How To Have Fun

In episode 47, we're talking about how to have fun in life. Yes, even when it feels like the end times. Even in times of global pandemic, presidential elections, and whatever other fun stuff might be happening in your personal life. Life is hard enough. How can we learn to let go of some of our seriousness? How can we be more exuberant with our lives and laughter? How can we relax and let ourselves play, even as adults? Listen now to discover the spiritual tools the ladies are using to lighten up!

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy, Beautiful, Imperfect life with spiritual tools, What? Principles in our own personal stories. So we're not experts, We're not religious, We're definitely silly. We're honest, Real, And willing to share. So join us as we connect, Bond, And grow together. Hello. Hey friends. Yay! Hey everybody. First, I just want to give a shout out. It is our one year anniversary of Pretty Spiritual podcast today. Yay! Oh spiritual. Oh oh oh. Oh oh oh. But it's special for another reason. And another reason, It's also Lindsey Poney's birthday. Poney. Hey. Hey. We all have a birthday. We all have a birthday. We are so grateful for people who are just joining us or for people who've been with us all along. It means the world to us to have you with us and as we're growing and adventuring and just trying stuff here. So on that note, Our topic today is not taking ourselves so seriously. Good luck. How do we not? We are so important. Important and very serious. How do I even know that I'm being serious right now? Yeah. So serious. It's real. The thing that came to my mind when I started researching this topic was laughter because that just feels kind of the opposite of serious. There's a lot of other opposites. But there's this professor named Robert Provine who studies neuroscience and psychology and nervous systems and really specifically laughter. And it's so interesting. He's just done this life's work on why people laugh and how they laugh. But one of the takeaways that I noticed was that he said young children probably laugh the most like ages five to six. That's when kids are most exuberant with their laughter. But adults obviously laugh less than kids. And his takeaway was they play less than kids. So that's just that's the end of the episode. You're welcome. Figure it out. Okay. Besides the laughter, I was like, For me, Fear and pride and self-centeredness, These are the things that keep me really tied in and invested, Looking good, Being taken seriously and getting really deeply involved in my own experience. So if we know that stuff, How do we relax and take it easy? What if all of this and I mean all of it is okay? And what if there's this radical notion that we could laugh kindly at ourselves while in the thick of our experience? Let's talk about it. So for today, Some of the topics we're going to think about are how do you notice when you're taking yourself too seriously? And then how do you flip it and not take yourself so seriously? And let's have fun today. Okay. On that note, Ella. I'm so fun. Yes, You are. You really are. I'm so glad to be here with you guys and to celebrate our one year anniversary and ponies special bidet. We love those. I was thinking, Annie, As you were doing the intro about something, I can't remember whose experiment it was, But it's one that Tara Brock references. It's a study where young rat pups are playing and then a reminder of something threatening a single cat hair gets put into their cage and they immediately stop playing. And even when the cat hair gets removed, They don't play again. The threat. And I'm just like, Oh, The fear like really gets in the way. There's a very sweet quote from Suzuki Roshi that says life is too important to be taken so seriously. And I always thought, Wow, That guy really nailed it. You know, I'm someone, If you don't know this about me already, I tend to have really big feelings and that's a great thing for a lot of reasons because I can relate to other people's experiences and I have a lot of empathy. And it's also, It can become a handicap when I get really stuck in feelings that for lack of a better way to put it, Emotional masturbation, Which is like, You get a feeling, Right? You're like sad. And then you're like, Well, I just gonna really feel this. And so you put on some Elliot Smith and you're like, Let's really like get in there. And then it's like four days later and I haven't left the house. And so there are ways that I can interact with my emotions that are intoxicating, Like in their own right. The way that it helps me to think about is what makes me more useful because that's a very concrete utilitarian way to think about emotions that helps balance out my tendency to like get really stuck in the big feelings. So I'm definitely someone who can benefit from not taking myself too seriously. Annie and I went to a writing event yesterday and I was, We were both so tired by the time we got home, I got into bed, Fell asleep hard for like two hours. And then I woke up at like 1am and I was awake pretty much the whole night after that. And what it used to be like for me when I was awake at night. I mean, First of all, I would just drug myself so that would never happen. But once I stopped doing that, It was like, Oh man, Like what do I do with this? You know, And I'm in a place where I'm having a lot of feelings because I'm going through a pretty painful breakup. I'm letting those feelings happen when they come through. I can really benefit from using a sense of humor and light heartedness and this kind of feeling of like an inside joke with God to move through these really big, Intense feelings in a way that doesn't get me stuck and in a way where I can stay focused on being useful to myself and to the world around me. And so I'll talk about that in the tools. Thank you, Ella. How about you, Pony? What a great topic that we all needed so desperately because you know, Things have been feeling pretty heavy and busy and we're all going through life and we're trying to keep up the momentum and the pace and we just thought, What a sweet topic, You know, To try and help us guide ourselves towards being less serious about everything that's going on. It's the end times. Who knows if that's a good idea? I liked the idea of, You know, Wearing life like the loose garment instead of the straight jacket. I feel like I'm stuck in. It's really interesting as I've been thinking a lot about this, You know, Why, Why, Why so serious? You know, Why? And I started thinking about how when I was younger, Seriousness to me meant safety. Like things were really serious. I loved Tarbox so much and I'm glad you brought her up. I'm going to bring her up a little bit later as well. It made so much sense to me, The rats and the hair and how that stays in the air. You know, Even the rats nervous systems are kind of like on high alert. You know, How long does that last? You know, Really? And that's what I'm noticing for me. I thought this seriousness meant safety, That that's how I was going to keep myself taking care of. One of the interesting things that I was thinking about. I don't know how to process stuff. Okay. It's simple. Ditto. You're not alone. Amen. Keep that in. Pardon me for not having it all figured out. But is really, Excuse me while I undress myself in front of all of you. Here I go. So things felt really chaotic and unsafe. I built up some survival patterns and some traits and that tying that to being really serious was going to keep me safe. And how I've brought my that into my life without recognizing it. And I like how you brought up like, How do we see? How do we find out? How do we catch ourselves? How do we wake up in the moment of feeling that we have that straight jacket on instead of just wearing it all like a loose garment. And for me, I'm realizing that I am, You know, I'm 38 today. I'm so lucky to get to be with my best friends and be here doing this passion project that we've been doing for a year and it just feels so good. And I'm just waking up to realizing that all this time I thought I had to be really serious and keep myself safe and everything was super dangerous and there was no one that I could count on. And I didn't have any tools. I didn't have any resources. I had child logic and I didn't know how to figure this out or help myself. And I have to wake up today and realize that I have tools. I have resources. I'm able to be here with what is here now that I'm capable and able being able to say this daily as I rewrite my old survival patterns and traits and wake up daily to knowing that I. Darkness doesn't equal safety anymore, Whether that ever did or not. Seeing how my old habits and behaviors and what I thought or maybe what even did work back then. How do I get to show up today, Recognize that old behaviors and patterning and get to live authentically right here, Right now, Laugh and be joyful. And I guess a couple of examples of when I caught myself recently, Just things were so serious and what that felt like for me is that I was having a money conversation with my partner and I am so lucky that I've been meditating and doing stuff that for some reason I got an outside view of myself and I'm like hunched over on the couch and I'm like, I'm like flexing all my muscles and I'm like, And I was like, Oh my God, I don't want to talk about this, You know, And I was able to like soften and be there in the moment and see that this is hard and that we keep trying things and doing this. And then the other thing is, You know, My mother's failing health wearing that so seriously as though I, What I was tying this to is that, You know, I'm still a child and that her sickness means that I'm going to have a harder time of surviving. But what's interesting is that my childhood required me to practically raise myself, But it's just so interesting to me right now where I'm seeing the beliefs and the things that I thought before are hindering me and getting in the way of me being able to recognize that I have choice here, That I'm okay, I'm safe enough, And that I have choice in being really lighthearted about this or really heavy hearted. And to remember that oftentimes from my conditioning and my patterning, I'm actually pretty heavy hearted from a lot of trauma and things that happened in the past that feel really big and heavy and life threatening that just aren't real. So I'm really excited to get to the tools and to talk about how to become more lighthearted when our hearts are heavy. Thank you, Pony. What an interesting topic. This was really hard for me. Me too. Look how serious we are about not taking ourselves seriously. Are we doing it right? We're definitely not. Okay. So should we give up now? No, Just know that there's no right or wrong way. It's all good. I want to say I'm really grateful for this podcast. And I've been learning in real time over the last year and a half, Two years, But especially in real time on this podcast. So thank you and sorry to everyone who's listening. From the bottom of our hearts. One of the things I've been learning, Not taking myself so seriously is not the same thing as being dismissive of my experience. So I had been very dismissive of my experience and I thought that I was being not taking life, Like not taking it so seriously and that that was actually like the healthy and good thing to do, But it was instead just kind of dismissing it. And so I had to first learn how to have respect and compassion for my experience before I could not take it and my life and circumstances and like a whisper of the rat hair falling into the pen. So seriously, Because even if I dismiss things that aura was still there, Especially if I was suffering, I would almost mock myself for it. Either it'd be kind of this narrative, Like a dismissive inner narrative, But like it's not so bad. You're just crazy. But with this new perspective and it's an unfolding perspective, I'm not saying I have it figured out. It is so great. It's just a new, I'm at a new Vista. I can appreciate the gravity of certain situations and have tenderness for the pain or my past. But now I feel like I have a lot more ability to use the tool of not taking myself so seriously because I'm making room for all the parts of me. And on that note, I just want to say if you are in the midst of some kind of mental health challenge or crisis, We really want you to take it seriously and please find professional help or talk to someone who can help you because it matters and it's a big deal. I went to one of my notes said, I really love to laugh. I was like, That sounds like an eighties personal ad, But it's true. I just love, I seek out comedy. I love things that are lighthearted. I love having a good time. And when I'm taking myself really seriously, What I find is it's usually I'm stuck in pride, Fear, Or self centeredness. And the thinking that goes along with it is I'm right. They're wrong. I know how things should go. If things don't go how I think they do, They should, Then I'm not okay. The world's not okay. Things are bad. And another real time example of this is about a year ago I was having a lot of bad anxiety spells and I'd mind spiral and think that I, You know, This is finally it or whatever it is. And I was really hard. It was really hard to not take it too seriously. You know, It felt very serious. So one morning I texted Lindsay and Ella and actually this was probably a couple of years ago because we had just started having this group conversation text and I was just dipping my toe into like being vulnerable with both of them and kind of this group setting. And so I said something to the effect of like, I'm a complete monster. I've officially lost my mind. There's no coming back. It's been nice knowing you, You know, Whatever. And immediately one of them texted back, LOL me too. I'm like, Which time? That is a constant. The next one goes, Isn't it hilarious and it just diffused all of that self centered fear and discomfort and not certainty that what was happening was serious and dangerous and scary. And it was scary. But then that like letting it in and like Lindsay was saying, Having that heaviness, It kind of got lightened. So it's just like, Oh, I'm not doing this alone and I'm part of the shared human experience and I'm not going to be shunned for having a hard time, You know, Which I think a lot of my taking myself seriously is like, If I'm not OK or if things are hard or there's something quote wrong with me, Then I'm not going to be loved or accepted anymore. So I'm going to talk more about what I do when I can feel myself getting into that super intense place of either pride or fear or self centeredness and things feel really serious. I have a couple of tools that I try to use. So on that note, Let's talk about tools. Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools, Tools. OK, Let's reign it in here, People. This is the tool we've got. We've got an Internet to please. The little songs help so much. And we can't afford real musicians. Deal with it, People. Ella, What do you got for us? Some stuff. I don't know if any of it's helpful. I just loved when Pony was talking about how it's a choice because it really is. And we forget when I'm really in the thick soupy muck, I forget that I actually have a choice about my attitude, Which is so it was so irritating when I was a very kind of depressive person. And you know, I have that constitution. And so I had to learn ways to lighten up a little bit. And I still get offended when people comment that I could, You don't know me, You don't know what I need. The darkness is inside. Please don't make any assumptions about me. It's a choice and it's especially a choice to be cheerful, Which is a word that irritated me to no end. And so I've been practicing with it. And it turns out that I am actually a pretty cheerful person today, Which is cool. Didn't used to be this way, You guys. Another thing that really helps me is to let the universe have a sense of humor, Because life really does have a sense of humor if we're in the mood to pay attention to it and get on board. And there are just things in life that are funny. Like I remember the first job I had when I came back from Tassajara was doing a project with a Zen priest and architect for an organization called MAPS, Which stands for the Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies. And I'm like, I'm a sober woman working for this thing, Building a structure for Burning Man. And I was like, What? There were moments where like that was really hard or that was irritating. And then there were also moments where I was like, This is a cosmic joke. How could it not be? When that's the attitude I have about life, I see more of that everywhere. And so it feels really good. And I remember when Annie and I first became friends, It was because I said out loud in a room full of people that God was my boyfriend. And immediately after I added those words, I was like, I am the most embarrassing and crunchy person who has ever existed. And then Annie, Who's wearing these little pink leggings came up to me afterwards. And she was like, I loved what you said. And I was like, Oh, Really, It made me want to die like immediately after I said it. And it's so great that saying silly stuff like that out loud can bring people into your life in a way that is profound and cosmic and wonderful. Look at this chain reaction you put in place just by saying that out loud. Now we're all here. We're all here. I'm getting married to God tomorrow. I expect all of you to be there. Go ahead and send gifts to P. O. Box. If you want to send emails, It's God at gmail. Com. No joke, I've emailed that address several times. I haven't gotten response. It's a tool though. It is. It is a tool. Send an angry letter. Another thing that really helps me and when I'm taking stuff seriously, The word gratitude. That's a hard one for me to hear. So here's how I phrase it to my cranky self. What is not wrong right now? What's not wrong? And when I can look at it that way, It's like, Oh, The sun is out. I have two full bottles of coconut whipped topping from Trader Joe's with an arms read. I'm with my best friends. You know, Like there's a lot that's not wrong when I focus the aperture of my mind on noticing it. The last little thing I'll say is that it is really great to just get those moments where we see our thinking for what it is and we get to laugh at ourselves. And I had one of those moments many years ago. I was trying to quit smoking and I couldn't stop. And it was awful. I have these like sores on the inside of my mouth and I couldn't eat acidic things or nuts like everything hurt my mouth, But I couldn't stop smoking. And I was at lunch. We're eating sushi, My mom and I and my cousin. And I was getting ready to eat a big bite of salmon sashimi with a bunch of wasabi and soy sauce on it. And I ate it and my mouth was on fire. And my brain goes, Well, I guess we just won't enjoy food anymore. And I was like, Wait, What? And I had this brain meltdown spiritual awakening where I did not I have not smoked another cigarette since then. Wow. I know it's a really wild story. And I was kind of I thought I wasn't gonna be able to say that out loud for a while because I thought it would annoy people. But that's really what happened. So I have to say it out loud. And having just having that container to the container of awareness where I get to like see my cranky brain or my crazy brain or my angry brain and just like, Oh, You're really angry right now. Yeah. We're like, Oh, You're really that's crazy. Wow. You just went from A to B just like that. Wow. And those moments really saved my life because it is okay to be crazy. It's okay to be wrong. That's another one that really helps me is I trust myself and my motives and it's okay to be wrong. Being wrong and being human is part of it. And it's okay, Even that I think it shouldn't be part of it. Like even that I can have a sense of humor about so thank you, Ella. Awesome. I love those tools. How about you, Miss Lindsay pony? That's great birthday girl. Thank you. I'm going to try and guide us somehow to recognizing our heavy heartedness and choosing light heartedness. And Tara Brock, Who I was talking about, She often states, What's your intention and where's your attention? And awareness is really important here. And luckily for you all and us, We did a self awareness episode. And why don't you check that one out? There's so many great ideas. There's so many great tools in there. And that can help as there are many parts that are required on this journey for us to normalize our humaneness. And that's what I'm really thinking about right now. As we've all been talking, It's like, Oh, I just thought if I would be completely perfect and never have any feelings, And that's, That's my aim. That's my goal. And it's like, Oh, No, There's a lot of humaneness here and how to normalize it and be with it and how to recognize my heavy heartedness and move into light heartedness. So intention and attention. So if I'm trying to look good or feel good or get good, Then my attention is probably on surface area distractions that really aren't going to help me live with a sense of ease and calm. That's what I've noticed for me. And if my intentions are to live open heartedly, And to take myself less seriously, Then I can place my attention towards moving towards those things. I wanted to just reiterate for each and every one is very subjective. But a lot of times our heavy heartedness, At least for me, My old causes and conditions and those stories and beliefs, The rat hair, If you will, That were still here in my cage, Those guide my actions and behaviors today. So the choice that I have to move to putting down my heavy heart, Maybe I maybe I, I go to therapy every week. Religiously for over four years now. And I have a somatic therapist, And I do many, Many things on the spiritual and physical realm, Too many to name. And that is for me to turn around, Look deep inside instead of all of this surface area stuff, Things that I think are important are going to make me look good. I make the while you turn and look inward and look for that rat hair and what's causing my heavy heartedness so that I can understand where I am coming from those causes and conditions that have my nervous system on high alert that stopped me from coming from a place of how would I live right now if I found this all interesting instead of so severe? What if this was interesting? What if I was curious about this moment and what was going on? What if I was able to remind myself that I'm teachable and to come from a teachable mind instead of believing I know it all. And not only do I know it all, But it's doomsday. And that's the heavy heartedness. That's often, You know, That was there for a reason in today's different today, I do get to choose. And I was real cranky about that, Especially about like my attitude. Oh my God, How dare you? Seriously. Okay, No, I have to yell and scream and like punch things. So that's okay if that's where you're at too. Like that's okay. Because this awareness, This waking up to this really this insight, This turning to look at what is really here and why I'm so frightened and afraid. All of that is huge, Monumentous. It's so big and so great. So the tool is just be teachable. I don't know, Look for it, Find it, Have a whirl with it. Thank you, Bony. I'm so serious about having a tool for you. They're all nebulous tools. So just get in there. Annie, Please give us the actual tools. Yeah, We need to have less nebulous. No pressure. So desperately. Save the episode Annie, Come on. My first tool is building on what I was sharing, Which is let people in. So letting safe people see my over self consume thinking helps me pop the bubble of self. So that's the first one is just being honest with other people. I do it with these girls. I do it with my wife. I just kind of whoever is safe that's around me. I'll just be like, Hey, I'm really obsessed with thinking about myself in this way. And usually it can ease that feeling. Listening of service is a really great way for me to not take myself so seriously. So whether that's listening to somebody else's experience. So again, Like both these two have been sharing, Letting me see that I'm part of a larger human experience. And it's not just Annie having her one individual experience in this whole world. And I'm the only one who has feelings. I'm the only one who has a hard time just connecting with other people and seeing how I can be helpful to them in an emotional way. And just also in a be of service way. Can I go and wash the car for my wife? Like that makes her super happy or can I help somebody out just because I know that they need to. And I always like to put a plug in this in a non codependent way. Be of service with boundaries. On a larger note, I have been exploring for the last few years and it's always changing, But how to really believe that God, As I understand God, Which is not a God of any religion, But I just, I like the word God right now. It's fun for me that I believe that God is really part of my life and that I'm safe and I'm okay. So a lot of me taking myself seriously is some effort to force myself into being okay or to feel like I'm okay. So if I can rest in some trust that I'm not the guiding force of the universe, Which I know intellectually, But like Pony was sharing all my past experiences kind of informed this idea that I'm the one that has to keep me safe. And so if I feel like that's not happening or if things feel untethered, Somewhere in my brain, I think I'm the one in charge. So when I can shift and let go and say, Okay, My wins, My losses, My fears, My hopes, What if these are just part of a larger tapestry and being wrong isn't bad? Like Ella was saying, What if it's not bad? What if I put my foot in my mouth? Oh, Okay. What if I fail, Quote unquote fail at whatever I think I want to do? What if that is not actually bad? And what if that doesn't, If I'm not taking myself so seriously, Then I don't get so sidelined that I just get stuck there forever. And I'm Annie who failed at this thing and that's all that ever is. When I look back at some of my biggest failings, Like the end of my drinking career, It was pretty failure ridden. And that was actually the start of something incredibly beautiful, You know, But at that point where all that kind of crashed down, It's felt like complete failure. And I took myself so seriously and it was the end of the world. And it was actually the start of something really great. My other tool is play, Play exclamation mark. So I can see where I'm serious. A great example of where I'm serious is in my journal. I write my journal every morning and I am so serious. That's hilarious. Oh my gosh, I take myself so seriously. My feelings, My thoughts, How it's going, Like it's real. So that's great and that is a tool in and of itself. But can I balance that? Like afterwards, Can I step outside and move my body? Or a fun place to play to kind of counterbalance some of that serious stuff is doing something fun that I don't have to be good at, You know, Because I always want to be good at something and if I'm not, Then maybe it's not fun. And so a fun thing to do that's really playful is taking my dog to the dog park because she runs like a sawhorse. Oh my God, So perfect. Clip, Clop, Front feet, Back feet, Front feet. And she's very retuned. She's an angel. She's an angel. She can't run very far. She gets so excited though. And there's all these doggy politics and they're all playing and they're having so much fun and they crack me up. And so I just think about where can I be silly and where can I let loose and where can I just watch my dog have a good time? The end. I would just like to say that we have a copious amount of tools at www. Prettyspiritualpodcast. Com under the tools tab. If you could not hear or feel our metaphysical tools in this, If it did not resonate for you, Please go there where you can actually click on and feel like you have something tangible as a tool. Although I do assure you, Maybe you just need to listen to this one again. There are so many good tools. We have 40 some odd episodes and for almost every one of them, We put tools on there from experts and all these people, These resources. It's so wonderful. So please go to our website, Say hi if you'd like, Send us an email. We will eventually get back to you. We love emails. Send us some topics that you'd like us to talk about. Yes, Which on that note, We have a topic from a listener, A special request, Which I think we're going to talk about next week. What is it? The result timing is so perfect. I guess so. We've got a request to do an episode about breakups, Which I'm having some personal experience with right now. So we're going to talk about that and especially what it's like to end a romantic relationship when you still love the person that you're breaking up with. This is going to be such a heartfelt episode. And somehow we're looking forward to it just like we do every day. We're going to not take it for years. I will be weeping. Yeah, Of course. It's fine. We'll all shed a tear. We'll have some tissues. We'll hold each other. We'll be together. And that's how we do this. That's how we do it. On that note, We could absolutely use your support if you have the time and it feels fun and exciting. We would love if you would rate and review us on the platform that you listen on, On Apple or insight timer or wherever. We just really appreciate everyone who already has. Thank you so much. We love you. We love you so much. We do. Bye. Bye.

Reviews

Thank you. Having fun feels unsafe to me too, it’s like suffering feels more safe than fun. Thanks for shedding light on this subject. I’m grateful for you and your experiences that you so vulnerably share. ❤️🙏🏻

Absolutely splendid! I giggled throughout and plan to listen again later! 🥰😃

Love love love you ladies!! I do listen to some podcasts several times. Thank you so much for all of the topics, I’m finding I fit into just about all of them. Namaste 🙏

Love,love all your podcasts!! Spoken from the heart 💓.

I get so much out of your podcasts 😍💜🙏