentimes, And unfortunately, What I've learned about myself is that I have somewhat low self-esteem and maybe I'm a little hard on myself. This is what people have told me. So I actually don't even believe that, But it's okay. I can listen to them and use that as information about myself. So for the timeline, I'm not just believing my thoughts about myself that I believe about myself about how I'm not good enough. I haven't accomplished anything. Things have always been this way. They'll always be this way. That whole storyline that I really, Really get stuck in and just kind of dig my heels in. And so this timeline you do and it can be totally tailor made for you. This is just like a simple outline of the past The present and then the future and what we're doing here is we're looking back at our thoughts feelings and beliefs from I mean do tenure if you want to feel really good about yourself go back ten years I fear anything like me track that evidence check the evidence from ten years ago What what were some of the feelings you had then what were some of the beliefs maybe look at some pictures? I personally have been journaling for years and years and years and it is so I that is one of my most favorite tools ever even if you did one line a day of what your feelings are or what your thoughts are, Something very simple. Even looking back a year ago is so helpful to me to see because I just can't remember. And then I have this physical evidence of, You know, 10 years ago, It was really you have no feelings. Don't look inside. You're all good. Everything's good. Clinch it. Hold it down. Force people. Do whatever it is. Just steamroll through this life. It's all good. You can really handle whatever it is as long as you don't look. Don't think. Don't touch any of that. I love how much energy we had in our use to do all of that suppression energy. I'm exhausted just hearing. Oh my god, That was totally my strategy. And so now I can look at like presently what it looks like. And it's so much more about learning to identify feelings. So looking at words for what feelings are doing that type of research so that I can actually actively when available and able, Go in and check those feelings, Really talking about what's going on for me, Having people in my life, Resources that I can use to do that. Instead of instant gratification pausing. Some of the beliefs that I have now that I didn't have back then. I guess that would be more future. So I'll just stay right here. Right. So then I'll just move on to the being able to do the future. Feelings, Thoughts, And beliefs, Right? So for in the future, Technically my ideals, Right? So these are just ideals, What I'm leaning towards, Where I want to point myself towards. Some ideals that I have there are you are enough, You are doing enough. One of my ideals is that I can learn how to emotionally regulate myself in the here and now real time. I'm collecting tools to do such things. So we can set really big goals And this is really just an exercise of taking that time of sitting down with yourself, Looking at the past, Maybe you just go back five years, Looking at the present, What are some things you've done? What are some things you've accomplished? What do you want to accomplish? And then that can be the future. And really writing those things down for yourself so that you can see where you were before, You can see where you'd like to be now, And then you can really be with what's here right now in the present. And if it's too much, If it's too hard, Then you can reach for some some tools that you see that you have there, Like calling someone, Taking a moment to really be here with the feelings, Holding this moment really, Really sacred. And just the last thing that I'll say is, I've been finding a lot of relief in The days are long and the years are short. And what I feel right now, What is so intense and emotional and feels like I can't handle, It's too much. Seven years ago, I don't have any of those details of what was hurting so desperately during that day or what my suffering, What the texture of that felt like. And it's just a quick little thing to help me zoom out so that I'm not so zoomed in on my suffering, My feelings. It's too much. It's too hard. I can take responsibility today in the here and now. And what helps me by doing that is knowing that nothing is certain. Feelings, All of this change. And the best news is, Is that I can help implement change within myself if I'm willing to do tiny little footsteps of work towards that. Having that momentum of trying, Even when it feels like I just absolutely can't. And that's when I can call a friend or I can write into, You know, Go ahead and click on our, Say hi tab, Write to us what, So that you, It's really for yourself. What is hurting? What are you needing help with? What is this? So we send these little messages out into the spiritual realm that turn out to be an intern or flyer. Into ourselves that can help us get the message of where I want to point myself and where I want to be. So beautiful. Thank you. Every second. Oh my gosh. Everyone. Thank you so much for being with us today as we just really meander on this spiritual path. We really appreciate it. Ella, Would you love to tease what we could possibly talk about next? Get ready because we're talking about self-destructive behaviors. I know you already want to avoid listening to it. It's fine. You don't have to. You don't have to. It's so exciting. We'll all just see what happens. Is there anything else we want to say before we say bye-bye? We love you. We love you. Bye!

Reviews

Wonderful episode! I related to all of it. Thank you. 🌛💗🌜

Thank you so much for this talk. It’s made me realize that what I’m going through with the loss of my wife, the grief, confusion and uncertainty of the future are just a prayer away to having some comfort and knowing the universe really does have my back and will get me through. Thank you 🙏

Thank the Goddess! I have so much to say about this episode! Let go of the “g” LOL.
I want control over the transition so much! It’s hard to just let things happen and be tender, kind, and compassionate and PATIENT with myself. I am learning! I AM EXPANDING MY SPIRITUAL LIFE RIGHT NOW! Demanding and yelling for my needs does not work 😭 things can just be, they don’t always need to “make sense”. I will absolutely be coming back to this episode! Ahh! Thanks for the laughs and cries, and tools! ❤️

Thank you beautiful women, what an emotional topic, I loved the sensitivity you shared. And thanks as always for the tools. I definitely need to be more gentle with myself and I think acknowledging how hard things are is important, as opposed to just gritting my teeth and 'getting in with it'... I'm so grateful for you my spiritual friendies 😍. I hope you realize how valued you are. Much love to you all 💜x